My first lessons in concentration
After I had lain down, I began to think.
It was clear to me what Dectar meant, and in my mind I returned to the moment when I lost consciousness.
First of all, I attuned myself to it and passed on into that event.
What came over me now seemed to be extremely important for I no longer felt anything about my youth; I already got proof that Dectar had closed me off very well.
I could not have received a more natural and clear token of help.
When my concentration appeared to be perfect, I felt an attack of dizziness.
Truly, I was one and reconnected with this event.
This time I again wanted to experience it, but I would have to remain conscious.
If I passed into that same condition and lost my consciousness I would not achieve anything, and that was not the intention.
However, if I could remain conscious I would bring the non-consciousness or that unconsciousness back to consciousness and I could commence my development.
I went on and saw myself ascend.
Dectar awaited me.
I approached him, he addressed me, and I wanted to ask questions.
At that moment the dizziness came over me and I was unconscious.
That is how I had experienced it.
I held on to that moment.
I descended ever deeper in this event, and was again overcome with dizziness.
I thought, it is splendid, my concentration is perfect.
Now I should try to remain conscious.
I found this re-experience of something belonging to the past truly wonderful.
Now I began to know and understand spiritual laws, and I would acquire them.
While thinking, feeling, and concentrating, I noticed that my physical body lost vitality.
I began to contemplate, for I wanted to know from where and how these phenomena came over me.
It was not long before I thought I understood.
When I experienced my unconsciousness, I had no sense of feeling in that condition either.
Consequently, it is very clear, I thought, if you are completely one with it, you must also experience it.
This time I was conscious and began to observe the event.
When Dectar held me in his arms, he looked into space.
What I see already belonged to this unconsciousness, but now I was conscious.
When Dectar looked, I was unconscious.
At that moment I had not been able to observe it, now, however, I experienced what had taken place beyond my consciousness.
This remarkable phenomenon, the feeling that I was clearly and naturally connected, and that my concentration already seemed to be perfect, made me very happy.
Because of this, I understood that I was on the right track.
Now what is unconsciousness?
Is there a limit to it?
What happens when a human being is unconscious?
Has this falling asleep a meaning?
These questions came to me and were not mine.
Is it you, Dectar?
Do you ask me these questions through your mighty powers and gifts?
Do you try to help me in this way?
If so, my friend, our being one is perfect and I will listen.
I now wanted to follow this deep sinking away, which was unconsciousness.
When I attuned myself to it, I experienced that my soul freeing itself from the physical body.
This process took place as a result of the shock and by using vital powers, consequently the soul had to depart.
I was pushed out of my organism.
I completely understood this remarkable and natural phenomenon, though I found it most curious.
I began to feel something else.
Now that I was connected with it, I felt that my physical body lost energy again.
If I did not make every effort I would lose consciousness again, I now felt into a deep sleep, which there was and meant unconsciousness.
To check this I raised my right arm, but that part of my body was so heavy that it flopped down beside me.
I could not have carried out a better test.
I now remained conscious as a result of my keen and clear concentration, without going to sleep again.
Now I got to know the physical and spiritual laws.
The soul detached itself from the physical body, in this case by emotional events and the body subsequently collapsed.
This event was very deep and yet very simple.
In this way, I would develop inwardly.
Human beings could lose consciousness in many other situations, and what then happened was what I now had got to know.
If I let myself go and my concentration weakened, I would fall asleep.
Consequently, I understood and felt that unconsciousness and sleep were actually one condition, one event, and so to speak one working.
Sleep meant the natural sinking away and the departure of the soul; in case of unconsciousness, however, this happens as the result of a shock, which means nothing but the consumption of power and this had to occur.
It is curious, I said to myself, only now do you get to know yourself.
But what next?
What happened next?
When I asked myself those questions, new feelings came to me and I suddenly understood how interesting and deep this event was.
At this moment my material organism forced me to listen.
I had experienced that a moment ago, for my body now wanted to fall asleep.
However, I wanted to follow Dectar.
When I focussed on Dectar, I fell asleep.
So I was faced with a deep riddle, but I thought I felt it after thoughts had come to me.
I would follow Dectar, but to that end, I would split myself.
One half of me would have to see there, and the other half would have to prevent my body from falling asleep.
These feelings had just come to me and I understood what was meant.
My splitting up was complete, for I accepted at once what I saw and experienced.
This splitting up was very important, as a result, I saw new wonders.
A moment ago I saw Dectar very clearly, now he and I were enveloped in a dense haze.
Now that I observed at half-strength my perception and the space in which Dectar and I were living had faded.
