Uncle Frederik, do you now know what dreams are?
OUR René has recovered that much that the scratches, the lumps and his black eye have disappeared.
The intention is to give him another chance at the nursery school.
The teacher is no longer so keen to have him in her class, but after a bit of talking with Karel and me, she has decided to do it.
You will certainly already be aware that this school is intended for boys and girls who are unsuitable for the normal curriculum, you see all kinds at this school.
We also know that this big child does not have an easy time, but she has no discipline.
This will also change.
The ages vary from five to nine years.
All these boys and girls are somewhat unaware, but there are some amongst them who can as sharp as a razor turn their world of thoughts into deeds and immediately hit out with their fists.
If we just go a bit deeper, then we are already faced with an improvement institution.
The intention of this child is good, she has to make a great effort for these children, before they succumb anyway, to give them a chance in society, a short opportunity before they have to accept their unfortunate world.
It is clear that we do not take things lightly.
I no longer remember how many evenings we spent on this.
The end result was ... back to the teacher.
René is amongst his own kind there, he can learn what not to do and decide for himself how to act with regard to her teachings.
We already saw that.
Karel says: ‘Yet he must go back there.
In the first place, because he already knows those other boys, but especially because he sees his own kind there.
I know that there are also other solutions, but this appears to be the very best for him.
If it does not work out, we shall look at it again.’
Erica is not in favour of it.
She tries to put her problems on my shoulders, which I will probably agree with for the future, but not yet.
Anna fathoms me out with her eyes, her sweet personality, she gives her whole self to René, but it is not working.
René has to stay amongst children, we may not deny him this possibility.
In this way we completely agreed.
It will happen next week.
He will get a few more days to prepare himself for it.
Karel takes him in the car and I am busy teaching him the laws of Mother Nature as best as I can; I point everything out to him, try to make it clear to him what he must do and what he must not do, if he wants to remain in harmony in this world.
I do not imagine in the least that I will be successful, I know very well what is waiting for us.
I keep my journey in mind.
This morning, it was nearly coffee time, we had another experience.
We have a carry-on here every day, we are continually faced with problems, with the incredible masks of little René.
Anna came to call me.
I was busy leafing through my notebook, sorting out the facts and looking at them individually and thinking about them, as a result of which I learn.
What then comes into me is awe-inspiring.
These comparisons take you to ‘life and death’, to ‘soul and spirit’.
You will not believe it, but when people like us start to see the things, which we experience every day anyway and which are part of our social and inner life, from another world, then you will be surprised how nonchalant people like us treat Divine truths.
I already said before, then you see Divine truths lying in the street gutters just like that.
They are lying there for the taking, you do not see a single person who looks at them.
They do not know, feel or want those riches ... but you are faced with a human being!
When I descended into myself so quietly, in our daily usual carry-on, see the comparisons before me, I saw such a miracle of beauty, theories and foundations for my university that I blushed.
I said to myself: Frederik, you are also nonchalant.
You have to be more careful or you will miss out huge pieces.
It is now already a treasure of wisdom, which I gathered on my own.
You will not believe it, but when this is put in order, you will have to admit it.
You will then get lights in your eyes, your heart will beat faster and more sensitively, you will feel different, lovelier, healthy!
Then I would like to ask you what you made and saw of it yourself.
I am telling you, we are faced with a university of thoughts, it is a universe.
We live in that wonderful universe!
Now you can do nothing, achieve nothing, or you find it again there.
You will now say, you are exaggerating, but I hope to prove it to you!
I will prove it to you, so much material, but also so many sacred things we get out of all our troubles, which were given foundations by our mad René, which will be the universal foundations for my world!
But what is universal?
It has now already come to our lives so deeply, so high and yet, despite everything, so close.
We are on top of it, we can feel it, but do not understand it.
Our eyes which now have to look, are blind!
Beaten by our ‘self’ which goes into absolutely nothing if it gets the least smell of higher awakening.
Such a trail ... on ice as well ... follows you, touches you, sends you somewhere in order to bring flowers.
Who pays for them!
I think that it will be you!
Unstoppable, without pardon, we penetrate to the core ... that much I already know.
I tell you: I like eating this bread, I am not ashamed of it, I bow my head!
Karel and all his learned friends and whoever they are, as far as I am concerned you can involve all the sects on earth, your church feelings as well, you may do what you want, I tell you in advance that I will win!
I know very well that every natural law calls this natural pardon to you.
I mean by this that you have to devote everything in your life to it, but when you finally feel ground under your feet, you will be able to go deeper, about which so much was written and as a result of which those sects emerged.
I truly believe that God means well for us, even if you hear me groaning sometimes just like the others.
I am now already beginning to see and feel that the masks are falling.
I have already seen some fall, they lie at my feet, I am standing on top of them!
It is happiness!
However, I warn you beforehand ... I do not attack anyone!
Not a human being in this world.
I do not intend to deny a catholic or a protestant his faith, by attacking this.
I do not want this and I cannot do that!
There has been enough destroyed!
We have already waged enough wars because of faith.
The victims who died for it have the right that we treat this material without quarrelling or swearing.
This is a natural but very simple human research.
We go our own way.
We are separate from every knowledge and scientific system to the core part in which and through which we received our own lives and God gave us life!
Keep this in mind and I will not talk about it again.
Do not think either that I am attacking Mary, Joseph or one of the saints of your church.
I will tell you how people themselves think about it and how those saints are seen in general and what our society made of them.
No more than that!
What we do is for everyone who wants to get to know the masks; we went together on a journey, everyone thinks for himself, we will soon see who is right and then we will bow our heads to each other!
After all, what we got from the East as wisdom is all very well, but it is the same as when the sun is there, that our thoughts and feelings do not understand any of all those strange words and we have not progressed in all those centuries, but that incredible wisdom has kicked us more into the pit and that is precisely why all these those strange circumstances emerged.
I call it frills!
One walks about in a white sheet and thinks that his teachings mean something for humanity, others sing along and behave so doubtfully, so hypocritically naïve that you feel sick because of it, nauseous!
That is how it is!
All those people think that they have found it, possess it, but how did this humanity receive them?
What did they make of it themselves?
Did it live, did it give you new blood, new thoughts, justice, space?
All those strange words have no value for our Western inner life.
When people mean that the branma or hindohoela want to be life and soul, then that is very nice, but we very ordinary Dutch people have no concept for it.
Their beautiful garments are just like their rheumatics, which they do not get rid of. Those words also suffer from distortion and do not penetrate our sober inner life.
I do not know what ‘sayom and slima’ mean, but they say that you now see heaven and earth before you, naked even; we now think of a real Dutch scarecrow, where despite everything the insolent crow walks around it and finds its food.
Now without crowing, really with a little hole in order to be buried!
I do not twist a word and am not the type to use learned or strange words if there is a good Dutch word to replace it.
I do not twist the word either.
It sometimes does you good in an unselfish way to call the child by its name and very naturally or if you prefer to get the bull by the horns and not lay any more wind eggs, which René was involved in, if I understood all of it at that moment.
I therefore tremble from white sheets, if a garment like that brings wisdom the beauty of which we do not understand.
Have those people earned their garment?
You see, there you have it and your crow does not bother about it!
I already know that René does not just say all those things, for him everything has a core and intention.
We have to try and see through it, feel a bit deeper and stay on our own two feet!
However, then we see the mask and the problem, which will protrude its own obtained feelers towards us sooner or later.
Now it is possible that this is a foundation for our own building!
What concerns me is to follow the things through our Western inner life and to get to know them according to our existence.
We do not need a white sheet for this.
It is the church’s own business if it wants to adorn itself with it.
