Oh, Frederik, if only I could stay in that state of purity
Something within me became jammed, but it became loose again of its own accord.
My mental capacities appeared to be tied up, they refused to work.
I suffered as a result.
Analysing the situation, I told myself: It is no longer you who is in control of your organic systems, and you are now next to it.
Yet, I was thinking normally ...
That was the strange part of it.
I started to think about a personality split ... a learned and scientific subject ... which people do not know everything about yet, although academics fuss about it every day.
A moment later, I decided that the same disturbance in my head forced me to think in a certain way.
When I gave in to it, the ‘machine’ worked as if greased.
I stood watching as if it was a great miracle, not realising that I myself was only just a part of it.
I greased and forgot the basic essentials.
Then I blew the whistle and the factory emptied.
It was seven o’clock, but I saw myself back in the woods and found myself again.
I have not yet been to Erica; I think I will be ready tomorrow.
If Anna brings any messages from her, I will go before then.
That is a possibility.
A mother who has felt suicidal for months cannot change just like that, even if there has never been any danger that she would commit suicide.
That takes time.
She cannot move onto another life in a few moments, that is impossible, and I should have thought about that.
I now know that it is not her personally, there are still other beings in her house; which she wanted herself, because she had her doors wide open.
I saw hundreds of beggars storming in who left their lice behind, dirtied the ground, and plundered the food store.
They pulled Karel out of his corner, but he only lost his recipe book and not anything else, the rest bypassed his personality.
I will have to go back to them, make Erica’s situation my own, if I want to be prepared for what will come and if I want to be able to understand her and her child.
Because I feel that I have to get everything out of this affair.
I start to see that this mouse has a long tail.
A mouse with a child’s head.
As long as that is not René!
I think the child’s name is horrible, although I do not know why!
There is a special sound to it and it cannot be found in either of the families involved.
That is precisely the strange part.
“Oh, Frederik”, I hear, “if only I could stay in that state of purity.”
They might be my own thoughts, but I supposed instead that Erica said those words, yes, screamed them out!
And I am sitting here talking to her in that state of purity?!
Am I going crazy again?
No, it passed my lips resolutely; I shall bring purity to her situation.
She is still searching, I feel, and she is sorrowful, although she does not know why.
That saying, “Everyone should really enjoy this!”, came to me from a grave.
Of which we should enjoy?
I will soon know ...
I now know that I will stay.
From where do these thoughts reach her?
What does she want, what does she mean?
Is she still not herself?
I stick to what I know.
I do not believe that there have been changes for the better recently.
Erica wants to know the truth.
In all honesty, her child is an ugly creature.
I have never seen such a horrible monster before.
I think it is terrible, but should I lie about it?
Of course, I will not say it to her face.
But Anna can also see it.
I think it will have shocked Karel.
I suspect that this is why he is so upset and behaves so awkwardly, so that he does not have a kind word for her.
He is now sitting with a pig in a poke.
This is how it is and no other way.
It already seems as if the child has a water head.
Yet the scholar says that everything is okay.
There is something that is already upsetting these people.
Is it René?
The child has something, I know, thanks to the state of purity where I find myself and which I could not gain up until now.
The things, which some people experience in their sleep, which awakens them with a fright and causes wonderful discoveries, come to me during the day and develop.
Such a state of purity!
Frederik, you will see, you are being sent this.
It is a university.
And one day you will accept it!
I am faced with immensity, which is close to me: I would like to thank Him now for everything, but I know that I have recently set fire to His heaven the past few days, flatly refused the hand He reached out to me ... because I wanted to run away.
I ignored Him.
Now I must also try to become good friends again with Him, and that has to come from me ...
It is bowing your head to His world.
I know, I will get back on my feet!
I am not the type to burn my bridges behind myself.
I do not throw away any old shoes before I have new ones ...
I have that power within me.
First I have to start with myself.
Only then will I experience His blessing.
Is this also inspiration?
I believe so!
But what is inspiration?
I already said that no one knows.
