My Father and Mother
The light, which meant feeling, and which was in me, now showed me the way.
And so I went on, I approached Isis and entered Ardaty’s gardens.
The feeling to descend pre-dominated all my other feelings.
There were gardens which had been laid out down there and which belonged to the mysterious Isis.
Dectar had once shown me them.
There was a little summerhouse in them in which Ardaty cultivated his herbs.
I did not give it a second thought and descended into these mysterious gardens.
Dectar had told me about them.
In these gardens lived the natural treasures of Isis.
The most curious herbs were present, but only the High Priests dwelt in this natural but unfortunately poisoned paradise.
Ardaty knew all these herbs, his mastery was known for miles around.
He unfailingly assessed the strength of a natural poison from the plant, by the scent and species.
This was a natural gift of Ardaty’s.
His olfactory organs had been developed to the highest degree.
On my journey I met shadows and these beings belonged to Isis.
They were souls, human beings, who had once lived here and had probably been destroyed in some way or other.
There was something sinister about the way they floated on.
All these souls experienced earthly life again, but from that world.
I saw old and still young people from which I assessed their age.
They went their own way, however, and were spiritually conscious.
The nearer I approached that building, the clearer I began to feel.
A narrow path led to the entrance and I entered.
The building was empty.
Apparently, they had not yet been able to find a new master.
I began to see straightaway.
It was evening and the sun had set a long time ago.
I saw Ardaty mixing herbs.
Why are you working at this late hour, Ardaty?
Have you discovered new herbs?
When I asked myself these questions a priest entered and said to Ardaty: “Well, Ardaty, are you ready?”
It gave me a terrible fright for I knew this priest.
Now, where had I met him before?
Ardaty gave him herbs but did not say a word to him. Yet, he thought, and I could follow his thoughts.
The priest immediately left and I went with him.
It was curious how clearly this past was conscious to me; I could observe everything very accurately.
Of course, I thought, he is going to that building.
Where else should he go?
We entered the building where the priestesses lived.
I had been there before.
I kept following him.
He subsequently entered a cell.
On a couch was a priestess.
He went up to her and clasped her to his heart.
The priestess resisted him with all her might and did not want his love.
What I saw and felt was terrible.
This priestess was in the state of half-waking consciousness and was not really aware of what happened to her.
I now got to know the unconscious powers, which yet belonged to a consciousness
for she still tried to protect herself in this half-waking consciousness.
Her entire being revolted and this was her subconscious which constituted the personality.
It was now awakened by fear.
I could clearly observe the disturbance in the nervous system so that I understood that this life was to collapse.
An enormous power forced her to remain in this consciousness so that she could not offer any resistance.
I adjusted myself to the priest and felt that he was going to use his powers.
He partly woke her up, for she should not be in possession of her full consciousness.
If the priestess would exceed half-waking consciousness she would most certainly cry for help, and he tried to avoid that.
I heard him say: “Take this, beautiful, princess, and you shall have gifts, you will see, and hear, and receive the great wings.”
She was in no position to make demands; he administered his medicine by force.
Hatred came over me; a terrible feeling and I could have killed him.
This was lust and violence.
The priestess fell asleep, induced by the poison.
I had observed this as a spectator.
Now I adjusted myself to the inner life of the priestess.
I thought I would collapse.
“Mother, my Mother, my dear Mother.”
She was my dear Mother.
Another power calmed me down, for I was beyond myself.
I felt intense sorrow.
Oh, my Mother, did you have to experience this?
Now I know your secret.
The power, which entered me, wanted me to go on, and I followed the priest.
Suddenly, I realised who he was, I recognized him.
“You devil, demon, you here with my Mother?”
I forgot myself for a short moment, but I immediately regained my self-control.
This priest had destroyed my youth and stirred me up against my parents.
Now I experienced what my Mother had gone through at Isis, and I remembered the words she had spoken to me: “There will be new hatred in you, Venry, do not allow hate to take you by surprise.”
“Oh, my dear Mother, I shall take revenge for you.
How did you free yourself from this terrible den?
How was your end?
Who mutilated you?
Who took you away from here?
Who gave you new strength?
Was it Ardaty?”
I was born, but where?
The priest left.
I followed him.
As I observed his realm of thought, I saw my own Father.
He thought of this event.
This priest loved my Mother, but the supreme priest of Isis was my Father.
My Mother had been assaulted when she was in a state of half-waking consciousness.
It had been intended to kill my Mother and me.
