Oh, Frederik, how I have been deceived
What they had not expected happened anyway; our René started school this morning.
There has been a change, although they know that his inner life is not a hundred percent developed.
That is why he must start at a special nursery school where he will first learn everyday things.
The child must be with people and then we will see how he develops.
It is not a festive day for Erica and Anna.
Karel does not know what to think and gives into it.
The sun is shining, but for both the women it is pouring with rain.
We do not ask little René what he thinks about it all, the child would not know what we meant.
I saw tears in the mother’s eyes and sorrow and pity in Anna’s.
It is the pressure of the jungle, the lack of true happiness, which is worrying Erica.
How could it be any other way?
I believe that parents are nervous on such a day.
After all, their flesh and blood now comes into contact with society.
They have high hopes, the children will learn well and later accept a task for the world.
The father already thinks that his son will follow in his footsteps; he looks from his world at that life and waits impatiently to see how the child will develop.
Mothers think differently about it, they are faced with a loss, the children are now away from her direct care.
For the mother that is sometimes suffering and sorrow; I do not believe that there is a single mother who can suppress her tears on that day, the hour of farewell, the moment for her and her child which causes a split.
I can still remember when I had to go to school on that particular day and would leave my parent’s home for a few hours.
Oh, how hard it was for my mother.
My father thought she was putting on an act.
He went even further and said: ‘It looks pathetic, it is awkward, you do not do a thing like that.
A human being has to think, a human being has to give in to things.
Well, a human being has to accept this!’
I know that my mother was very sentimental.
Father objected and thought he would deal with it in his way, which did not turn out well, because he always acted too harshly.
Then it was already a little drama.
For days on end they talked about that morning, they could not stop talking about it, as a result of which I started to feel and laughed at them behind their backs like a naughty boy.
I already said: for Erica it is deep suffering, she would so have liked to see her boy as ordinary, normal.
Her maternal pride has been broken!
She feels a knife in her heart, and her blood flows from inner wounds.
She sees her child, her little René, amongst all those other children like a black sheep ... the odd one out!
I can still hear her say: ‘My God, what did I do to deserve this?
Am I so bad then?
What have I done that my child came into this world unnaturally?’
She thought she was praying, but I know that none of us could pray!
Not one of us has been able to send a childish prayer up to HIM.
We suffocated in it!
Anna said: ‘I am just stopping it, it is not helping us anyway!
Your prayers are not heard, cannot be heard.
Why would I slave away any longer?’
That is also a large hole again for the human heart!
It is more, it is the worst thing there is!
It sends you to conscious desperation, being alone, standing alone, it is helplessness!
However, millions of people, souls of God, pray for something.
All those children of one Father pray, kneel at HIS feet, but HE is silent!
Praying does not help!
But then what?
Is there no God?
Just ask those millions of people, all of them prayed, nothing helps!
God is silent!
He leaves us all alone!
Is it so strange then to long to be able to see behind all these masks?
I want to help those millions, the deceived, tortured, beaten masses by it.
I want to try to serve, and is this so inhuman?
Should we close our lives to this?
Go into a pit blindly and allow ourselves to die?
I have to be honest, I was also powerless, I also suffocated in my prayer!
However, one day I wondered where this ship must strand, where will this trivial, yet so powerful human ship take, my life, and that of all those millions of people?
What does this little lump of misery, which is little René, hope to achieve, if a healthy person already finds it too heavy, too difficult in this life?
What will this little life want, I thought, if it awakens later?
People pray, people lay flowers at the feet of their Father of Love, as it is called and they think; flowers which interpreted their hope, longing, thirst for some happiness, also for HIS Son, Christ, but no answer, God remained silent!
Then they ran out of their churches ... beaten, these human hearts are broken, because God is silent!
I heard all that groaning coming towards me.
I was there myself, I also stumbled home, my hands were empty, I felt no more gratitude in my heart, the Paternal respect appeared to be smothered.
Am I to blame for everything?
All of us screamed for help, day after day, nothing helped, no help, no loving hands which would support us, nothing, only deep darkness.
It is a terrible mask!
Not knowing what else to do, we were just silent.
