In the darkness

Dectar brought me to the building where I would be locked up.
Before leaving, he gave me a last look.
A priest in a dark garment came to see me, but did not say a word.
He took me to the darkness, and explained how and where I would receive my simple meal, then disappeared.
In my mind, I caught his unspoken words, for he was like death and a guard of the silence.
He was not allowed to speak.
I was alone.
Now my education would really start.
I found myself in that terrible space which many had left insane, and in which others had met their death.
This cell was circular.
Apart from a couch and myself, it was completely empty.
I lay down, for there was a lot to reflect on.
When I was ready with my own experiences, I adjusted to the darkness.
My couch was facing west,
which had a meaning.
“That bed cannot be removed, it must stay there.
Stay in the east as much as possible.”
These thoughts were not mine; my leader was at his post.
I am very grateful to you.
I nevertheless tried to move the bed, but it was impossible.
On this spot, it was easier to reach me and they need not exert themselves.
If I lay with my head facing west my concentration would already be half-broken.
I would follow the natural laws, but now I lived in a disharmonious condition.
I did not think it fair, but I gave in.
My soul was yearning to attune itself; my own life and thinking were orientated towards the east, not the west.
This was not natural harmony, but the breaking of my personality.
Some light could still be observed; presently it would become very dark.
I was to stay in this hell for seven days and nights.
I would love to spend all my energy but another power did not want me to.
I felt very powerful and thought I was ready.
A sleepy feeling came over me.
Here I also saw an astral wall.
Darkness was gradually approaching; I could hardly see my hand before my face.
It was clear to me that I should try to save myself. I would not be helped in everything, for then I would learn nothing.
Now I would have to acquire various powers.
The activity and danger of ‘life and death’ forced themselves on me, because a deathly weariness came over me.
I gave in and fell asleep, but stayed awake spiritually.
My organism was asleep now; I myself lived in it and was awake.
I had succeeded in acquiring this wonder.
As a result of my natural talent, my being awake was perfect.
I now waited for the first phenomena and pierced the darkness.
My drowsiness, as the very first phenomenon, became ever stronger; a deadly tiredness overwhelmed me and my earthly body.
The masters had adjusted their concentration.
I was tired, deadly tired.
As a sick person, I hang in my own body.
I slipped out of it unwillingly, although I wanted to stay in it.
Therefore, I adjusted my concentration to counter it so that I could follow their thinking and feeling.
They wanted to reach me in my sleep; if I was worn out they could do with me whatever they wanted.
The tiredness I now felt was terrible.
I thought I would collapse straightaway, though I had only been here a short time, and things had not even started.
The more deadly my tiredness became, the stronger got my own desire to stay awake.
I managed to keep up with this game of being awake and falling asleep.
I no longer had the slightest notion how long it had been going on.
In the meantime, I took some fruit-juice and adjusted to nature, for I wanted to know how long I had been here.
But nature was closed off for me, I had no notion of day or night, time or sun, nothing, only darkness.
I now lived in their world; their concentration and closing off was destructive.
I could not think of anything.
My own feeling and thinking were suffocated.
I was to feel only them, and was their spiritual prisoner.
I had to try to cope with the terrible thoughts they sent me.
“You are infallible, masters of Isis, your concentration is very strong, but monstrous.”
I got to know a world of power and force; they played a game of life and death from their own world, for their thoughts began to take shape.
When I had dealt with this, other thoughts came over me.
I felt the warmth again and understood its meaning.
I no longer had any notion of time and space, day or night, but the warmth made me feel what I should do.
It was my only possibility to think beyond their influence.
My material body was a natural product.
My own body could, as a being capable of thinking and feeling, connect me with nature.
When I thought properly and could adjust myself without their interference, I could also think and remain myself beyond their influence.
The organism possessed a natural attunement. It had come from nowhere into being, but now lived to capacity and was perfect.
If I followed this activity, in which process I was assisted, I would be able to think independently and prepare myself against their attack.
Following this activity, which meant the growth process, required all my energy.
I had been engaged in this process for a considerable period of time when I felt as one.
Only then did I understand this wonder.
From my material body, sleep overcame me, the feeling every living being experiences.
It belonged to my own organism and this forced me to sleep.
However, I determined time and hour by the sleep.