The one who walked in front of me would execute the sentence.
But the Gods did not want us to die.
However, something forced me to return to my Mother.
When I began to see again, I perceived that I had felt correctly.
One scene connected me with the other.
On her head, I saw a star, the sign of her home and birth.
She had spoken of that too.
My Mother was a princess by birth and wanted to retain priesthood.
I did not need to know anymore.
In my body, mixed blood was flowing; my Father was a high priest and the Father of the Temple of Isis.
One emotion followed the other.
Only by powerful concentration could I remain myself.
How could I digest all this?
And yet I had to remain myself.
If the whole matter had not been so tragic, I would have burst into a nervous laugh.
I suppressed these unnatural feelings with all my might.
“My dear Mother, I shall avenge you and Ardaty, who was like a Father to me.
I love you both and I will never forget this.”
Suddenly, I got afraid.
Was I being followed?
Had I forgotten myself?
I hurried back to my own cell, but I noticed that there was no danger.
Yet, I got a message from my leader.
I had to hurry and not waste my time.
As soon as possible I went back to the house of Ardaty, for another experience was in store for me there.
When the priest had gone with the herbs, Ardaty stayed behind.
I saw that moment before me.
Ardaty was lost in thought and talked to himself: “Beautiful princess, they want to kill you.
Why did the Pharaoh send you to this Temple?
But my poison will work in a different way than they think.
Oh, no, beautiful princess, you will not die yet.
The Gods want you to live.
I am a poor man, an expert on herbs, but my prayer is powerful.
Thoughts have come to me, dear princess.
If I feel well, then these thoughts clearly must have come from the Gods.
These are the feelings of higher powers.
For this is great what is in me now.
I have been relieved of every embarrassment, every hesitation, so that I know how to act.
Beautiful princess, do you know these powers?
Only in the case of great events do the Gods descend in us human beings, and put the awakening in us, which is the conscious knowledge, so that I surrender completely.
There is only one possibility left for me.
You will be misshapen, your youth will change into old age, but you will live.
You will live in pure and heavenly rest.
Your heart will remain young and you will not be recognized.
Come to me, I Ardaty will be a Father to you.
In my gardens, I can hide your secret, when your heart says: I will come, and when you are prepared to accept my environment.
I only want to take care of you so that your child can be born.
My long presence here has not been in vain, but I found the irradiating light of the Lotus suspect as I observed her carefully.
Did the Gods send your secret to it?
It is bound to be so for I am not used to adjusting myself to it, but I assure you that my feeling and perception touch the genuine reality, even if I am only supposed to be a herbalist.”
Ardaty had stopped thinking and I waited for what was going to happen next.
After a short while the priest returned to Ardaty and said: “Are you sure, Ardaty, that you gave me the right herbs?”
Ardaty thought for a good length of time and answered: “If you wish, master of Isis, and you will allow me, I will administer other herbs to her.
Should your master agree I am quite prepared, but you had better bring her to me.”
The priest hated Ardaty, but Ardaty saw what he was up to.
The priest also reflected for a good while and following his train of thought he led me to the Head of Isis and to the Pharaoh’s court.
He subsequently returned in thought to the Father of the Temple.
I followed this curious conversation which they held from feeling to feeling while being one.
My Mother had to be taken away from here; she had caught a serious and infectious disease.
He had received his orders and said to Ardaty: “Are you sure of yourself?”
“Bring her here, master of Isis, here in my room; I will make the body return to matter within a very short time,
but you must permit me to do so.
May I, Ardaty, serve the masters?
I am prepared and ready.”
The priest had already arrived at a decision and said: “Dear Ardaty, I will soon return to you, and you will receive full authority, as well as the seal.”
“Bring me that consent, High Priest, for you know that I have to obey the laws too.
You will get to know my knowledge and I will show you my mastery.”
The priest left and Ardaty waited.
After a short while he entered again, he was carrying my Mother in his arms and laid her down on a couch.
He hated Ardaty who was like a small child and wanted the priest to go.
The priest refused and stayed.
What to do now?
Ardaty said to him: “You know the laws, master of Isis?
You have a right to deny me your sanctuary, but the Gods gave me power, knowledge, and a right to be here.
If you serve the Goddess then go, or I will go.”
The master of Isis sent him his hatred, but left.
Then Ardaty set to work.
While doing his mighty work he talked to the Gods and I heard him say: “If you want to, oh great God of all life, then let me take care of her and let her child live.
