The suicidal sphere
‘I spoke to you about this condition when we had to visit the man who had drowned himself.
He must finish his earthly life in this condition in order to return to his own attunement afterwards.
You know who I mean, don’t you?
He wanted to destroy life, which however cannot be destroyed.
Do you sense how terrible it is for those who forget themselves?
I will convince you now, as you still don’t feel how those who live here have no faith in a higher condition.’
André thought he saw some beings and looked in the direction where he thought he perceived something.
When he looked up at his leader he got a shock, Alcar had disappeared.
Whatever could this mean?
Above him he suddenly heard a voice speaking.
‘Look André, how rapidly we can withdraw into our own condition and move about.’
In the distance he saw his leader in a beautiful light, just as he was used to see him.
He preferred by far to see him like this than in some of the other conditions he could take on.
‘I am in my own attunement now and will stay linked up with you.
Others who do not possess this attunement will not perceive me, although you are in that sphere.’
Yes, this was his great Alcar; how beautiful he was.
Hey, what was that?
He had evidently seen correctly a few moments ago; astral beings were coming towards him.
He shivered with the thought of having to come into contact with them again.
There were three of them, and they were already addressing him!
‘What are you looking for?’
‘ What I’m looking for?
Nothing, I see a light.’
‘Yes’, and he pointed to where Alcar was still showing himself to him.
‘Don’t you see that?’
‘Where?’ the being shouted in a very loud voice.
Again André pointed to where his leader was.
‘Yes’, was his reply.
But the spirit thought that he was cheating him and immediately attacked him.
André concentrated on his own condition and freed himself from its claws.
Again he experienced that it was far from easy to descend into the darkness and convince them.
They were spiritually blind, just as all the others he had met until now.
Alcar returned; they had entered the sphere of those who had committed suicide.
‘Do only people live here who put an end to their life, Alcar?’
‘Yes, André, all the other conditions are situated above this one.
These people live in the sphere of the earth and they are the unhappiest beings on this side.
There is nothing they can call their own, none of the things others still possess.’
André saw how everything was growing darker still as Alcar linked up completely.
How great God’s Power was, that He knew all these conditions of the soul.
They wandered around for a long time, lots of beings passed him by as shady figures, which he only saw when Alcar made him aware of them.
Poor people they were, who had to live here in the cold and darkness.
Suddenly he felt himself being grabbed from behind.
He got a terrible shock and when he turned around he looked into a ghastly face.
He asked his leader what this meant and Alcar told him: ‘I’ve seen her for quite a while, she’s pursuing us.
It’s a woman, a poor mortal.
Wait until she speaks.’
After some time she asked: ‘Am I not alone in this darkness?
Who are you?’ she asked Alcar.
‘We are brothers.’
‘Brothers?’ was her blunt question.
‘Yes, we live here too.’
‘Both of you?’
‘As you can see.’
‘I’m alone all the time, there’s no one to help me.’
André thought it was strange, because he had met them always in the company of others.
Yet he immediately heard: ‘This is also possible; what she says is true.
In her condition she lives on her own.
She will soon depart from here, if that’s what she wants.
Her inner life has been messed up, but it was worry that brought her into this condition.
She put an end to her life and passed on a long, long time ago.
She took her two children along too.
But they dwell in a joyous sphere, far away from the earth.’
André thought it was amazing that Alcar had already taken this over from her.
The poor woman began to whimper and cry and she called out for her children.
‘Where are my children and my mother and my father?
I’ve lost them all.
Oh God, give me back my children.’
She hung onto Alcar’s hand as if she never wanted to let go of him again.
‘Everything has been taken away from me’, she began again, ‘I’ve got nothing left, nothing at all.
Take me with you, please take me with you, oh don’t leave me on my own again.’
Tears rolled down André’s cheeks.
Whatever she might have done, this was terrible to listen to.
She was no longer young, and yet in this misery!