So that emanated from me, as a result of my splitting up I lived at half-strength, which was a great wonder to me.
Now I went on, for I wanted to see what would happen.
Dectar looked into space.
When I observed again, I heard him speak.
That was another thing I knew nothing about.
However, to whom was Dectar speaking?
I concentrated on him and heard:
“The Gods are with us, Ardaty?
Oh, do go to her, I shall pass your message on to Venry.
Tell his Mother that I am happy.
Will everything be granted to me now, Ardaty?
Go back quickly, Ardaty, quickly, you know it.”
Curious, did he hear and see my Father?
But why was Dectar acting so strangely?
Why should my Father go back so quickly?
Now I saw that Dectar ascended, step after step, in the direction of the Temple.
But why this secrecy?
I wondered again.
Did my Father share a secret with Dectar?
Did my Mother know about it?
What would be given him?
Because of whom did my Father have to go away so quickly?
It sounded urgently.
Dectar spoke in a way I had never heard him speak before.
I focussed on him again.
Dectar’s actions were very strange, for he spoke to himself. I heard:
“A gifted boy is resting in my arms, one day he will perform wonders.
He can most certainly cure and follow me and keep on following me, but then there will be a time that I will stay behind alone.
Then I will be a living dead.
Venry will meet his great love again and once, by his great wings, sit down on the clouds by her side and look at me.
Oh, if I were allowed to witness that.
He will be ahead of me then, I shall have to stay on earth and continue my life in non-consciousness.
Oh, dear Venry, then you will look down upon me, but endure my asking questions, for I must know what life is like over there, where those live who passed away.
Only this can make me happy.
Go ‘in’, dear Venry, and see the things living there, but tell me how the planets and stars follow their orbit and why we know nothing about them.
Tell me everything you will see and feel, I must know.
There are many gifts in me and I see behind things and far into the future, but that is nothing in comparison with your gifts.”
Now I heard Dectar talk under his breath and I thought this very strange too.
“You will tell me, dear Venry, why the hyena eats its fill of the dead body, and why so many animals live in one other animal.
That is mighty, Venry, very deep, but I must know.
I want to be like the king of the sky, the animal which is a ruler and rules that space.
Ah, Venry, I am so hungry and thirsty, but you can help me.
I have been allowed to see the pharaoh several times and was even allowed to cure him, I was allowed to enter his sanctuary and to put my hands on his young heart.
I am said to be a wise man, and yet, Venry, I am very poor now that I’m holding you in my arms.
How great your gifts are.
You must tell me about them for I want to be happy in that life.
I want to get to know all that wisdom.
Some day, my dear Venry, you will rapidly overtake me, and Dectar will no longer be able to follow you.
Then you will see depths, views, and the irradiation of all the lives I lived in.
Then you will stop the demons, possession will be far from you, and you will be a ruler in space and have received the greatest possible wings.
I can conquer demons, Venry, but it costs me such a lot of trouble.
If you will teach me, I swear I will follow you, but do teach me everything that the wise men will have to say there.
I have one great desire, Venry, and perhaps you will help me with that as well.
You will receive very much from the domain for the pharaoh, and you will be rewarded, and even be given love as well as oils and fine herbs that only the Pharaoh knows and possesses.
For you, the the gates of their sanctuaries will be opened. You will rule and dominate in the Temple of Isis, and there will be growth and prosperity for the benefit of all of us, including those who will come after us.”
I saw that Dectar approached the entrance, and I also felt that he had split himself.
Why do you split yourself, Dectar?
Why did he want to hide?
No one could hear him speak, and yet he was afraid to be overheard.
Afraid, but from whom?
I felt his anxiety very clearly within me; I no longer needed to doubt the accuracy of my attunement.
As he approached the entrance, the doors were opened and he entered with me.
We went through the halls, which I recognized.
He laid me down, knelt beside my couch and prayed as a supplicant can pray and beseech a power far greater than he himself.
Next he put his hands on my forehead and I began to feel that as well.
I descended deep down into myself.
Dectar’s strong power pulled me out of that unconsciousness, back into natural sleep.
I now experienced this return in full consciousness, and I thought it miraculous.
The unconsciousness was deeper than natural sleep.
Then I saw myself wake up and he stood beside my couch, and told me about the message from my Father.
Now that I had come that far I wondered: Who are you, Venry?
Who are you that a master of concentration and strong will invokes things from you?
Dectar saw a master in me.
Do I have got magic powers?
Again, I said my own name.
The power and magic effect of that sound made me shiver and tremble when I pronounced my name as Dectar had.
