Alonzo asks why -- Sources

Source texts from the books by Jozef Rulof for the article ‘Alonzo asks why’.
Based on the books by Jozef Rulof.
These sources presume the prior reading of the article ‘Alonzo asks why’.

Alonzo and the church

Alonzo lived in the fifteenth century in Spain:
We live in the fifteenth century.
The piece of land to which I will take you now is situated in Catalonia on the border of the Mediterranean, in the region of Barcelona.
I take you to a beautiful region where my cradle once stood.
As the scion of an old noble family, lost riches, we nevertheless lived as a last memory of those rich days at a comfortable hall, the property of my parents, which they could not possibly part with.
Their ancestors had lived and died here, others had performed great things there and all those reminiscences made my parents want to finish their lives here too.
Between Life and Death, 1940
Alonzo wishes his animals to listen to him:
I played in the garden with my dogs and other animals, which I possessed.
My Mother called me: “Alonzo, where are you?”
I pretended not to hear her and went on playing.
I had reached the age of five and was their only child; my brothers had already died at an early age.
Again, she called me and I went up to her.
“What were you doing, Alonzo?
Why did you not come straight away?”
“I played with my animals, Mother, but they will not obey me.”
She looked at me with her stern eyes and asked: “Why do you want the animals to listen to you?
You should leave them alone.
Come, follow me, your Father wants to see you.”
We entered the room of my Father who had been ill for quite some time.
He embraced me ardently; I loved him very much, even more than my Mother.
He understood me in everything. I always had words with my Mother, so that I felt more attracted to my Father.
“Now tell your Father what you were doing, Alonzo.”
My Father asked, although he knew the answer right away: “What do you want with the animals, Alonzo?”
“I do not now, but they must listen to me and play with me.”
Between Life and Death, 1940
The father of Alonzo passed on.
The mother of Alonzo does not wish him to play with animals, but he disregards that.
Alonzo now focuses on his predilection for lions:
After a long time, I again came into possession of two young lions.
The animals soon adapted to me and they grew up to become two magnificent animals.
Between Life and Death, 1940
At an adult age, his concentration is strong enough:
My predilection for animals returned in me and again I began to impose my will on them.
By concentration, I got the animals under control so that I could do with them what I wanted.
Between Life and Death, 1940
Then his feelings for the invisible life awakened:
In those years, other desires became conscious in me, that is to say for the invisible life.
All those wonderful problems like death and being born forced themselves upon me and I wanted to get to know them.
Between Life and Death, 1940
On the other hand, his mother found that people should stick with the church faith:
These new feelings and desires grew ever stronger and as I grew older there was only one desire left in me: to be allowed to know more about it.
I could hardly talk with my Mother of it; and when that happened we did not understand each other.
According to her, one should not be allowed to know all these problems, but had to accept exclusively what was being taught.
To her this was religion, just that, and that was enough.
Between Life and Death, 1940
For his feeling, Alonzo did not receive a conclusive answer from the clergy to whom his mother turned:
“Is it my fault that I am like this, Mother?
Did you not receive what is in you?
You must accept me the way I am. We come on earth and we do not know whence we came but that is the way God made me.”
“I say nothing out of the ordinary, Mother, we are the way we are and cannot change it, we should only understand that it is good as it is.
We will never be able to grasp the ‘why’ and ‘what for’ anyway, and the clergy does not know either.”
“Alonzo, how dare you!”
Between Life and Death, 1940
As a result, a gap developed between son and mother:
We did not understand each other.
The older I grew, the wider became the gap between us.
Her faith did not mean anything to me, much to her annoyance.
But I could not change it, however much I wanted to.
Between Life and Death, 1940
For his mother, Alonzo is a heathen with his demonic search:
“He is no friend for you and you do not go to church anymore. You have even lost your faith and that happened because of this devilish searching of you.
It causes me a lot of grief.”
“What else should I do, Mother?
The church does not give me any satisfaction.
You always hear the same until you are bored stiff, the same over and over again.”
“You are a heathen, but I will watch over your faith.”
“Better be a good heathen than a bad Christian.”
“If I were you, Mother, I would do nothing.
You are only making it more difficult for yourself and me.
I will not stop it anyway, I shall search and go on searching, nothing will stop me.
The saying goes: Examine all things and keep what is good.
I search and will search until my end on earth.
What the church says is of no significance to me.
Maybe to you and others, but not to me.
Between Life and Death, 1940
His mother will consult her priest:
“I do not find your character in our whole family.
Nor do your poetical leanings occur in our family.
All this searching is devilish.
However, I will consult my priest.”
“No, Mother, it would put an even greater distance between us, for I do not want to talk about myself with those people.
They know nothing about it and according to them, I am possessed by the devil.
I do not want to be converted. I am oblivious of any harm.
Between Life and Death, 1940

Why and for what purpose?