This is remarkable, I thought, I see and feel that the sun has set.
I had been in the darkness for a whole day and I was still conscious.
Following this natural tiredness I could see that night was approaching.
This attunement enabled me to see, even though the masters had elevated me into their own world,
I felt their influence all the time.
I could clearly distinguish the tiredness of my earthly body and that of the masters.
Their way was rough and punished me, whilst that other tiredness gave me a feeling of well-being.
I felt happy now that I could control these various kinds of tiredness.
I sent up my gratitude to my leader for what I had learned.
So far, I had actually been inaccessible.
Things went the way it did when they probed me for the first time and could not find me.
I was there, and yet was not there.
I lived here and experienced their concentration. Meanwhile, one day had passed, and I was still conscious.
It was a superb achievement and my first knowledge after one day’s experience in the darkness.
Dectar had not told me anything about this.
My body was asleep, but I had to wake it up.
Suddenly, I got a feeling of being very thirsty.
I found this feeling most remarkable, for in actual fact I lived outside my material body.
However, the cord, which connected the two bodies, conveyed this thirst to me; my body needed liquid.
My own organism forced me to wake it up and comply with this wish.
To this end, I descended into my body.
When I was one, and activated the organism, a terrible weariness overwhelmed me.
Their unremitting concentration had tired it to the extent that I could hardly make it move.
I dragged myself to the place where the fruit juice was, and then returned.
I was more dead than alive.
Nevertheless, I had succeeded in protecting myself for a full day and in preventing the condensation of darkness.
Every moment I thought I already saw shadows.
So intense were the thoughts of the masters, that I was no longer able to keep my body awake.
Their poison descended into me.
They had now conquered my material body, this was clear to me.
Fear crept over me.
If I collapsed they could begin and unleash their vermin on me.
Would the shadows, which Dectar had spoken about, come to me?
For a full day, they pounded my material body and it lay there as if dead.
My ruination was near.
Fear, and a feeling of powerlessness, entered my soul.
Tiredness crept further and further over me; next I myself, only then would things start.
Therefore, I looked for a means to protect myself against it.
Their poison was already deep within me for a languid feeling forced me to fall asleep.
If it were possible this empty space would be inhabited, and the fakes and the demons which really lived, would certainly waken.
I was hardly able to think anymore.
When I pronounced Dectar’s name it no longer had any meaning to me.
I repeated it several times.
Dectar?
Who is Dectar?
I felt far away, in a world where I knew nobody, where everything was alien to me.
Then a feeling of well-being came over me and awakened my soul.
This feeling helped me think;
I was on the threshold of non-consciousness. However, a helping hand raised me towards day-consciousness.
I would have been almost lost and become the plaything of the masters.
I did not even know my best friend anymore.
I prayed for help, for my dear Mother and Ardaty, all those who were dear to me should help me.
I had just felt the beginning of non-consciousness, for I was not myself anymore.
The name Dectar still did not mean anything to me.
There was unconsciousness in me.
I was impregnated with their poison; it came nearer and nearer and would destroy me.
Danger was approaching.
Then the warmth came over me.
At the very last moment, they intervened, but I had learned my lesson and experienced the intensity of their concentration.
I then heard myself being told: “If you continue to offer resistance you will become insane, therefore, you must split up minus twenty five percent.”
“Can you understand that you make me happy?” I sent back.
“I will gratefully accept your help and do my best, there is nothing else left in me now.”
After I had sent up my gratitude, I got down to work.
I understood what was meant; I would split.
To that end, I had to descend into my body and accept the activity of the masters.
But those twenty-five percent would be my own weapon; the seventy-five percent had to experience what they sent to me.
It was quite clear; and I descended into my earthly body.
I immediately felt the deadly tiredness of my body; they had nearly killed it with their unremitting concentration.
I had been resisting too long, and yet could not escape from it.
Now violence was on its way.
I could not think and feel anymore.
Soon I sank away and my vision blurred.
The masters had overpowered me.
I was no longer aware of anything.
* *
*
I was outside.
Before me, I saw a wonderful landscape.
Nature was very beautiful and I was on my way to look for fruits which grew during the night.
The surrounding area was lonely and deserted; I did not meet a soul.
My way led to a valley.