I have sacred respect for the church because I know that it was the church which gave colour and shape to our society, our life.
We have to be honest and admit what would have become of this humanity if no church had come?
People who think that they can destroy Catholicism or Protestantism or the other religions, are as poor themselves as the rat, which elevated its own world under these foundations and considers this as its paradise.
I am not talking about that!
We must see and experience the things as they were created by God.
That is now the aim of my life, I was thinking about that when I sat quietly in my room and arranged all these amazing matters in order to make a large book or a trilogy from it later which is going to be magnificent.
From what I was able to see and experience up until now, the great East does not know very much, because that same East has nothing, but absolutely nothing to do with our society, our thoughts and feelings.
A lunatic in the East is different to our lunatics.
I now see a huge difference in this.
Each nation has its own lunatics.
If you go to America, France, England, then the lunatics are different to those we have.
I discovered that this is linked to the obtained degree of consciousness of the people, the personality of the nation!
You cannot avoid that, that mentality speaks for itself.
In this way each nation has to represent the obtained conscious degree and cannot be released from this achieved consciousness ... even if they want nothing to do with it!
We do our research through a lunatic, that little René of my friends Erica and Karel, who confronts us with those laws because of his abnormal life.
You will see that this is the intention!
I also mean by this that all those academics have not yet been able to consider their lunatics, or we would have worked it out!
They are off the mark, they do not yet see or know those people!
However, there are more academics than lunatics to be experienced in this inhuman world!
But who is now ‘mad’?
See that Socrates laughing!
Freud is now polishing his sandals!
Our mad Socrates thinks it is extremely natural, only now will people serve his life, which he has a right to ... at least I think so!
Behind all of this you see an empty safe ... there are notebooks inside ... but the ‘letter’ was not able to deal with the violence of this world ... or we would have seen its light!
We have not seen it yet!
Dear ... did you see the elderly passing by?
Now that I descend deeper into this subject, it penetrates my life, even if Hans becomes a professor, even then I tell you again, that does not mean anything.
He will remain a stupid human being: he never gets through to the core of his affairs and patients, this is not possible, because of his study.
I also hope to show the proof of that!
What Hans is learning is how to help his patients a bit.
There is no more to it for him.
I know, as result of this he builds on his foundations, which will become the personality for society.
He cannot follow any other path, but you saw it: we still came to each other.
That Hans now throws everything overboard, is something entirely different again and means nothing, because I can see his good core and have locked it up in my heart, where it will continue to remain and, I hope, will be a bond for this life.
Hans first has to experience his love and afterwards, after all those trials and errors, being deceived and doing wrong, he will come back to me.
I stand still ... suddenly ... doubt comes into my life.
However, I am waiting!
As a result of this I give him one hundred percent friendship and my love for him as a human being.
I will keep it for him, I know that this will one day open his eyes.
It remains for me to say that we people of this cold ground, are busy giving shape to our constructed personality.
Now you will also see, only then will our lives get meaning, only now will we understand our lunatics, but especially our love towards them, who like us came to earth to make something of themselves.
I believe that we will become more sensitive and will get more awe and respect for the suffering of others.
Because what we had to accept the past few weeks, can never be justified.
Do you think that people must speak evil about one another?
Is the talk, the result of which Erica, Karel, Anna, René and I were gossiped about, normal?
Is it not pitiful?
Must one person find enjoyment in the suffering of another?
Is it then not necessary that we set up a thorough study into all these problems?
Consider: it is God!
Did you not listen to the stupid talk of Hans?
Are we finished if we say: everything is effect and nature?
Hans adds a letter.
Now he already goes back on it, because God does not interfere in our scandalous gossip, our search in His universe, since He sent sick people and lunatics to the earth, it is completely different!
I believe that we get to know Him at the end of our study.
I believe that no one will still be capable of enjoying the suffering and sorrow of another.
All those abnormal things get to represent their own world.
God does not punish!
He cannot punish!
I have already discovered that!
It has nothing to do with intellectuality, or poverty or riches, they are the laws which were messed up by our own self!
It does not matter either whether you enjoy a drink, or horse ride, God is not interested in those things!
Human envy is speaking here!
Stupid disinterest, suburban narrow-mindedness speak here, a mask!
It is terrible to have to hear in this century that God is unjust.
However, it is the sacred truth: in a certain way God is an rotter, at least, if we have to accept that He treats His divine matters so lightly and favours one life above another.
I do not believe, I cannot believe it, that He hits one child with illness and puts a crown on the head of another, that is not possible!
In this way I could also think, could analyse all these impossibilities one by one, but we will come back to them.
Now that I see these truths before me, a feeling arises from me of gratitude towards Him, because I was able to receive His penetrating eye as a trivial being, so that I am starting to feel and see as a very ordinary person, that everything was created by Him, everything which got form, life and personality in our lives is to be considered!
I am starting to see that all people are one!
If you see millions of fathers and mothers, you only have to see one, because one mother and one father received all of His being: life and soul, light, fatherhood and motherhood, personality, so that they represent the masses for Him.
Now you are faced with your own child, even if that child belongs to another!
You will not believe it of course, but isn’t it amazing!
However, that takes you to universal love!
Was that not the intention of Christ?
You can now try to get round it, look for nice words to defend it, it will not help you, if you want to accept the words of Christ!
I ask you: must the Catholics hate the Protestants because these children have a different faith?
Did you think that this creates liberalisation, the Christian awakening?
I am starting to see it as one life and one being, we are all part of Him!
Even if you live in a jungle, you are part of Him.
Why do you want to make yourself so big and start to see yourself differently?
It is not possible!
We have to reach unity for this life and the Divine end for people like us, only then will it be worth while to begin a new life here on earth.
Then life will become different and better!
Then it will no longer be claimed that the doctor’s family has brought a lunatic into the world, but then you will see it as your own mistake.
You are involved in it ...!
Just shrug your shoulders ... I am starting to feel it!
As far as I am concerned – I see it as I already read it on the last pages as a revelation and I see the mask of it fall – that the mother who does not want to bear any children is a parasite to God and this humanity!!
Did you hear?
Now all those other mothers have to tune into the natural harmony and get a number of children which is relatively too many.
There are mothers who have twenty.
Why ...? it says in the diary.
Now I have the answer ... because the other mothers flatly refuse it and this humanity may not die out – that is not possible, because then Divine Creation would be destroyed – so other mothers bear for those who mess up their motherhood.
Then follows the mother who brings a lunatic to this world or a seriously ill person, she does the heaviest work for God and is now in harmony with the universe.
She serves, the other mothers destroy!
But how did they get a body?
You see, not so crazy after all!
Or did you think that our life and that of those millions of people on earth, who brought those lunatics into the world, was so simple?
What is therefore a struggle, behaves strangely, will soon be universal happiness!
I still do not have the proof of this, but I will get it, I have that certainty; even if my life is being smothered and I no longer dare to talk of a ‘spiritual child prodigy’.
However, we are not there yet.
I maintain it is René!
Through him we got to see our supernatural self, so beautiful, so wonderful, that you will soon thank God and His heavens that you started it.
I read this, I thought about it in my room and through my walks in nature.
I have everything to spare for it!
Anna got me out of my world, I already said.
‘Come and have a look, Frederik, we are experiencing something new again.’
I go with Anna to have a look.
René is sitting on the bottom stair.
He is thinking.
He is sitting there like an old man, like a sage.
Oh, the worries this life has!
We heard him muttering, he does not see that we are there, he is in a world which is closed off to us, the world of a fool.
‘I am coming!’ he says to himself.
‘I will climb stair by stair.
The children think that I am mad, and I am.
However, they will be held liable for their destruction, He will never approve.
Never, ever, ever, ever!
