Dying

We left Amsterdam, our willpower took us to our new tar­get, Rotterdam.
On the way I thought about everything which my father had shown me.
I had already experienced and learned many things, too many to mention, in this short while.
But the most sceptic and unbelieving person on earth must be filled with respect for God the Father at knowing that this is reserved for us people in this way.
However, it is only possible to experience this mercy, it occurred to me, if life on earth is tuned to the spheres of light.
If I had just lived recklessly on earth, then my father would not have been able to help me.
I looked down and saw people walking.
I had lived amongst them.
I reflected upon the feelings which I had felt for them.
I had felt love for them.
I had also loved my wife very much, despite everything.
Without that love for God and people, I would have excluded myself from the first sphere.
I was blissfully happy in the possession of this love.
I still did not know much about the world which I had now entered, I had to accept that, all its laws still had to be revealed to me.
But under father’s guidance, I would gradually, without missing a single step, get to know this new world.
However, first I had to know all about my earthly life.
As long as there were still questions in me with regard to this life, I would not be ready to absorb and deal with other problems and new spiritual wisdom.
But how wonderfully natural eternal life is, I thought, eternal life which I had entered as a result of my experience in the Grebbe-line.
That Grebbe-line had meant horror to so many others, they had been destroyed by it in this world and had seen the hells opening for them.
This terrible place brought me experience, it gave me the contact – and what wonderful contact – with my dear father again.
I received spiritual wisdom as a result of it and pure experience.
‘Yes, father, I can feel you, I am beginning to understand the meaning of the Grebbe-line to me, a little.
A little, because I have not experienced it yet.
But you will also take me there.
Father, father, I am so grateful to you, words cannot express my feelings.’
I had one thought after another, while I floated like a minute particle, as a result of the concentration of another person who was dedicated to me, through God’s unending universe.
I felt small, inexpressibly small in this eternity, and yet I was not afraid now.
Because I knew that this universe could not possibly destroy me, after all, I am working.
I am working.
I am working on myself.
I am not yet serving and yet I am.
Yes, I serve, but first myself, I have to master spiritual consciousness in everything.
Only then will I be able to stay standing under my own strength in this mighty universe and will I be able to start serving others.
Isn’t everything wonderful?
God, my God!
Father!
This is how I thought, this is how I talked to myself.
I am like a child here in this life.
A new joy is added to the many which I had got to experience since entering the spheres of light.
It is awe-inspiring, it is incredible what I see and I weep because I am so deeply moved.
Father understands my feelings and he lets me weep.
No one on earth can experience that joy so intensely and yet what I see is part of the earth.
I see how daylight slowly disappears and is replaced by the darkness of the night.
The sun sets ...
A great miracle, which overwhelms me, as if I am experiencing it for the first time.
I am actually experiencing it so intensely for the first time, as a child of the earth I had never experienced this miracle in this way.
I bow my head deeply and I join my hands, I am so full of respect for God’s omnipotence, which is unfolding here so clearly.
I am overwhelmed by new thoughts, what a lot of laws must control the universe, God’s universe.
I get a glimpse of them and my head is already reeling from it, I feel small and insignificant again.
I look at father, as if I’m looking for support from him.
Without him, I know, I would be lost in this immense universe.
I may not yet go into the laws and problems too deeply, the laws which are connected with that what I get to see on our first journey through the universe.
I cannot deal with all of it yet, I had only taken a few steps in eternal life and what I have to take in is already overwhelming.
I have to take one step at a time and I may not miss out a single step, or the fall which I take will be deep.
When night-time comes on earth and people are in a deep sleep, father and I will quietly continue the task we have been set.
The body of an earthly person requires sleep, requires peace and we who are separate from the earthly body and its hindrances, float restlessly and without any hindrance through the universe and explore, we experience.
What a lot of laws must be attached to this situation, it occurs to me.
But again I feel that I would be better not to go into this any deeper either, at least if I want to remain standing.
In this life one problem awakens another, one law attracts thousands of others.
I look at father and he immediately starts to communicate with me through our feelings.
He says: ‘It is good that you are thinking, my son.
I want to release your thinking and feeling.
The deeper your thoughts and feelings, the quicker we will get on with things.
Other tasks await us.
However, you have sensed well that for the time being you may not think deeper than your strengths allow.
I will therefore remain keenly tuned in to you, so that I can warn you immediately if you go too far.’
As a needy child I stand in the life of the spirit, I have to learn everything: to walk, think, deal with things.
I keep on experiencing this, and I do again now.
On our journey with its oh so wondrous events, a longing keeps arising in me, to thank God for everything which has been given to me.