Anyone who says he does is deceiving himself.
He is no longer a person of this world.
I start to feel that this rarity lives above and within me, but its form belongs to Him ...
Also life, and the soul, of course, the spirit as well!
Erica has been released from her physical, her material unity with her child, but she is still attached to that life.
It is incredible.
Are these perhaps the after pains that possess viability and have now managed to think and feel, but which she still has to deal with?
I believe that her soul, her life is contaminated, is under a power that she does not understand, but which is now naturally controlled by her blood circulation.
However, I am not sure.
I understand that this matter is unvarying, but it seems worthwhile finding out about it for myself.
This state of purity tells you everything about yourself, about the things through which we received life.
I am maturing.
I am blossoming, spring comes to me with unprecedented powers, but it is no longer material.
As long as there is no storm that will destroy everything before its time.
I now lose my natural birth.
However, I believe that my task for this world is only now beginning.
I will make myself a living being for Him.
I shall be like a cogwheel in His timepiece with which He will be able to show the world the true time.
Then when the clock strikes twelve, you see that death is no longer horrible.
Oh ... the wonderful things I see and experience today!
I also know that there will be days full of sorrow, when I will have to accept that I am completely off the mark again.
However, I will continue to do my best and kiss the ground on which I walk, in child-like simplicity.
However, I have to feel things, see them with another inner life, and penetrate behind the mask of this world from where I think we people, animals and nature have come.
I will stick to this and then I will wear a different garment.
Perhaps I will stand naked before things, it is also possible that I will get another suit, because He will make sure that I do not show my human incomprehension.
I believe that then we will only experience complete nakedness when we enter the angel phase ... because before then we would only make people worse.
I therefore do not believe that afterwards there will be people alive who are naked!
I already see things differently.
Life has come to me and that life is expanding.
All my qualities are absorbing and being inspired ...
I suspect that this will be my new feelers.
Not like Karel ... who is stuck with his horses ... his qualities are scattered about the countryside ... he does not yet put a stop to it.
He falls into ditches because of it, he keeps his zest for life ... but it has nothing to do with soul and spirit.
All Karel’s horses have their own world ...
They represent nonchalance, laziness, fuss, laughing at other people, amusement at their awkwardness.
And thousands of other things, which will, however, hit him when it comes to it and also he will have to bow his farmer’s head.
Or did you have a different opinion?
Everything is open to me in this world.
I can see more clearly!
Must I now accept that I am becoming mad?
Is this inhuman?
Do I perhaps see the truths of life wrongly?
Is it wrong to dig up divine matters from the earth’s cesspools and take them back to His Omniscience ... His Love, His Justice?
I do not think so, I now know that I am on the right path ...
There is certainty!
Oh, if only I could stay in His purity?
In His Omniscience.
What a lot I would know then.
I promise Him that I will do my best.
I want to cure other people through it.
I see my help.
I picked up all His treasures, I saw some amongst them, which people had left to rot.
Is that not a pity?
They let His gifts decay ...
They leave the Justice of His life and Being under a stinking dung heap ...
I take it out of there and give it life again, colour, the chance to start a new life.
They have sullied His life!
They have sold His kind-heartedness on the streets like a worthless object.
People have seen His Soul and Bliss, Spirit and Progress, the list is endless ... as though it was mud ... so they passed them by.
They have turned everything from Him around ... built churches of it ... which stink just as much as those who declare themselves saints in it have.
How much do you have in your pocket? that is the only question they ask and the answer is a deciding factor in the matter: blissful or doomed?
I will not say anything about the people who profess their faith, for that is their own business.
However, I can now see what it would be like if He lived on earth just as we do in a corduroy suit.
I assure you that He would go to prison.
I repeat, I can now see my help before me.
I am standing on top of it.
Is there anything else I can deliver for You?
Do You not need a postman?
Then I will deliver Your letters in a different way.
Karel will then know how they were sealed for his life ...
I will convert all those languages of the world to Yours.
For the people do not know Your syllables, they do not know what those symbols mean.
