My parents and my youth on earth
It was bestowed on me to tell you about my parents and my life on earth.
To this end, I take you to ancient Egypt, to the surroundings of Memphis.
It is a lovely place and nature is beautiful there.
I would like to show you the house of my parents where I was born and invite you to come with me.
My father loved nature very much and was fond of everything belonging to life.
He was a man of sentiment, convinced of the miracles and forces in creation, besides, he was a naturalist and a very pious and sensitive human.
What he observed in nature meant a prayer to him; that is what he felt and experienced in the plant world and animal kingdom.
Our home was like a paradise.
In every corner of the house there were plants and flowers which he cultivated.
Moreover, there were many cages with beautiful birds.
When he was caring for his children, as he called them, he sometimes spoke very earnestly to me and told about the miracles of nature, now and then he descended with me into that wonderful world.
Then he tried to explain to me how flowers and plants awakened and grew, and every species was created. But above all, he pointed out how mighty nature is, and how he himself spoke to the inner life of animals and plants.
“You see, Venry, I speak to my children and they listen.
I feel their desire to live and grow, but I must know and be able to understand when they are hungry and thirsty, or they will return to their own Father, whom they love more than me.”
“How are you so sure that they have got a Father too?”
“Do you think”, he answered, “that anything is born without His help?”
“Whom do you mean, Father?”
Then, full of happiness and like a grown-up child he said to me:
“I mean Amon-Ré, our God, the God of all life, of the sun, the moon, the stars, of trees, flowers and animals, but especially your God, mine and your mother’s. The smallest insect to the wild animal, the God of light and darkness, of stillness and thunderstorm, of the glorious heaven and of the earth we live on, who knows and loves us and who will call us to Him one day.
Then, dear Venry, I shall humbly bow before Him and He will ask: ‘Did you, Ardaty, give My life to which it is entitled?’
That is why I do my best, Venry, to nourish all this life and to tend it so that the Gods will be merciful to me.”
I looked up at my Father and asked:
“You talk of one God and of Gods?”
“Yes, my boy, I know Amon-Ré and there are Gods.
I do not know how other people feel about this.”
I bowed my head for his eyes were shining with a strong light, which I could not bear.
After a little while I dared to look at him again and he smiled at me, but I went to my beloved Mother.
I asked her sternly because feelings of rebellion, impotence and misunderstanding came into me:
“Who is my Father, Mother?
He speaks of one supreme God and of Gods.”
“But, Venry, how can you ask such pointed questions?
Why are you so short-spoken?
You look hot-tempered.”
“I meant no harm, Mother, but Father just told me of his God.
Do you know his God, Mother?”
My Mother looked at me very seriously and said:
“The things, dear Venry, your Father talks about are deep in his soul. It is a voice, which comes to him from stillness and far regions.
He hears and knows that voice.
I know, my boy, that your Father is blessed by that power.
He calls it his God.
His God, dear Venry, can bring us sunlight, make the wind blow, and irrigate our gardens and fields.
Your Father sees that power grow and flourish and it lives in him, in you and in me, in animals, plants, and everything alive.
He has known for a long time how flowers awake, why birds sing when their little stomachs are filled so that their singing rises to higher regions and even to where the Gods are.”
I thought all this over for a long time and asked:
“Is God visible, Mother?”
“He certainly is, Venry, and you will learn that, for all people will get to know Him.
You must be very attentive, maybe you will see Him very soon.”
“You talk like Father, but who taught you both to speak the way you do?”
“Listen, dear Venry.
In this beautiful country, there was once a priest who taught people about invisible things.
He told about nature and the workings of God and from him your Father learned a lot.”
“And did Father also learn from writings?”
“No, dear Venry, from nature and nature alone and from the miracles belonging to life.”
“But did the priest also know why birds mostly sing in the morning and the evening, Mother?
Would Father know this?”
“You may ask him, he will no doubt answer.”
“Do you believe in that priest and Father’s God?”
“Dear Venry, why should I not?
Are not the wonders of God in our possession?”
I reflected on all this and asked:
“You love Father very much, do you not, Mother?”