I would like to buy flowers for Him, snow-white flowers, for my supreme Father, to lay at His feet.
This wish now also arises in me.
It is not the intensity of this longing which suddenly makes my head spin.
This is caused instead by the power of the thoughts and feelings which are shaped by my longing.
They cause chaos inside me.
I therefore ought to create order in my world of thoughts, before I do anything else.
Otherwise I will be unable to start on the next problem and father might as well give up and return to his sphere.
I thought about buying a bouquet of flowers for God, the Father of all life, snow-white carnations or even better, pure lilies, only the most beautiful flowers could express my gratitude.
But considering this, I have to accept that I am in this life without money or flowers, so I cannot even show God my gratitude in a tangible way.
Then I suddenly started to feel the enormous depth which was connected to this problem and it made my head reel.
What is possible on earth – to buy flowers for someone to show them your love – is not possible in this world.
God asks a person to prove that love, that gratitude in a very different, less easy way.
But how?
And then the answer comes to me, from father, of course: ‘Here in this life ‘serving’ is the way to show your feelings for God to Him.’
Every good deed done for His children is a flower and the more numerous the acts of love, the greater and more beautiful the bouquet is that I will be able to offer God.
That is what father is doing and what millions of other souls do: devote themselves to the life of God.
In this way they show their gratitude for all the deeds and love which their Creator continually shows them.
Once more I realize how much I still have to learn, before this life, the world of spirit can completely absorb me.
My thoughts and feelings, my consciousness, still belong to the earth, they must become spiritual.
How much do I still have to master in this life, if I cannot even think about a sunset without it making my head reel and making me feel that I might collapse?!
I will have to know every law which lives in the cosmos, if I wish to go higher and further.
In this way, while working and serving, I will explore the life of the spirit, hells and heavens, the immense universe of God, be taken in there and learn to absorb them in my consciousness.
Father and I continue on our way across the earth.
We came to earth from the first sphere.
How great might the distance between that sphere and the earth be?
How long would it take for us to get from there to here?
However, is it still possible to talk of distance and time in this eternity?
But I don’t believe – my thoughts race on – that it took very long.
Anyway it must have happened faster than at this moment, because it is as if we are walking.
But very slowly we make progress and Rotterdam still isn’t within sight.
Why is it taking so long now?
I suddenly feel again that I must be careful with my thoughts.
My questions about distance and time immediately connect me to the universe and that universe is immeasurable.
Father has intercepted my questions.
Gradually the answer to my last question comes to me.
It is because of me that we are now making such slow progress.
My thoughts keep wandering off in all directions, without my will being completely tuned into the aim which we wish to achieve and which lies in Rotterdam.
I am thinking, but I am not really completely committed to it.
I am only thinking at a capacity of about five percent, I have to accept.
If I could continue to think and at the same time be able to concentrate my willpower on our target, we would be able to go as fast as lightening.
Father can do this, he has mastered this.
However, I have to recognize once again, I can and may not think too deeply, because as a result of this I draw laws from the universe towards me, which would overwhelm me and make me collapse, since I am a child in this world.
It is therefore better for me to tune into reaching the goal in question.
I do what father tells me and see that we are flying through the universe and after only one second we enter our house in Rotterdam.
I had learned a tremendous amount between Amsterdam and Rotterdam.
More than I could ever have imagined on earth!
Once we get to our own house, father lets me feel that I may concentrate on new questions and problems.
He will give me an answer to everything I wish to know.
I do not need to think for long and ask father to connect me to the most significant and dominant event which I ever experienced in this house: his illness and his death!
I follow father to the room where his sick-bed was and where he died.
The image which had stayed with me for the whole of the rest of my life, now rose up again before me.
Father was lying in bed, quietly looking in front of him, meditating, and I was sitting in a chair next to him.
There was some medicine and a vase of white flowers on a little table on the other side.
We have been placed in the past again and nothing has been lost.
New images come to me and they show me the whole course of father’s illness up to his end.
Father feels sick and his tiredness has become so great that he can no longer leave his bed.
I insist on calling the doctor and finally father agrees.
After his examination, the doctor explains with certainty that father will soon be over it.
But father himself assures the doctor that he is wrong, he will no longer get out of this bed, he claims.
He has heard a voice which sounded very familiar to him and which told him that he would soon enter life after death.
Father becomes increasingly tired and despite the optimistic diagnosis of the doctor his condition worsens.
Now I am beginning to understand the meaning of that tiredness.
Father’s body is becoming weaker, since he no longer directs his strength to keep his body intact.
His soul is busy with a new task, it is preparing itself to pass over into another life.
