Was this inspiration, Frederik?
I spent the next few days thinking about everything.
I felt a peace and natural submission, Mother Nature helped me with it.
I cannot bear thinking about all that happened ...!
I also know that my hand would now refuse to accept those horrible forces, which leave every nerve on edge and through which the pen receives a personality.
I assure you, I did not know those things ...
I already said that to me they are corpse-like.
I made a clean sweep of it, spring cleaning.
And when that feeling was revealed to me, I felt like I was born again.
I bowed my head deeply ... and thanked Him that I had got off so lightly, although I understood that I had suddenly lost my balance.
Something unbalanced me completely.
My legs gave way under me!
I therefore went for long walks through the woods to become one with all the life there that I used to look at, however, which I never enjoyed so much as now, where I can understand my own little soul the best.
I simply did not know.
If I stood admiring the beauty of a flower before, I thought that it was a world in itself.
No matter how wonderful this little world was with its own universe and time, its own character, with both death and life, it did not affect me.
Now it bothers me greatly when I see such life being roughly destroyed, I could buy cart-loads of them in order to give them another place as far away from people as possible.
Because now that life speaks to me.
It lives in me and so I have to take those feelings into account.
That happened so suddenly!
How quickly a person can change.
I now know that it is my university that is refining my personality.
Every morning I get lessons to learn and my teachers have nothing to hide.
They stand uninhibited before me and no one notices it!
Everything is changing!
Everything within me.
I saw things with my eyes shut.
I looked at things and did not see them as they were.
I saw part of them, I only saw half of their exterior, the shape in which that life was moulded.
But the rest underwent a physical neglect.
I thought that I was enjoying myself, but I was only kidding myself.
I ate well; I now know that I had never eaten before.
I gulped down my food like a pig and carried on.
I now know that I always felt like a human being but I was not, not for one second!
Now I have reached the stage that I have started to talk to my own stomach.
Is it you who is eating now or is it me?
You will not get anymore today.
I will put you under control.
I do not expect any backchat from you.
I expect you to obey your lord and master.
In the future, I am the one in charge here!
And you see, since this morning I do not have such an appetite anymore and I am quite happy with it!
I just saw a mother with her child.
It was a lovely little thing and the mother was young and beautiful.
I am not used to seeing it like that, everything seemed so ordinary before.
Now I have a different viewpoint, I now think of it as a great wonder.
The heaven is reflected before you in a little baby, who is tired from sucking and who lies asleep in the safe protection of a pram.
A pram, which contains a life, a soul and a spirit, yes, a wonderful castle.
I did not see any masks, everything is too young for that, and life is beginning!
I am now busy giving friendly greetings to everything that possesses life.
Not like that man whom I keep meeting here and who likes to greet everyone.
Besides he is bowing his head and making it clear that he has lost a few marbles.
This is not normal anymore ... the man behaves strangely; he should be in a mental institution.
What a pity ... he looks like an intellectual to me.
The first thing I thought was: he used to be better off.
I will find out who he is.
I suspect that this man, who cannot have any children anyway, has something that made Erica worry.
Those pretensions are a mask.
He bends like a king, but his showing courtesy makes you think.
However, it is courtesy.
I decided that he is of no significance; people do not want that.
They walk away from it, and they smile.
Did you see them mocking him?
Just look at that tree.
Just look at that bird.
The animal is looking for food.
Nothing else exists for that little creature.
It is a hundred percent full of life.
If only we were so in harmony with everything, we would then experience a different world, directly in contact with the Omnipresent, with the core, the creator of original thought, who gave us legs in order to walk and that little creature wings to fly and a throat to sing.
People complain that everything is so unequally divided.
I no longer believe that.
It is up to you.
I know that all of this will lead you to all kinds of problems.
We, who live in such conflict with the laws and divine harmony, have the upper hand.
Would that be possible if we had nothing to do with each other?
No, because then there would be no animal kingdom.
Then we would live in a very different world, but things would appear before you and ask for a bit of kind-heartedness.
Proof that they know us.
We are different!
I have never had such a wonderful walk.
I enjoyed every step and was not in the least tired.
I cannot get enough of this zest for living; my whole being is tingling with anticipation.
If it was not for the fact that it was nearly winter I would have thought that spring was in the air.
I am waltzing!
I am jumping for joy.
I could scream from inner satisfaction.
I am really bursting!
Oh, Frederik, as long as all of this is real.
I now do what I could not do before.
I almost stood on a snail.
I get hold of it and throw ... no, place it at the side of the road.