But I am the victim.
I am going higher!’
Where does the child get all of this?
We do not know!
He slides up a stair.
We see that.
Erica, who is standing at the bottom of the stairs before him – Karel is not there – looks at her fool as we do.
She does not understand it, but she is calm.
René is talking.
‘So, a bit further again.
Oh, how tired I am!
I am dreaming ... I am a sleepwalker by day, ha ... ha ... ha ... people, how you make me laugh ... ha ... ha ... ha ... that Anna.
Did you not see her bum?
Did you see how beautiful mother is?
I played with my own thing and they have something to say about that.
But do they know why?
Did you see that, mother?
Did you see that, Frederik?
Did you really see it, all of you?
It was not me!
Not me, never, ever, ever!
But then it came, oh, oh ... what is that?’
Erica changes colour.
Anna stands next to me as if nailed to the ground.
Erica’s eyes bulge from their sockets.
She sees and hears, I believe, more than we do and what she sees is no longer a child, but an old man.
Yet the voice of the child is there.
The child climbs up the stairs.
Four steps higher he stops to rest.
‘As if bums mean anything!
To be naked is to wear clothes.
Eyes do not see, they are closed ... but I have the same thing as my father and I am therefore a man!
I now know that!
I believe that I also know how I was born.
It is father, he ... made me ... or was it mother?
I am sleeping and I am walking.
People are afraid!
That seems strange, but I am awake and I am sleeping ... was it always like this?
No, not in my life.
Only now I see that I am a man.
I am a man ... father is a man, mother is ... mother.
Anna as well!’
‘Good God’, Erica utters, ‘that on top of everything else!’
She wants to protect her child from evil, because René is fiddling about with his body.
He takes out the universe and looks at it.
I call to her:
‘Leave him, Erica!
It is now as if you lift a person with a broken back.
You can destroy everything at one go.
Leave him alone!’ I whisper, and she stays away from her little René.
I do not understand myself why I suddenly get these feelings, but an inner strength makes me speak.
The child says:
‘I am this!
I am that!
I will share this!
I know what this is.
This is what gives people lust.
Anna should also have possessed that.
Father and mother do not understand it, yet it is this ... what you ... what you ... what you ...!’
The life is suffocating, what it wanted to say no longer comes out.
That ... what you ... stops the thoughts, the seeing and feeling, or whatever it is.
We do not know.
However, Anna just as Erica has received bulging consciousness.
She trembles, she cannot deal with this.
Whether the satan feels this, or that good conquers darkness, the rot of this world and of people ... if we wish to call this darkness and rot, we hear:
Good virtuous soul, if only you had got me, if only you had borne me, then we would not have had this fuss.
Now it is too late!’
René is not even eight years old at this moment.
The language which we hear is not that of a child.
Does another person think through this life?
I do not think so, yet it appears as if it is the case.
He crawls higher, comes to the top of the stairs and remains seated.
It is just as if he surveys life from his position.
He is an old man, this is no longer a child.
I experience thousands of problems, masks fall and masks are put on again.
It gives me a view of things, of which God knows the truths and the creation.
People like us stand looking powerless and do not know what to do with ourselves and the event.
I already long to be able to think.
However, René is dreaming!
He is a sleepwalker by day and proclaims wisdom, or he is possessed by the devil.
Oh, my God, what foundations are we now getting to see?
He is sitting there.
Erica follows him and we stand upstairs around his life.
A quarter of an hour, a half hour passes.
We could continue to watch for two hours, because the child is sleeping.
Is this sleeping?
The life sleeps in a way which normal people like us indicate as sleepwalking.
It is very simple, but this does not add up.
It is frightening!
It brings you into contact with the rot of this world.
That because of a child!
René is dreaming during the day and is talking as every other child or adult sometimes does in his sleep.
This appears again very simple, but it is not.
René is thinking and talking about adult consciousness and that breaks you!
In his sleep this young life stirs upon or drills through problems which we do not know and have no explanation for either.
It is a university!
He is older than us as a result of this, far ahead of us in his thoughts and feelings.
The boy decently ties his trousers.
Also a strange thing, good thoughts flow through those brains.
Another personality covers the body as it should be.
Darkness and light sit together at the table, play something, do something: conscious people like us stand by and see nothing.
We are blind!
This life is thinking and this inner life is sleeping.
Have you ever read about this, Frederik?
It is dreadful!
I am losing myself!
He is still sitting there.
I see furrows on his forehead.
His little back has become broader.
His narrow shoulders emanate power and consciousness.
You could lay a hundred kilos on it, that weight will bear it.
That back, that life, this existence of the soul speaks to normal people like us and we do not understand it.
Who is mad?
Who calls himself conscious!
What are we experiencing?
Is this a normal human child?
Suddenly he says:
‘Marja, but Marja!
Where are you?
Why do you leave me so alone?
And where is Uncle Frederik?
Marja, can you see me?
Are you coming?
Do you want to come?
Marja, I am already here!
I shall see you.
We shall see, we!
Mother knows, but she does not know me.
Neither does Anna, neither does father.
We no longer tremble.
A moment later he adds:
‘Why do you think?
If you come to me, Marja, sit down next to me.
You cannot count to ten for me and yourself at the same time.
You must do as I do!
Are you doing what I do?
But you are already there, I see.
I can see you!
I have got you already!
I will see you, Marja!’
Erica now thinks of miracles.
This enlightening, the darkness has been conquered?
I feel from her life coming to me: Frederik, I am starting to believe in it.
Anna as well, but she does not talk about it.
We shall wait and see.
René is still sitting down, he looks in front of him, his head is bowing quietly, peace has come into the life.
Now he looks into space.
Erica holds his gaze, she sees more than we do.
What she sees in René we can read from her eyes, from her face.
Erica’s eyes beam, they are open and conscious, they penetrate walls, they have become universal.
Erica sees behind the mask.
We can see that, she experiences it!
Look, the miracle is happening!
René is descending from his world of fools to her life.
He is waking. René is awakening in Erica, or is it precisely the other way round?
I don’t understand this, but feel something amazing coming into me and I believe that Anna has also been possessed by it, she is also beaming.
If I had not seen this coming, René would have been beaten down, now I can catch the child and take him into my arms.
He looks at me, recognises me and says:
‘Do you know, uncle Frederik, what dreaming is?
Do you now know, uncle Frederik, what dreams are?’
He looks at Anna.
He absorbs Erica, feels me and himself and changes immediately.
A curse passes his lips.
The child wriggles loose: I cannot cope with this life, it is stronger than I feel.
René is gone, to his small room, but the door remained open.
When we hear a hellish noise, we race to his room.
René is throwing all his possessions around.
One thing after the other flies out of the window.
The glasses fly through the room, the broken pieces fly towards our heads.
The child is like a wild person.
I get hold of him; the strength with which he resists is that of a man.
It is a man whom I am holding in my arms.
It is a terrible realisation for me.
I tremble and shake, but remain calm.
I hold him tight and think, I penetrate to the deep inner part of this life.
Now relaxation comes, the body relaxes and his spirit as well.
I see that he breaks out in a sweat.
Then general relaxation follows and he lets his little head hang.
Now he is a child again!
I put this child on the bed and could weep from emotion.
I don’t however.
Yet tears fall, all of us pity this inner life, our child.
We beg God to please help us, it is an unprecedented torture and no longer human.
It is destruction, I know nothing more terrible, nothing, you could bury this life alive.
What would we like to do?
I can hear Erica praying, the word, her prayer, reach me from her room.
Will they be heard?
I do not think so and that hurts, that stings!
Behind that I feel warmth, happiness, how can it be.
Despite everything, still hope?