A strange power urged me on, ever quicker so that I could hardly breathe.
Yet, I had some strength left to check this rapid advance.
When I reached the valley, I proceeded more steadily,
for now, it was not possible to move any faster.
I was, as it were, a spineless instrument, yet I realized I had to experience this.
I adjusted myself to finding the fruits and hoped there were many,
knowing that I would make the Pharaoh happy with them.
I would get a reward because collecting those fruits was most dangerous,
for I could suddenly be faced with natural events, which were the wild animals that lived here in great numbers.
Before me, I saw a cave and I would most certainly find them in there.
I did not think of any danger.
At the entrance, I felt a cold air current flowing towards me.
As I began to feel used to it, I proceeded further into the cave.
I looked to the left and right, in clefts and on projecting boulders, but I saw no fruits.
I wandered from corridor to corridor and felt myself getting anxious.
I now ran into one corridor and out of another, I had lost my way.
I was lost in a labyrinth of clefts and corridors.
I broke out in a cold sweat and felt desperate.
I went on looking for a way out but my way was blocked everywhere.
Fear and terror came over me.
The light I had seen only a minute ago darkened; groping I searched for the exit.
Suddenly, I heard a terrible hissing noise. Quite near me, something slid over the ground.
Two fiery eyes, which then looked up and approached me.
The animal radiated light, I could clearly see that.
It was a snake of unbelievable size.
When it neared me, I cried for help.
The eyes forced me to stay where I was, but I kept crying for help.
The hissing noise came nearer, the split tongue shot in my direction; presently, it would be at me.
I felt dizzy from my fear.
My surroundings began to fade as I sank away deeper and deeper,
yet, I kept thinking consciously.
This thinking was like the memory of centuries ago.
I felt like myself, then again, I did not.
However, I could remember that it was I, the person who had to experience something, that had a body like everyone else, and that I lived on earth.
I felt like a particle of myself, the rest had left me and right now, I could not draw it back.
I was like one petal of a flower and yet I had to do with the whole and was part of it.
My fear and dizziness, my searching, groping, and the hissing noise of this terrible animal did not get through to me now.
Quietly, I began to think.
The snake had reached me and curled around my body.
The animal would crush me to death, but I had no strength left to resist any longer.
I let come what must come.
I was paralysed and had no strength left for counter-concentration.
Now the snake crushed my chest.
I began to feel a stabbing pain, and but I no longer had the strength to call for help.
The pain cut off my breath.
Unconsciousness was at hand.
Yet I could still think.
Had I been crushed already?
I could not even follow things anymore.
Truly, I was still alive but I was being slowly crushed to death.
My breathing became increasingly difficult; I could do nothing against it. I completely surrendered and accepted what I would have to experience.
I was not afraid of death, for there was no death.
Apparently, the animal was not hungry; otherwise, I would already have been crushed.
I had to accept the process of dying and I was about to experience it now.
It was as if I fell asleep.
The pains lessened, my breathing stopped.
I had died on earth, crushed by a reptile, but death was nothing but falling asleep.
I had discarded my earthly consciousness and now my spiritual consciousness was about to enter me.
I had gone through the process of dying and entering that other world. I waited for new powers to enter me.
I was now in life after death, and slowly my own life returned. I understood what had happened to me.
With lightning speed, I reflected on what I had had to experience and thought it miraculous.
The concentration of the priests was terrible.
But where in fact was I?
This space was familiar to me.
Had my leader followed me?
And had I offered resistance in this condition?
Had there been moments that I had forgotten myself?
Had the masters been able to follow my thinking and feeling?
When asking all these questions I saw a terrible monster near me.
It was like an earthly being, but it had green eyes and I inhaled a repelling stench.
It was like a wild animal and uttered satanic cries.
The beast rushed at me, but before it reached me I collapsed and lost consciousness.
There was no resistance left in me, all my strength was spent.
Then I woke up and saw darkness around me.
Carefully, I began to think and wonder where I lived.
I felt my body,
and yes, I was still alive. But where did I live?
Had the beast not crushed me?
Around me, there was darkness. I had no notion of life or death; no normal consciousness was left in me.
I had nothing left now to find my bearings from.
What had actually happened to me?
Did I live between ‘life and death’?