Of course, the body has to manage without those powers and tiredness is the result.
If father had suffered any illnesses, they would have worsened and caused his death.
Now the inspiring life only feels tiredness.
Nothing else can be felt.
This is his illness, which will soon make his heart stop.
Father knows this already and has submitted completely to this tiredness.
Meanwhile the doctor has had to admit that father will never get better.
Yes, he establishes, his heartbeat has weakened to such an extent that his end will come soon.
He gives father less than a week.
But now father shows once more how close his contact with the world of the side beyond already is, and how great his certainty which he receives from there.
He will die, he tells the doctor, he already explained that to him in the beginning, but it will not be within a week.
Tomorrow he will be able to tell him the exact date and time.
Night has fallen.
The night nurse has put out the lamp, there is still a small lamp burning beside father.
Standing next to father I can see this happening again before me all these years later.
Father lets me feel that I do not need to tune into the sister, but that I should take a look at our housekeeper.
I do this and I can see Betsje busily walking back and forth.
Then I start to see her aura and I immediately notice that there are black marks in it.
At the same time I start to understand what they mean.
The dark areas indicate gross faults which lurk in her character.
I look at father and I see his spiritual clothing.
How is it possible, I ask in great amazement, that I could not see that before?
Then I understand, I have to realize that I am experiencing everything here through father’s powers and he is only showing me what he considers necessary.
And all of this happens at the right time, otherwise I would be crushed by the amount of impressions which life offers here.
Father’s garment hangs loosely around his shoulders like a Roman tunic.
It is a beautiful colour.
Father lets me feel how this came about.
His soul life spun it, wove the threads into this pattern and it was his characteristics which produced the colours.
In this way the emotional life of a person is attached to the spiritual garment.
Every soul in the universe has a garment, not one soul, wherever it finds itself, even if it is the deepest hell, has to go on its way naked.
It can clearly be seen from Betsje’s aura what her garment would be like.
The dark marks show that Betsje is no good.
I follow her while she is walking back and forth.
She now goes into father’s room and brings the nurse a drink.
As a result of this, my gaze also falls upon father.
Good heavens, can this be true, I can now see three of father!
As he is standing next to me and lying in bed.
But I also perceive a shadow there and I know for certain that it is father.
However, I do not think about it for long, my gaze almost immediately falls upon Betsje again and her aura.
Now I can see that she is thieving.
She keeps taking money.
Money kept going missing from my shop cash-box, I suddenly remember now.
However, I never considered theft.
So it was Betsje.
Suddenly I see her standing in front of a cupboard.
She hesitates, looks around her, and takes out a number of bank notes.
Three hundred guilders.
‘Good Heavens, God Above, can nothing be hidden from Your eyes?
Has that also been established?
Will we later be faced with every deed in our lives?
If that is true, my God’, I pray, ‘forgive Betsje then, because Betsje was not that bad after all.
Betsje took good care of father and me as well, for that matter.
We have forgiven her, Father, God of all life, do not talk about it anymore, we have given her the money.’
Lying in bed, father’s eyes follow Betsje who is bringing the nurse a hot drink.
I read into that look and then know that father is completely aware of Betsje’s stealing.
In order to be sure, I ask him.
But he does not say anything, however, he lets me feel that he knew everything.
He does not want to talk about it now, because then too much of it would be awakened in this life.
During the last few days before his death, father’s sensitivity had become so great that he could read Betsje’s thoughts.
He took over her evil longings, her craving for money, her stealing.
This was her telepathic transfer!
Father looks at Betsje, but he does not say anything.
Now I also know why.
Father was preparing to pass over, he was in the process of saying goodbye to the earthly life and could not and did not want to tune into these wrong deeds anymore.
It would call him back to earth in a cruel way and he could not change Betsje a bit anyway, by telling her off.
I therefore do not go into this either and prefer to follow Betsje’s aura, this is also father’s intention.
I look from her to him and from him to myself.
When father was preparing for his passing over, he took off his earthly garment, but another one was woven over it, a spiritual garment, which already had colours here and there.
Now I suddenly notice that my uniform, which I am still wearing, is becoming hazy.
I get a fright when I see this, but I am also overcome by a great happiness.
I start to understand how my earthly attire was becoming hazy.
Since I am merging into this new life step by step, I withdraw myself from the earth and everything which connects me to it.
When I will have completed the process of following and experiencing everything, this uniform will undoubtedly dissolve completely.
For I feel that another garment is taking shape behind it.
It is amazing, and I receive all of this by seeing Betsje and the black marks in her aura.
I have to make an effort to deal with all these events, which are great problems in themselves.