‘Listen’, Alcar said to her, ‘I will help you.’
But she wasn’t listening, she kept on crying and shouting.
Finally she calmed down a bit and Alcar was able to talk to her.
‘When you still lived on earth you had children.
You put an end to your life and that of your children by suffocating, didn’t you?’
‘How do you know all this, who are you?’
She was speaking very politely now, which surprised André because all those he had met here had addressed them in a crude tone of voice.
‘Are you an emissary from God?
Are there still emissaries around?’
‘Emissaries can be found wherever you are’, Alcar added.
‘We too want to help you.’
‘Just tell me what I have to do and where my children are.
Please, you know where my children are.’
‘If you let me finish, I will tell you everything.’
She immediately calmed down.
‘Your children are alive, dear mother, far away from here in a different sphere, where they are being cared for by spirits of love.
After you have made amends for your wrongdoings, you will become linked up with them forever.’
‘Oh kind sir’, she called out, ‘whatever did I do, how can I make up for everything?’
She felt deeply sorry for her deed.
‘How do you know all this, tell me where they are, where I can see them.
So this is true after all?
They told me about this before, but I didn’t believe it.’
‘You see that you’re alive, and they’re alive too.’
‘What must I do to see them again, please tell me?
I’ll do anything you want.
So will I be seeing them again?’ she asked once more as if she couldn’t believe it.
‘If you keep on asking God for forgiveness and pray to be allowed to see your children, then God will hear your prayer.
You’re in a sphere of your own choice.
You knew nothing about a life that went on forever; otherwise it wouldn’t have happened.’
‘Then do I have to stay here for a long time yet?’
‘No, you will soon depart from here to start another life.’
‘But is it all true what you’re telling me?’
‘It’s the holy truth, as I will show you.’
‘And where is my husband? Is he still alive?’
‘We will visit him and see whether he still dwells on earth.’
‘Oh, whatever will he say? I haven’t the courage to look him in the eye.’
‘If he’s still on earth, he won’t see you.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, I’m certain.’
‘Where do you get all these truths from?’
‘I look into your life and that’s where I also saw that your husband still dwells on earth.
But I advise you not to visit him.’
This seemed strange to André and he thought to himself: Why not?
He immediately got a reply to his thoughts; Alcar told him: I see that her husband is married, which will increase her suffering; she will also see that many years have passed and that everything has changed.’
André understood was surprised that Alcar had gained this knowledge so quickly.
‘Oh gentle stranger, take me home again, I want to see my home.’
‘Stay calm and come along with us, and I will lead you back into your home.’
Again André felt himself being drawn into another condition.
She also remained with them.
There were so many things he experienced in the life after death.
How could her possession ever be found in this darkness?
This required certain powers, powers of love, spiritual possession.
He recognized the sphere where they had just been.
The houses became visible again and all other material shapes had accepted their existence.
‘Look, there is your home.’
Were they already on the spot?
‘It’s the truth André, she still dwells where she lived previously.
She wandered about in the spirit and thought that she had erred around for hours and hours, but in reality she never left this place.
Those who put an end to their earthly life remain wandering about on the scene of disaster, until their earthly end has come.
You know what I mean.
It’s my power that makes her see all this, so I’m showing her this just as I convey various conditions to you.’
When Alcar asked whether this was her home, she began to cry her eyes out, and this hurt him.
Yes, it was her home; she recognized everything.
‘Where is my husband, where is my mother?’
Alcar didn’t reply to this and appeared to wait until she knew what she wanted.
But the moving way she looked at him, made it seem as if she wanted to read it from his thoughts.
‘Is it too much for me to bear?’ she suddenly asked.
‘It’s better to wait.’
‘Couldn’t I see them, won’t I be strong enough?
Oh, I would much prefer to know the truth.
Oh sir’, she begged Alcar, ‘let me know everything. Please, let me see.’
André understood that more was happening here than he could sense.
Would Alcar let her know everything?