I talk to the animal, to me it is one of the very lowest forms of life that God created!
When I realized what I was doing, I decided not to do it again and to let that life go its own way.
I now watch out for necessities, natural help to the less fortunate, but I immediate realize that I am getting to see thousands of worlds, which all have their own independence.
I now say: do as I do and be sure to get a life of your own.
Anyone who is lazy just has to suffer poverty.
I have seen the world!
What a snail, that snail does not accept me and crawls back onto the road where it will soon be stood on by a person.
Once and never again, that world cannot be helped!
Its conscious must first awaken.
If you are stood on, it is your own fault.
I will not wait for it.
That fraction of life therefore has to learn how to take care of itself.
But are we people any different?
How strange, the way my thoughts flash back and forth!
When I am thinking about this, I see, or suddenly saw, that when we people think a bit deeper about life, we also learn about it, so that we can say to ourselves: “I know something about Divine Creation.
I know His laws.”
When we are almost material angels, there will not be one of this sorts of animal left on earth, because those rotten spots will no longer belong to our spiritualized existence.
Immediately afterwards I felt that even nature is receiving a different outfit.
How old are you really, Mother Earth?
How old are the sun, the moon, and the stars?
How old am I?
How old is a gifted child prodigy?
From where does this child prodigy get all those beautiful things?
Is it a dishonest division?
Because art, or whatever it is to this child prodigy, are Divine gifts!
At least, according to people, but I am no longer thinking as a person.
I want to be like a child and fathom out all those things.
I will work out what is really happening.
In all honesty, it matters little to me how old all that life is.
I would like to establish that there is no end to all of this.
However, then I will nevertheless be faced with death and its terrible attribute, the coffin, where you are put with no mercy – the end of your existence as a person!
When I see and admire all these awe-inspiring things, that cursed death stands laughing at me.
He asks: “And what about me then?”
You see, is this a concept?
If you are nice to him, it does not help you in any way.
There is an end here and you are faced with his life or death!
In that world he is lord and master over your possessions.
Erica has already taught me up until now that you must look behind his blue glasses.
He puts them on so that people will think that, despite his unpleasant appearance, he is nice, good-natured, yes, of a bizarre beauty.
In my eyes, he is different and I do not know exactly why.
I do know, and there can be no two ways about it, he is not white, or black, he is ... colourful ... but with no conscience whatsoever!
Do not see him in any other way!
I do not see any masks today.
The sun is not smiling at me, but is filling me with a sacred seriousness.
I feel serious.
Is this a sign that I am mad?
Different to all those people around me?
I am starting to see the immediate purpose of our lives.
My mother did not believe in so many things.
She was always dead tired and yet I knew her to be as strong as an ox.
It was poverty.
She did not like listening to me.
I always said exactly what she did not wish to hear.
Father also ignored me for it, but I found exactly what I wanted for myself.
I now had power over his life.
I did just as I wanted.
He continually fell for it and filled my pockets.
At the end of the day, I was his child and he was my father.
We still remained good friends, but we were independent.
I respected him as a father, and he respected me, because I was part of his life.
He knew that I would leave his little castle sooner or later, because it was too musty for me, although he did not notice himself.
However, at that time, and I was still very young, we were faced with our own worlds.
Mine was wide, and his was as confined as the world of a snail.
He was tremendously rich, but did not know what to do with his riches.
When I understood that, I helped him spend it and got to know the world, partly thanks to his money!
It is quite funny really, although a satisfaction with a sour taste.
I have been feeling much better the past few days.
I sleep like a baby.
I lie down and fall asleep immediately.
This was never the case before.
I suppose now that I am approaching nature.
What Erica has is not so strange after all, she is teaching me to think!
However, her problems continue to sour her life, according to Anna, whom I met in the street.
I have not been to visit yet, but I feel that she is drawing me towards her.
I resist it.
I will now go when I feel like it, and I will no longer be swayed by her anymore or by Karel, by no one!
I will put an end to weak willed behaviour ...
I myself, and no one else, will accept my life.
And now I start to act for myself.
I used to be like a ball being passed back and forth to other people ...
Consciously or unconsciously, people pulled me away from everyday art.
Because everything, no matter what, is art, unless it takes you to the natural, the harmonic, to Him?
The following day I felt pure and my own self.
I decided to visit her.
Karel, who almost ran me over, said that it went really well.
He talked nonsense, behaved a bit like a schoolboy, threw his pears and apples at me ... but did not think about throwing me in his ditch, which he otherwise used to try to do, even if you were only standing before him for a few seconds.
