If you don’t make a fool of me, Hendrik, I will tell you about a wonder
Jeus is growing nicely and is already beginning to talk about everything, which Crisje, as a mother, is very happy about.
Her youngest is a special child.
She feels that he has something unusual.
He occupies her day and night, she follows and experiences everything with him.
She concludes to herself: ‘Yes, Our Lord, I am grateful and happy.
I do not need anything else.’
But she does sometimes wonder: ‘But what is it that Jeus has’?
The child can look at something now and again, of which Crisje cannot see the reality.
It stares at something which Crisje cannot see.
And yet there must be something, because the child looks and laughs and apparently feels happy.
Jeus is indeed occupied with something, and that hangs in the air, but it has nothing to do with this world.
That makes Crisje a bit anxious.
What will it result in?
Jeus is starting to understand the material things which he sees.
And also to use his hands and legs.
He crawls through the kitchen, suddenly looks up and starts gurgling.
Crisje has known for some time that she is not a part of this,
But Jeus does possess something which she cannot comprehend.
Tall Hendrik sees nothing and laughs at her.
She can therefore not talk to him about it.
She still hears Mina’s words.
‘Jeus is a special child, this child has eyes in his head like the heavens.’
And those eyes are beginning to look into a world, which neither Crisje or other people can perceive, but which must still be present there.
She would like to know more about this, but she cannot get to the bottom of it.
This morning she got a great shock.
Completely unexpectedly Jeus said: ‘Tall Hendrik, Crisje.’
She picked him up and pressed him against her heart.
“My God, Jeus”, she called out, “how happy you make me.”
The child allows itself to be pampered for a moment, but if it goes on for too long, he wants to be put down again.
He wants to crawl and look at those beautiful things which he observes.
When Crisje tells Trui about this wonder, she thinks it is nothing special.
However, Crisje knows, anyone who doesn’t have children cannot know these feelings!
Of course Trui cannot understand what such a thing means to a mother.
When the names of the parents pass those thin lips of the children it is, after all, as if Our Lord is speaking to you.
And, in addition, this was expressed in such an amazing way she thought she would go mad with happiness.
However, when she tells Trui that this came from Our Lord, it causes Crisje complete disillusionment.
She then just keeps quiet and does not talk further about her happiness.
“You can say that”, said Trui, “but you can also fool yourself about it, it doesn’t always figure.”
How cold and hard that sounds.
Trui can never be affectionate for a change.
If she should ever have children, Crisje thinks, those poor things would still not be happy.
Then a story follows from Trui that she has already had to listen to so many times, which boils down to the fact that having children is not everything.
“Do you still remember that, Cris?
That girl of Klink’s, she was so happy as well when the child had said the name, but what became of it?
So don’t make me laugh.”
Crisje continues to follow what her child does.
Sometimes he lies in the middle of the kitchen and then falls asleep in a special way.
When she saw this for the first time, she thought: ‘Where have I seen that sleeping before?’
He sleeps with his eyes open!
When Crisje wants to lift him up the child starts to scream and squeal so horrendously that she becomes afraid.
Then she thinks to herself: ‘He already knows what he wants.’
That sleeping on the ground was not normal.
This definitely had to mean something.
Hendrik laughed about it and said that she mustn’t tell him any nonsense, sleeping and sleeping was ... sleeping.
Only Tall Hendrik thought it was funny that she didn’t mind it.
Whatever Crisje said, her Hendrik couldn’t understand it.
‘But why not lay him in bed then.’
But that wasn’t possible, Jeus wanted to lie on the ground.
Now Tall Hendrik would like to see that some time.
He lifted the small child, laid him on the ground and tried to force the child to sleep.
Jeus screamed blue murder.
Causing Tall Hendrik to react with:
“See, Crisje, you can also go too far.
No old wives tales, but keep both feet on the ground and be happy.
With this Tall Hendrik distanced himself from it.
Crisje continued to observe the child carefully and Tall Hendrik didn’t get to hear anything more about it.
Crisje stood with both feet on the ground and was not imagining anything.