A deep and horrible feeling arose in me, which went even deeper than the fear which had seized me a moment ago and came from him to me.
This had to do with murder and destruction.
Did these feelings come from space?
Or, were these my own feelings?
I concentrated on something else, but this still captivated my entire being.
If these feelings were mine, I understood that, one day, I would attain very much; now I still did not understand any of it.
But Dectar saw more and felt powers, he saw that I had gifts and he wanted to possess them.
To him these gifts meant the supreme wisdom, which belonged to that other world.
Right now I felt a strange world come into me.
Yet I had only been here for a few days, I had slept more than I had lived consciously.
However, I already had got to know sleep, moreover I had acquired concentration.
I understood Dectar perfectly.
However, in the human soul there were depths and heights, which meant powers and feelings.
Those heights and depths, however, were the events experienced in daily life.
They were experienced by the inner human being, which was the soul, or the spirit.
By thinking and feeling accurately and attentively, I now reached the stage at which I was able to distinguish the two bodies.
My object was to witness all those events again, to think them over, feel them, and to remain aware of them.
Only then had I actually experienced them, perhaps learned from them, and that school would become the wisdom of the soul, that had been given a name on earth, which was I, and was called Venry.
I was amazed that I could already think and feel so clearly, but I understood that I was being helped.
Now that I concentrated on Dectar, those feelings came to me, it was as if he was walking by my side and as if this actually happened.
If I returned to myself Dectar went away and I felt alone again.
I got to know a great many incomprehensible forces; I now understood what Dectar meant when he said that people could not think, although they thought that they were perfectly awake.
Who thought in this way?
One really only lived naturally in this way.
I would exert my strength to this end and proceed.
By concentrating my will, I could already split myself, which was not only interesting but also very instructive, and as a result, I got to know my inner life.
Only now did I really begin to feel what the material human being is like, and how this human being acted.
The inner life, which is the soul, could split itself.
I had experienced it just now.
I thought this splitting of myself very peculiar as I still remained conscious, because this splitting took place by willpower and concentration.
A feeling came over me that I had to go on with this and had to feel the splitting of myself clearly, so that I could split myself when possible and necessary.
I did not understand where these feelings came from.
They came over me and not from far away and not from where Dectar’s feelings came to me.
These new thoughts which came over me emanated from space.
I was aware of this, clearly felt what came over me.
I looked up into space but could not see anything special.
Yet, with these feelings I sensed warmth on my head, a soft and wonderful radiation that struck me as beneficent.
I experienced remarkable things.
How deep human beings are, how wonderful is the composition of these two beings, one of them is invisible and the other is the material body and man proper for the earth.
Dectar had made me sleep.
But what happened during my sleep?
I was completely empty, he said, and I had to recuperate because that jump had consumed all my physical strength.
I understood this perfectly.
However, what about that sleep?
What happened to my soul during those seven days and nights?
I wanted to know and investigate that as well.
I jumped up from my bed and tried to see myself again.
I sat down in a corner of my cell and focussed on it.
Yes, indeed, Dectar had knelt down in front of me and was begging for inner possessions.
But I was asleep.
Next he laid his hand on my forehead and then went away.
In this way I followed my own life and I felt that I need not have to split, for now I began only to see by myself and perceived that which had happened a few days ago.
This was exactly as previous when I could see through things.
Now, however, I saw at full strength and I felt very calm.
However, there was still more which greatly interested me.
Again, I felt that warm radiation on my head and the remarkable things were the subsequent thoughts and feelings.
These thoughts came to me from space and were not Dectar’s, they were different, and I could tell them apart.
This was a clear sign to me and I firmly resolved to pay attention to it. It might help me.
If those thoughts emanated from an invisible being, this being was relaxed, for this warmth made me quiet and happy.
Something radiated from that power, which could be termed protection. Something of the kind was connected with it.
Moreover, this power wanted me to see and I focussed on myself.
What I saw was unbelievable.
I saw myself as soul and this soul was going to see itself.
My soul lived in a dense haze, which I thought very remarkable.
Dectar had left a moment ago and night was falling.
I followed the night and nothing particular happened.
Then day was approaching and in the morning Dectar entered my cell and moistened my lips.
After that, he waited for some time, he subsequently administered something to me, and I understood why he did so.
It would give me strength and protect me against weakening.
He left again and returned in the afternoon when the things I had observed recurred.
They were watching me, because Dectar looked after my body as my Mother would have done.
In the evening he returned to me.
When he had given me some food, he sat down at the foot of my bed.
