The human being on earth seen from this life
I concentrated on earth again and immediately the material world became visible to me.
I no longer wanted to follow that poor woman, I would only disturb her.
‘Farewell’, I said to her, ‘farewell, you wretch!
Perhaps we would meet each other again one day.’
However, eternity is a vast expansion, so seeing her again would mean a miracle.
Before me lay a town and now I saw people, earthly people everywhere.
Wherever I looked there was life to be seen.
Finally I was back in the inhabited world and soon caught up in the bustle.
How differently I saw the earth than when I still lived in my earthly body.
Everything was shrouded in a haze, but I clearly saw the people and the buildings and what belonged to the earth.
I wandered through the streets, but it was not possible for me to concentrate on one point, that transition was too intense.
I saw too much and had to let this life go through me first.
Now that I had entered here I understood that that woman would not have to remain much longer in that loneliness.
She was already passing over to this life and this life would soon be visible to her.
She would also be nothing else but surprised.
I thought that I knew this town, because I saw things which I used to know.
However, much had changed and yet I recognised everything.
When I had tuned in properly, then I was in the city where I had lived.
My thoughts had taken me back here.
I saw people who still lived on earth and also astral people.
I passed through one person, but bumped into another when I thought about him.
All those astral beings were clothed in earthly garments, I had therefore solved this mystery.
This was the truth and I had not imagined anything.
I could clearly distinguish the earthly being from the astral being.
The earthly being was denser and the astral more hazy.
Yet they were as if they still lived on earth.
I did not understand that people knew so little about this life, because you could see them clearly.
The earthly being walked through me and he did not see or feel any of it.
I stood inside him and yet he did not feel me.
Neither was he conscious of the life of the other being.
A thick haze lay around the earthly being, which held the human being prisoner like a spiritual wall.
I did not yet understand what this meant, but I recognised the material being from it.
Then I saw the earthly people again like shadows and yet others very coarse.
I could see these the clearest and they were also the easiest to reach.
I felt that I could pass into their lives, when I thought about them.
Yet I had to tune into them purely, otherwise nothing happened.
It was a great miracle that I had gone back to the place where I had lived.
I wanted to know all about this life and to try to master it.
I therefore decided to remain alone and not to bother with anyone else.
It was also remarkable to see how everyone followed his own path.
The earthly and the astral people lived together and that was death and eternal life.
Death and life were two problems for the earthly being, but now I saw and felt that it all meant life.
There was no death!
The earthly being was spied upon and followed by the being who had died.
I did not know whether they did good or evil.
Yet in complete silence, which I clearly felt and perceived, the astral being worked out a plan and he experienced that plan together with the human being on earth.
I felt this because I saw them carrying on together.
It was really amazing to see this from this side.
When I tuned in deeper, I heard that howling noise which meant passion and violence.
If I concentrated on the human being again, then it was as if I felt the betrayal and it entered me.
Danger threatened here, it was a case of being careful here.
The life which I perceived worked anxiously and oppressively upon me.
I now understood that the earth was a hell.
The earthly being lived without knowing it in a spiritual hell.
This was very clear to me, that hell lay in and around him, because inside darkness reigned in him.
Now that I had seen the shadows I understood that those who lived there were in another hell than the more coarse human being.
From those who could be seen so horribly clearly, anxiety and horror radiated towards me.
Now I started to understand that anxiety, because I had to watch out for those beings.
I had already seen astral people who looked more like an animal than a human being.
It was frightening to see them going on like this.
They were no longer people.
That name did not belong to them, they had discarded the human part.
Had these people passed over to the animal part?
It must be the case, because they were horrible.
I thought I saw demons in them, since a green flashing light lay around them.
It came from their inner being, which I saw clearly.
That greenish light was exactly as that of those who had enticed me here.
I would anxiously watch them and be careful of them.
I did not want to have anything to do with those people.
When I followed them, I felt lies, lust and deception.
Yet the most amazing thing of all was that I was invisible to those people.
They could not feel me and it was impossible for them to see me.
When I experienced this I did dare to approach them closer.
But, oh, how animal-like these people were, I could not describe them.
They were like pre-animal monsters, their hands were like claws and such a beast man lived on earth.
I did not continue to follow that animal, because I felt that I had to be very careful on earth.
I had to watch out for various things.
I did not know what danger threatened me, but what I felt did not mean anything good.
I therefore followed my own path.
A time would come when I would master that, that I wanted to get to know those people, but now other thoughts were inside me.