Not one person dared to look up.
Karel taught Erica and Anna how to act.
It was he who with his ‘effect, nature and human fate’ gave Erica and Anna some strength to accept things as they were in reality.
Including all the destruction and misery.
They were able to!
They did their best!
They bore their suffering and sorrow in a feminine way, as mothers.
Oh, they knew that there is even worse misery, understood very certainly that a lot of people would be beaten more severely, be kicked into this human destruction even more deeply, than they had to bear it through their René.
It was Karel who said:
‘The world continues.
The earth completes its task every day, it does not ask what we are doing, it carries on.
Come on, we have to put it behind us.
There will be nothing else left for us.
My patients will also be buried.’
Since Karel is involved in life and death every day, he has a different opinion and he can deal with his own suffering better.
He sees more misery, he is in the middle of it and has to show that he is strong, otherwise the patients will not need him.
In these two years all kinds of things have happened, all things which, just like the ones before, put on masks and were therefore problems for us.
We experienced them, the rough with the smooth, reasoned about the facts using our heads to finally put an end to it, if we wished to be assured of peace and quiet in the house.
I have meanwhile moved house and now live in with the family.
René needed me ... according to Erica and Anna.
I believe that they were right, because I was their support in many things, a springboard, a buoy.
We have received a few more letters, but they were very unclear in parts, a bit more consciously written in other parts, but we did not know what to do about them.
I did not know either!
There were phenomena which showed me from which direction the letters came to us, but I stood alone and was not able to see behind the masks.
My room is next to René’s.
I behaved towards the child as a teacher would, but meanwhile I worked on our friendship.
René had to feel that he was not alone.
I believe that I may say that I managed that completely.
Erica and Anna thought it was a miracle and Karel was very grateful to me and showed me that time and again.
We put the rest in the hands of Mother Nature!
Then I wondered: if this life awakens one day, then what?
I did not doubt anything, a wealth of wisdom remained for me, I thanked God for this reality, which the others did not understand anything about.
They were the foundations I laid!
I am on top of it, even if they do not see that.
I know that this one will awaken one day!
However, I may not run ahead of things.
We actually involved everything which we possibly could.
We talked about splitting of the personality, about spiritual influence, astral influence and all kinds of other things.
We even believed in ghosts for a few hours, believed that a power lived in and around us, which enjoyed souring our lives and declaring the child René as mad.
We even thought for a while: there goes little René, straight to the madhouse.
Nothing can be done, nothing ... this is his irrevocable fate!
A well-known parapsychologist talked about softening of the brain, but then this man no longer saw a way out for himself and he also stood there prattling.
Karel said: ‘You can pull someone else’s leg, but not mine!’
Another person confronted us with a hypnotic sleep, which interrupted the daily consciousness and sucked it in completely, as a result of which the soul now no longer possesses any viability.
It appeared for a moment that this man would be proved right, but through deep reflection and scientific reasoning, especially through the natural, sensible thinking of Karel, this theory or diagnosis also scored no points and it disappeared into our wastepaper basket.
We were faced with masks, with inhuman problems, which as normal thinking men and women we did not know what to do about, even if I went my own way.
I did not stray from this path, even if I broke my neck on all those manholes and clamps, all that piled-up rubble from this world, I did not step in a clamp like that, even if it appeared to be darkness for me, I carried on!
Finally we threw everything overboard and we had peace, the doctors left the house again!
Karel has done everything in his capacity and which he could do as a doctor.
Professors have tried to gauge the life of René.
However, that also turned out to be futile.
Later it was called: ‘Sexual destruction, a bit early, but it is no different, we have to tell you.’
Erica became furious!
Anna could have wrung their necks one by one.
Then it became too much for Karel and you should have seen him.
I enjoyed this scientific fight.
It taught me how to look, and how to accept.
I looked from behind a natural independence at all those scholars and waited until they went past my life, to see then what beautiful things they had left behind.
The word ‘sexual destruction’ hit home, they left the house head over heals.
I will not forget it as long as I live.
Oh, what a day it was.