At that moment Karel enters.
He looks at his son and thinks he understands.
We are sitting downstairs.
‘It was just as if I was sent home.
We tell him something.
Karel goes away, his patients are calling him, but he will try to come home early.
René is sleeping ... how beautiful he is now.
It is peaceful!
When the women also calm down, I ask:
‘Do not disturb me, I also need some rest.
Just go ahead and make sure that it remains peaceful in the house.’
I lie down.
I do not know why I feel this need so keenly.
However, I clearly got the feeling to lie down and get some sleep.
It is as if I am being forced, asked to as it were.
It is the feeling: come, follow me!
And I do!
I am now lying in bed and thinking.
I go through everything.
I do not know, but I go through everything, everything what was just given to me.
I become tired!
Oh, how tired I am!
I remember that I could no longer open my eyes, yet I continued to think.
What is this?
I have now gone to sleep for my body and not for myself!
This is how I feel it.
It can be felt and imagined clearly.
I am now sleeping and thinking!
My God, what is it?
For the other part in me I am awake!
But what is ‘the other part’?
I am wide awake for that part in me.
Good heavens, Frederik, you can sleep and think at the same time.
I go back, because I want to experience this again, feel it and think about it.
I feel that tiredness come over me and in me again.
My eyes are closed, I am awake!
What is closed above there lives here and it belongs to the material organism, my body.
I am that!
What is now looking, is that the soul, the spirit, the personality?
I believe that masks are falling!
Is that true?
Is that possible?
I have withdrawn from ‘myself’, I live, I think, I feel as well, I can feel things very clearly.
People dream in this way, but I am awake, I experience it consciously.
René as well?
I think through, or people could not dream.
Then no dreaming would exist.
Then this, what I am, would also be in sleep, but I am awake!
You can therefore be awake and asleep at the same time!
In the East they know more about it, the yogis, fakirs and magicians know these laws, as well as the priests of ancient Egypt.
However then ... then they spoiled the rest and it became very ordinary Western rubbish, destruction, passion, whoring!
I must try not to use coarse words, it hurts me.
This is also strange, but I believe that I understand it.
Those coarse words darkened my sight and my senses, as a result of this I understood it so well.
If I think clearly, then light, heat comes into me!
That is pleasant, kind, loving as well.
It is nice!
I determine that I am still a pupil when it comes to thinking.
Just a moment ago I did not yet have these thoughts.
I am therefore progressing, but where am I going?
I am starting ‘to feel’, the feeling and thinking of my ‘own’ self!
Or is this also wrong again?
I believe that I am going straight to my ‘subconscience’.
Do not get a fright, Frederik, whatever mask you will see, it will be wonderful.
Will I ever make it?
Now it becomes lighter.
I see myself again in the light, there where René picked flowers, his ‘meadow’, there where that one tree is, which, however, I cannot see now.
What is ‘life’ to me, which lives in us, which feeds the organic part of my castle, is this thinness, this inspiration for the material world, but which thinks, feels, loves, is open to good and evil, can experience thousands of things and I am that!
I am that!
My God, the masks are falling!
The masks are being torn off?
Say that again, Frederik?
I have become lighter, I could float.
There is light in and around me.
I can see myself there again, where René now is.
I think that I can sense in advance that I will meet him there.
Now I also already know why I got the inclination to go to sleep.
If I had not turned to his life, if I had not tuned myself to his life, this is felt and said more clearly, then I would still be in the self-conscious of every day, yonder where Erica and Anna live and think; now I follow him, René, he is my master!
I follow him and reach unity with his life!
I now come to know why he behaves so madly, is so mad.
Everything is so simple ... my God ... I am starting to see this depth!
René possesses a school, I consider him to be my master.
Does the child, his life, already know this?
René possesses an inherited mastership?
Oh, Frederik, and that in this sober West?
René possesses a school, I repeat, I want to hear what it sounds like.
René possesses a power which we do not know, but that power lives in the human being!
René is a supernatural, but has to get through rot and misery, passions and violence of this world.
Ugh, how awful it is!
Yet, through a manure pit, through manure we get to see growth and blossom.
Oh, this Lotus!
I consider him to be a priest, a mystical wonder!
I can see that now and I have to accept this.
I believe it!
What a doctor, a teacher, a master, it does not matter what it is for, passes onto a pupil, I now get sent through the laws of Mother Nature, but the birth of which his life knows and possesses, I think.
I get that wisdom sent from this fool.
For nothing, for no reason, it happens of its own accord, if you want to be open to it!
I have to follow him, then it comes to my life.
This is his science!
It lives in his soul!
It is the possession of this life!
It is wonderful and it is Divine; even if he fiddles about with his universe, he plays with it, it does not mean anything.
It is now sacred to me and to all who experience this and accept that the soul lives, even if you sleep half the day!
What I now learn is a wonderful gain.
I follow him for the moment, he is sleeping there in his little room, I sleep here.
Is he also awake and aware?
I have to follow in his footsteps and I do that.
I follow our little René!
I am asleep and I am awake, because the life in us is continually awake.
I am therefore right already, Hans ... it is a new foundation!
The soul never sleeps!
The soul or the life, just give it a name, has to work day and night, otherwise the human heart would stand still.
I say all of this aloud in order to make it very clear to me.
I am experiencing a wonderful miracle, Hans, you will never make it, or you will have to follow René, accept his university.
I go step by step higher, deeper, as Mother Nature works, my heart beats: however, I make sure of the ticking myself, the continual, giving life, I have become inspiration!
The soul as life is and remains awake, because it has to feed the body.
Life, soul and spirit are, I believe, one whole, but have to represent their own world, if I am feeling it properly and saying it clearly.
I am now going there.
What is epileptic sleep for René, what the academics call falling illness and hypnotism, what others consider as softening of the brain, is to me descending, leaving daily life and consciousness.
I become life!
I become soul!
I discard physical thinking and feeling, no, it is different, I remain myself, but I leave it behind, I remain a conscious personality.
I know that because someone told me, which I laughed about then, that soul, spirit and life are one, but that we act, think, feel as personality, experience the good and bad of this society, this life!
I no longer laugh, I could not!
I see myself standing by that life, it was in British India, where numerous people of this kind live and have made a study of it, mostly useless to Westerns like us, because there are so many frills attached, it is deception!
I am now becoming soul and at this stage I think as if I am awake.
I therefore lose none of myself!
I am now everything!
Everything in one condition, I believe, one world.
I am myself and I am becoming different, I am becoming better, stronger, more aware, I am starting to know more about myself.
I am starting to look at my own castle, I am now capable of it, just as René did on the stairs, although I already know that, what this life, this child is searching for, because that space awakens, is growing.
Can it be clearer?
Is this dirty?
It is part of the castle, the body lives because of it, but we act, the personality has to know all about it!
God wants it!
He gave it to us, it is wonderful, oh, how infallible it is.
René is starting to live, he has to awaken through that tickling, it is a flower in bud, which he opens or the life will suffocate.
That squeaking, it is also howling, moaning, torture ... races to his little heart, which is older than mine, also that of everyone, I believe, even if you have learned so much.
Little René wants to know what the growth for those systems will be.
He is that himself!
But who teaches him it?
How does it awaken in his life?
I now follow that, I believe. Little René wants to know why adults like us feel ‘paternal’ and ‘maternal’.
Is that a sin?
Is that so dirty?
Do not shrug your shoulders, he will beat them down, soon, I am starting to see that. Little René is starting; because he possesses that sensitivity, he is older, more masculine.
This is why he sees bums, those of Anna and his mother and mine, he looks through every thick material ... or is it different?
This does not mean anything, all of us are people of flesh and blood, however, he sees the life, feels it, knows it, knows what to do with it!