I felt my own life and I wanted to know all about it and calmly pass into this life.
I would not yet be able to deal with many emotional situations.
It was remarkable that my own thoughts and feelings drove me in that direction.
There was something which sent me there, so I could follow the voice of my heart.
There was something in and around me that I felt very deeply, but which was invisible to me.
Was I being sent in one direction?
I would just wait and see and watch out for everything.
At that moment I already felt all my questions which I had asked in my life on earth coming back to me.
I had felt that properly and clearly a moment ago, after all.
That drove me forwards and I gave into it completely.
I would try and solve all those earthly questions with myself and through myself.
I thought about all of this for a long time and felt something very special.
Now that I had come back here, I felt as I did at that time when I still lived on earth.
These feelings therefore remained connected to all my questions.
I also lived isolated at that time and that urge also came back to me now.
I was the same, completely the same in everything.
This life is amazing, I kept saying again and again.
The more I thought about all of this, the more all my former qualities came back to me.
I also now understood that this, where I lived, was my hell.
It was not dark and I saw more light than when I entered this world.
I had not lost anything, but also not received anything, I was as I was when I lived on earth at that time.
I did not feel the need then either to meet people and I was really amazed about this.
Before I entered here, I longed to see people and to meet them and I wanted to have fun, but those longings had suddenly died away.
When I was in my cell, I had a burning desire to see life.
Now I saw life, lived in it, there were people around me, and yet it did not matter to me.
I understood how natural this life was, because I felt and experienced it.
Here people could not be any different to what they were and felt within.
At that time I was in an unnatural situation and now I was natural again.
I had brought myself into disharmony and those feelings of disharmony had dissolved, I had experienced them, so that I went back to my own life.
Amazing, this life is amazing.
I kept repeating this, because they were miracles.
It was wonderful, since my own life brought me back to harmony.
However, I was still in disharmony with the whole, with the mighty, with God, because I lived in a hell and that meant disharmony.
I felt a deep respect for the Creator of all of this.
He, Who could keep harmony in all these hells, was wonderful to me.
Here everything took care of itself.
Since I was life and meant life, it could reveal itself within me and I underwent all of this, all those miracles and problems went through me and dissolved inside me.
I began to feel grateful to Him, that incomprehensible God.
The houses, buildings and temples were shrouded in a haze, yet I could see them clearly.
I walked through the walls, nothing could stop me, I went in and out, because nothing here was any longer closed to me.
That was also a miracle in itself and I repeated that going in and out several times, which I found amusing.
I found myself in and with people, yet they could not see me nor hear me.
I heard them talking to other people and I understood every word.
However, I gained another new experience.
With some people it was as if they were very far away from me and yet they were close to me.
I could not follow these people clearly and I thought I understood what this meant.
Their form was invisible to me, others were shadows, yet others were very coarse and I could hear them the clearest.
This was also clear to me in the street.
I saw those shadows before me and they carried out a conversation and that conversation of one person with another was peculiar.
I had to connect myself with that one, most clearly perceivable person if I wanted to be able to follow their conversation.
I felt it had the following meaning: some people had a better mentality than I did, they were above me.
The others were worse or had no possessions.
Whatever the case, I felt that the meaning of this event lay in this.
I already said that I went in one house and out of another, but I stopped that, because I wanted to follow my own life.
When I had reached the street - because I felt the earth as when I lived there - I heard a terrible noise and screaming in between.
When I concentrated I felt what was going on.
On the corner of a street many people were running away.
These people were being attacked.
I saw that they were carrying crosses and holy statues and I understood what all of this meant.
They had been dispersed by the heathens.
The blood of the Christians flowed over the street and they had started that frightening screaming which I heard.
As always, I thought, the human being had not changed in any way.
Now I started to understand my own life and eternal life became clear to me, I thought this event was even more horrible than when I lived there.
This was not necessary!
Cavalrymen stormed at the Christians and chased them away.
The Christians defended themselves, so that corpses lay all around me.
Before me I saw a wonderful scene.
I did not understand where these astral people had come from so quickly, but I saw that spirits took away the released people, who had entered here with a shock.
This was a remarkable event for me.
When I realised properly what had happened, the silence had come back.
Christians and heathens had gone their own way.
It was a short and intense battle, resulting in a few deaths and injuries.
All of that happened for religion.
The astral people dissolved before my eyes.
The only thing that remained of them was the street stained with Christian blood, because people had been destroyed.