Did I still belong to the earth?
Could I belong to the earth?
Where was I?
Where am I, where do I live?
I had lost my power of reason.
I could not properly think anymore.
I am mad; insanity has come over me.
I was on the threshold of insanity.
There was no life left in me, I had never experienced anything as terrible as that.
Had I already gone mad?
How did people feel who had lost their reason?
Could they feel and think in that situation?
Was there still anything left of their consciousness or, had the entire personality dissolved?
I am mad, my dear Mother, I am mad. Ardaty, I am insane and lost my reason.
Help; help, I am mad.
Suddenly, I heard someone quite near me say: “You are not mad.
You are not insane.
You can think and feel.
Your feeling is normal,
did you not ask for your Mother?”
“Yes”, I called, “yes, I called for my Mother and I know who my Mother is.”
My brain was confused and I was dead tired. I subsequently collapsed again.
Like the night makes way for the day, I returned to life.
I was awake again, but my situation was still exactly the same.
Again, I began to ask questions, to feel and think which quieted me down a little.
I now understood that I was still normal, for I could think;
my own being began to return.
I thought of my Mother, of Ardaty and Dectar.
Carefully, I went on and turned everything over in my mind. It was clear to me what I had experienced.
I was in the darkness, had gone through the process of dying and had collapsed several times.
Now I was myself again and the warmth hovered over my head.
So my leader had not left me.
My leader now showed me the way. I should now try to remain myself.
I followed everything again and then waited.
I could not yet establish whether I lived in my cell again.
I could not yet see scenes on earth or think of earthly things.
I lived in a spiritual chaos, several worlds forced themselves on me, but I was not really conscious in any of them.
Now I was no longer aware of proceeding in any direction, and yet I had to remain myself.
Was I still in the darkness?
I did not even dare adjust myself to anything now.
But I had to think, I began to follow again everything I experienced.
Now dying on earth was drawing near, the reptile crushed me to death.
I could not breathe anymore, death approached, and I collapsed again.
My resistance was broken; my own ‘self’ had been deprived of everything.
I was a plaything, a human being without any feeling.
Would the masters know all this?
I asked for time, time to awaken, time to come to my senses again.
I needed time to recover.
Did consciousness enter me?
A minute ago, I thought I felt the warmth, and that meant help.
My consciousness became stronger, fresh thoughts came to me and those thoughts brought me back to myself.
My feeling and thinking had been wrong, for I had not used my gifts, so that the masters could do with me as they pleased.
The beginning was splendid, my splitting up very good, yet I had forgotten myself and rendered my powers inoperative.
Who had awakened me again?
Who made me think now?
I could think again, but owing to whom?
It was well meant; but had I learned anything?
Had I gone through everything as an empty being?
Had I not applied what I had learned from Dectar?
All these questions arose in me and I did not understand anything about them.
I had to start again and prepare myself, I had to be in my cell and out of it, on earth, or in this world where I thought I was.
I was not yet certain of it, but I hoped I was allowed to know presently, so that I could go on.
I remembered that I re-experienced everything and collapsed when I had come to the event with that reptile.
First of all, I wanted to know where I actually was.
I felt myself, pinched my body and felt that I lived in my material organism.
Truly, I am in my cell, in the darkness.
When I felt my head, I was very happy.
I also possessed my arms and legs, so I had not perished, nor died, I had experienced that through the masters.
That monster was an apparent shape, but I had felt its reality.
Now I heard my own heart beating and felt my consciousness return.
Tears of happiness rolled down my cheeks.
How happy I was that I still possessed normal consciousness.
As a result of my happiness and tears my body relaxed, and I could breathe more freely again.
Then I wanted to know whether I still lay on my couch.
No, I did not feel my couch; my hands fingered the floor.
Was I really in my cell?
I had to know that, otherwise, I could not relax.
I subsequently made a tour through the darkness.
I crept from left to right, to the middle, and then left again.
I only saw pitch-darkness and I still had not found my couch.
However, something was clear to me, I was busy searching and my thinking was normal.
The feeling that was in me belonged to normal consciousness.
I rested a little and then resumed my search.
Because of this creeping about my body was very tired, but I persisted. I had to know where I was.
After having crept back and forth, to the left and the right, forwards and backwards, I finally found my couch again.