Again his leader had followed his inner conversation and he said: I will let her sense it, André; it will make her decide for herself.
It’s better for her to want this herself, because only then can she free herself from everything.’
‘Please’, she begged Alcar, ‘let me see them, just for a moment, I’ll be strong.’
It was a miracle how she had changed.
Where had she suddenly got that strength from?
‘She is capable of this’, he heard, ‘because she will soon pass on, so that she will acquire a different spiritual possession.
Slowly this possession of hers is returning, it’s the time of transition.
If we hadn’t met her, others would have helped her.’
Alcar now wandered through various rooms and finally stopped.
André saw a man, and in a corner of the room an old woman was sitting, huddled up as if she had fallen asleep.
There was deep sadness around them, most of all around the mother.
The man was reading a book and wasn’t aware of those who were present here.
Before she was about to perceive, Alcar told her: ‘You will perceive, but I ask you not to do anything and not to disturb them; they are not to blame for your downfall.
Will you stand up to it?’
She looked at Alcar and that glance contained everything.
‘Look’, Alcar said.
André watched her and got a shock.
Her eyes bulged out of their sockets as she caught sight of those who were dear to her.
He thought she would collapse.
But she held her ground and returned into her previous state of restfulness.
She bowed her head deeply and cried, cried softly.
She stood there bent forwards for a long time and prayed in silence.
André sensed that his leader was praying, and he also folded his hands to pray for her.
Alcar knelt down next to the poor mother and he also knelt down, to combine their efforts and pray to God together that he might take her up into her sphere and ease her sorrow.
They prayed for a long time; finally his leader stood up and she too finished her prayer.
What now, André thought, where will she have to stay?
Would they leave her on her own?
That would be terrible; she had shown herself to be strong and had faced up to her sorrow courageously.
Now a woman entered the room.
She saw her too and understood that someone had taken over the place she had voluntarily deserted.
Petrified with shock she kept on looking at that other woman.
Again her whole being contorted, but she remained calm.
This required superhuman strength.
Alcar put his hand on her shoulder and spoke to her:
‘Well done, mother, you have shown that you can bear your cross with courage.
God will reward you for that.’
André thought he saw some light in the distance.
Was it life?
Yes, it was moving, it was coming closer all the time.
What could this mean?
The light got bigger, so that he could clearly distinguish two beings in the light.
Yes, he had seen correctly.
Were they angels?
With tears in her eyes she was still looking at the three persons who were dear to her.
How strong she was, to be able to endure this.
Suddenly the two beings, who were unknown to him, slowly approached them.
Spirits with a high attunement, André thought. Alcar called them; she’s about to pass on into another sphere.
That’s good, he thought; it would be terrible to leave her behind.
They went up to Alcar and greeted them as their sister and brothers.
‘And now, dear mother, we will continue; you will be allowed to enter a different sphere.
Everything has been taken off your shoulders because you have given nothing but love.
You bore your grief with love.
Farewell, soon you will see your children again.
Know that God is love!’
She couldn’t speak, she looked at Alcar and cried with happiness.
The two spirits guided her along to a different sphere, away from the sphere of the earth, where she had done penance for her wretched deed.
‘Come along, André, we have been detained, but we did good work.’
Withdrawn into themselves they continued.
André thought about all the things he had once again learnt in that short time.
He had already met with so much sadness and grief.
He felt happy for her sake that she had been released from this darkness.
He also understood that she wouldn’t enter the spheres of light, as she did not yet possess that attunement.
How she had roamed around in this darkness.
Alone and abandoned, no one around her, no light, no warmth, nothing!
Her sense of guilt had made her pass on, because God was love, nothing but love.
God is light and happiness and has goodness in mind for all His children, but man himself is to blame for his downfall.
God has heard her prayer and she has now passed on to an intermediary sphere.
But it will take a long time before she sees her children again.
Yet she will work her way up because she is strong and she’s willing to bow her head.’