But I have not yet finished experiencing things.
I direct my gaze towards father.
It is as if he is asleep, but this was not the case.
The small lamp partly light up his face.
When the sister saw him so peaceful, she had left him alone.
Suddenly a great light comes into the room and I see how a beautiful shape approaches father.
It is Angelica.
She is standing next to his bed and put him to sleep.
Then she connects herself to him and elevates his soul to her world.
In this way it was possible for him to see and hear her.
She told him when he would experience his passing over.
The question now occurs to me how she could predict this.
At once the answer flows in to me.
Since Angelica passed completely into father she could read in his aura, which was becoming more and more hazy, how long it would be in earthly time before his soul would be released from his material body.
With sacred respect I look at the scene which unrolls before my eyes, at the two of them who belonged to each other, as God had disposed, and loved each other in a way which I had not thought possible.
I quietly let these events sink in, they must not overwhelm me again.
In the morning father told me that Angelica had appeared to him that night and had given him the time of his passing over.
The days passed and the doctor soon had to admit that his knowledge had failed.
Now he said that it was not really anything very unusual: many dying people were able to name the exact time beforehand when they would close their eyes for good beforehand.
However, it was not clear to him how they could know and he could not have accepted the truth at that point anyway.
But now I am faced with the facts and they do not lie.
Now I can see the doctor’s aura, it also has black areas.
If I could have seen them on earth, they would have warned me.
The doctor is not honest, he feigns interest, but he is trying hard not to laugh at father’s words.
He considers him a complete madman.
His soul is far away from this great event, in which father lives.
The days pass and father’s end is coming nearer and nearer.
He becomes more and more sensitive.
As his sensitivity increases, his body becomes weaker and his aura progressively dissolves.
However, it is being built up again in the world of the spirit, the world in which I am now standing and I am able to perceive all of that.
It is the shadow which I noticed a moment ago.
Father is starting to see and feel in this world.
His emotional powers allow this process.
He is helped in this by her, who is his twin soul.
The laws of life and death allow this.
It is different for each person, according to the laws which he has to experience and which he has activated himself.
There will be no sudden end for father.
He will slowly pass from the earthly life to eternal life.
He will not even have to feel any shock.
For him death has therefore lost all meaning, it does not exist for him!
When my father had died for fifty percent, the other life started to dominate.
I see his aura condensing more and more in that world.
Father’s ability to see and feel in the life of the spirit became increasingly sharp.
Through Angelica he even saw into a few of his previous lives, this was possible since he had been connected to Angelica in those lives.
In this way he was also connected to the life in which he had been a doctor.
The wisdom gained there became conscious in him and it gave him the right to address his doctor as a colleague.
He knew me in that life as Jack, and he immediately called me by that name.
‘I will tell you what the situation is, colleague ...’ father said to the doctor and then went in depth into the inability of the earthly scholar, which only dissolves when he gets to know the soul, the essential part of our human existence.
To the doctor it was the delirium of a dying man, confused talk, without any sense or meaning.
But I now know, it was not father but we who were unaware.
At the time of speaking, he was a deeply aware person, who was connected to the mightiest spiritual laws.
Laws which allowed him a glimpse into the lives he had lead, in which he had gained knowledge with much conflict and difficulty, which became his undisputed possession.
He was not speaking to us as a dying man whose spiritual capacities were failing him, but, on the contrary, as a keenly aware personality who felt the power and reality of his past speaking within him.
How far removed we were from him then.
We were faced with the depth, which lies between life and death and which could not be overseen or fathomed by the doctor and me, and which could only be bridged by father with the help of his Angelica.
Now, only in this life, will father manage to build a bridge towards me.
On earth he could not be successful due to my doubt.
He now lives for seventy percent in spirit.
It can be seen that his mortal body is sinking further away.
Now he says very little anymore.
In complete silence he is preparing himself for his passing over.
He has told me what he had to say to me.
Much wisdom, the depth and reality of which I am only now starting to realize, and not even completely.
Father even gave me some proof that should have convinced me of his life after death.
He warned me against the things which mother would not be ashamed to do in order to serve her own evil longing.
The process of dying carries on.
According to the doctor he will die at any moment now.
But he is wrong again.
Father’s end is still not there.
This can be seen by his aura.
It is still too dense and must first become transparent, before the soul leaves the material body.
Father loses interest in his surroundings.
He keeps his eyes closed, however, he is not sleeping, he is thinking.
His eternal happiness, Angelica, is sitting next to him, and she is holding his hands.
How pure their love is.
They flow into each other, this beautiful hour is entirely for the two of them.
It is a gift, of which God is the Giver.