With all the strengths still left in me I pulled myself up and collapsed.
At the same time I disembodied and lived in that other world.
I had a premonition that I would experience reality.
I was in a mighty space, but I was alone again.
There was some light though, but it quickly darkened.
In this empty space, life began to take shapes and to condense.
As life condensed, darkness set in.
When it was very dark, I saw figures and even caves and hovels in which people lived.
These people had lived on earth and were now astral demons. Dectar had told me about them.
I felt very relaxed and got a bit nearer for I wanted to know more about it.
How is it possible, I thought, they are human beings and yet horrible monsters.
When I had adjusted myself to those bodies, I saw their blood and I could also follow their inner life.
They were like devils, as even animals could not be.
Then I heard: “Their life is non-conscious, they are not aware of their own existence, and they are ready to pounce upon you.”
This explanation also came from my leader and I was very grateful.
Therefore, I lived in reality.
When I stood watching their doings, I understood the misery of their dark life.
What they did was not human, even an animal lived differently.
That very inhuman behaviour captivated me and at this moment, I had already forgotten myself again.
They felt that I watched them and they rushed at me.
Now I should have adjusted my concentration and used my knowledge of the magic laws.
Being aware of these powers, I would have been able to resist them all, and accept an open fight.
However, a feeling suddenly arose in me that made me decide differently, and I fled.
I tried to find my way through all these caves and hovels, but I felt that they would enclose me.
In the meantime, I bumped against something so that my head hurt.
During my flight, I adjusted myself to them again, for I wanted to know whether they were following me.
They had enclosed me completely; I was overwhelmed with a new and different fear. I collapsed and lost consciousness.
When I woke up and wanted to know where they were I saw that darkness was around me, but one that differed from the one I had been in.
Had not the demons destroyed me?
Where was I?
I lived in darkness again.
Was I still in that world?
Then I felt my couch. It was clear to me that I had gone through another wonder.
Who had taken me to my cell?
I felt a piercing pain in my head.
What I had gone through there my organism also had to experience.
During this unconsciousness I was taken away, there was no other possibility.
Now I received a reply, beside me a voice spoke and I heard: “The masters have been able to set you free, you dissolved in their hands, otherwise, the demons would have killed you, which means that the cord breaks.”
My leader had followed me and I was very happy.
Now I understood a lot although there were powers, which I did not yet know.
A void had developed in my mind and my pains lessened.
A salutary strength came over me, which were the powers of the higher consciousness.
I also thanked my leader for that.
He intimated that Dectar would soon come for me and that he was very pleased.
I then lay down and fell asleep.
* *
*
I did not know how long I slept, but I did not feel that terrible tiredness anymore.
One feeling now dominated all others.
I understood that I was of no use to them, collapsing was not good, for I was unprepared to face all those difficulties.
I could be satisfied with this result, I had learned a lot.
Darkness slowly dissolved.
Was my time up?
It appeared to me that I had been here for ages.
Would Dectar come soon?
I fell asleep again.
When I opened my eyes there was light around me.
The priest entered and took me to Dectar.
“Dectar, oh my dear friend, how long have I been there?”
“You must have a little more patience, Venry, in a minute we can speak.”
I followed Dectar outside and when he thought he could speak, he said: “It was marvellous, Venry, it could not be better.
You are not much good yet, in this state the masters cannot use you, the darkness makes you collapse.”
“Have you been able to follow everything, Dectar?”
“Yes, Venry.”
“Without their knowledge?”
“Yes, but I was helped.”
“Do you know everything, Dectar?”
“We were allowed to keep our connection, Venry, that is why I could follow you.”
I entered my cell and had to take a rest.
Dectar let me sleep and when he came to me again, I felt relaxed.
I had rested for several days.
Immediately, I began to ask questions.
“Do you know, Dectar, that I nearly went insane?
What will happen to me when this is going to last seven days and nights?”
“Then everything will be different, Venry, you will then have another consciousness and be ready.
Did you not feel that you became stronger?”
“But I did collapse again, Dectar.”
“That is very good, Venry.
Yet, you understood that you could have stopped them all or, as should be, you could have taken other measures.
Did you clearly feel this activity.”
“Do you mean that power which made me unconscious?”
