Jose, but where is father?
Crisje cannot get to sleep because she misses Hendrik and has many worries.
Life is threatening to crush her; she wonders where this ship will strand.
She has a load of worries on her shoulders.
Johan is earning something, but the rest cry the whole day: “Mother, I am hungry.”
Jeus says: “I will quickly finish school, mother, and then I will go and earn money.”
But good heavens, was this now necessary?
Why did father have to die so young?
Deut Messing is still alive.
Arsonists and crooks remain alive and have a good life, they do not pay any attention to a Lord, but a religious person, a father of seven children is suddenly torn away and no one can understand that.
Idlers are lucky, but still you may not say that Our Lord does not know.
I have to work for Our Lord, but can that not be done here with my wife and children?
Did Hendrik not do his best here, after all?
My God, give me strength, give me the knowledge, give me the ability to be able to bear all of this.
It is bad; it is terrible!
This blow is horrible!
She lies awake for hours and cannot sleep.
Because she has to think.
There is no way out, neither left nor right, forwards or backwards any more.
It is enough to drive you mad!
Crisje has lost her support, seven hungry lives live next to her, and they do not understand it.
Of course, she can manage for a while, but then what?
Tall Hendrik is attached to everything here.
She does not dare to sit on his chair, then it is as though he is sitting there, and sometimes she hears him talking.
However, are they not her own thoughts?
When Jeus sees how mother struggles on, he could cry.
The boys help her to bear it; but what is there to bear here?
One evening Crisje got to hear from him:
“Do you want to destroy yourself, mother?
Then you must carry on thinking like that.
You have no faith any more, mother.
And did you think that Our Lord and father had forgotten us?”
Yes, certainly, Jeus, mother believes everything; but can you survive on that?
Crisje looks him in the eye, she does not know what she should think of it, but it was just as though Hendrik was talking to her.
When I leave school soon, there will be no more worries.
Is that not a bit of help, Crisje?
Does it not help you?
Can you no longer laugh then?
Can you not spare a smile?
Must you mourn yourself to death?
Crisje is extremely grateful to Jeus, however, then do you not hear the crying here: ‘Mother, I am hungry’?
A few months later aunt Trui is also walking around in black, she was able to bury uncle Gradus.
Then Crisje told her what Jeus had predicted.
Is aunt Trui not pleased with such a prediction?
She thinks this is a truth which is of no help to you,
And anyone who comes with that, you should kick out the door.
Trui is poisonous.
Crisje bows respectfully, at the end of the day everything is in the hands of Our Lord, but that is nonsense to Trui.
The sisters carry their burdens in a different way.
One is doubled over under her great sorrow; the other one resists and complains about everything, also about Our Lord.
A person thinks; but can a person think normally and naturally?
Idlers have everything, Trui says.
That ‘Man’ ... and that is Our Lord, does not know any more.
That Man does stupid things.
That ‘Man’ takes part in injustice.
That ‘Man’ gives one person everything, another person nothing.
That ‘Man’ supports worldly cheating and does not see the good in people, that ‘Man’ is blind!
Does Our Lord not see that Crisje has seven children, does He not know that Hendrik cannot be missed here?
That appears to be the case.
You wonder whether there is a Lord.
You are suddenly beaten senseless.
The Grim Reaper would skin you alive.
Where does that brat live?
If only you could get a hold of him.
That ‘Man’ is getting old!
That ‘Man’ does not know any more what justice is.
Or that ‘Man’ would not do such contrary things, because this is enough to drive you mad.
Can you disagree with Trui?
Is what she says so inhuman?
How is it possible that both sisters have become widows?
Trui now looks differently at Crisje’s boys.
They are sailing one and the same sea, but Trui has a bit more steam, she has it easier.
She is mad about Bernard, she puts something in the boys’ hands now and again, however, yes, the wage has gone, good Gradus as well.
And when Gradus only just lay in the ground, Peter also left.
Gone, Hendrik, Gradus and Peter, the quartet must now sing for Our Lord, for the angels, for all the spaces created by God.
Isn’t that something, Crisje?
The candles also burned for Gradus, people also came to pray for him, but Jeus saw nothing there, he also said constantly: ‘pray for us, Tower of David ... pray for us ...’ he saw nothing of uncle Gradus.