“Yes, Venry, and you must love him very much too.”
I went back to my Father.
“Mother says that you spoke with a very learned priest and that you were allowed to ask him questions.
Did you ask him why birds sing so much in the evening and in the morning?”
My Father looked at me with his shining eyes and said:
“You see, dear Venry, that is very simple.
Birds sing in the morning because they slept well that night and are still alive; but in the evening, they sing in gratitude because they had so much food that day.
Then they are happy and gay and thank God for everything.”
“Then, Father, do they know there is a God?
Are they able to think and feel the way we do and thank and pray?”
My Father looked very seriously at me and answered: “Considering your age you are very wise, Venry, but listen:
all life on earth belongs to the Gods,
however, it lives in its own world from which each life thanks its own God.
The birds and all other animals, the flowers and plants, as well as the fishes you see here, belong to it.
In their own way they thank God. The birds sing and in this singing lies their prayer.”
“And the flowers and plants, Father?”
“I told you, they all pray and thank.
You cannot hear the flowers, and you will only learn that when you are older.”
“Have they got ears like we have, Father, and can you hear them speak?”
Again he looked at me in a loving way.
“Come over to me, Venry, and listen.”
He held a flower close to my ear.
“Do you hear anything?”
I listened very carefully.
“No, Father, I hear nothing.”
“Listen well, Venry, and wait till it starts talking to the other flowers.”
I waited but heard nothing.
“Can fish talk, Father?”
“Certainly they can”, he answered.
“Do they talk when we cannot hear them or do not pay attention?”
“Yes, Venry, precisely when we do not pay attention.”
“And do they also listen to what I want, Father?”
Now he looked into my soul.
“What do you mean, Venry?”
“I asked whether they listen to me, Father, to what I want.”
He made no reply and went to my Mother.
When he had apparently finished talking something over with my Mother, he came back to me.
“Now did you hear the flowers talk, Venry?”
I pretended that I had not heard him and asked: “When fish jump out of the water, Father, are they happy and is that their singing, thanking and praying?”
He smiled at me.
“Yes, it usually is.”
“And are the fish older than the flowers and birds?”
“No”, he said, “they are equally old.”
Now I asked him very sternly again: “How can you be so sure of that?”
Without answering, he went over to my Mother, as if he had something to do and spoke to her.
I flew into a rage because he did not answer. I went out into the fields and stayed away for quite some time, but I forgot everything.
Another time I asked my Father questions about other subjects and suddenly I became so angry that he looked at me in bewilderment.
He asked: “What is the matter, Venry?
Did I do or say something wrong?”
I did not reply and ran out of the house.
Only late in the evening did I come home.
My Father asked me questions, but I did not understand myself why I flew into a rage all of a sudden.
I growled at him: “I don’t know. Leave me alone.”
Again he was startled, for this was not the way a child should answer, and I really never did.
He gave me a long and searching look, but let it pass.
The next day I was myself again and forgot about it.
But whenever I asked him a question, I flew into a rage, for I felt that he did not give me a clear answer.
And so my first years passed and I grew up.
Time and again, I asked other questions and tried to speak with nature, as Father did. I got to know various particulars about nature until my youth was cruelly disturbed.
One day I walked with my Father in our gardens and asked all sorts of questions, and once again, I got unsatisfactory answers.
At the same moment an unknown power which was much stronger than I, forced me to go away.
I ran away as if something terrible was hot on my heels.
What spurred me on I did not know but it came from within me like a terrible temper.
These inexplicable feelings tore me away from my parents whom I loved very dearly.
Then I wandered through the fields and repeatedly tried to speak to life in nature. But the language I spoke did not seem to be the right one, for life did not hear me or, apparently failed to understand what I meant, however hard I tried.
I had caught beautiful little fish and I played with them in my own way.
I picked out some of them, I wanted them to obey me and accept that I was their master.
And however strange it may seem I could often do with them what I wanted.
For hours I practised and forced them to do something or other.
If I wanted them to lie still they were not able to move a fin and stayed where they were.
I showed this trick to my friends, for I wanted to know whether they could do it, too, but they could not.