‘Yet we may not complain’, said Erica one morning, when she had tried everything for René and came home all muddy and tears rolled down her cheeks for hours.
‘We have also had other times.
We agreed completely with her.
However, we went through the nocturnal darkness, through rain and wind, there was severe storm, we went through snake holes and lions’ dens and sometimes thought that we were also burnt at the stake as well.
They were never allowed to see how the fire was lit and thank God it also did not crop up in the conversation.
We were faced with animal instincts, frightening howling and I do not know how many other things, which terrify people.
I said to myself: ‘We have not yet made it, what you hear is just child’s play, we are still days of travelling away from the actual jungle.
We have not yet made it!’
I was sensible enough to tell none of them about it, but I waited and also had my own opinion.
Erica was so upset at one point that she went to clairvoyants and consulted them.
Those people could probably help her.
She came back home quickly, covered in mud, contaminated, deceived.
‘Oh, Frederik, how I have been deceived.’
They told her tales.
I was also mad enough to follow her.
I wanted to consult a gifted person like that, wanted to hear what the supernatural knew about it, but I also came home covered in mud and ragged, completely beaten, torn apart, by the terrible carry-on of all those people, these satanic women and men.
However, we did it all for René!
We wanted to give him happiness.
When science no longer knew, we flew all over the place, because the human drama allowed our lives to go to grief for too long.
My God, how those people can lie!
They do not pay any attention to it, these men and women, they go over your dead body.
They tell you coolly that you are going to die tomorrow.
These were not Jehovah witnesses ...
They were seers, people who were able to act as a medium between yourself and those who had already been buried.
Now I have more respect for a street thief, for the worst beggar, more respect for a public woman, than for these incredibly bad people.
I had never thought that people could represent such masks.
When a thief gets caught, that life goes to prison.
Perhaps it will begin another life, but it accepts water and bread and honestly admits that it has stolen and is too rotten for this society.
However, what about these women and men?
They wipe their spiritual shoes on you and do not pay any attention to your sorrow, suffering or misery, they throw you from an unsure ground into a muddy ditch, one where you will not get out of for years.
It is obvious. Erica never came so far as to have a mass said for René.
However, what does a mother do for her sick child?
She ran from one seer to the other, until she no longer had a vest on, she stood naked.
But she saw the mask!
When she realised what that thing looked like, she was lying herself in the mud, she was beaten, as she had never been beaten before.
How she wept.
What kind of people are they?
When we talked about it later, we just had to laugh about it.
I then had the feeling that we had started the next scene, as I thought the first set-up and the dialogue of our play, which is called ‘The mental ill person’, was so wonderful.
However, I kept hearing Erica say:
‘What riffraff they are, Frederik, is there nothing that can be done now?
Should thousands of people be deceived consciously and unconsciously?
A thief is locked up, but these people deserve it just as much.
I see it as a muddy spot on our social garment.
You could give them what for!’
They are people with supernatural powers.
I wondered whether these people were also sent to this world in order to pull millions of people out of the pit?
Does God have nothing else?
These people no longer have a conscience.
A four-leafed clover like that does not wander into your life, I still have to see the first person who received his happiness through it.
They represent a dark mentality.
There are a few real ones amongst those people, I have not met them and neither has Erica.
They all have one characteristic in common, which is completely conscious: they need your money!
Without asking for it you get a visit from your father and mother and then you can talk to them for such a crazy half hour, when you are told all kinds of things.
They penetrate to the heavens and hells, tell you about life and death, about karmic laws and universal possibilities, until you stand before the God of all life, where they then force you to bow your head and look a bit deeper into your pocket.
What they then expect is your money, your possessions.
They think: I have got that one; every human child succumbs to this?
I now also believe – before I did not understand that so well – that there are people who could lay their capital on the table in order to support that great power, that charity.
If you do not have your feet firmly on the ground, then you fall for it and before you know it your money is already lying on the table, because you have got the feeling of doing something for God and His life.
I thought: now you are faced with conscious deception.
This is not an occult madman; I got to know him, you have to go to the East for that, those people do not live in the West.
Yet there is very little difference, I decided later on.
Here it only concerns money.