A person may build castles in the air.
There is no one, who forbids that, nor does Our Lord, but suddenly they come and call you and then you have to bow your head to hundreds of thousands of matters.
Although you meet all those injustices every day again, no one knows why, but still, Crisje, all those apparently hard and unjustified matters, exist for a reason.
They would not have been there if mankind had not evoked them, and one day, Jeus will explain that.
Only then, Crisje, will this humanity, after all, despite all this shouting, this inhuman necessity, get to know a ‘Father’ of love!
Crisje is sitting one evening behind the stove and she is thinking.
A while later Jeus sees that mother is sitting there crying.
A movement is starting in him, he does not know what will happen, but the strength, which comes to and in him, dominates his personality and now he utters:
“Cris, but I had thought that you were stronger.”
“What did you say, Jeus ...”, Crisje gets a fright ... questioning ...
It is as if Hendrik is talking to her, and there already follows:
“You are just behaving, Cris, like you have no sense any more.
Just like the people who have no faith, who cry about worries until their tears run dry.
What have you always taught me, Cris?
If I now tell you that I am here myself, that I am alive, Cris, can you not show more willingness then, Cris?
But you must understand, that I am talking to you, Cris.
Put your shoulders to the worries, Cris, and think about our children.
After all, you have Jeus with you.”
Suddenly the talking stops.
What should she make of this?
Hendrik is talking to her and then she hears:
“Cris, I have to go.
Now promise me that you will not continue to be so downhearted.
There is no one, Cris, who can separate us.
Jeus is right.
People are sleeping, Cris, and Our Lord knows!
Jeus is now possessed by me Cris.
However, you know what Father said?
I Cris, possess him.
Goodbye, my Cris, I have to work.”
Jeus wakes up, he does not know what he has said.
Crisje does not dare to say a word, what came out was: ‘Yes, Jeus’ she did not dare to say Hendrik.
But, it is a miracle!
Jeus has become thirsty, he is exhausted, it is a strange event, it does not get through to him, he does not know anything!
However, Crisje is back, she will take her task to hand, she may not mourn; Hendrik is alive!
That would be scandalous for Our Lord, she understands, she must therefore set to work now.
A while later she has the boys’ things under control, but she continues to think, it was a miraculous event.
People keep an eye on her and think that she is brave.
Johan does his best, but eight people cannot live on five marks.
Crisje is already working for people on the land, and is bent double with work.
Nevertheless, the weeks and months pass.
Jeus has not yet heard anything from father.
And that yearning now eats away at his heart.
José does not show himself either, and he does not know where his Tall One is.
He looks terrible and he can no longer eat.
Crisje is now worried about Jeus.
Jeus knows his father has a lot to do, of course, he can understand that, but why does it take so long?
All very well, but where is father?
Now he must come back!
Has father forgotten him?
His heart begins to bleed; does father not see that?
Does father not know anything?
It reaches the point where Crisje has to call a doctor.
The child can no longer stand on his own two feet.
The other boys have already overcome the loss of father; Jeus has yet to start.
The doctor cannot find anything, but yet, he has a fever.
Jeus looks like skin and bone, good heavens, will Crisje have to lose him as well?
Then life will mean nothing any more.
But where is father?
Why does father not come?
Jeus can no longer talk; he is waiting.
Crisje does not know what to do.
He beats himself up, he lashes out, soul and bliss now receive a blow.
Will Jeus also die?
My God, that is too much for one life.
Crisje prays and experiences one Station of the Cross after another.
Father also helps her pray, this is too much for a person.
Now she is faced with the Grim Reaper again and he wants to have Jeus, but that is not possible, is not it?
Jeus is delirious, she hears different names, he is asking for his father in his sleep.
‘Father, why have you let me wait so long now ...’, she hears him cry deliriously, so that her heart breaks.
She understands, he has only now lost his father.
The great problems, which he underwent, removed him from material reality.
She wonders what goes on in this child’s mind.
The doctor cannot help him, he cannot find anything, and medicinal drinks do not help in this case.
He does not want to see any friends, no Anneke, no one, he is wasting away.
And where is Hendrik, but where are they?