People killed for religion, that was why these people were struck down.
Heathens against Christians and both were not conscious of what they did.
Why that hatred, for that matter?
Why did the head of the church approve of this?
The heathens were provoked and now they were all aflame.
However, I did not think about this for long and just carried on.
When I connected myself to other people, I heard them discussing this event.
Their thoughts were different.
One person was for it, another was against.
However, when I continued to follow their conversation, I established that great things had happened since the time that I had died.
I heard them say: ‘He is following Sergius.’
Sergius, I thought, he was the head of the church in my time.
Was there now another?
I waited and listened to what else they had to say.
However, their conversation took a different direction and I went away.
However, I wanted to connect to other people, because I wanted to know what this meant.
When I came to another street, I met a procession again.
However, cavalrymen stormed at the people again and crushed them underfoot.
Their groaning pierced me in this world and it probably went higher and higher until it reached God.
I did not know what God would think of this, but I thought it was terrible.
‘Death to Honorius’, I heard it called from all sides.
‘Death to Honorius and a curse on his God.’
‘A curse on him’, I heard again.
I connected myself to the earthly people and I felt in what time they lived.
How was this possible?
Did I feel it clearly?
Would a century have passed?
It was almost impossible and yet I felt it clearly.
When I was a child, people talked about Benedictus, Johannes and Leo, now about Honorius.
I tried again to connect myself with them deeply.
It could not be any other way, a century had passed.
But how was it possible?
What had happened to me?
I had been locked up in a dungeon, had taken my own life, experienced the process of decay and had then gone to sleep.
After I had awakened I had lived in the silence for a long time.
Had that lasted a century?
Did a century lie between me and the past?
I could not accept this, and yet, when I connected again and passed over completely into their lives, I had to accept it.
However, I did not understand it and I decided to wait.
I had experienced something strange again, but I could not be amazed by it.
One day I would work it out; here, I felt it, everything remained dark to me.
I had to try and find it in my own life.
It was connected to me and the mystery could be solved on this side.
This was part of the spiritual life, but that event with the earthly life.
I thought it was sad that the human being destroyed himself, and all for religion, for God.
Would that be God’s intention?
It appeared incredible to me.
I continued on my way and would try to find my own house again, I wanted to know what had remained of my house.
However, when I had to accept everything which I had just observed, then Marianne lived on this side, then she was also dead and those initial feelings were clear and good.
But where was she then?
I became really curious and wanted to know everything, from my childhood onwards, if this was at least possible.
Everywhere I came there was fighting.
I had never taken part in that, because on earth I only lived for my art.
Yet I had had to accept a religion, or they would have locked me up sooner or later.
In ancient times there was already fighting and the human being had still not changed.
I followed the voice of my heart and continued to go in the direction where I used to live.
Really, I recognised many things which also used to be there.
I lived close to the wall of Rome, one of the most beautiful parts of the city.
My own thoughts took me back to that place.
I saw much that had changed, but I could still find my way about sufficiently.
The closer I came to my house, the more intensely I could feel my heart beating.
It was as if something strange awaited me.
Finally I had arrived at the place where I had lived.
Here I had killed Roni and met my Marianne.
But what was that?
Everything had been razed to the ground, nothing more could be seen of my house.
That was a great disappointment to me, because I had not thought about that.
Was I perhaps wrong?
I concentrated on my former possessions, but no, it was correct, I had lived here.
However, I did not understand any of it and sat down to think about all of it.
It was as if this whole area had been turned upside down, even nature had changed.
As a result of this disappointment I felt a stabbing pain in my heart and I was very sad now that I had to accept all of this.
Where was Marianne?
She lived on this side and yet she had not come to me.
‘Marianne, my child, are you dead?
Do you live in another hell or are you one of the fortunate ones?
Have you entered a heaven?’
Would she possess a heaven?
Was she so far away from me?
It seemed incredible to me, too unnatural.
Yet she was dead, because she would not have lived to such an age.
‘Why did you not come to me, you do not love me?
Can you not find the way to me?’
All those questions came to me.
No, I had not counted on this, there was nothing left of my earthly life, my life there had been for nothing.
Would Emschor know where Marianne was at this moment?
Who could clarify this mystery for me?
This was a great problem, which I could not solve, which was incomprehensible to me, because I felt that I came into a collision with laws which I did not know and did not understand either.
Yet I wanted to remain myself, however sad I felt, I would not lose my head.