They are faced with a sentence from Your life and do not see that there will be no end!
They just read away ...
Your school is still underground.
I can now see the first shoots, the new life.
It starts to burn within me; a fire is lit.
I am so grateful to You!!
I ask You again ... is there anything to be delivered?
After all, I am not doing anything else.
You make me happy by it.
I already read through that material.
I know exactly what it says ... now the opened letters reach me!
Let me be Your street sweeper!
Let me polish the doorbells of all Your children!
Let me show them that they possess a castle in which they live.
Let me explain to them what treasures are hanging on the walls, I can see and have known it for such a long time that they do not understand the Rembrandts and the Van Dycks.
They decorate themselves, but it is haunted there.
They do not know.
They do not know that they haunt every second of the day and are in disharmony with Your life.
They do not know that your violets and daisies possess an eloquence, which could make them tremble, and shake, but which could bring them to Your awakening.
Then the masks will fall away.
They will now stand naked before your Life and Being.
I will be happy then, because I will have changed something about it for myself.
Then we will come forward, we will stand in a huge procession looking at all Your stars and planets.
Now people will fall to their knees and learn what the “Our Father” is!
Let me be a part of all of this!
Tell me what all the phenomena mean, let me write them down through Your pen ...
I will make sure there is ink.
Did Your Son not say: Let them all come to Me?
Children ... play with My marbles ... then you will never lose again!
I want to play with His marbles ...
If I still lose, then I will accept it.
Tomorrow it is my turn!
Well, I want to fall, cast aside my awkwardness, because I no longer wish to see any more evil from another person!
What a day, what times I have experienced, yet.
I did not think this morning that the sun would shine for me.
It will become my possession, I feel, I am faced with an “omniscience”!
Can this be experienced in this terrible world?
I believe so!
However, you have to give all of yourself for it.
Today you lose it, and tomorrow it crosses your path.
Remarkable things happen.
My notebook says:
“I now feel that strange powers are affecting my life.
It is not yet clear to me whether everyone experiences this, but I am experiencing it.”
When I got hold of the book again a while later, it was as if my hand was being steered, but different to the way I had experienced that before.
These thoughts came tumbling into my life and stuck in my head.
I can also see that they had to come a long way before they reached me and conveyed a message.
I also feel that they are tired, but human.
Or is that me?
Do they contain inspiration?
Is this perhaps the state of purity?
Now that those thoughts have been able to rest, I can see them differently.
It is a strange way of putting it, but this is how I see and feel them, I believe there is no other explanation for it.
How happy I am!
What will happen now, Frederik?
They are just like shapes, one more beautiful than the other is, and they all represent their own world.
They are helping each other.
They stand beside me and look through me, they also look me straight in the eye and I start to blink.
I am no longer afraid now, I think.
They can really behave in a human way and they understand me completely, at least, I still think so.
However, I will become a “street sweeper”!
I will become a Divine postman!
I hear it said!
Those are the thoughts!
I now look at the pen and the thing flies over the paper.
I think that I can accept that I now know what “inspiration” is!
I had not expected it so quickly, even if I have to see the beginning of it, exactly there where the seed was planted in the ground.
You sense what I mean, the first moment before these thoughts, before they reached me!
Where is that?
I do not know!
However, it changes my own handwriting.
I now approve of it!
It is both food and drink for my heart, soul and spirit, if I am all of those things.
It contains everything and concerns Erica.
Up to the moment when René let out his first cry.
The words are constructed telegraphically so that you can understand that something will follow, without knowing when.
I believe that this is for my university.
It is going really well and the main thing is that it is going in the right direction.
Will I get out of this maze?
I am no longer blind now.
You will soon see that they will no longer recognise me there.
I now believe that I have conquered much of my awkwardness.
And all in the matter of a few hours?
Erica, I now know that it will happen the way it must; it is also raining, even pouring, it is miserable!
The thoughts, which I see and feel, wish to help this world progress.
Is that not wonderful?