Alonzo asks himself more and more questions:
Do tell me, Juan, why are people so different?
Why did God create all those kinds of people?
Not one person is like the other, no one understands you.”
Between Life and Death, 1940
With his friends he discusses his searching for the reality and the truth:
And yet I wonder why those desires are in me, Juan.
Why this searching for reality?
Why do I want the animals to listen to me?
Why do you want to write poetry and sing of life in your poems?
You cannot but do this; you do not serve any other purpose. You must and shall write poetry,
but why?
Would this have a meaning, Juan?
Why does Carlo want to picture life: and why has everyone his own desires?
Not one human being really remains himself and knows himself; all of us are mysteries.
If only my Mother wanted to understand me, I would settle things for myself.
If I do what she wants I will have my life lived for me, Juan, and I do not want that.
No, my friend, I shall go on, I must know, otherwise, I will not settle down.
Between Life and Death, 1940
Alonzo sees the soul as an independence:
Why am I the way I am now?
Is it because of God?
I know your answer, Juan.
Of course, my ancestors, but that has no meaning for me anymore.
The soul should be an entity.
Every soul is itself, Juan.
Why does my Mother want me to live as she sees life?
She thinks that her religion is the right one, the only good one, but it means nothing to me.
But why?
She says that my character cannot be found in our whole family.
Explain this mystery to me, Juan.
You cannot?
You do not know and yet that is where this entity resides.
The feelings of a gypsy are in me, there is nothing in me that stems from her.
Now is this not a mystery?
It is incomprehensible, yet all our feelings have a meaning.
It is very useful to think a lot about it, Juan; otherwise, you will never get anywhere.
It is worthwhile to learn to know all these mysteries.
Can you do something more useful on earth?
Life itself is the great mystery, Juan.
To see and feel in it is most essential, the only natural thing.
Then you get to know day, night and the animals, in short everything,
but above all yourself.
Then you descend into all those mysteries, Juan, and you understand what dying means.
Why do you not sing of all these mysteries in your poems?
Now they are living dead, not until then will your artistic products live, Juan.
Ah, my friend, do not feel hurt.
I honestly mean it.
You do not feel space, Juan, you will never achieve it if you don’t seek, don’t feel from where you have come and where you will go.”
“Do you not know that, Alonzo?”
Between Life and Death, 1940
He wants to know whether there is life after death:
“I no longer believe that, Juan.
I cannot accept that everything ends with this short life and that we are then ready to receive the eternal bliss.
The way they teach us is not natural, Juan.
How can a God of Love damn His children
and allow them to experience eternal damnation?”
“Do not go too deeply into it, Alonzo.
This path is a dangerous one, you know how powerful the church is.”
Between Life and Death, 1940
However, one life appears too short for him to achieve the bliss:
Must we return to God, Juan;
but how?
Should we really reach the very highest heavens in one short life?
Do you believe this nonsense?
Look at all those people, Juan, look how they live, how they think and feel.
Can all those people reach the highest heavens?
It is not possible, Juan, but then what?
Between Life and Death, 1940
The soul cannot be burnt:
There is no damnation.
Burning eternally?
That is a horror, which only serves to frighten people.
The soul is an entity, it is the essential part of our whole being, which remains alive and cannot be burnt.
Between Life and Death, 1940
Sometimes, he sees himself in other countries:
You think I am insane, but I, who am speaking now, I must get to know.
That is where the secret of everything resides and he is the one who thinks, feels and speaks, he, who is called Alonzo.
This will die, but I will remain alive eternally.
I do not yet know how that life will be, but I shall find out one day.
Sometimes I see myself in other countries, Carlo.
I do not know how that comes over me, but I clearly see it before me.”
“You lose yourself, Alonzo, you will soon be insane.”
“I warned you beforehand, Carlo, if you think like that, you are unnatural.
I know, yet I feel all those problems in me; the mighty mystery resides in me.
You laugh but I assure you that it is true.
Of course, I cannot prove it, I only feel it, that is all.”
“Those are your own desires, Alonzo.”
“That is quite possible, Juan, but who experiences those feelings?”
“You of course, who else?”
“But who is this ‘I’, Juan?
You cannot answer that question.”
“It is you, who else.”
“My brains, Juan?
And those brains will die when I must die myself?”
“I really believe that you have made some progress, Alonzo.”
“I did not progress, Carlo, I only got a bit closer to myself.
Between Life and Death, 1940
However, his freedom is taken from him in a heavy-handed way.
Via his mother and her priest, Alonzo comes before the inquisition:
The King gave an order to appoint inquisitors and I became the victim of the inquisition.
Between Life and Death, 1940
He is locked up in anticipation of his sentence:
Suddenly, the persecution broke out and I was one of the first to be confined.
At night I was arrested in my bed.
We were in all about fifty men and women; we were locked in barred pens because all prisons were packed and we waited for our sentence.
Between Life and Death, 1940