However, no matter where Marianne was, even if she was in the deepest hell, I would visit her and stay with her, not leave her alone anymore.
That love lived within me and I was prepared to go to her, because I loved her, truly loved her.
I could not love any other being.
When I was sitting thinking like that, I felt another power entering me.
It was more powerful than myself, it passed into my feelings, because I immediately felt changes which revealed themselves within me.
I felt myself getting tired and sleepy, something happened to me.
What was that?
The earth disappeared before my eyes and I felt that I was connected to another world.
There was movement under me, something started to take shape.
Was I seeing properly?
Was that my studio?
Was I seeing into the past?
There was nothing more to be seen of my house and everything which I could call mine on earth.
However, now I started to perceive the past.
I saw myself and also that I had started to work on the statue of Marianne.
It was at the time when that old statue had shattered to pieces and had interrupted my inspiration.
I still knew all of this very well and I was now connected to it.
The past revealed itself to me.
However, what did all of this mean?
Was I awake or dreaming?
I felt myself, but no, I was wide awake, but something amazing was happening here which I did not yet understand.
I saw the moment before me when I picked up the shattered pieces in order to be able to work again and to be able to move sufficiently.
What I now perceived was amazing.
I now also felt that tremendous shock and the statue was shattered by that shock.
However, I saw even more!
Out of those shattered pieces a flashing green light shone towards me, which I had seen in my life on earth when I crushed Roni.
Was I surrounded by dark forces at that time and was I influenced by them?
I now had to make every effort if I wished to control myself.
Now I calmed down a bit.
I was also helped in this, because what I started to perceive was tremendous.
The power which showed me all of this also stopped me from collapsing.
That power, I felt this clearly, guided all of this and me also.
Through whom did I experience this?
Who possessed the power to connect me to the past?
Was it Emschor?
I now felt that those terrible influences had destroyed my own thoughts a moment ago and if that other power had not helped me I would have succumbed.
Who was it again who had brought me that statue and given me the order?
Oh yes, it was a slim young man, an Egyptian.
When I thought about this the vision changed and I received another one.
I experienced the moment again when that stranger brought me this statue, I recognised him immediately.
That vision also passed me by.
I thought that I recognised that power from my dungeon in that green flashing light.
The demons had shown themselves to me in that light and I now understood that completely.
As a result of this I felt that my paths had been followed and that all of this would happen.
Part of it was the death of my friend and many other things and events which were not yet clear to me.
The anxiety and fever which I had felt then were also a part of it.
New problems piled up, but I experienced many of them again.
Everything would probably be made clear to me.
That demon had destroyed me, I was already connected to him then.
I had now established that and I had to accept it.
The influences of those terrible beings were still attached to the shattered pieces.
This light, which was demonic, and the one from my dungeon were one and the same influence.
However, I now had to remain calm, otherwise I would not make it.
How false those powers were, how mean, that they could make such a thing happen.
Or did this have another meaning?
But I felt that all of this had to do with those demons.
The statue was of one of his family members, who had died long ago.
It had the Egyptian and Hellenic style.
I kept feeling more and more, one feeling followed another.
Yet what now came to me was almost incredible.
For I felt that I had something to do with that statue, because I saw myself passing into that statue.
I felt myself in that old style.
My first masters had had to teach me not to use that style and did not understand where I had got it from.
However, if this was true, perhaps the mystery would be solved for me, where my feeling for art came from which I already had during my childhood.
I was faced with a great human problem which I did not understand, but which had occupied me during all of my previous life.
Oh, if that mystery would be resolved for me one day, it would make me very happy.
It was also a mystery to me how that Egyptian had brought it here to me.
Where did he get that ancient piece of art from?
My feeling for art, that ancient style and this statue, in which I saw and felt myself, were one.
Something, an incomprehensible force, power, or whatever it was, brought this together, but which one?
Was it really Emschor?
Could he show me all of this?
Did he possess this power?
I now felt that I went back to myself and a thick haze kept all of this hidden.
It was a pity, because I had made such great progress in unveiling all those secrets.
Yet I was powerless.
I had experienced amazing things a moment ago.
Was I not yet allowed to know the whole truth?
Then I would just wait and see, I thought, and I felt that I had to continue.
But where to?
I would continue to follow this path and go to my dungeon.
It was there that Marianne had come to visit me, perhaps I would also be able to perceive something there.
I followed the voice of my heart which had shown me all of this, and my feelings and thoughts took me to the place where I had been locked up.