Dectar began to see and I could follow his perception.
The natural light which I had seen before, faded from his eyes.
What do you see, Dectar? I wondered.
What do you want to see in me?
He was looking for something, for he searched my inner life.
Now I felt that he touched my inner life, and that he descended into my soul and began to see.
Dectar witnessed the life of someone else and that other human being was myself.
Suddenly I began to feel Dectar.
I came into close contact through the warmth that irradiated me and I followed his thinking and feeling.
I also descended within myself and I wanted to see what he was doing there.
A sense of greed now came over me and struck me very seriously for it touched my full consciousness and I understood its meaning.
Like a miser counting his gold and silver looking for earthly treasures, Dectar was looking for spiritual treasures;
like a glutton he threw himself on my soul.
He burst the locks of my soul, crushing the doors, which locked the entrance that only I could open, and he entered my soul, the deepest and inner sanctum of every human being.
Dectar entered me, though uninvited, like a thief in the night.
Dectar, Dectar, what are you looking for in my soul?
Why do you burst the doors of my soul?
Not even the Gods would do such a thing for it belongs to me, it is my own body, and its inner life belongs to me.
Does this mean, Dectar, that you watch over me,
is that the love you want to give me?
And does it mean that you want to be a Father and Mother to me?
I kept following Dectar and again felt that lovely warmth radiating on my head.
This warmth enhanced my seeing and feeling. It wanted me to observe clearly.
I was very grateful for it, although I did not yet know whether these consciously emitted rays originated from a human being.
I got to know Dectar as a spiritual thief.
He tried to search every corner of my soul.
He roughly pushed aside what had been carefully arranged, to look at the place where it had stood, that is how thoroughly he searched every corner.
I could see very clearly what this meant for my material body.
All those brutal thoughts and feelings disturbed my rest.
My material body was shaking violently and I saw that I wrenched myself to the left and right, turned around again and again and could find no rest, although I was not aware of it at the time.
That was Dectar’s fault. My soul, my self was disturbed.
Dectar was searching all the time, but what for?
When I thought of this, I felt the warmth again and with it, other thoughts came over me.
I did not follow Dectar anymore for I had focussed on his doings.
Now I would descend in him, feel and see what he was searching for in my inner life.
I heard him say: “Is it you or is it not?
I must know.”
He went on searching and followed my inner life.
Now I understood what he wanted.
Dectar tried to see ‘lives’ in me, lives I had lived previously, and he sought to turn up one of them.
“Is it you or is it not?” And is it me, Dectar?
Did he expect to find another person in me, beyond myself?
Who was he looking for, and what exactly did he want to know?
Suddenly he returned to himself, forgetting to close the doors of my soul in the process and he recovered like a thief being caught.
After a moment he was entirely himself again.
Now he looked up, to the left and right, waited for a moment and felt reassured.
What are you afraid of, Dectar?
I see that you tremble with fear.
You got afraid.
Why, my friend, Master Dectar, are you a spiritual thief?
Do I have to protect myself against you?
You sneak into my soul like a hungry animal and you disturb its peace.
And you are telling me: Be calm, very calm, Venry.
Especially rest, thinking and feeling, thinking deeply, very deeply.
Are you a hypocrite, Dectar?
How deep will my soul be hurt if I have to accept that?
Right now, I tremble because of what I have observed.
He got up and went away.
I kept following myself and night approached.
Another power had come to me and entered my cell.
It was like a shadow and it also descended into me. I experienced that rummaging through my inner life again, but this time with even more violence and haste than previously.
Was this Dectar again?
Had he departed from his organism as I experienced in the past?
For now, I could think deeper, and I came to think of it.
Did this shadow belong to Dectar and was it part of him?
I asked myself these questions as I could not see clearly now.
However, this shadow wanted to open my soul, open it completely right now, which should actually require years.
Like a ghost it was abroad and searched my soul.
Now I got to know a strange and mysterious something.
I followed this shadow, but could not see myself so clearly, yet I understood that here a split part of a person was dwelling who, as I had witnessed before, wanted to know something.
This shade undoubtedly belonged to a human being that had split himself by concentration, and was in search of information about other people.
I could not feel whether it was Dectar, however, it became clear to me that this power did not allow me to descend as I had been able to do with Dectar.
This shade was, as it were, empty, the life that was connected with it had protected itself.
If I felt correctly, this was the shade of a learned priest, at any rate of a man who knew what he was capable of, and who also possessed the gift of departing from his material body.
In my thinking and feeling and deep concentration, I could not achieve anything now, not see anything at all. The power of this life exceeded mine and was possibly a master in this respect.