However hard they tried to achieve this, they failed.
What this meant, and why I could do it, I was quite unable to explain.
I did not feel like talking it over with my parents.
There were other powers in me and I kept them scrupulously for myself.
When I had fallen asleep, I departed from my material body.
I was then able to speak to nature, and I was as it were one and united with it, living at the same time in another world.
From that world I walked in my Father’s gardens and felt the life of flowers and plants come over me.
In that world I could go where I wanted. My material body was asleep and I was outside it.
Because of this I understood that I really possessed two bodies, and that the one I now used belonged to that other world.
I floated through the mighty universe and there, in that space or world, I saw people who lived there and who were like the material humans on earth, but they were all winged.
Some of them were shining and probably belonged to the Gods.
I just did not understand why other people like my Father and Mother did not tell me about them.
However, I also understood that it meant something particular, which I alone experienced and knew;
but only when I was asleep could I depart from my body.
Moreover, I knew exactly when this would happen.
Curious feelings troubled me beforehand. I felt a cold stream, which made my whole body quiver and then I fell asleep out of tiredness.
When I was very tired these feelings were not so intense and I was soon able to start my nocturnal journey.
The very first journey I made was departing from my body and entering it.
When I experienced this wonder I was wide-awake in the spirit, in that other world and looked into that mighty space where I found that it was always light.
I left and entered my body and could clearly observe it.
Carefully I went higher and higher, right through the roof of my parental home and into space.
After a longer or shorter period I returned to my material body and knew where I had been.
After these nocturnal journeys and experiences, I did not feel anything unusual for a length of time. I had got to know that other world.
Then I began to yearn for being allowed to go far away, far from my surroundings, through the material things on earth.
No man on earth can penetrate through material objects and do what I could.
When I experienced all these strange and curious things I very often spoke with my Father.
Through these discussions I learned, young as I was, that even he did not know everything about life.
One day I said to him:
“You talk about the wonders of God but are you convinced that that is all?”
Of course, he looked at me in amazement and went away again.
I did not dare to follow him, but guessed where he went.
He looked for my Mother and I presumed that he told her of my question, but I could not understand what they were talking about
and that made me very angry.
These strong feelings always came quite unexpectedly and spontaneously, whereupon I acted.
Now I looked for a possibility to overhear their conversation should this happen again.
Our home was detached; and around it there was a large garden divided into many small ones.
There were several kinds of flowers and a great many herbs and trees which meant very much to my Father.
Because of his knowledge of nature, he tended the gardens of the Temple of Isis, which he supplied with plants, herbs, flowers, and fruits.
He was a master in horticulture.
It was my intention to eavesdrop on them behind the house, to the left and to the right and from the place where I slept.
But these thoughts too had recently and quite unexpectedly come to me, as well as a lot of other thoughts and feelings.
I felt that I hated them, however young I was.
I really did not know why I did so. Sometimes a terrible force and rage beset me when my Father talked about his own God, the things and wonders in nature, the fruits and flowers and the vigour of herbs or when he did not give me a satisfactory answer.
His confidence in respect of all these natural wonders urged me on to hate him even more.
As I grew older and we clashed repeatedly my feelings of hatred became stronger and more intense.
When this hate entered me I at once felt that cold stream passing over me, it was as if a force beyond my control urged me to hate my parents.
In view of my youth, those feelings and terrible thoughts could not emanate from my inner life.
I had reached the age of fourteen, within me there was a deep and natural feeling, and I often understood what my Father was talking about.
Then I figured it out. I had thought everything over, compared it with my own experiences and felt that he spoke like an earthly being, and, it is true, he had a highly developed feeling and a strong faith, but knew nothing of my own experiences.
I began to feel and understand why I could suddenly hate as only fully conscious grown-up people can.
Sometimes I could hate and even curse what belonged to them, their inner life and their love.
It arose suddenly in me and became constantly stronger.
In feeling one thought after another entered me and dominated mine.
I had to feel, follow and listen to them, whether I wanted to or not.
On the other hand, I began to understand why I obeyed them.
Those thoughts gave me power and strength, which was quite clear to me.