I will mix the most powerful herbs of which only you know the secret, and which came over me a moment ago.
Or was it from the Lotus?
Is the Goddess of Isis with me?
I will oil this body, rub it with ointment, and administer what it needs.
However, I will be like the waters which flow on, quickly and powerfully as when a tidal wave develops.
I will control myself under this foaming force for it is the power, which comes over me.
You must enhance my mastery, because this is my very first test.
Help me, God of all life; give me that knowledge to kill the poison in her, her child must stay alive.
Is this not awe-inspiring?
You, God of all life, can help me and I am ready.
I already see the traces of poison in her face, it will mutilate her, but she will live.
Her life will be a luminous path to follow, for myself, and others who come to us.
In the very first place, for her child.
Her death will be written in golden letters and be laid down in documents and her illness will be described.
Her body will be embalmed, but the truth will never be known.
Help me, oh great God, if I am worthy of serving you, help me to bring her to my humble dwelling, my house behind the hills and nobody will recognize her or know who she once was.
The Pharaoh will not know either.
Your blessing hovers over the heads of the high priests and the laws of Isis give them authority, so there is no danger either, for they serve, they all serve the Gods.
Oh, look how her face has already been mutilated.
But she is alive and so is her child.
I love her, dear God of all of us, and I will be a father to her.
Let me serve, I want to serve You and her.
Do I hear correctly?
Her heart beats as before, all danger is gone.
I experience a wonder, which is possible as a result of Your concentration.
Truly, mighty God, the child is alive.
Thank You for everything.
I will take care of her as if she were a sick person.
It is known that I am a master and receive many poor people.
Nobody will ever know our secret.
Come to me, God of all Gods, and help me so that I can protect her.”
I saw Ardaty kneel down and pray.
He seemed to have received new strength and was ready.
He wrapped her in a cloth and carried her off in the direction of his house.
Now I knew everything, yet I kept following him.
He subsequently carried her into his house.
I was born there; he had managed to keep this a secret too.
On this spot, I thanked the Gods for everything I had received from both.
My entire youth flashed by.
I understood my dear mother and Ardaty.
Ardaty radiated the happiness and love of a great person; his natural simplicity connected them with ‘life and death’.
They were like two happy children, two children of God.
I had come to know our secret, and as a result, I had found my own weapon.
I was facing a fight of blood against blood, a fight of a child against his Father, of hatred against hatred, old age against youth.
I wanted to paralyse his wings, poison his blood and revenge my dear Mother.
Now I returned to my cell.
My leader had not yet left; his enormous power came towards me.
“I do not know who you are.
I cannot see your entire being, yet you live here and see me. Do you feel my gratitude but also my hatred?
Your power and wisdom are great.
It is true, I can only bow my head, but there is hatred in me.
I am embittered, for what you let me observe was terrible.
Do you know my Mother’s sorrow?
And do you know Ardaty?
Is it not worth meeting him there?
His discarded dress shines on all of us, for in him, the Gods lived and Lotus brought him silence.
You may think that I am grateful, but I do not have such feelings just now, even though I sent them to you.
Is it my youth that gives me rebellious feelings?
Is it possible that the past is too much for me?
My parents have passed away, great master, and their love is still with me and will give me rest.
The hatred, which is still in me, makes the naturalness in my soul fade away; it will also be my fight against him, my enemy, who defiled her youth.
My blood is infected, do not touch me.
I do wonder what you try to find in my environment?
Are my life and my person so worthy that you follow me?
Can you not make better use of your time and powers?
You watch like a slave does over his master and we all play the game of ‘life and death’.
Is your space so puny?”
I set down and heard: “Father Taiti, are you satisfied?
Did you see Lecca?
Do you still possess your powers from the past?
Would you like to see Lyra?
She is alive too, dear Venry, I know where she is, and one day you will see her.
Have patience, we must finish our work and then I will take you to her.
Why is there hatred in you
now that you know that the laws must be experienced?
If you feel that there is no past?
Why is there hatred in you?
All of us must make up, Venry, you too, your parents also, everybody.
One day you will be allowed to see her, for they now live in the laws.
The Gods want you to know all this, but your sentiments are translucent like those of a child.
You now talk like a unconscious being, like people collapsing under their sorrow, weighed down with a burden which does not exist, who cry for help and go blind.
Remember the words of your mother and your friend Dectar.
Both are conscious.
Is a slave lost because he waits and serves?
Do you understand the good fortune to be allowed to serve?