In the East real occultists live and they have had to learn their lesson.
They are either truly mad or have stooped to street charlatanism.
Now the nonsense begins!
I now saw only the human mask, the vegetating self, which does nothing else than suck the fellow human being empty, kick the gullible human being even deeper than had already happened and they had to accept it.
I saw spiritual parasitism, so well thought-out that thousands have to fall for it, because the sign of the cross is on the doorstep and all these breasts are adorned with it.
If a flame still burns for Christ, then woe betide those who come there for help!
When I got to know all those masks, I was faced with my dog and cat and behind that with the impure instinct of the jungle child, which is still not contaminated by anything and is completely open to Mother Nature.
I believe I can say that I know something about it.
The thing through which we experienced lucky shots, is inherited, natural sensitivity.
As a result of this these people feel ... they feel you and you do not know, but now the search is starting.
Under all that searching René awakened.
It started when Erica said the first word about ‘misreading’ her boy.
I, stupid fool, let slip:
‘When the life awakens, then it will come.’
Within four days I already have to come.
She says: ‘Frederik, where has the awakening got to?
Will the awakening life not deceive us?’
I could not answer Erica.
There I was again, they sympathised with me, but remained themselves.
‘You cannot build houses on desert sand.’
Karel understood it as:
‘Leave it and you will be rid of everything.’
At that moment he started on self-construction.
We would have had peace then if Erica had not gone to all those people.
When I followed her, we had created new misery, even worse than what was already experienced, this misery was disgustingly bad.
Erica comes to me one day and says:
‘We shall soon be through with the karmic laws, Frederik.’
I was surprised and asked:
‘What did you just say?
We will soon be through with the karmic laws?
Where did you get that nonsense?’
An explanation followed and I thought about it.
As a result of this I got the urge as much as her to know more about it.
However, when the four weeks were past after which René could bury his karmic laws, Erica was faced with an even bigger problem, because that morning another of those letters came.
Yet she continued her research, with the familiar consequences.
She came home covered in mud.
When I once talked to Hans about these people, he said:
‘We have enough of that sort, Frederik.
I do not understand why healthy people are crazy enough to get involved in these things.
We know what to do, we soon make them better, at least if that is possible, or they get their injections.
We teach them not to do those tricks.’
René did not get scarlet fever, the ‘karmic laws’ went their own way, the backwardness of the child remained.
We were able to establish some material progress and we were very grateful for that.
It gave Erica some relief.
The young life did not awaken.
The doctors had to bow their heads to René, the card readers were completely off the mark and Karel was proved right: it is the effect, you cannot bypass nature.
Yet, I have aged ten years because of it.
My diary says:
‘What I could never have believed I did today, yesterday and a few months ago: I went to clairvoyants for René.
I admit that I was bitten by a scorpion.
Oh, how they beat me!
Erica is really upset by it!
What I saw was a horrific mask.
It brings people death and decay.
It is so terrible that I really cannot find a name for it, everything, every word to do with the devil in people that we can find in our dictionary, is nothing compared to these bestial daydreamers.
I washed myself more thoroughly than I had done for a long time, I felt so dirty.
I did not dare to go out for days, because I thought that everyone knew that I stank of clairvoyants.
I did not want to contaminate people in the street.
A louse is a sacred animal, a flea as well, since pig-like airs and graces have become scientific systems.
You will sense what I mean: I see so deeply into that suffering, those people are so rotten!
They suck you empty!
They are merciless, the corpses of fathers and mothers mean nothing.
Human hearts, however full of love, they cut to pieces.
They murder you spiritually!’
When Erica once went to one of those women, she said:
‘You have come about your husband, haven’t you, he ...’
If only she had kept quiet, she immediately would have known that she was deceived, but her honesty sprang forwards and she said:
‘I have come about my son, about little René.’
Much later she understood her mistake, but then those scorpions had already bitten her and there was nothing more to be saved.
The woman recovered herself as quick as lightning, twisted the subject and continued.
René was destroyed, the child moved to the Other Side, it was already dead for three years, but the doctor who operated on the child could not help it.