I get those foundations from his personality.
Good heavens, I have become so grateful!
How simple everything is!
René sees soul and he becomes spirit.
When he starts to dream, has to experience something, which knocks him down, which is inhuman to us, he just lives in the ‘human part’, in which we walk around blindly.
His soul feels what is so early conscious in his personality.
That is now the ‘mad part’.
That appears to be mad and strange, but it is not.
This is why I no longer dare to say that all lunatics are abnormal.
I now watch my words, myself, I also approach the mad part, which appears to be normal!
What I am now looking around in is where I was before.
I first saw mist, then light came.
I walked from a night into the morning.
Then the sun came.
Exactly, then the sun came and that sun is the consciousness for our life.
That life can be enlightening, if you wish to follow it.
However, what do people like us do?
What do we follow?
The darkness in our lives, everything which is dirty and dark.
But God did not create that!
It is not there!
There is light everywhere, it was always there!
Hans, it was always there!
Karel, it was always there.
If you wish to see it as God created it for your life.
Now it becomes love!
My God, I experienced this more than once.
I did not understand my feelings and thoughts, now it came to me unexpectedly.
I walked to the wisdom, to life and to a death, which I do not believe exists.
I am now getting to know myself!
If I possess fire for one percent, fire of the Divine fire, I am already that!
That little fire becomes bigger and I am part of the large fire.
Stoke it up yourself and you will make it.
Now you are starting.
I will try to become a flame, be a flame.
I will now set myself alight, set my heart on fire with it, only now do I glow, do I go to the wonderful part, which people like us call God!
Frederik, you will see and experience it.
It is Divine!
I am busy connecting my spark, my light to the great and wonderful.
That is the Universal.
I set myself alight and because I do this my life awakens.
I have become enlightened!
I have to do with that wonderful fire, I am a part of it.
As a result of this I have become awake, I talk in my sleep, I dream aloud and I know what I am doing.
What does Hans know about it?
It is a university!
Which belongs to René!
You will see.
I repeat ... I set myself alight, and because I set myself alight, make myself awake, behave like fire, want to be, I come into contact with the other fire.
That is life, soul and spirit ... I control all of that.
Because my soul, my spirit, were born from there, were created, I can go back there.
I now believe that He wants that, or it would not exist!
Isn’t this wonderful?
I am an enlightened soul!
You can explain these things better in German, that language is suited to that.
Most people do not want to believe that, because that mentality is sometimes so overpowering, boasts, yet it is the truth.
I am enlightened!
I am setting myself alight, I am becoming a light, I am going back to greatness, because of René.
What I am a part of calls me back, attracts me, there is nothing else to be experienced.
That is how it is!
For this purpose I now went to sleep in order to remain awake, because the dominating part in my castle is fed by it, or, as I already said, this machine would stand still.
We call that death. Is that death?
Who still wants to make me laugh?
That crazy death, who throws forget-me-nots, walks in sandals and is living-conscious, looks, loves, is light!
You are walking by feeling ... I am standing on small flowerbeds of forget-me-nots, of a death.
I am faced with his mask, which is not there, which now becomes alive through this trivial spark of mine, shines, beams, loves.
I stand face to face with him, look him straight in the eye, he laughs, gives me peace, knowledge, reaches out his beautiful hand to me and says: it is good like this!
I can now already smell his breath of life.
I sit still like René did when he was sitting at his table with him.
I eat everything which he gives me, it is tasty; a moment ago I did not yet know this food, yet I see that my origins have discarded the being the self of the farmer, or I would now see myself acting while sputtering, and full of refusal.
However, I don’t do that.
René went through the stairs to his life, higher, but deeper, he descended into his life.
René has already matured here, he has the feeling for it, I now master it.
It is happiness!
I now know that the boy will catch up with me, at least physically, he is thousands of centuries ahead of me inwardly.
He keeps me going, he inflames me, my machine runs through his willpower, his thoughts, his life, soul and spirit.
If all of this is true, it is amazing.
Little René is not yet sitting beside him at the table, but little René is already haunting in his house and death approves.
It will be like that, yes, death already talks through the little soul of René, which is this child.
That is sleepwalking for the boy, who still has to grow up!
I go a bit further.
The life, which is René, has already awakened, or that same life, as it now does, would have behaved, expressed itself differently, it then would have been as all life around us, as we ourselves are.
What is now therefore mad, can be, has soon, I hope, to possess consciousness and undergo death consciously in order to tell us all about it.
Oh, little René!
However, then the life and the soul also change and I already believe that we recognise soul and spirit, life and material.
These are other things than people like us have got to know up until now.
I now go another way!
I will master the things which Our Lord placed in little René’s hands.
Now that I am completely tuned into this life, I start to feel and understand René.
More light has come into me, I can go where I want, the doors of my little garden are open.
I even already see a path around my house and yonder a mown lawn, where I want to have a quiet seat in order to think.
So fully in the sun, which one enjoys and which does one good, it wakes one up.
I now go out of my house.
I know that I am waiting for René, whom I know and whose thoughts I am tuned into.
That is also possible here. In this space, because it is a space, it is a world, you cannot avoid your own kind, your own spark, feeling, character.
I also already know this!
If you love someone it means that the flames reach unity.
Now our life gets more light, together we are stronger and see, feel and live because of it.
Then thoughts and action follow of their own accord.
I am now doing that!
They are also the blossoms of the tree which enhances your entity, your human being.
It is the spring time for your soul!
I have become spring!
What can I see?
Yonder I observe a dot, which is already becoming larger, which flies, which comes to me.
It is René, yes, it is little René!
There he is, the strange one.
The child is more aware, it lives.
‘Uncle Frederik, how long you kept me waiting.
I have now come to visit you, because I have not yet finished my house, uncle Frederik, I just come to you.
Do you now know what dreaming is?
Now, just look me in the eye?
Do you know?
Did you see me a moment ago?
Did I not behave really strangely, uncle Frederik?
Don’t talk, you must now listen to me, here you cannot do everything at the same time.
You must immediately give it its course, its thoughts, then you will not come to grief, uncle Frederik.
Uncle Frederik, sounds better now, doesn’t it?
Can you not feel the difference?
So, I am nearly there.
What was Anna thinking about?
How did mother think?
Were they afraid, Uncle Frederik?
They are really afraid.
That Anna ... her bum ... her memory, her life, her self, I can see, I saw, I know, I know all about it.
Mother is deaf, blind, father as well!
If I now beat you to the ground, Uncle Frederik, I am wrong.
Then it will become dark!
If I don’t do it, it will remain enlightened here.
Can you feel it?
Do you now know it?
Or you do not understand it?
That is a pity!
However, that is the devil, that darkness talks, gives you something.
Did you see that devil, Uncle Frederik?
It is a devilish trick.
I will no longer do that filthy stuff, rubbing filth into myself, but it was the beginning for this.
Can I help it?
Are you afraid of this?
Is that dirty?
How did the life come to me?
It started then, Uncle Frederik.
After all, I got into it!
Through that I became awake and then I also became it and I thought I was filthy.
Then they became colours, art, do you understand, Uncle Frederik?
Since the machine had to run, Uncle Frederik, I ran along.
Other children do not run along, do not get anything either, do not know, Uncle Frederik.
Do not know!
Is it not great?
Oh, watch out ... there he is, Uncle Frederik, there he is!
He is a dirty man!
It is that scoundrel, Uncle Frederik.
Can you see him?
He is looking for me.’
‘Come to me, René, no one will hurt you if I am there.
I will take care of you.
We shall see.
Come on, we shall go together.’
I walk out of the garden and what do I see?
A horrible man.