But Jeus had something, saw something, which was above her perception, which she didn’t see and which Tall Hendrik could not believe in.
It is nice and warm in the kitchen.
The winter has gone again and Jeus is already becoming a big boy.
It is spring and the new summer is on its way.
They had nothing to complain about last winter.
It was a really fitful winter.
There was much rain and wind, little snow and no ice, which the people were really pleased about.
A severe winter brings so many troubles.
Today Jeus lay down on the ground again and wanted to go back to sleep.
She lay a cushion under his head, but then the child started to cry again.
She picked him up, but he found that even worse.
He wanted to sleep, so Crisje had to leave him alone.
Finally she just put him back down, but continued to watch him closely.
‘What does he want?’ she thought.
‘What is he trying to do?’
Jeus fell asleep and lay there on the ground so peacefully, as if he was sleeping in his bed.
Crisje could see that he was breathing normally, but the way he was sleeping was a bit strange.
However, she couldn’t explain it.
She sits down next to the big stove and continues to look.
Little by little she feels herself becoming sleepy, her eyes fall closed and in broad daylight she sinks away into a deep dream.
It seems as though Jeus is making her dream.
She follows the child, becomes free and floats into space.
Jeus is also in that space.
Good heavens, what will she experience now.
Crisje feels the same sacred silence entering her which she had when she was still carrying Jeus, and which she will never forget.
The earth sinks away under her.
She is in another world and thinks immediately of the Parvis of Our Lord.
The silence which Crisje now feels is like that, dare she say it ... that of the Tabernacle, when Father takes the Sacred Host in his hands.
It's out and she is apparently still alive.
She thinks to herself, I could have died.
Jeus flies in front of her and pulls her with him.
Suddenly she is startled because there is a knock at the door.
It is a beggar.
Crisje gets some money, puts it in the man’s hand and sits down again in her corner.
Immediately she is back in the same situation and continues her dream.
She now sees beautiful trees and hundreds of different flowers in a radiant world, which can only be from Our Lord.
Crisje looks round to see where Jeus is, because she cannot see him, yet she still feels he is close by.
The further she wanders, the more beautiful the nature with the flowers and the light become.
All of a sudden she remembers her clogs and her apron and she realizes with a shock, that she cannot go any further like that.
She comes to a brook with nice blue coloured water.
That is also something so lovely that can definitely only be found in the Parvis of Our Lord.
When Crisje looks into the water, she gets a fright. ‘Is that me?’ she thinks, when she sees what a beautiful garment she is wearing.
She is completely shaken and can almost not deal with it.
It is a beautiful blue garment; her feet are clad in nice silver shoes.
Her hair is blonde and on her chest a cross of golden light is shining.
A cross for which she has longed for such a long time, but which her Hendrik has still not given her.
The cross appears to be of pure gold, it is a divine wonder, which she is experiencing.
It also looks as if she is a bit bigger than usual!
‘Yes’, she rejoices, ‘I am in the Parvis of Our Lord’!
Father has told her so much about this and he also said that it is sometimes possible for people who still live on earth to be able to see there for a while, because everything is possible for Our Lord.
He takes the people with good hearts, the virtuous and the humble people and lets them see the Parvis.
It gives enormous happiness and shows great mercy, for one must live as a saint, to come there.
Not everyone comes in there.
Then you must live as a saint.
That goes without saying, because Our Lord lives there.
This is His world, His heaven and He sees every wrong thought and then you have to leave.
Therefore there are only a few people who – when they still live on the earth – are allowed to admire His Parvis.
People do not make any effort for it; they do not even want that mercy.
But Crisje knows because Father has told her, if a person works on himself and loves the life of Our Lord, that wonder is laid aside for everyone.
After all, he is a Father of love and likes to give His children something of what they have already earned.
What beautiful trees.
They are much much nicer than on the earth.
It is a wonder.
She sees herself as a beautiful woman.
Oh, Our Lord, if Hendrik could see her now and admire her.
How fortunate that would be.
What would her Hendrik look like?
He wouldn’t be able to get enough of it.
But Tall Hendrik doesn’t want this, Crisje.
The long beanpole laughs about it.