However, it will be stormy for Erica and Karel, I predict a hurricane, a ship in need.
Under which compass are we sailing?
The thoughts, which I see and feel wish to help this world progress, lighting the way.
Of course, you will think of spirits, but that is not for me, I do not take part in spiritualism, I see it differently!
To me it is the working process, the “working process” of Karel and the credibility of Mother Nature!
This is really everything, and there is no more to come.
However, it is significant, do you not think so too?
According to the process of growth and blossom, I receive feelings from a universe, which is still lovely, and where I believe that people no longer know death.
Now you come closer to Our Lord.
I think that those thoughts come to me since I want to be a universal street sweeper, otherwise I would not receive them.
I believe I start to look behind the masks, at least the first symptoms, and there is no more to be seen yet, I believe.
This however is here!
I see things in a different way.
I start to understand everything better, things are not so depressing, I see light everywhere and I myself radiate light.
Those thoughts are fundamental like that.
You are no longer standing on a slope, you feel the ground under your feet, you are more sure of yourself and peace comes over you!
I think I feel ten years younger.
And this all at once!
I believe that God has been able to forgive me.
I believe so!
I am no longer able to think wrongly of other people.
I do not want to leave home on a white horse and come home on a black one; I do not like changes like that, which you cannot understand yourself.
Yet they happen.
People solemnly promise themselves to say nothing about their friends, but there is always gossip!
This is their black stallion, the animal is furious, but it is they themselves!
Now they have already ruined their Divine destination.
It is the same with everything.
I now know exactly what I said...
And I also understand it.
I now hope that the task laid on my shoulders will remain human.
This is why I want nothing to do with spiritualism.
You now lose your self-protection and are dependent on an immaterial individual, no matter how good.
Sooner or later you will have to go back anyway if you do not wish to lose all of yourself.
However, you must realise ... I will not finish it ...
I will do it differently!
I will not tell all about it, I have to work it out for myself first.
I will probably think differently about it in the future and will then have to admit that there are numerous possibilities of seeing the first sprigs.
Everything that was thought out by people, took shape – which every thought therefore belongs to – now gets another garment.
We will start at the beginning; everything gets new light, life, soul and spirit, even if nothing has changed in the actual creation.
World continents reach awakening, get a universal character and stand before our eyes as Divine temples!
I will not go too fast, but much beauty awaits us, and ... much misery!
Sparks will fly!
Who will be left standing?
A German once said: “The same is there!”
I can see it now!
It is my state of purity!
You know Him better in this way!
However, the smallest insect longs for it and has also acquired a taste for it.
Now go through all those worlds, and end in the heavens.
I start to feel that ... it is incredible, nevertheless, the truth, we will see!
Then I also heard that German say: “He who searches will find!”
That is falling and standing up ...
Now watch out for the snares and traps.
If you lose yourself completely, new life enters your body.
I do not know what is now beginning to correct, but it takes you to art, that is what I will tell Erica.
And thousands of other things.
I also know that I will need a small spoon to make them to swallow all of this, but Karel will be the first to see how natural it is.
Now I get help from the farmer, his friends will follow of their own accord, I mean, a few of them.
I am not imagining that they all want to attend lectures.
For that matter, I would prefer that not to happen.
The curtain has been lifted for half an hour.
The actors are becoming a bit tired, but there is still tension on stage and in the hall.
We will move onto the next act!
You already know what is to come.
You can predict the play.
Erica is in bed, it is still raining, and in my opinion, there are new phenomena.
I want to let all the actors know how they should see their parts.
There will be dramatic developments, the rest completely human.
There will be talking and analysing ...
I can see academics.
I can smell them!
They now see me differently.
Come on, Frederik, leave the house; they need you there.
I will deliver my first letter today.
I hold onto it with both hands.
I want to take good care of it so that it does not get any marks on it – it must not become creased, but has to be delivered clean and undamaged so that as soon as people see it they will expect something beautiful!
I have awakened!
There is the state of purity!
Oh, Frederik ...