‘What are you doing here?
See that you leave?’
The man runs away, we follow him.
How fast that chap can run.
We give up and go back.
I ask René, because I do not understand it:
‘Do you know that chap?’
‘I know him only too well, Uncle Frederik.
When I, what people think of it, did wrong, he came to my life.
He gave me something and when I took it, he came back.
Well, how should I say this.
He is a vicious dog, a scoundrel, Uncle Frederik.
He is evil, he is bad, he is rotten, Uncle Frederik.
I am not!
I do not want anything to do with him.
Do you believe it?
Where I now am, where we now are, he lives, he is!
I think it is pitiful.’
I now understand that this is the evil of this world, the bad, which also follows the child, absorbs the childish life in itself, or this child would be different, I believe.
René continues, has already forgotten the bad and connects me to something else.
That is also bad, harsh for his little life, tortures him, beats, kicks, attacks him and bites into his sensitive heart.
‘I will get them, Uncle Frederik.’
‘Who will you get?’
‘The boys ... I mean the boys.
But I will go away for a while, Uncle Frederik.’
I understand, or feel, that he now puts me in contact with many problems.
Now they are the boys and something else follows, which has to do with himself.
‘Listen, you must not be afraid.
Never be afraid.
Our father cannot pray.
Never thinks properly.
And do you think, Uncle Frederik, that I do not know Marja?
There she is.
Can you see her?
Did you see her, Uncle Frederik?’
Immediately afterwards he says:
‘Do you know why I am so old?
And why yonder where we live, my life is so old?
No, you do not know that yet.
But you have worked it out!
You are searching!
You are searching for it and you will get it as well, Uncle Frederik.
I am old, you are also old, all of us are old, Uncle Frederik, all of us, Father, Mother, Anna as well.
That has to lubricate the machine, but is there growth, blossom, life, soul, material, rarity in this, what is it?
However, Marja will help me.
Father says: it is an effect, but he does not know, he does not understand it.
What is ‘effect’, Uncle Frederik?’
He waits for a moment, I had wanted to ask him something, but he continues and says:
‘And Marja will help me.
She and I, Frederik, together, but with you, we, we ... only, because it is ... you and we and Anna.
It is her.
Oh, how tired I am ... how tired I am.
Is that it?
Is this it?
The tiredness makes me ill, kills me.
The tiredness, it is the waiting ... the effect of father.
The naturalness is searching for a way, and I have to go along!
Because I can not do it alone, Uncle Frederik, will you come with me?
But wait, just wait for me, wait, wait.
Anna as well!
Oh, Uncle Frederik, I am so tired ...!’
‘Just sleep, little man, here on my knee, darling, my boy.
You will have peace here.
Yes, I can see it, I can feel it, as long as I know it there.
It is still a dream, we still do not know anything, but it will come, little René?’
I hear calling and I am awake.
But Frederik ...!’
It is Anna.
‘René’, she says, ‘is dreaming aloud and is talking about you.
I am afraid of it.’
‘What time is it, Anna?
Oh, I see, I have slept for an hour.
What is the matter?’
‘There, just see for yourself, he is muttering: Marja.’
I hear: ‘Marja, Frederik, you and I, all of us.
There he is, Uncle Frederik, the animal.
Go away, dirty animal, dirty animal, go away!
I do not want you.
Go away, dirty animal ...
You are playing with ... damn, I get a beating from it, dirty sod!’
René awakes with a fright.
The child looks me in the eye.
Since when are those eyes so deep?
I do not believe that this depth is permanent.
Erica is not there, Anna and I have experienced miracles, I believe.
As a result of a very ordinary dream, because that is what it is, nothing and nothing else, I believe.
I have no proof.
Little René and I saw the blossom of it in our own little garden.
However, the boy is very tired.
He wants to go to sleep again and I lay the child down.
Look now, the life goes to sleep.
The dream was not sleeping, cannot be experienced as sleep, this is sleeping!
Anna wants to know what is really the matter with the child.
I tell her a part of it, I say that dreaming is not all deception.
‘There are dreams which are experienced by the soul and those are through the personality, what we are on earth and have made of ourselves, dealt with.
We learn from it.
René is dreaming!
Even when he is awake he dreams here, but he cannot deal with it then.
Then he is mad!
However, it is not real madness, in my opinion, it is a supernatural giftedness.
However, do not talk about it, Anna, do not tell the others anything, because they will not understand it anyway.
It is love, wisdom, happiness.’
Anna walks away, but she comes back and asks:
‘But what should I make of his talk, Frederik?’
‘Do you mean about your ...?’
Anna looks at the ground.
I say: ‘Did you think that this means anything?
It is a part of the machine.
René admires your house, not from the adult self, but because it will be he who explains it.
We will receive foundations, Anna.
Oh, child, see that you leave or I will light a pipe ...’
Anna thought that I would hug her.
She goes. I lit my pipe and go for a walk.
See you later, my little dove.
I have a tremendous amount of things to reflect upon.
Anna, Anna, Frederik ...
Little René ...
Marja, Marja ...
I am starting to think about it.
Anna, soul of my soul, life of my life, do you not recognise me?
Blood of my blood, can you feel my heart?
Who gave me these thoughts, they do not belong to me.
Yet, I think, I feel, I know a lot more than just a moment ago before going to sleep.
How can it be!
‘Soul of my soul ... life of my life ...
Father, Mother, I love all of you.
Oh, how I love you, because you suffer so much!’
I am beaten by dumbness.
Today is such and such a date of the etc. ... I am outside and can already hear the angels singing.
But through the birds.
What are dreams?
What is a dream?
Am I, I begin to wonder, occupied with myself, am I starting to experience the things coming from this rotten society in my sleep?
If I dream aloud then I am still normal?
When I dream I am in the normal, am I now in the abnormal?
What I was there ... I am now also!
And this eats, walks, talks, thinks, does things, and from those things I can see whether I am good or bad.
I am faced, I believe, with the ten commandments!
However, I have worked it out!
Enough for today, but I continue and tomorrow perhaps as well.
It can still take weeks, months, but I can feel it.
I have all the time for myself.
I can do what I want ... because little René is going away!
He said so, and I must not be afraid.
It is now a case of waiting to see whether he goes and whether I shall be afraid.
But now the others?
Little René is going away!
It is Christ!
It is Golgotha!
It is also God!
It is love!
Everything is love.
Me as well, but I am still a spark.
I want to make myself burning; I believe that I have found the way.
I kicked in the door of His Temple: how spacious it is there!
I already possess a lovely little house.
I can receive all people there, friends.
If I received nothing else for this world and for what is the soul, I am already satisfied.
However, I still do not understand that rascal very well.
It does not appear so simple as it is in reality.
Yet I can feel that person as well.
René is afraid of him!
Just a moment ...
I will go even further!
I have already worked it out!
You will see, Hans, that will take René to the madhouse.
I must not say it like that.
It will take him away from us for a short while.
René has to get through it.
It is truly the filth of this world.
That filth spreads itself, but through the child!
That filth wants to draw, paint, but the Lotus appears from this mud!
We will wait for that.
That filth is the person, who gossips about the other life.
He does not bow his rough head, he is conceited, he insults, sullies, he destroys!
That filth enjoys another’s suffering and sorrow.
This filth shows itself as a person and calls René ... boeha!
René still lives in good and evil, he is no angel, but that is not necessary either.
What could an angel hope to achieve in this world?
They live in a heaven, if that exists.
Yet this is the little sun which we see, the little light.
It is happiness!
It is love!
It has nothing to do with suffering and sorrow, I now know!
Hans, I will soon crush you!
That same dirty little man in person, that little man shuffles on the earth and possesses space, can go where he wants to go; but keep him out of your house.