I found him quite subdued.
He had no gossip, and there was a seriousness about him.
I understood why when he said that there was someone dying again, whose mask he did not recognize.
He said it was typhus and he thought the patient would die ...
Then fruit came raining down.
I got a fright, but dismissed it because since I was a child I could already sense what people were thinking sometimes.
I already said that they call it telepathy.
I do not believe in it, because even a dog and a cat have that.
I tell you it is thinking all or nothing, being completely empty for another person.
It is that life you have to accept!
Now you bombard another with his own things.
It comes to you of its own accord and you know.
I beat Karel with it.
He lost all his trump cards today.
I now know that I can completely break him by it ...
He is now beginning to understand that I am a bit more than a helpless child.
It does not matter a jot to me!
It is nothing more than emptiness!
I can understand that today for the first time, it possesses its own universe and personality.
However, what it belongs to, I do not know!
Is it soul or is it spirit?
I do not know!
Erica is sitting playing her pianoforte.
“It is nice of you to come, Frederik”, she says.
We will talk soon.
She plays beautifully.
The Liebestraum by Liszt ...
I listen immediately.
I close my eyes, she is playing really well today, it is more sensitive.
Deeper and at the same time softer.
Is this from herself.
Or can I sense phenomena in this?
Just dream, Frederik.
She is playing so well, I could cry from happiness.
Honestly, something is happening to me.
I float with her through the universe.
She is now capable of awakening love, as long as it is not too late for me.
I now promise myself to remain level-headed.
I start to feel that I will burst otherwise.
This is art!
She has never played like this before.
It is strange.
I have difficulty dealing with it.
It overcomes me.
A teacher is speaking to his poor pupil.
Erica, notes are no longer significant.
You are not yourself, yet Karel should hear you playing, and Van Stein and all your friends.
They are never there when great things happen.
It is as if God is saying: “It is none of your business, you are indifferent.”
I am enjoying it.
I am dying.
I am really in love.
Franz Liszt (1811-1886, Hungarian composer and virtuoso pianist), you have got me.
I start to see that I was wasting my time.
The biggest mistake I have ever made.
Did I not create?
Did I waste my time?
Did I not plant?
Did I not ring the bell?
Did I never know what a kiss from a woman meant?
Now I feel why we people close our eyes to things that appear so ordinary.
We have no respect for anything at all.
We do more for a kiss than falling on our knees to pray to God.
We are so upset, so unbelievably happy that we close them.
Oh, my God, this child is bewitched!
I hold tight, she flits into the universe like a butterfly.
She is actually stone-cold and yet so warm that you can see her nakedness.
She stands naked before me, and that because of Franz Liszt.
How grateful we should be to this man.
You teach us to love and kiss.
I am experiencing a drama!
I am faced with a beautiful woman.
We sit together in the woods and now head for home.
It is amazingly beautiful in her castle, the fire is on, there are no servants.
She does everything herself.
She presses a few buttons and everything is ready for you.
It is a paradise.
We are now dancing.
I see myself dressed in a Roman toga, the silver-white sandals on my feet.
She is a princess.
She is slim and has a beautiful figure; I have never seen anything so beautiful in all my life.
And this I feel in my arms.
We drink champagne ... only sip it, because we do not wish to extinguish our supernatural fire.
We are drowning into each other.
And she kisses me.
My eyes close, my heart buys flowers for her being.
I am standing on violets and forget-me-nots.
They are in her eyes, they speak to me.
We get up ... we go for another walk through the surrounding gardens.
The moon is shining.
Can you hear the nightingale sing?
I carry her in my heart.
She tells me how much she loves me and also proves it.
We are in a heaven.
We float away from the earth.
Everything in and around us is Divine beauty.
I reach unity with her life.
She with mine.
I feel like neither a man nor a woman.
However, I know who is with me.
I ennoble and go back to the time when we got the sense to kiss.
Oh, Franz Liszt, what did you mean by all of this?
If you had not felt it, not unveiled it, not accepted it, we would have remained blind and deaf.
Unaware of our personalities.
How I must thank you!
I fly through her life; she reaches unity with mine.
Now we are complete.
I become her head, her heart.
I flow through her blood.
I have her eyes to see, her voice to say sweet words.
I am standing on her legs; I do not tumble.
I slide naturally into her awe-inspiring personality.
I reach unity with stars and planets.
The sun says that she is now ... father.
A meteor falls and we understand that this is a Divine messenger.
We embrace happiness and suffering, but that suffering also comes from Him, Who is following us.