“No, not that, but the power which made you flee, Venry.
It wanted you to surrender completely; otherwise, the masters would have carried out other tests.
Have you properly understood everything, Venry?”
“What do you mean, Dectar?”
“You did not feel your twenty-five percent anymore.
By sinking deeply these forces dissolved, and yet they made you wake up again and again.
You did not feel anything of them anymore.
Yet, you lived in them and that activity was very strange. You received it from your leader.
Those powers brought your own consciousness back repeatedly or else you would have remained in that condition and they would have had to stop.
For some priests it means an early end and now it will be clear to you why they leave their cells insane.
However, the masters wonder where that resistance came from; they were not able to assess these powers in you.
That is indeed impossible for they come from space and are your leader’s.
He guarded you, Venry, helped you very dedicatedly, and he also took care of my connection.
I am most grateful to have been allowed to experience this; with other disciples, I could not feel anything anymore, because the masters then dominated.
This is the result of our wall, Venry, we are one and remain one, also in the darkness.”
“Could you follow me in that cave, Dectar?”
“Yes, Venry, I went through something similar, but I never told you about it, for they can apply various methods.
I found this one very good, but dangerous.
Did you feel how clear and natural everything is?”
“I thought it terrible, Dectar, and I died there.”
“Just that dying, Venry, and yet being alive; you should have known straightaway for I told you about it.
But then all consciousness has left us and we are not aware of life anymore.
You have learned a lot, my friend, and presently you will be ready, spiritually and physically.”
“Did you feel that tiredness, Dectar?”
“Yes, Venry, you were overcome in a very simple way.”
“What would have happened, Dectar, if I had continued to offer resistance?”
“Then they would have murdered you spiritually and physically.
There have not been any priests here who could deal with that.
It is very natural and, because of it, so dangerous. Your splitting, however, was splendid.
However, not everybody receives help.
This way is the simplest, Venry, but at the same time the most dangerous one applied here.”
“Why so dangerous, Dectar?”
“Because your body is deprived of all powers and your soul awaits a similar fate.
In this way, and when resistance is offered, the disciple will experience either insanity or death on earth.
The soul exhausts itself completely and becomes a plaything for demons and the masters.
In your case, they tried many possibilities and understood that you would not perish as a result of them.
With other disciples, they cannot overstep the mark for then it will be too late.
When they understood that you invariably woke up through your own powers, they went farther.
This being awake they ascribe to the powers present in you, which will become conscious later, but which ascend already now.
You withdrew from them, which is self-protection; you either have it or you do not.
When the masters feel that, they go ever deeper.
We know, however, that you have these powers and that they represent your leader; they think that they are part of your sub-conscious.
Do you feel that, Venry?”
“It is clear to me, Dectar, that one leaves there mentally ill.
I had already lost my common sense.”
“I was able to follow your thoughts.
By sleeping you will awaken and become conscious.
During sleep, consciousness returns if no other powers continue to act on us and as long as you do not fall into the hands of demons.
You have to sink away still deeper, Venry, and only behind that resides insanity.
Your leader did not overstep the mark, for it cannot be experienced either.
You are not aware of anything anymore, so are spiritually unconscious and have collapsed physically.”
“What would have happened, Dectar, if those demons had assaulted me?”
“You were assaulted, Venry, but you dissolved in their hands.
However, let us assume that this had happened; the masters would then be faced with great problems and we would have had to hold sessions, day and night, to free you from their hands.
They cannot kill you, but the misery you then experience is terrible.
Before they had arrived at a decision you dissolved, and you experienced it.”
“I do not remember, Dectar.”
“That is quite simple for you were unconscious, were you not?
Nevertheless, the masters brought you back to your cell.
It is a long way and yet so near.
Where we are demons live, Venry.
You were still living in your own cell, yet you were assaulted by astral beings.
Is it clear now that death may come to you?
We have got to know all these laws and acquire them, should we want to disembody and take wisdom from there to this world.
You do feel how mighty all this is?
We shall prepare ourselves, Venry, only now are we starting with that.”
“Everything is clear to me now, Dectar.
There are still a few questions I should ask you, is that possible?”
“Do not forget the wall, Venry. What do you want to know?”
“How old was my Mother when she entered here?