Yet, I did not want to have all these terrible feelings for they frightened me.
How all these devilish thoughts came to me I did not learn until later, when I got to know myself and the forces of my hatred, also my disembodiment.
My parents fell victim, for it was endeavoured to destroy their happiness and even their lives by making me revolt; my gifts were operated on their feelings of love.
When I asked my Father: “You talk about the miracles of your God, but are you sure that is all?” he instinctively felt what I meant, though he thought this and all the other questions strange, particularly, because I repeatedly came to him with such questions.
However, when he came to me and said: “Come on, dear Venry, we are going to gather fruits and you may pick out the nicest for yourself”, my feelings of hatred and rage disappeared instantly; I was a normal child again.
His words of open-heartiness and love repressed the horrible thoughts I suffered and made me a normal child again.
We were entirely one and nothing then disturbed our harmony; I fully understood my parents and was as other children can be, obedient and devoted to my parents.
Sometimes weeks and months passed when I was peaceful; my sleep was quite normal and I stayed in my own body.
How these feelings of hate suddenly came over me remained a mystery to me; it was as if a flash of lightning from the sky hit me.
When I followed my Father when he sent my Mother his deep feelings I was first overcome by an unnatural warmth, but after that warmth I became cold as ice. Subsequently that terrible hatred came in me so that I had to bite my lips to stop the words, feelings, and thoughts arising in me, for I would have called them all sorts of names.
If they let me have my own way, however, that hatred, warmth and cold subsided in me, and I became my normal self again.
When he did not answer me or was busy with his animals he brought me into that unnatural condition, and it made my hatred flare up, as a result of which I ran out of the house into the open.
After hours and sometimes even at night, I returned home.
In the end my Father talked the matter over with the High priest
who sent for me.
In the Temple of Isis I was taken to a room and told to rest.
What the priests did to me I do not know. I soon fell asleep and experienced a new journey.
After I had departed from my body I walked around the gardens, picked flowers, and spoke to the birds and other animals, which were walking around in the open field.
Some of them could see me in that other world and I found that my love for all that life remained unchanged in that respect.
Next I went into the other gardens, for there were many near the Temple of Isis. The priests cultivated their herbs, plants and fruit trees.
While walking around, I saw a girl coming up to me who was strolling about in the same condition.
I asked her where she came from and what she was doing near the Temple and she replied:
“I have come to greet you and tell you my name.
I am Lyra.
What is your name?”
“I am Venry”, I said.
Suddenly an enormous power entered me, I was lifted into a quite different consciousness, and I asked:
“Do you feel, Lyra, how I am now?
That I have been waiting for many centuries?
Am I allowed now to see you?”
When I wanted to take both her hands into mine and kiss her she said to me: “You are now speaking as if you are very old and old you are indeed, but you may only see me.
The consciousness in which you live now has been awakened for I know that you are much younger.
You can speak now as a grown-up human and I also know that you belong to me; we are both one in everything and we’ll meet again, for ‘He’ says so.”
When I wanted to ask her who ‘he’ was, she faded away before my eyes and disappeared.
The situation I lived in also faded; and when I woke up a priest stood beside my bed.
He invited me to follow him and took me to my parents.
I was not allowed to be present during their conversation, but I now knew a place where I could listen in on them.
The priest said to my parents: “Believe me, dear Ardaty, your child is highly gifted.
In due time we shall come to fetch him and teach him the things he needs.
We were able to follow his spirit and discovered gifts in him, which will give your son the great wings.
I have freed him from the evil influences
and you must take good care of him.
In a year’s time he can be trained for priesthood and we shall develop his gifts.”
This was not all he said, but I could not understand it, and then he went away.
I also left and only returned to my parents hours later.
Now I was myself again.
My Father told me about nature, but I did not tell him anything about my own secret.
I noticed, however, that my parents talked about it, but in a whispering voice since they had caught me eavesdropping.
After some time I made nocturnal journeys again.
I had a vague recollection of meeting that girl and it was as if I had dreamt it.
One night, however, I met him who urged me on to do all these terrible things and who caused my hatred against my parents.
The priests’ help turned out to be inadequate.