I kissed her a thousand times.
I did not violate her chastity.
I am dying from happiness.
I now know what love is!
Then she lies down at my feet.
The universe has awakened in her; she is a Goddess!
I am a God!
Thank you, Franz!
I am so grateful to you ...
What a lot you have given us!
I am praying, she is praying!
I see her origins; she sees mine.
We unite where it must happen.
I still have my eyes closed, I am dreaming and I am wide-awake.
Suddenly the universe is torn apart.
I split myself and she receives!
The roses now get our blood, the animal gets its own sound, a tree the violence of our life.
She and I see and feel it, we know that our lives were revealed in everything.
The sun is outside of it, so is the moon, but what we possess we gave light, life, soul, spirit!
Intertwined, one in soul, one in body, mouths closed ... we arise from the dead.
We do not see masks anywhere!
They are not there!
Then she dissolves in my arms.
She goes to her own world to wait.
I see that it is good!
Yonder, on a high mountain, she kneels down.
I see her outline, high above her head is an illuminated cross.
Therefor she is praying.
There she sends herself, there she goes to give thanks.
I see that she is becoming smaller and smaller.
She dissolves before my eyes.
When I think that she has gone, and I do not know where, she is standing next to me.
“Can you see me?
Can you feel me?
Do you love me?
I am alive!
We shall live and love everything that lives.
Will we not?”
She is now an ordinary person.
We head for home; we are like other people.
When we open our eyes, she is sitting there and I am sitting here, we loved, we found it.
You love in this way, it lives within you, but you never give way to it.
Because you cannot give yourself.
Franz Liszt taught us how to give it.
Oh, that Franz, how happy he made me.
My princess ... I will never leave you again!
Or you will have to chase me away yourself.
But I do not believe that, because you know yourself.
You will no longer break your neck about earthly things; heavenly things have awakened within you.
We will continue, but give me one more kiss!
God bless you!
This is something new.
My journey took so very long that I believe that Erica played the same tune at least ten times.
She is bewitching me ... she is no longer herself ...
I want to know more about all this.
I am so stupid.
I am ashamed of myself.
I feel cheated.
There is foam on my invisible mouth, the only thing which I still respect, or I would have grabbed her throat and forgotten myself completely.
If I had not found it so childish, I would have scolded her art for being erotic.
Are they maternal, motherly feelings?
Another emotion shows me an orchard.
The trees are full of fruit.
Sweet and sour mixed together.
Just pick the ripe ones, Frederik, rush at them and then declare whether they belong to that world or not.
How beautifully she plays, she is fantastic.
Like a madwoman!
I sink away again; the sounds that she draws from that piece of wood with strings rocks me to sleep again.
Just listen to that twittering.
She is a great person.
It storms in her life but it is also peaceful.
She can also love.
This can mean both space and narrow-mindedness.
It is over, suddenly I am faced with a gulf created by her.
Is she doing that herself?
It becomes terrifying, I suddenly feel stone-cold.
Is this the Adagio ... in ... dddd ... opus 30-I?
She says so!
Is that being deaf and blind?
I see what deafness is, as it were.
I can smell it through her playing.
It reverberates under my stomach, due to something that has just been born within me.
In this way, you live and die at the same time.
Erica, you are nobility!
However, no longer of this world.
I know as well as you do, Karel has not heard this yet.
I now feel that I am myself again in all respects.
I can now see a circus tent, an exhibition of beautiful art next to it.
People enter, leave, and do not understand it.
Why did they put such different worlds next to each other?
Erica lives through it and she plays through it!
I see flow and ebb, blood coming over me; it streams from her just like that.
It reaches me from her head.
It also gives off light, it is phosphorescent, and it has to do with her nervous system.
It flickers on the ends of her hair.
Is this... inspiration?
I can hear you and see you, Erica, but I am far away from you.
I could fall asleep, if it was not so serious.
Its charm has gone.
She is like a raging hurricane.
It is storming ... it is thundering and lightning; the thunderstorm is terrible.
Our eardrums cannot cope with it.
My God, I am having a heart attack.
In God’s name, stop.
I am dead tired!
I feel sticky.
I am afraid for myself.
I will never pick flowers again.
This is not going well, it talks to you and knocks you down unexpectedly.
It singes you, you can smell burning, and the lightning has struck!
I go outside and fire off, people fall down dead all around.
I am a gun hero and am involved in the Wild West.
I have just come back from a wild hunt on cats.
When I get hold of one, I see that it is a person.