However, the doctor supports Crisje and does everything he can.
He honestly admits, he doesn’t know, but they will be patient for a while.
He talks to other learned men about it, and he considers a consultation with a well-known colleague.
Jeus has already been in this miserable state for a fortnight, with a fever and delirium, and there is no change.
Fanny cannot help him either; he does not want to see Fanny.
Even if Fanny has already been lying in front of his bed day in, day out, Fanny cannot get him out of his condition now; something completely different is needed for that.
On the sixteenth day in this highly tense situation, something happens.
After days Crisje heard his first words.
She asks him:
“Will you have a nice sleep now, Jeus?”
“Yes, mother, I believe that I can sleep today.”
A while later Crisje sees that he is fast asleep for the first time in weeks.
Is there a change on the way?
Will she be able to keep Jeus?
Jeus falls into a deep sleep, but it is the sleep to be able to play on the clouds.
Less than five minutes later he is living in that other world and he looks his friend José in the eye.
“What are you doing here, José?
But where is father?”
The friends embrace each other.
José says to him:
“I will pick some flowers for you, Jeus.”
“What did you say, José?”
“These flowers are for you yourself.”
“That is nice of you, isn’t it?
Why did you not come before, José?
Why did I have to wait so long?”
“You had all kinds of questions, didn’t you?
But it was not yet the right time, Jeus.
We have to do with time, and you forgot that.”
“I should have known that, José.”
“You should have known that, Jeus.
People always want everything in their own time.
However, it is not always possible.
This is the time of Our Lord, Jeus, and you should have known that.”
“You are right, José.”
“Of course, I am right.
You cannot change anything about this.
But as a result of your own worrying, you have become ill.”
“Could you not just have come to me then?”
“No, that wasn’t possible, I had no say in it.
Moreover, it was not yet time, they left you be.
You got yourself far too worked up about nothing.”
“I could hit myself over the head, José.”
“I can understand that, but will you be any the wiser for it?”
“No, you are right again, aren’t you?”
“Your mother should have done that as well.
And that is bowing your head, Jeus.”
“I know, José, and that will not happen to me again, will it?”
“Of course not.”
He is suddenly different.
He could shake himself from happiness; he has learned so much again from it.
He is beginning to understand that he wanted to take the laws of Our Lord into his own hands, and that is not possible.
Jeus does not know what his Tall One wanted to achieve, but he has learned from it.
They must not have resistance here.
His Tall One has now already crushed those feelings!
His personality may not ask and may not want, he must bow to it and wait with gratitude, but he was not yet capable of that.
Now this ability of bowing his head has taken possession of his soul; and that is all for later!
He has given himself a terrible beating.
Now he is living in beautiful surroundings.
There are flowers, the birds are singing; this is paradise.
José walks with him through these rich surroundings, they tell each other nice things, he has already forgotten his misery from there.
Suddenly he sees his father, who is just walking towards him.
“Jeus, but my Jeus.”
“Father, my own father.
I am so happy!”
When he has finished crying, the Tall One also comes along, and Jeus is now lying in his arms.
Jeus gets to hear:
“Now you must listen to me, Jeus.
Your father is dead to the world, but he is alive here.
And you know that, don’t you?”
“That dying there is not dying, you see that now.
That other person now lies in the grave, but the real one is here with Our Lord.
If you had thought a bit more about it, then you would have realised that for yourself.
Is that not the case?”
“Yes, I know.”
“But you wanted to have this father back, didn’t you?
But we have to listen to Our Lord here, and you did not think about that.”
“I could hit myself on the head.”
“Then things would be even worse, Jeus.
You have had enough misery already.
However, this is everything.
You wanted to have that sorted in a few days.
Did father kid you then?”
“No, of course not.”
“Now you are better in one go, Jeus.
Father has to work for Our Lord.
Now you must leave your father in peace, Jeus.
Can you understand that?”
“Yes, of course, I can see that.”
“That is everything that I wanted to tell you.
Now you can talk to your father.”
Tall Hendrik walks hand in hand with Jeus in Our Lord’s paradise, one of the millions of worlds created for mankind by God from all the life, for many the Parvis .....!
Tall Hendrik and José, show him the worlds, while the Tall One goes away.