He stands with both feet on the ground and thinks he is a real man!
Or is that not laid aside for men?
Of course, Crisje, but a man also has to do something for it.
And a man usually doesn’t want that.
A man is different from a woman.
When Crisje thinks of her Hendrik, tears come into her eyes.
She cannot give this to him!
However, this would give him a course and a height.
Then his voice would be even more beautiful, she feels.
But what can she do?
She has a sacred contact with Jeus, it is Jeus.
Jeus flees from this world!
He can walk out of his body and go to the heavens!
Isn’t this something, Crisje?
Jeus has wings.
He can leave the world and be here; here, where life is divinely beautiful and with which he is in harmony.
That means where his angels live, because it is them who allow him to float.
And now, Crisje, the angel wanted you to go with him.
Is this not a wonder and a mercy?
And now look at the cathedrals.
Aren’t they wonderful?
Our Lord does not live here, but this is only one world of the millions which He has created for us people.
It is truly the Parvis of paradise.
Believe it, Crisje, it is the sacred truth, neither nonsense nor lies are told here anymore!
And did you think that Jeus could do this on his own strength?
Did you really think that not all people would wish to experience this?
And did you also think that we do not know what we want and may and can do?
This is also a part of that which you already experienced and of that which is still to come.
What you now see of yourself, Crisje, is your spiritual possession, you will be like this when you leave the earth later for good and enter into eternity through ‘death’ and your coffin.
This is your eternal body, but you will be even more beautiful.
This garment, which is already so nice, will become even more beautiful.
You will be like a queen in this paradise, it is so much, that you will beam and will not be able to contain your happiness.
Do you hear the birds singing for you?
This is all for you yourself.
You deserve it, Crisje.
And continue in this way, just follow Jeus and you will receive even more from Our Lord, more and more, because we know what we can give you.
But be careful.
Crisje is awakening.
Jeus as well, the child is lying there on the ground and is looking up at her.
She lifts him up and presses him against her heart.
“So there, my Jeus, can you look in the heavens?
Can you release yourself from this rotten world?
Do you have powers of Our Lord in your body?
My God, how happy I am with you!”
She showers her child with kisses.
Then she changes her mind.
That is too much.
I should not kiss the child like that.
Crisje observes Jeus in wonder as she feeds him, she cannot believe it, but it is the holy truth.
He is such a special child.
For he is able to look in the Parvis of Our Lord and play and walk there, talk to the birds and the flowers.
And that is Jeus’ playing!
He lies down on the ground and plays.
Never in her life has Crisje heard or seen such a thing.
Crisje feels Jeus has earned his meal.
She feeds him as she observes this wonder.
She now talks inwardly, no one may hear it.
People will just laugh at her, and this is too sacred for that.
But Father must know.
If only Hendrik could come home earlier.
But she will tell him!
Tall Hendrik can then say what he thinks about it, she will tell it to him.
And if he laughs again, she will see how she will react.
But it is a miracle!
And no one can take this away from her.
Not anyone in this world.
It is a gift from Our Lord.
Crisje pulls up her apron and looks at the clogs and her clothes, which she is now wearing.
“My God, but how beautiful I was there”, passes her lips and she already thinks this is wrong.
Imagine if Trui had heard her.
Then there would be fun and games and she would be gossiped about in the street.
Trui would try to talk her out of it, would begrudge her it and would continue until Crisje would say: ‘I really imagined it, didn’t I, Trui?’
Only then would Trui be satisfied.
But she will have a hard job doing it.
This time she will keep quiet.
Crisje knows for herself, no mother from this whole area will experience something like that through her children.
How beautiful that cross was.
And then that beautiful blue garment.
She lays Jeus in his little bed.
He is already sleeping.
That is also a wonder to her.
This sleep and that other sleeping are different.
You can see it just like that, thinks Crisje.
If her Hendrik would only come.
It is taking a long time, but then she hears his step.
The door flies open and he has already got her.
Crisje is once again floating between earth and heaven.
And now as well, she thinks in a flash, this floating by her Hendrik is different to the floating she did this afternoon through Jeus.