And that person looks like Erica.
However, it is not her, she has a different shape.
Yet they look like each other.
Then darkness falls.
I am suffocating, I scream.
I still feel that they are taking me to a hospital.
But Karel will not help me.
He says: “Just work it out for yourself!”
I am a farmer’s son.
You see now, it is all nonsense, sentimentality, female clemency, which I will not fall for!’
I see naked people, naturalists who are amazed at what another person has made of himself.
I now feel why those people came to taking their clothes off for other people.
I now get a shower, but I feel that there is also a divine cloud floating around.
The wind rages even more.
It is pouring with rain.
I have been put in a shed, and water is dripping on my head.
I am enjoying the death penalty and am not afraid of it.
I now know: they will not drive me mad!
Everyone can behave strangely, I will not!
This is another revelation for me!
However, she continues to play and pretends that nothing else exists.
It is dreadful!
I am standing on a roof and fall down; my brains are broken.
The doctor puts them in splints and I continue immediately.
I catch fire and am extinguished at the same time.
I see my own body!
I have also seen this body in Paris and Brussels, London and Vienna.
At night in Naples.
Then I had friends with me who, however, went in a direction that I did not choose.
I left them and never saw them again.
She falls back to Earth and holds on tightly, for the second time, to Franz and his “Traum”.
I do not go with her again.
She is a damn witch.
I do not want to see that madness again; it is becoming insanity.
I have been completely shaken awake!
I now call it art with an ‘a’ in front of it.
The ... ‘a’ ... for animal behaviour.
This is not part of the human world.
This is horrifying great.
She is no longer a person now, because people always remain themselves, even if the personality is completely absorbed in art.
After all, then they would fall from their bodies, collapse.
The conscious will would be broken!
If there is a will!
She finally finds herself again.
She stares at the keys, and is a physical and mental wreck.
Just like that.
Look at those eyes, they are like those of a haddock, and as wild as a tiger-cat’s.
She is still sitting there.
She is probably thinking and trying to recover herself.
Only her feet move, her body is stiff.
However, more and more movement comes to her.
At least if she has not yet lost that ability.
I now notice that I am being sarcastic and I must not do that.
Suddenly she jumps up.
She is struggling to breathe but she is herself.
She is weeping.
I feel sorry for her.
However, I let her weep until she is quiet and am already sorry about my thoughts.
I see her becoming calmer, although her shoulders are still shaking.
Yet, I am not afraid that it will affect her child.
I did not think that for a moment.
She has regained self-control.
Now I have to admire her.
She is great, wonderful, and incredible.
She asks me, as if nothing has happened:
“Was that inspiration, Frederik?”
She continues: “This was not real, was it?
Not really human!
I wanted to play something for myself, really enjoy myself.
Then you came in and I felt myself changing emotionally.
And I forgot everything else!
What is inspiration actually?
I wanted to beat that thing to smithereens; I felt such power in me.
My fingers were itching, tingling with satisfaction and I put my heart into the sound.
That is all I know.”
I did not only believe her, no, I knew that she was telling the truth.
There was something protecting her and without that, she would have succumbed.
“For heaven’s sake, do not tell Karel about it”, she says, and she is completely back to normal again.
It is enough to make you ill, because I had just thought about him.
One laugh from him and I will knock him to the ground.
Of course, otherwise ...
She is herself now.
I know that she is not going mad!
“When you are here, Frederik, nothing happens to me, you know that?”
I gladly believe it, but I have to let it sink in first.
She is no longer suicidal, she says, she has become stronger, warm feelings came and went.
According to her own calculations, she is just between the third and fourth month.
It may be a bit longer, but ...
What does it mean?
She feels that a continuous warmth has now come.
She says so and she should know, thanks to her physical perceptions.
We are thinking.
The anxiety has gone, and we are very normal.
When I ask her again in which month we live, she says that it is the fourth and fifth month.
I conclude from this that she is not yet back to normal and has far from answered my question.
I sense an influence, but where does it come from?
I now also believe that a change is coming.
Watch out ... an exchange or swing of nature can be established here, which the lanky Van Stein cannot make any sense of, because he is precisely off the mark.
I can now see him like a tightrope walker with an umbrella high above the crowd, showing off his talents.
He thinks that it is his tongs that he uses to deliver a baby.
I can see more sharply and now know that the greenfly got him.
What a fall that man makes!
What lives in Erica is destruction and at the same time art, higher consciousness.
I will not go into all those things today because I am dead tired.
She says again that she is too old, but immediately asks me not to stay away.