He sees mighty mountains, crystal-clear waters and the birds come to meet him.
Life is wonderful, oh, how good life is if you know all of this and can accept it.
Now it is time to go back to the earth.
And the Tall One is there again.
José says goodbye to his friend, but he promises him that he will come back later.
However, that is in the hands of the Tall One, and Jeus can understand that.
He says goodbye to father and his angel.
On earth it is six o’clock.
Crisje had not slept a wink last night.
She heard almost every word.
Hendrik talked to her for a moment through Jeus.
Consequently, he does not have to tell her anything, she already knows.
“My God, mother, I was in a lot of places last night.”
“Now just have a drink, Jeus, I know already.”
“Mother, I am better.”
“I know that, Jeus.”
“Father is alive, mother.”
“Yes, Jeus, father is alive, and he must now work for Our Lord.”
“Did father say that to you, mother?”
“Yes, I know.”
When the doctor comes, he is able to determine that the child is better.
Saying Stations of the Cross, that helps!
God hears human prayers.
Nevertheless, everything is different!
A person receives his life and his death in his own hands; only then does he understand the Grim Reaper!
This all had nothing to do with it, nothing at all!
You do not have to cut his throat.
Jeus has got to know him, also his father, Peter, and uncle Gradus, but they were somewhere else, they must also work for Our Lord.
All those millions of children work for the awakening of this humanity!
Jeus talks to Crisje about life behind the coffin.
The weeks fly past, it becomes spring again, and now Jeus leaves school.
And he has made it, he can now say it is over.
Mother, I am now going to work.
He went to the brush factory secretly, and they have taken him on there.
Jeus will start to earn money for Crisje and the boys.
It is his household, he must take care of Crisje and the boys, and he will make every effort for that.
Bernard has made Jeus a long pair of trousers.
Which looks good on him.
When he puts on the trousers, he has stepped out of his wonderful youth with awareness and humanity, he now belongs to society.
When he soon enters the gates of the brush factory, that same gate will shut him off from this paradise, but it will give him new thoughts and feelings, Jeus will learn a lot.
“Are you pleased, mother, that I am going to work?”
“Yes, of course, Jeus.”
“Then our worries will also be behind us, mother.”
“Yes, that is true, Jeus.”
Crisje gives him her most beautiful thoughts.
He throws his arms around her.
The children experience the after-glow of school, not him, he already has society on his mind now, and he must earn money!
A heavy task rests on his shoulders!
He still runs with Fanny through the woods.
They do not forget a single spot where they have been all those years.
He now closes off one scene after another for his life.
That is over, Fanny.
That will not come back, but we will build further.
We have nothing to complain about, Fanny, later, when we are grown-up, we will go back to all these nice things and then we will learn all those powers and strengths.
Yes, of course, Jeus, it will happen like that.
They drink their cup of coffee together this morning.
He is sitting in father’s chair.
They are having a lovely conversation, together they experience the awe-inspiring beauty of life.
Because they know that father is still there, otherwise it would not be possible.
Jeus is already playing the role of father.
He wants to have the same rights; the children now have to listen to him.
Crisje helps him to put on his coat.
As he is ready to leave.
She kisses him, three times even.
They are now standing at the door; the next step will be an end to his youth.
Crisje opens the front door slowly and carefully.
“Goodbye, my Jeus.”
“Will you take good care of yourself?”
See you this afternoon, mother!”
He has a sandwich in his pocket; he is holding the coffee flask.
Who is that?
“My God, father, are you coming to see me off?”
I just got permission from Our Lord to see you off.”
“Thank you, father.”
Hand in hand, with Fanny next to them, they walk along the Grintweg.
In five minutes they are at the brush factory.
Fanny first has to find out what time he must collect him.
Fanny runs back to Crisje to say that.
“And now, goodbye, Jeus.
Take good care of mother and the children.
I will take care of the rest myself.”
“Yes, father, I will take care of them.”
They briefly look each other in the eye, but then his father dissolves before him and he is standing in front of the big gate.
This event puts an unrelenting end to his youth.
The gate closes behind him.
A new life has begun.
Goodbye, Fanny, see you this afternoon.
The second part is entitled:
Jeus under the people