After having searched my soul for some time, the shade disappeared the way it had come.
I wanted to know more about it and I focussed on Dectar.
But Dectar and this shade were two separate beings. The clear feelings, which now came over me, fully confirmed it.
An unpleasant feeling surprised my inner rest. I had to remain aware now
and I began to ask myself questions again.
Is a student priest under permanent supervision?
Why all this secrecy?
Was this the shade of a high priest, and was one followed in the spirit?
I did not doubt the inner powers this being possessed. I had just received conclusive evidence.
But it frightened me.
The night went by, and in the morning Dectar entered my cell.
He partly woke me up, for I stayed in a half-waking condition and followed the natural functioning, subsequently falling asleep again on my couch.
In this half-waking condition he made me do things belonging to consciousness and I understood that this was necessary.
When I was peacefully asleep he followed me and I felt that he had fully recovered.
Dectar now sent me all his love, and he was sorry for what he had done.
He asked my forgiveness, but I had already forgiven him completely.
I thought this behaviour very strange, though.
After a while he left and I was alone again.
A couple of times more I saw other shades looking at me, but apart from that nothing particular happened.
I presumed they were the masters, but I was not sure.
Then the moment arrived when I woke up and saw Dectar beside me.
Now I followed the other events and what we had discussed, including my first walk with Dectar.
My first reliving of the phenomena had been completed.
Next I came out of my corner and wanted to rest a bit.
After I had rested for a while Dectar entered.
He was like a little child and whispered to me: “Please, think of nothing, Venry,
of nothing, only of your reliving and what concerns your own life.
Not of other things, only of your being here and what that has to do with the priesthood, alright?
Do you feel me, Venry?”
I let him feel that I understood him, though I could not fully fathom him.
He was still a great mystery to me.
I did not understand his behaving like a child as he now did.
He took both my hands in his, looked deep into my eyes and I saw tears rolling down his cheeks.
In thought, as I had wanted to speak to him formerly, he said to me: “Can you forgive me, dear Venry?
Of course you will know everything, but only later on.”
My amazement reached the highest pitch as he went on and said: “You see, dear Venry, everything goes as planned.
I was convinced that you would follow the right path.
It is wonderful, even very clear and you were able to feel me, did you not, Venry?”
When I wanted to answer him, he surprised me by saying: “Did I not follow you quietly?
I know what my pupil experienced.
Did I not carry you with all my love to these surroundings?
Was not my watchfulness perfect during your sleep?
There was only quietness and stillness, Venry, during your sleep.”
Dectar looked at me and saw that I startled violently, but he did not mind at all and went on: “I could certainly have come several times, but I considered my watchfulness sufficient, Venry.
I checked your sleep which was very deep, and I watched over you day and night, like your own Mother would have done.”
Somewhere here there was danger and Dectar wanted to avert it.
Probably he knew very much about it, I did not understand it at all.
His perfect disguise, the love he sent me and his childish attitude brought me in a position of complete submission and I accepted him as my master.
However, Dectar had followed me and fathomed and felt my soul and said: “Immaculate, my friend, very good, we shall make rapid progress in this way.”
He continued, but again as a distinctly different person: “You see, Venry, I am your master and at the same time your pupil.
You are quite definitely prepared for it, you did not forget anything, and I am well pleased.
I shall not be needed any more once you have seen all your previous lives.”
He looked at me and understood my feelings.
This time I felt what he meant, but he said: “Then we can begin our work, Venry, and your inner perception will be perfect.”
He waited a moment as if he wanted to give me time to ponder, and spoke, but again as a totally different person: “I cannot follow that path, Venry, because mine is leading through holes, over hills and through valleys, and I need a lot of time to achieve that.
However, I must know, for it is driving me mad.
I get crazy with yearning, Venry, and I want to see ‘her’, because she lives in me.
She has made me what I am now.
Follow me, dear Venry, descend into me, the doors of my soul are open to you, ‘go in’, Venry.
I want to feel a love carrying me, giving me everything.
I want to see her now, in this life.
How should I approach her now that my wing is paralysed?
Space is so large, Venry.
Will I collapse?”
Then he whispered to me again: “Can you forgive me, Venry?
You may think that I talk gibberish, but I swear by the Gods that I am unfortunate. Dectar is paralysed.
But there is danger, Venry.”
He looked to the left, right, and up, but continued speaking.
I also perceived very clearly that danger threatened and I would get to know that danger.
Then something unintelligible suddenly happened to me and my mouth spoke to him.