You see, the child is in the hands of angels and those inhabitants of heaven now take care of your son, soon you will see it back alive.
Just give into it, madam ...
After all, God knows what He is doing, doesn’t He?
God knows what He can do and that is a revelation for your child, the karmic laws now come to an end.
The karmic laws are now as dead as can be.
They have had to give up the ghost.
When Erica fell off her chair from the fright, ashamed at so much deception, the clairvoyant thought that she had lost consciousness.
Erica asked what she owed, threw ten guilders onto the table and disappeared, poorer than when she had come.
She stood naked on the street and felt sullied.
Another one talked about René and thought he was called Alaf and she thought herself that the child had a nice name.
She also talked about the loss of the child, all those women just wanted to see René in the grave.
No, your child did not suffer.
Children are well-off in heaven.
Believe me, madam, I have lost three myself.
I know how you feel and I will do everything to relieve your suffering.
Here is your little one already, what a beautiful child it is.
Put it out of your mind, madam, your child is happy!
Your child has been spared much suffering ...
Now just give me that money, she should have added, but that came a moment later.
When Erica said that her child was still alive, a mask sneered at her, which made her tremble and shake.
For the umpteenth time a skunk had got her and she was sick and tired of it.
What kind of people are they, I wondered?
They bring misery to gullible people and kick the broken souls.
Look through those masks and see how their swollen lives stink.
The lady carries on!
Whether they don’t see their own clamps and mantraps?
They step over them.
That is possible in this world, but afterwards?
That is exactly what they are talking about. Oh, the people that live on the earth.
I gave myself a good beating.
What a fool I was!
I beat myself awake.
I wanted to put a just end to it, but I was simply laughed at.
Then I locked myself up for a few days, as I already said, because I did not dare to show my face.
How dirty I was, how terribly dirty.
The things adders are good for.
There was one who asked me bluntly whether I felt like dying.
I raced out the door head over heals and then it was also the end for me there.
Later we laughed about it ... about that mess ... yes, we had fun!
I thought that you could close yourself off to those people.
I did it, but she went in through another door and this was the very door which appeared not to be closed.
I waited and thought: just start.
‘I can already feel something’, the lady assured me.
‘You must not get a fright, but you don’t have long to live.’
I mumbled something ...
Yet I got married again.
I was already married ...
I had already had a wife ... but that was nothing for me, did not fit with my character.
‘You will move house, you do not want to, but you do it, because your house burns down.
I can see a man whom you must be careful of.
Do not do any business with that thief, you will fall for it.
He looks like that and that, you know, I can see one of those little moustaches.
You are very lucky in love, you will go to Nanna!’
Is that not a lucky shot!
I got a fright and she continued, but sees that I have been affected.
I feel the first splash of mud right in my face.
‘You are witness to a marriage, which lasts four weeks, then they are disagreeing again.
Then the divorce follows ... of course, but with an awful lot of noise, otherwise I would not even continue about it.
Not nice for you, because that Nanna is also involved.
That woman is a snake.
Be careful, sir, she is a snake.
I see a child there.
It has the name of Enré!’
When that woman says the name of Nanna, she knows that she is spot-on.
The parapsychologist calls that a lucky hit, I mean our one, whom we consulted for René.
I feel that this woman stands in front of my door and cannot find the entrance.
She is standing in front of me, but there is a wooden door between me and her life.
Will she make it through under her own power?
When she says the name Enré, she keeps rattling her key in the lock, but cannot quite get the door open.
Well, well, what is that, I think, what kind of tricks am I experiencing here?
I let her prattle and she continues:
‘That Enré is very gifted, do you know that?’
‘Have you been to Indonesia before?
You will soon go there.
I warn you, do not travel through Spain, because danger threatens you there.
Do not forget it.’
I nod and she continues:
‘I can see a house, a woman and a man and a servant.
I think that it is that Nanna again.
Oh, sir, watch out for that pair!
That man is a big thief, it is a blackmail clique ... no, what is it called, a brothel!
When you see that woman, you will recognise her immediately.
She has a scar above her right eye.
She wants to hide it, but she cannot.
If you know those people, you will leave.