Do you know anything about that, Dectar?”
“She was seven, Venry, so still very young, but she was here in time.”
“I saw the priest who wanted to reach me in my youth.
How was his end?”
“He disappeared without a trace, Venry, he died suddenly.”
“How were they able to hide that about my Mother, Dectar?”
“Isis is powerful, dear friend.
Instead of her corpse another was embalmed and interred.
Pharaoh does not know anything, but I was allowed to see a lot and it is only now that I understand why,
for you know that I am misshapen, do you not?”
“Has that got to do with it, Dectar?”
“That is correct, dear Venry, they were able to follow me, but do not know everything.
Our leader showed me everything right then, for it is not possible without his help.”
“You did not meet him at Isis anymore, Dectar?”
“I met him sometimes in the building where the corpses are embalmed.
When he left Ardaty his end was near.
That night he would die too, but his death would be violent.
Do not forget that your Mother was a princess.
When you were possessed I could see him, everything was clear to me and I recognized him by his voice and the way of speaking.
A little later, I saw him very clearly, although he tried to hide himself from me.
He recognized me too and cursed me, but that does not hurt me,
for I could not be reached.
However, your leader, Venry, protected all of us.
If the Father of the Temple had been able to follow this, which is still a great wonder to me, we would all have died very quickly.
Your Mother was disfigured, and you were his child, and yet he was closed off from all these secrets.”
“So they do not know anything about my Mother and Ardaty, Dectar?”
“No, Venry, they do not know anything here, neither does he.”
“Have you suspected this for a long time, Dectar?”
“Dectar sometimes sees very well, dear Venry, and I am a friend of Ardaty.”
“Were you able to talk with Ardaty, Dectar?”
“No, not a word, otherwise, I would have asked to be allowed to die.
But there were still other possibilities.”
“May I know, Dectar?”
“Certainly, Venry, that is possible now, they are no longer here, but you may only think of it now.
I was very often with Ardaty, and yet I was not allowed to think of anything and never to ask questions about your Mother.
Not even in thought or in any other way.
Ardaty was being followed day and night.
However, I discovered another way to talk with Ardaty.
He had gifts and could speak to his children.
In the silence of his inner life I heard him speak to all that life and I could follow that.
In this respect, he was so sensitive that he was called a master.
Even then this happened through other powers, otherwise, the masters would have been able to follow us.
I came up to him with a plant and that plant was very sensitive.
I had to know from Ardaty how strong its poison was.
I got an explanation, but I put thoughts in and around the plant and Ardaty could pick up all these thoughts.
Carefully I made it clear to him that his thoughts and feeling were being followed day and night.
However, Ardaty was ready too, and thought of a sick person from another region and attended to that woman.
When he realized that I had been allowed to see, and everything was clear to him, I closed myself off for him and did not speak another word about it.
I quite enjoyed that, dear Venry; we had one secret and that made me happy.
Merely this was worthwhile accepting everything the masters imposed on me.
However, now I know that everything was guided by your leader, also the disfigurement of her face, everything, Venry.
The masters should have seen it, they are all very gifted.”
“How did you come to know that he is my Father, Dectar?”
“I began to see, Venry, I was allowed to see everything at the spot.
I received that as well.”
“Already then, Dectar?”
“Yes, Venry, only to arm myself. Therefore, I was constantly prepared.
It is better to know everything, however dangerous it may be, for that is indispensable here.
In that case, you cannot be surprised, though our self-control must be very strong.
From that time on, Venry, all those lives became conscious in me and Ardaty understood me.”
“I have no more questions, Dectar, I know everything.”
“Then it should be clear to you, Venry, that you must be yourself and may not think of anything, otherwise we will be lost even now.
That secret dies, but the masters are still keeping watch, they suspect something.
With Ardaty, their secret is dead, but you are still alive.
When you are ready this will also dissolve, but we shall wait and see.
You have patience, have you not, Venry?”
“I will do my best, Dectar.
What are we going to do now?”
“You may come with me to heal.”
“That is wonderful, Dectar, I am ready and rested.”
“Come, follow me, Venry, but cover your face.
Do not pay any attention to anything, and do not forget that we are also being followed in this instance.
No other feelings may come over you, Venry, that world is dead for us.”