If you don’t do that, it will become dark, it will stink as well, everything will become dirty now!
He has had this space for so long; we do not want any more to do with it.
I saw this clearly, René is also bothered by it, it impedes this life, it follows his soul.
That is being mad!
That devil haunts, is in you and next to you and follows you in everything.
If you take his money, you go with him.
If you cheat, you are ungrateful, you slander people and your God, all good things, then you have got him!
He is everywhere, you are immediately a child of his life.
Ugh ... ugh, what a strength that chap has, a space, it is wonderful, and yet?
He cannot stand light, yet we pull him upwards, to the border of good and better!
René still has nothing to do with him yet.
I now know that.
Thank God, or I would already be following all that filth and I would stop without question.
I went into the mud!
Who sees all of this consciously?
The word tells you that!
The light tells you that!
The feeling tells you this!
Now you see the love!
It will now have to speak!
Destroy the feeling, then you will see ... him, this little fellow, who can run so fast!
I see Golgotha before me.
I am building my road to it!
It will be difficult, but I get up again.
I bow my head to everything!
Oh, little devil, you will not get me.
Now I know that I have had enough of you, you will not get me.
What I used to do was just fooling about, what René did has nothing to do with passion, sexual carry-on!
Even if he walks naked in the street, it does not matter!
I know what it is!
Now I am standing sharply!
This is worthwhile; what people like us consider dirty is maternal love, it makes the machine work, it is no more than that!
This little devil, my people, friends, does not matter.
We have him in strong hands.
If you so wish.
As long as there are people on earth who harshly rape life, spoil it, he will be involved.
Oh, Frederik, how well your machine is working.
I am so happy. Isn’t this amazing?
I thought so, even if we begin first!
A person has the right to know; he has the urge to get to know himself, he has to accept that he will become a parasite if the laws for body and soul are neglected.
One mother bears children and creates, the other refuses to serve.
However, when does the personality understand this?
How many of these wonderful machines are stopped in ignorance?
My God, the things which now bombard me.
I thought I would stop today and let everything sink in first, now I am faced with a world.
What I now see and feel is awe-inspiring.
I see infallible foundations, I am already able to elevate my building, to draw the whole, in order to start on the tower soon.
Oh, Frederik, when the final part will soon come to you.
Hans, you and all your learned friends will have to bow your heads.
As a result of René, our fool.
My concrete is lasting well ... these are foundations!
All of this nature speaks to me.
When I go into it deeper, I am faced with the ten commandments.
It is so wonderful.
People, just bring a fool into the world, it has to happen!
Even if you think that it is not right, it is still very natural.
I am already that far now, that I understand all these things. I hope that I will receive the universal, the Divine foundation, because that is the point for me.
‘If you speak to these laws and you get an answer, but you have to do everything for it’, comes into my life.
I want that.
It is the oil of Our Dear Lord ... which lubricates us and as a result of which we walk, think, do things which are sometimes wrong, sometimes good.
As a result of this you will learn!
Oh, it is wonderful!
Now you can see the forget-me-nots and the daisies, you see them smiling and talking!
Now you have reached unity with that unprecedented nature.
It is the moment that you wear the sandals and receive the new garment.
Now you look behind the mask of death and you stand before eternal life, which I do not yet know, but which will come to me.
I am curious what Karel will say about it.
When I come home it is Karel who is waiting for me.
Erica is upstairs.
He asks me immediately:
‘What kind of trouble happened now, Frederik?
What do you think about all that mess?
A fit of madness?
As a result of which he talks like a sensible person and immediately afterwards you see those crazy phenomena, as Erica told me?’
‘I still do not have any view of it, Karel.
I believe that we must just give in to all of this.
I am starting to think that we as people truly possess a subconscious.
The human being is deeper than he thinks himself.
If we, Karel, possess the foundations for the soul, may truly accept that it is a personality for this and the next life, then everything is solved for me and I lay my own foundations.
How is René suddenly so tired?
That is still not clear to me, but what do we do, when we discuss serious things, get to deal with heavy matters?
Then we are in that same situation.
However, René still has to start life.’
‘Continue, Frederik, it means something to me.’
‘Do not forget, Karel, that every thought possesses a universal world.
I know what the academics say about it.
We know what theology is to them.
We know what the parapsychologist knows about it. Freud and all the others say their opinion.
We will never make it scientifically.
You know that, but I try to get there in my way.
I believe, Karel, that I will succeed, although I have to honestly admit that it is not simple.
I do not imagine anything.
If you come to Kant’s reasoning and thinking, then we still know nothing.
Then you are faced with empty words with a scientific shade to them, but no more than that either.
When, I wonder, Karel, are people like us natural in our thoughts and feelings?
What is good and bad?
Do you not know that?
If I think about it, I am faced with thousands of problems.
When there was such terrible gossip about all of us and people wondered why intellectuals could not bring a healthy child into the world and a whore could bring triplets, healthy and with sense, I was faced with your effect and Mother Nature, which, in my opinion, does not pay attention to anything.
It goes on and we do not have the birth in our own hands.
However, what is it?
That talk is no good to me, nor to you.
Whether distance systems and reason concepts are talked about, we do not come any further anyway.
Sensory embodiment of all these unknown matters. Karel, no machine has been invented for this purpose and it will not come for the time being either, because then the soul shows itself and it stands naked before you.
There is still another machine, in which it lives: namely the mask, which we are faced with.
Put more humanly and a bit clearer, Karel: how do we think?
What is thinking and where does it take place?
What is it if you say: I love you?
I now know that Socrates was not so crazy after all.
He kept pointing one finger upwards, that is to him and his life the universe in which we live.
Precisely, that is where it lives.
But what does that mean?
What did Kant and all sages forget?
They do not know themselves!
They should have started with themselves!
Now you are faced with the human machine, Karel, the heart of which René has discovered.
Were we different?
Did we not play with this toy, did we not wind it up because it moved so well?
Do you think that is dirty?
Do you think that is madness?
Is it normal, I ask you, if you never look at your castle and therefore sorely neglect it?
Good heavens, I ask you, how many millions of people, men and women on earth, do not walk wide of creation?
For what purpose did we get this machine?
Just let René be!
This means nothing, Karel, nothing!
The boy lives in different worlds at the same time, as all fools.
They are between this, the material world, and that of the soul, the spirit or the life, whatever it is.
Now we have, and you have to accept that, hells and heavens.
We do not need to kid ourselves that we live in a heaven, this society is agonisingly bad.
A human being possesses good and evil.
A human being is good and wrong, we have a bit of both worlds.
If you leave this consciousness, Karel, you are not strong enough to experience this life and you are over-sensitive, which is sent straight from the inner life to the daily conscious material one, then you have to accept both these worlds and you talk of good and evil.
You do nice things or, what we now see and do not understand, dirty distasteful things.
If I see Hans’ lunatics, then we see these phenomena again in old and young.
René lives there.’
‘Where will this ship strand, Frederik?’
‘In a psychopathic institution.
For a short time, then he will get out again.
I tell you, do not let yourself be influenced by Hans.
He wants this guinea pig, but even if he is our friend, he may not have René.
Do you promise me that, Karel?’
‘I have already thought about it, Frederik.’
‘About his condition and his treatment.’
‘Never to Hans ...
Anywhere, not in that area, Karel, because then he will never stand on his own two feet.’
‘Do you think that Hans will mess him up?’
‘What is there to mess up, Karel?
No, it is not that.
We are rid of Hans for the time being.
He does not bother about your child; I want that help for René which will give us the certainty that he will get a natural treatment.
Hans tries all kind of things and we must not have that.