You can therefore orientate yourself.’
I nod and she continues:
‘That Nanna is a strumpet.
Do you not know her?’
I shrug my shoulders.
‘That is all.
You owe me ten guilders!’
The door closes behind me.
Not me ever again.
That woman almost sucks our René out of my body.
The academics call that lucky shots ...!
I was ashamed of myself.
I felt that I had let our child be sullied and tried to make up for this with toys.
However, what scoundrels we people are, thoughtless and bad, you just throw away the most sacred things about yourself for the taking into those muddy lives.
Oh, how I shouted at myself.
When Hans heard it, I was given a good talking to.
I allowed him this fun.
We talked and laughed about it, spoiled René and then it was over again.
But never that again!
Yet I have thought about it.
I want to learn from everything in my life.
We made comparisons and established that everyone sometimes says things which later become true but the women and men who act as clairvoyants earn big money from it.
My diary says:
‘They tried to feel, there is no more to it.
What René passed onto Erica when she was pregnant, these people suck out of you under your very nose.
I know exactly what it is and how they do it, only I do not have any words for it yet.
However, that will come later.
Furthermore, they are adders!
It is the very lowest form of deception which I know.
Our society should no longer tolerate this.
It is so pitifully inhuman in thousands of cases, that I want to do everything in order to wipe out that scum.
However, the policemen laughed in my face.
Then I just gave up!’
René continued to make progress, his mind was at a level which no one could change.
I taught him something.
Anna added something and the boy got the rest from Erica and Karel.
We did not have any more filthy letters.
The months passed in this way and it was a case of waiting for his growth, his awakening.
Now, today, he has gone to nursery school.
I took him there and handed him over to those sisterly hands.
René is seven years and a few months old, too late, as far as we know, with regard to the normal.
But what can you do?
We wait impatiently to see how he got on the first morning.
What will the teacher say about our child?
How will the other children receive him?
We know only too well that youngsters are harsh.
Youngsters will beat exactly that human being which needs help the most.
I foresee that they will also pull René to shreds, that his poor soul will come home, bloody, beaten and deformed, yes, completed trampled.
I foresee, yes, I know that we will now be faced with misery for the first time.
Oh, how they will beat him up.
I could weep, and Anna and Erica along with me.
We are so concerned about René!
Yet, he had to go to the people, he had to go to other children.
I am so afraid.
Erica came to me a moment ago and said:
‘Will you believe, Frederik, that my heart is bleeding?
I have the feeling that they will murder my child there.
Oh, if only I could keep him with me.’
She looked at me as if she wanted to ask me: ‘Could you not have given him everything?
Did this have to happen?’
However, should we keep the child from society and bring it up ourselves?
I told her that I had already thought about all of that and had reached the conclusion that such a thing was not possible, because life will reach awakening when amongst all other things.
René must get through it.
Karel has already told her that, but she reverts back to it.
Karel says: ‘It has to be like this!
It is supposed to be like this!
There is no other way, the child has to get through it.’
Now we are sitting waiting for the time when we may go and collect him.
Anna goes up and down the stairs, she does not know why.
However, when she became aware of it herself, she realised that she was looking for René.
Then I saw tears again.
What therefore generally weighs heavy for a mother, a day like this, weighs thousands of kilos here.
Our hearts bled ...
It is a part of our lives, that they have taken into their care there.
Will they understand that?
I follow René’s school time as it were ... a little walk outside, but none of us want to show ourselves.
Those powers are still there, even if we have had to fight with each other for half an hour about how we should act for the child.
We thought this was the best thing.
‘Another hour’, Anna says.
Erica added ten minutes later: ‘Just less than fifteen minutes.’
Less than five minutes later I had already left to collect him.
I stood waiting as if it concerned my own flesh and blood.
When I was standing there, Karel came along.
We got in immediately and he will drive René home.
The bell rings ...
Mothers and fathers, come along, here are the little ones!
I am standing on the stage again.
The first sketch is over.
The dear public is sitting down again and thought that the conversations were very interesting.
A few mothers wipe away a tear, but there were an awful lot of nods!
That says enough.
We shall continue!