Alonzo finds his twin soul

In the barred pen, Alonzo meets a woman without fear:
There were people of all social circles.
Beside me stood a young woman; she was not sad.
I thought her admirable and I felt attracted to her, because the others hung their head and were lost in thought.
Her eyes radiated strength and personality, consciousness and complete surrender; there was no sign of fear in her.
Her entire being radiated tenderness and deep love towards me, this struck me as benevolent.
I had had little or no contact with women but this young woman had something that touched me, which I did not yet understand.
I felt something in her, which my master had spoken of, and this could only be the serving feeling.
In her was what I had been allowed to acquire in this short period and why my Mother had left me, which meant devoting the whole personality.
Between Life and Death, 1940
Alonzo finds his love:
I continued my discussion with this young woman and asked: “Is there no fear in you?
And what is your name?”
“There is no fear in me and my name is Carma.
Are you of noble birth?
Judging by what I see, I would say so.
Is your family not protected?
What is your name?”
I gave her a brief description of my whole life up to the moment that I was detained.
Next, she told me all about herself.
She had been rich, had enjoyed a good education, but later, at the age of seventeen, her happiness had been brutally disturbed and her young life wrecked.
I answered her and said: “No, Carma, there is no fear in me and my family does not mean anything to me.
I am not afraid of death.
The nearer it comes to me, the quieter I become, a mighty all-embracing tranquillity comes over me.”
“Come a little closer, Alonzo, I have got to tell you something.”
I did as she asked and she pressed a kiss on my mouth, looked at me like a little innocent child and waited for my reaction.
“Do you know, Carma, that this is my first kiss?”
“That is exactly why, dear friend, you are like a child and I love children very much.
Will you accept this?”
“I am most grateful to you, Carma.”
A feeling of warmth and understanding rose from my inner life.
I suddenly knew that I loved her very much and I would marry her at once if I were free.
In her was that unnatural warmth, which is not understood on earth.
I spoke to her and declared my love to her.
“You, big child, can you love me just like that,
in this condition?
Presently, we will not be here anymore, Alonzo. Maybe you or I will proceed alone and they extend mercy on us and everything will be forgotten.”
“How can you say such harsh words?
Are my words that weak?
Do I radiate lies and deceit?”
“If your Mother knew she would set you free, Alonzo.
I am only a woman; I did not take care of my child and, as the saying goes, I did not go to confession. That is why I have to die.
They know that I gave herbs to sick people and I know the verdict for that as well.
I am a witch, Alonzo.”
“Did you cure people, Carma?
From whom did you get that knowledge?”
“That is in me, Alonzo.
Even as a child, I saw powers in nature to cure sick people.
I sought and found and I cured the sick.
It is quite harmless, but in their eyes, I am a witch.
When you look at the sky now you will be killed, Alonzo.
That is why they will burn me alive.
My poor body cannot help what my soul, I myself did, can it?”
“Have you advanced that far?
Do you know yourself, Carma?
You speak of soul and body, that is only known to but a few human beings on earth.”
“It is in me, Alonzo, so I received it from God when a child, you cannot learn such things, we human beings must experience them.”
“It is miraculous, Carma.”
“You will live, Alonzo, but I shall die for it and I will gladly die.”
“You are a happy child, Carma.”
“I am, Alonzo, only now am I happy.
Oh, Alonzo, come, kiss me, and press me to your heart.
I am so dizzy, Alonzo, love has entered me, only love.”
Between Life and Death, 1940
Shortly afterwards, Alonzo and Carma are burnt at the stake.
There their temple lives awaken:
We felt our strength dwindling away.
Next the vision returned and I became aware of a different life.
It was as if a veil was being lifted and I could see.
Carma began to see as well and followed me.
We were closely one and we remained one.
I saw a beautiful landscape before me and we walked there.
Others walked with us.
That was the ‘meadow’ and we were very happy.
“I see us both, Carma.”
“I see you too, my dear Alonzo.
I know you.
I call you by your name, the one you then bore.
Oh, my Venry, my dear Venry, Alonzo and Venry are one.
Do you hear me, Alonzo?
You are my Venry, my Venry, my master.”
Our strengths dwindled away more and more and the more terrible it became, the sharper our perception got.
I saw my soul, I saw the two of us and called out to Carma: “My soul, my Lyra, soul of my soul, we are one.
Between Life and Death, 1940
Already during their own dying, they saw other souls dissolve to the world of the unconscious:
Next, we looked at those who had died with us.
Some of them were met by their beloved ones, others dissolved before our eyes and we understood where they were going.