Tall Hendrik puts her on his knees and then the questions follow:
“How were the boys, Cris?”
“Nothing to complain about, Hendrik.”
“Anything else, Cris?”
Tall Hendrik looks into her eyes and sees something.
Those eyes are sparkling from happiness, he thinks.
There is something alive in those eyes.
But what is the cause?
“Is there something, Cris?”
“Yes, Hendrik, there is something.”
“What is it, Cris?”
“In the first place, Hendrik, you will be happy about it, Jeus said Crisje and Tall Hendrik today.”
“Isn’t that something, Cris?
Is that true?
He has said my name now already?
That’s quick, isn’t it, that is clever so to speak, Cris.”
“Yes, Hendrik, and as clearly as you and I can say it.
It sounded just like an adult.
You can understand why I was happy.
Trui laughed at me, of course, she didn’t think anything of it, but we know that.”
“Why did you go there anyway, Cris?”
“Oh, Hendrik, if you are happy, you want to make other people happy, but they don’t want to be happy.
I went home again quickly.
But now something else, Hendrik.”
“Have you more Cris?”
“The best part is still to come.
If you don’t make fun of it, Hendrik, I will tell you a miracle.”
Tall Hendrik becomes curious.
He already asks her to begin.
Crisje first has to think, but then the story comes:
“It started here in the kitchen, Hendrik.
Jeus was lying here on the floor sleeping.
And no matter what I tried, he wanted to sleep on the floor.
I lifted him up and then he begins to scream.
I thought, what does he want now?
Then I sat down in this corner and I fell asleep, but I started to dream.
Jeus was also sleeping.
And then I flew with him out of this world.
I swear to you, Hendrik, I cannot lie and I am not mad, but I saw the Parvis of Our Lord.
We were where almost no one comes.
And Jeus was near me, I felt him everywhere, Hendrik.”
Tall Hendrik has trouble not to laugh, but remains serious anyway.
Could it be true?
“You didn’t imagine any of this, did you, Cris?”
“No, Hendrik, none of it, but oh, Hendrik, I was so beautiful there, really.
You should have seen me, Hendrik.”
But Tall Hendrik thinks that this is going a bit too far.
When he asks: “Have you still got your senses, Cris?”Crisje immediately feels that Hendrik is making fun of her and that is a tremendous disappointment.
Her heart is already crying and something breaks.
Oh, if only her Hendrik was like her.
If he, even for one minute, could only believe a little bit of it.
‘My God’, Crisje moans to herself, ‘if only, if only ... if only he was like that, then what?
Yes, then what?
Then ... yes then ... they would all float and the happiness would be even stronger, the love even deeper.’
Now Tall Hendrik must remain behind.
But she wouldn’t be Crisje if she couldn’t control herself.
She says to him:
“Do you see, Hendrik, I was already afraid of this.
You can think what you like.
I’m telling you, I was there!”
Crisje has forgotten to say that she gave a beggar something, but she no longer thinks about it.
However, later or tomorrow she will notice it in her purse, because she gave that man a mark and that is too much for such a vagabond.
But Tall Hendrik does meet her halfway and asks:
“Did you feel that, Cris?
Is that feeling?
Can you look in the heaven by feeling?”
“Yes, Hendrik”, she says, and to save what can be saved, “yes, by feeling one gets everything.”
“Then I will fetch him, Cris.”
And before Cris can do anything about it, he is already with the child and lifts that life out of his little bed.
Tall Hendrik talks to Jeus.
He likes that.
He does not even cry, but is just laughing at his father.
“Will you let me feel something now, Jeus?
Come on, look at your father.
Come on now.
I want to feel something as well.”
Jeus looks round and wants to take everything in his hands.
His father waits, Crisje looks at him and the child.
Suddenly Tall Hendrik begins to laugh so loudly that they can hear him outside.
He can’t stop laughing.
Crisje doesn’t know what the matter is, but she does feel a bit insulted.
But why did she tell Tall Hendrik?
She should have known this is nothing for him.
Hendrik continues to laugh.
Until she finally asks:
“But what are you laughing about, Hendrik?