In this restricted space, the ‘All-embracing’ lives, and you have got to know that, but your present consciousness concerns worldliness and human nature.
You do not see any light in your own life, and yet your path was shining.
You must learn to accept.
You say you are grateful, but your emptiness dominates your gratitude, your embittered feeling may mean your own ruin.
All this may kill you, my friend.
If you had any light, realize that it was given to you, otherwise, you would not have been able to see the past.
When there is hatred in you, all these miracles cannot occur, and I will not be able to finish my work.
When your mother ‘perished’ there was hatred in her soul and yet she saw the light that the Lotus brought her, and the Goddess of Isis plaited her an aureole embellishing her lovely head in our world.
All these feelings may mean your own fate, never forget this.
Your unsuspecting thinking and feeling after all this knowledge are dark sentiments.
I would not be here if my perception and thinking would not destroy worldliness.
But you do not appreciate the necessity yet, your youth lives in you and your old age is unconscious.
I was allowed to start right now, but I must wait.
Your way of feeling and thinking forces me to follow other laws.
You could have opened yourself, my friend, instead you look for your hatred, and nurture it,
but we shall wait.
Do know, however, that I am ready, you know my power.
Do you want to know me in all my serving?
If so I am also ready to come to you in this respect if you desire to serve.
However, you must be truly serious about it.
I will go now, dear Venry.
When you are in the darkness, turn everything over in your mind.
Now descend into your earthly body, there is rest in it now, during your journey I was a pupil of Isis.
If you think that this is so simple I advise you to follow my concentration and you will see how many were here.
Do not forget that the masters too live in their own past, you were able to feel their fear, so that your flight back to your cell is a childish fear.
However, you were able to see their lives, but through me.
Your material body is empty now, I left it, but you have not been able to observe me.
Does this mean anything to you?
How puny I am with all that is in me?
What I am doing here and whether it is worth seeing Ardaty?
Well, my friend, hear what I say.
In front of me I see a space and I go ‘in’.”
I still heard: “Should you follow my advice then try to get some sleep.
Give what you know now to your earthly body, it will welcome you, for you must be one.
The masters know these laws.
In the distance, I see my own heaven and those asking for instruction and yearning to get to know the laws.
Therefore, you are not the only one who receives.
I withdraw, enter that immense space and yet I am at my post.
Goodbye, Venry, you are alone again.”
I could clearly feel this personality leave,
though I could not see him.
I descended into my material body and soon fell fast asleep.
When I awoke I felt quite rested.
Dectar would soon come for me.
I had a lot to tell him.
How happy he would be to be allowed to know that his twin soul was living on earth.
I had become relaxed during my sleep; the powers of my leader were immense.
He was an incomprehensible person, but possessed great power and I was sorry for my thoughts.
Then Dectar entered my cell and said: “You are a miracle, Venry.”
“How much time have we got, Dectar?”
“We must hurry, Venry, do you have a lot to tell me?”
“Yes, Dectar, quite a lot.
I met your twin soul, she lives on earth.
You must keep quiet, Dectar, even though I forgot myself again.
We are not conscious although my leader says that you are.
I know my Mother and Father, Dectar.
My own secret, I know everything about you and me now.
Do you know her name, Dectar?
Did her name come to your mind?
The love you feel comes from her to you.
Your feelings are pure, Dectar.”
“I know her name, Venry.
Lecca was her name, but her present name is Myra.”
“Since when do you know this, Dectar?”
“I woke up at night and I was allowed to follow you.
But I remained in my material body.
Subsequently, I heard you speak from afar and call Lecca to you.
Then, dear Venry, I understood everything, my soul awakened completely, but only through your leader; I myself would not be able to, for you know how my condition is.”
“You will see her, Dectar, she is waiting and will go on waiting until we go to her.”
“I am so happy, Venry, and I will do my best.
May the Gods help us, now we need a lot of power.
We must forget everything again, Venry, only think of the darkness.
The masters may come to us.
When you are with me again, we will continue our talk.
Is my friend ready.”
“Is there no time to tell you everything, Dectar?”
“No, you must forget everything now.”
“I am ready, Dectar, and I will follow you.”
“Come on, Venry, you will soon be with me again.
Ponder everything and do not forget anything I told you.
Think in particular of tiredness, surrender entirely and let come what must come.
Empty your mind completely, then they cannot achieve anything.”
“I am empty, Dectar.”
“You are superb, Venry, after so many emotions.”