You understand, René must have a good treatment.
He is a lunatic and he is not, Karel.
I believe very certainly that the boy will succumb.
Not that he cannot cope with this life.
It is not that!
It has nothing to do with it, although it has a role to play for his daily consciousness.
The only thing is his temper.
If René was not hot-tempered, he would never collapse.
It does not matter now either, in my view ... but it plays tricks on him.
What is a hot temper to him, is to me dealing with all that material.
He actually collapses because of his thinking and he tries to shake it off.
However, he cannot do that, that is why he runs through the house like a lunatic.
If this was natural madness then I would say to you: give him to Hans.
Hans does not know him and makes this case heavier and more serious, until there will be no more life and we have to do with an apparent death.
This is my opinion, Karel, and I certainly believe that I will be proved right.’
‘Very clear, Frederik, but who will give us proof of it?’
‘You must wait and see.
In addition, people like us can be attacked by the evil in the world.
They are the hells.
I do not yet know whether people live in them who like us have known a material life.
However, you and I and now also René are open to it and that is all.
We must conquer the wrong in us, Karel, there is no more to it.
Now you are faced with miracles.
Because René gets to see and experience strange things, which again we do not understand.
However, they do exist!’
‘What do those names mean, Frederik?
What does all that talk about that Marja mean?’
‘I do not know.
If we possess a subconscience, it is certainly a part of it.
However, it is also a huge question mark to me.’
‘Do you think that he can draw and paint?’
‘Let that soul go its own way, Karel.
What can happen? The longing to draw lives in his character.
Give him those things and let him mess about.
I cannot see any trouble in this.
Or do you think differently about it?’
‘Will you buy that rubbish for him?
Or let us wait until he asks for it again.
I have nothing against it, but it is strange.’
‘What is strange, Karel?
Did Mozart also behave strangely when he crawled to the grand piano as a child?’
‘You are surely not trying to tell me that this still has to do with art?’
‘For my part, I believe so, Karel, even if so many of those devilish things happen.
I cannot believe that René will become completely mad.
Is this art?
No ... it has nothing to do with art, but let him mess about.’
‘I am afraid that it will happen under the force of another.’
‘I also thought of that.
However, you can see, today completely mad, tomorrow normal again.
I think it is a means of keeping him occupied.
What will become of it?
We will wait and see, you cannot do more than that.
Is there anything else?’
‘I don’t think so ... it is a chaos in my head.
My God, what will this lead to.’
‘To the natural awakening, Karel.
It is no more than that.
There have already been more of these lunatics on earth.
Later they became geniuses.’
‘Come, come, no frills, Frederik.
‘I know, I will think about it, I will not go too far, you try all kinds of things.
All of us have to do with it, we cannot sleep because of it, we are afraid, because it is a life which belongs to us.
What do you do now?
Everything. A while ago we went to clairvoyants for it.
How many academics were occupied with him?
What is epilepsy?’
‘Now that you mention it, where would that falling asleep quickly come from?
I cannot see anything abnormal.
Yet it is there.’
‘Yes, could this perhaps be the hypnotic sleep of our friend?
I think that it is linked to all those other things.
I think that when things happen in his inner life, which are part of that inner life, he is suddenly torn away from the daily consciousness.
That means to me that the inner life is dominant.
The material machine has then nothing more to say.
He himself is the oil for the machine!
He himself sinks away and goes to sleep?
I do not know how these systems work and are tuned to each other, Karel, however, it seems to me that this is worthwhile.’
‘Where do you get all those explanations from?’
‘I think about it, Karel.
I study myself and life and make comparisons with the eastern yogi.’
‘So from there after all?’
‘Is there anything to be found in this sober West which explains this?’
‘No there isn’t, but is a comparison possible?’
Yet we are now faced with problems, which you cannot accept just like that.’
‘What are they?’
‘Do you still have to ask that?
What is soul ...?
What is spirit ...?
Has the soul eternal continuation?
Is the soul for the first time in this world?
Is there life after death?
Is the soul already a personality when it comes into the mother?
Is it an independent being?
Then where did it live before?
What is it doing here now?
Why is it father?
Why does one person go mad and the other is a genius?
Why riches and poverty?
Why black and white?
Why ... I can express thousands of why’s, but we do not have a satisfactory answer to a single one.
You get to know all those matters in the East.
Does René live in it?
Then we are already faced with the enormous problems of the soul.
What do spiritualists, theosophists say?
That it is true.
Certainly, we do not need to condemn the teachings from ancient Egypt, but do you ever achieve it?
We have no foundations, Karel.
Everything is still unsettled, but it is mighty interesting.
I worry about it, I do not do anything else.
From time to time I get a little foundation like that.’
‘You have time for it, go ahead, Frederik.
I am grateful to you for your help, your support for René, you know that!’
‘What do you think of that little school?
Send him there?’
‘There is nothing else here.
We have to give in to it.
We shall see.
If it does not work out, then just back home again.’
‘I am afraid for the puberty years, Frederik.’
‘Of course ...
But he has to get through that as well.
They will be difficult years for him, but he will make it.’
‘Do you still maintain that?’
‘I do not take any of it back, Karel, nothing!’
‘You have my respect, I am not so conceited, you know that.’
‘Could well be, I cannot do any differently, it has become my life.’
‘How you have changed in recent years.’
‘I have awakened, Karel.
I now think things through better and I am going to my third youth.
It is no more than that.’
‘Are you having elocution lessons?’
‘What a fright you gave me, Karel.
I have been silent all my life and looked around.
I was always thinking and I was not able to open my mouth.
I suffered terribly because of it.
You got to know me when I was still completely up to my neck in it.
Now I would say: thank God!
I am really pleased that I kept so quiet.
However, can a human being do that?
It is my nature.
As a result of that thinking and keeping quiet, Karel, I could see the things in this world better.
I was like a deaf and dumb person, I could not express myself, especially not when I was in public.
It bothered me to death but it did not help.
I resisted it; it did not help any.
I really took elocution lessons at that time, but already had to stop after a month, it was not working, I was a hopeless case.
And from inside?
I delivered speeches to myself.
I did not get a word over my lips.
Then I gave up.
Now I do not know any better.
I have thought about everything.
This is why I can envy a deaf and dumb person.
People talk far too much in this world.
The very first thing we must do is be silent.
How much those people have to make up for, who brought all this misery, all that gossip about us?
I never took part in it.
Empty enjoyment meant nothing to me.
I thought about it.
I thought that if I could ever express myself as I would like to, words would come from which people would never fall down from drought.
Now you are already telling me that I possess a talent for writing.
I think it is fine, it has come to me because of my silence and finally broke through to the conscious social part.
Now the words fly from my mouth of their own accord, or is it something else?
What is it, Karel?’
‘I do not know about that, it strikes me that you can think so well and so clearly.’
‘I am rising.
I am in blossom, Karel.
It is the spring, even if we live in the cold ... it is the spring!’
We now walk off stage.
Karel goes to Erica.
I go to sleep and to think.
Behind this they have already started with the next changes.
The hall is in anticipation, and daisies really did come for René.
We think he merits them.
Since this play pulls off your own mask, people throng to the box-offices, they come to our theatre from far and wide, with flowers in their hands.
There are some who already wear sandals with beautiful garments, but they are the spiritual aware, they no longer wear masks.
They were strong enough for themselves to throw them away.
These people have nothing, nothing more to hide from us.
I wish I was as far advanced as that, because then I would be face to face with the state of purity.
What takes us to the next scene?
Sorrow, suffering and misery.
Let us hope that we will grow because of it, awakening is better!
The play is called that ... you bow to the Messiah, to Christ, to God Himself.
Is this not wonderful?