They would receive a new organism.
We went higher and higher, and now floated over the pile.
We slowly left the earth.
Between Life and Death, 1940
They are awaited by a master of the light who has already been following them for a long time:
Suddenly, we saw a powerful light and this light came to us.
“Do you see that light, Lyra?”
“Yes, Venry, it is coming to us.
The nearer it approaches us, the stronger it becomes.”
“It is an angel, Lyra.
But an angel like a human being, just as we are.
I see a shape already.
My God, Lyra, who is it;
can you feel that?”
“Peace, light and warmth come over me, dear Venry.”
“My goodness, who are you?
Who are you?” we called together.
I pressed Lyra to my heart and we waited.
Now we heard: “Alonzo?
My dear Alonzo?
My children, my Venry, my Lyra.”
We knelt down and bowed our heads and we heard the voice say to us: “Venry, my dear Venry, Lyra, my dear Lyra,
I have come for you and welcome you forever in my Father’s house.
Children of Isis, look at me.
Are you conscious?
Is Isis awake in you?”
“Yes, master, everything in us is conscious.”
“Come to my heart, my children.
My dear Venry, my dear Lyra,
let my tears of happiness make you forget your pains and grief.
Do you know that this had to be so?”
“Yes, master, and we are so sincerely grateful to God.
May we know who you are?”
“I am your Father, your Father who loves you, dear Venry, one of your many Fathers.
However, our bond has a meaning.
God wanted us to accomplish one task.
You were not allowed to know this at Isis, otherwise, the masters could have followed you.
I was not allowed to awaken this past in you during that life.
Many centuries ago we were one, dear Venry, and we have endured very much together and that brought us together.
The Gods wanted you to follow me and that work is done.
You know everything else.
Lyra is your twin soul.
You go on together forever.
Between Life and Death, 1940
The wisdom received in the temple of Isis will be brought to earth:
Come, follow me, dear children,
I must show you something.”
We floated to Egypt and saw that a new Temple of Isis had been born.
Love reigned in the Temple.
“What you see now, dear Venry, already belongs to the past.
That Temple has also been destroyed.
I will connect you with this time so that you may observe everything.”
“How is that possible, Father?”
“I feel what you feel, dear Venry, and also what lives in Lyra.
Would you think, dear Venry, dear Lyra, that what was born in love can be destroyed?”
“But where is our wisdom, Father?”
“Have you forgotten Dectar?”
“Good heavens, Father, where is Dectar?”
“Dectar has been born again, dear Venry, and he will bring the treasures of the Temple of Isis on earth.
I know, dear Venry, dear Lyra, that it will happen.
But we will talk about that later, when you are with me.
I now go to my sphere, children, there we shall meet again.
In this life, Venry, you have all your gifts and powers again and will convince one human being of the real God.
After a time you will come to me, we are brothers and sisters.
Everything is over now, everything has been made up for and all of us are deeply grateful to God.
Come, children, we will now go to the ‘meadow’, others are waiting there.
I already go my own way here.
We shall meet again, children, you know where I live and I, and thousands with me, will receive you with love.
Goodbye, Venry, goodbye, my dear Lyra.”
Between Life and Death, 1940
Lyra sees her deceased child again in the spheres of light:
We returned to the ‘meadow’.
Father Alonzo waited for me, my brother Geraldo was with him and many, many others.
They were all very dear to me and one with us.
Next an angel came up to us, and with this figure, we saw a small child from the spheres.
Lyra pressed her own child to her heart.
“Oh, God”, she called, “how great is your love.”
Lyra laid her child in my arms and said: “Our child, dear Venry, our child from the spheres.”
After this the little one was collected and brought to its own heaven.
We both knelt down at the ‘meadow’ and thanked God for everything.
“Dear Lyra, how utterly happy we now are.
You are my Lyra and my Carma; both are dear to me.
For me you remain the brave, my loving Carma, but Lyra and Carma are one and will remain so forever.”
Between Life and Death, 1940
Venry and Lyra can now enter the third sphere of light, and they see many loved ones again, such as the mother of Venry and her twin soul Ardaty from the temple of Isis:
“Come, my soul, dear Lyra, shall we take a rest now?
Shall we go and visit our spiritual and heavenly dwelling?
Shall we go and see what our temple is like?”
Hand in hand we floated to our eternal rest, our spiritual dwelling, built by both of us.
On our way to it, another bliss awaited us.
“Mother, my good and dear Ardaty.
How can we ever thank God.”
Together we went on and entered the third sphere on this side, a heaven of unknown beauty.
We found our spiritual dwelling in readiness.
Flowers decorated our house; birds flew towards us and sang their song of welcome.
We went ‘in’, we understood, we felt, we were grateful, deeply, deeply grateful.
Between Life and Death, 1940