Is there so much to laugh about?”
“Cris ...”, says Tall Hendrik, “stop it now ... I’m in stitches laughing.
He let me feel something Cris!
Just look for yourself, he has peed all over my trousers.
Is that not enough Cris?”
Now that is something, which Crisje hadn’t thought about either.
This also grabs her heart.
She also has to laugh about it and it eases her sorrow a little.
She takes Jeus.
He will get a dry nappy.
Hendrik can take care of himself.
He thinks of the dramas they have.
There is something new every day.
But he didn’t anticipate the Parvis.
But what did annoy Crisje were the words which he called to Jeus:
“You can feel what you like, be what you like, do what you want to do, but you can also pee, I just wanted ... to tell you that!”
‘That Tall Hendrik’, thinks Crisje, you have to laugh as well, whether you want to or not, ‘you can never be angry with him!’
The following morning Crisje is in church early.
Now Father gets to hear her story.
But he doesn’t laugh.
Father listens with his full attention and when she has told of her experience, the pastor says:
“Crisje, that is a mercy from Our Lord.
Oh, Crisje, but how happy you make me, to know that I have a parishioner who has received this kind of mercy.
Oh, Crisje, it is special.
But for goodness sake don’t tell anyone else.
You will only have troubles because of it.
And that is really too much, it is too sacred for that.
What did Hendrik say, Crisje?”
“He laughed, Father.”
“I can imagine, but that’s nothing for Hendrik.
You can understand that, can’t you, Crisje?”
“Yes, Father, of course!”
“See, Crisje, that is not really as self-evident as you think.
Other people cannot do that and then there is nothing left of all this sacredness.
Lock it up in your heart, do not talk about it anymore, Cris, and thank Our Lord for everything.
I thought, Crisje when I first saw Jeus, I also felt something.
I felt that silence, and you have now seen what that is.
What else will we go through with that child?
I will pray for him and dedicate him to the angels.
They must protect him.
Now say five Hail Mary’s, and if you want to make more of it?
I think it is good, Our Lord has blessed you!”
When Tall Hendrik hears that Crisje has told Father about it, he asks:
“What did he say to this, Cris?”
Now Hendrik had better listen.
Crisje doesn’t add anything; he will get the full and pure truth.
Look how Tall Hendrik is listening now.
Isn’t that something, Cris?
“If he can understand it, Cris, I have nothing more to say.
I cannot understand it, because I am still a long way from Our Lord.
I am big, Cris, they call me Tall Hendrik, but this doesn’t help you a bit.
You see that now for yourself.
But you’ve got it over and done with!”
A child of a mere few months looks ... into paradise.
If a child crawls to a toy-trumpet and can trumpet loudly, that can be heard and seen.
You believe it!
There were other children in this world who saw something before they really began to look, but these children were apathetic.
Usually they were put behind bars or they were bewitched.
Crisje now knows that she must keep quiet, or her Jeus will go the same way.
She will be silent!
As silent as the grave!
But, she now knows, she could have given her Hendrik an orchid of unprecedented beauty.
He could have been given a kiss of unprecedented purity!
And he could have seen a queen.
Now he sees and hears nothing.
He has missed the mark completely!
What a pity, thinks Crisje, it could have been so wonderful!
No, Tall Hendrik will not get that kiss yet.
However, that kiss still lives in her.
She can give it to him just like that, but he does not yet feel it ...
Even if you hear the smack from outside in the street.
He doesn’t feel that kiss!
And that can also be felt, be heard.
But does that kiss exist?
Tall Hendrik says: ‘No, don’t make me laugh’.
What did I tell you, Tall Hendrik?
Here you stand!
You will get none of it!
Probably later, but that will take a while!
Crisje thinks about her cross ...
Will she? ...
Maybe ... you never know.
She feels a tickle in her heart ...
And in the eyes of Jeus she sees the same tickle ...
One and one is now six.
However, there are millions of eyes, eyes and kisses!!!
When the day is over another one comes!
She wants to look in it and never go back!
We will continue!
Even her step has now changed, even if she is walking in clogs!