Angelica says something to him and father answers her.
It is this talking which calls me to his bedside.
I see myself sitting by the bed, however, I cannot understand what father is saying.
Angelica stays, I do not disturb them.
We are both sitting quietly beside the sick man whom we love so deeply.
When dawn breaks and the noise in the streets increases, Angelica leaves.
The day awakens father and he regains the consciousness which is still part of the earth.
Later, when night falls upon the city and the noise quietens, he will sink back into his unconscious life, in which his spirit will be very busy.
Father’s last night on earth arrives.
I can see that his aura is now becoming transparent.
This prediction by Angelica will also be fulfilled.
The doctor has decided to stay with father.
We both watch over him all night.
He addresses us one last time and says his farewells.
Morning dawns.
Angelica floats like an angel above father’s earthly body and kisses him.
She now dissolves completely into father.
Twilight peeps through the curtains, which are not completely closed, and falls on the death bed.
I now perceive all of this, nothing remains hidden.
On this side I can see how his astral body becomes dense and takes shape.
It takes a while before father’s soul is completely free.
A silver cord still connects his body to his soul.
But that also becomes hazy, it becomes thinner and thinner.
Then father is free, he opens his eyes in Eternal Life and sees her who belongs to him.
‘Angelica, my Angelica!’xax
She catches him in her arms and floats away with him.
I can now follow them with my eyes, they disappear further and further from the earth, then their heaven opens before them.
How wonderful, how sacred the death bed is which I was allowed to observe.
How great God is, how loving God is to His children!
I look at father, but cannot say a word.
It is a while before I have overcome my emotion and can think normally again.
What was my death bed like, the thought flashes through me.
Then father’s words reach me.
The beautiful death bed which he was able to experience is only for those who have already prepared themselves for this during many lives.
Everyone, without exception, can experience this mercy if he is spiritually prepared for it.
‘You can also obtain this, Theo’, father says.
‘That is still to come, my son.
You are on the right path.
I know that it will happen, this mercy also awaits you one day, because I can already see those laws now.’
Of course I believe father’s words and yet a feeling of sadness overcomes me for a moment.
Who will now accompany me on my way through this world?
Where does the woman live who belongs to me?
Where is she, why did she not welcome me when I entered here?
A great longing comes over me, to be able to possess some of the love which these two, Angelica and father, have for each other.
I had seen them sitting together like two completely happy children, while they knew that the hands of God were blessing them from above.
That is love, I had felt, pure, spiritual love, which makes one serve and help, understand and sing.
In this way only God could have wanted people to love.
And what do they make of it?
I had not imagined it any differently on earth, I had wanted to love the woman who was my wife there like that.
It was not meant to be, it takes two to build up a bond of love.
Father also had to accept this on earth.
All the things he could have given mother in warmth, understanding, strength and wisdom.
I feel that father wants to continue and suddenly a new image unfolds before my eyes.
I see myself walking behind father’s bier.
I have trouble tearing myself away from the sacred atmosphere where the life of his and Angelica’s love had brought me.
I would like to remain living here for a while, but then the new image grabs me.
I walk along in father’s funeral procession and I notice my mother and only now can I see how empty and cold she is.
Even now she is only thinking of money.
I read into these dark thoughts, and shiver with the cold, which she gives off.
She is debating how she can motivate me to allow her to live with me.
There are dark beings with her who also aggravate her evil outbursts and longings.
But, I can see, I am not without protection now either.
Angelica has come back and is standing next to me.
She gives me the answers which I must give to mother.
It is through her that I do not give in to the pressure which mother puts me under to get me into her dirty little world.
It is sacred and moving to see how I am protected.
It makes me weep from happiness.
No one in the world is alone.
For everyone there is spiritual help and protection, at least in as far as a person is open to it.
Everyone will experience this at some point, father lets me feel.
Mother leaves, screaming and shouting.
New images become visible and hold my attention.
Father has come back to me from his heaven.
He tried to connect to me and does this by writing.
Angelica is close to him.
Father writes through my hand.
Now and then he asks his twin soul questions.
The same process repeats itself again but now through Angelica.
Father descends into me.
We reach spiritual unity in feeling.
The writing happens as though of its own accord, since I now submit completely and father and I have the same goal.
How simple and yet how great all of this is.
But then I start doubting again, father feels that he will have to stop soon.
Now, standing in this life, I could give myself a good shaking.
What an enormous amount of wisdom I could have gained on earth if I had believed and submitted.
However, that can no longer be changed.
I have to accept that my consciousness did not then possess the degree of feeling and thinking needed.
Now, in eternal life, I could not possibly doubt any longer.