Karel must not know anything about it.
If only because he laughs at everything.
She holds onto me like a child.
I am not any different.
However, she asks again.
“Frederik, do you know whether the soul lives more than once on earth?”
She has already asked me this before, and we have spoken about it so often.
I will not go into it.
You would say that something is awakening, her questions are beginning to have content, and they are humanly wise!
However, we establish that there are numerous matters, which emerge because of her pregnancy.
That is all for now, we do not need to do any more.
I already said that I am dead tired, my brain is not working.
Now she talks herself about what is going on, as if she feels that something within me refuses.
She is very wide-awake, as if she has slept for hours on end.
“Natures continues, Frederik; no matter how we feel, that cannot be stopped.
I really consider it a great wonder.
However... that same nature forces you to commit suicide.
Is nature tuned to humans?
Can this nature think?
If everything, which I experience is really its effect, then I can say: it is thinking!
It sends you to the abyss and it performs art.
Because I do not believe that this was myself.
What does that effect mean for the mother if she is carrying a child?
What does nature mean in this phase?
It is art, and misery.
She and also me because of her, feel like a drink!
She makes you ill-mannered.
Could nature have a fantastic effect and yet not have any sense?
That effect dominates you in everything.
I will stop it.”
“It is the best thing you can do”, I reply, but then my tiredness overcomes her and she falls asleep.
On the way, some distance from her, I cover her with a shroud.
The violets of Our Dear Lord are on the cloth.
She hears organ music, the angels are singing.
Now she also feels her first kiss.
From here, I know that she is now experiencing exactly what I experienced a while ago.
I now begin to understand the divine part of it for the first time.
Oh, my God, how wonderful that was.
I want more of that mad love!!!
Nature tells me that everything is working and you just have to accept that.
Karel is right, it is the growth process, and that is all!
A while later,I also know that I am kidding myself.
I now behave like a herd animal, which does not think about anything.
I sink back into what I used to be.
Perhaps I am retarded; it could also be self-protection.
Then my emotions tell me: Now that is enough!
I have reason again to be grateful.
Frederik ... have you ever loved like that?
It was – but do not let anyone hear it – as if you were turned inside out.
Was all that because of a woman?
That crazy Franz Liszt!
How provoked that man will be, how tortured that life is ...
Just express yourself for a change ... and all that through a piece of wood with a few polished strings.
I believe that he himself was standing next to it.
He wore lead shoes and had glasses.
Because I assure you, you will never be so far, so deeply removed from yourself.
Franz ... you were in seventh heaven!
However, I have to try to save myself.
Erica’s cradle has now started to rock.
Angels take her far away, or... she is mad.
I now suddenly know where I saw that man before who greets everyone in such a friendly way.
I really now know all about him.
It is really nothing special.
I will now forget about him!
Erica now gets to wear her garment.
She sees moon and stars in the middle of the day ... I myself caught a glimpse of them.
Are you growing towards Him?
Or is it taking you away from Him?
Erica, this is our unity in thoughts.
That will not drive you mad!
You are now everything!
Franz Liszt did not bring any lies, he experienced it himself.
But we were born because of it.
Now we love!
In the woods, I took some notes.
I can be satisfied.
I long for an hour’s sleep.
I do just that.
But I do not want to get into that again, it suffocates you, your heart cannot take it.
When I get home, I reach for my penholder.
I put a new pen in it, I feel repulsed by the old one.
The new one refuses to write.
What is the matter?
Now I cannot sleep ...
I just take time to think instead.
I analyse everything.
The music took me to a heaven, where the people are as God created them.
What we made from that is muck!
What we do has neither soul nor content.
It is trivial human nonsense with a sour aftertaste.
Someone is reading a newspaper somewhere.
And I can see someone else eating an apple.
I do not like to be frivolous when there are serious matters going on ...
It is the air and graces of goats!
However, the animal within us does not know that.
In this way, I have to swallow that they have made a fool of me with everything in life.
There goes my good life!
I write things down.
Between the third and the fourth month of pregnancy, the process reacts and does something on its own.
It is like a course of treatment but it is not that.
Periods of time are at work.
Nature speaks and makes victims.
A child has to accept them, or passes them onto its mother.
Earth and universe are now one.
Is that strange?
I can see it!
Just think about it, this is worth considering.
Then go to sleep and try to seize some of that crazy love.
I tell you, do not take too much of it, otherwise, you will no longer be able to fit into this society.
Masks, I already told you, are invisible.
So do not be afraid of them.
However, did you see the violets?