Now that they are sitting opposite each other this morning, drinking their cups of coffee and Jeus is eating his sandwich, it is as if yesterday is at least ten years ago, Jeus has to think that far back if he wants to enjoy the satisfaction of this precious moment, this being one with Crisje, but which he now experiences as ‘father’.

Crisje already sees that he has become older in one night.

When he went to sleep, he got the first feelings of difference.

The way he was lying in bed was different.

It started with the way he was lying then sleeping.

His walk as he came down the stairs the next morning.

Crisje sees that he has a different light in his eyes, Jeus now feels like Tall Hendrik felt, during his life next to Crisje and the boys, he has become father!

“Good morning, mother.”

“Good morning, Jeus.”

“Did you sleep well, mother?”

“Yes, Jeus.”

“So did I and that does a person good, doesn’t it, mother?”

“Yes, Jeus ...”

Just listen to him talking, Crisje thinks.

“Is Johan not up yet, mother?”

“No, I believe he is still sleeping.”

“Then I will just pull him out of his bed.”

Father Jeus goes to Crisje’s eldest.

Johan feels like basking for a moment longer, but he has to get up immediately.

Seconds later Johan is lying on the ground.

Jeus pulled him out of bed.

Johan laughs, but has something to say as well, after all:

“Ugly whippersnapper, you are not my father, as long as you know that.”

“I am your father” Johan gets to hear.

“From now on, you can listen to me.

Will you remember that, Johan?”

Johan just laughs, that is the best way and the simplest, but he crawls back under the blankets for a moment.

Why should a person be so worked up so early in the morning?

He need not try that with Bernard, he would have something else to say to him.

Bernard immediately hits him with his wooden leg and he has respect for that.

Bernard is also different.

However, you can do anything to Johan.

He is too good.

He just doesn’t mind.

Not one of the children is like Johan!

No one knows whom he takes after!

What Bernard has had to accept through the loss of his leg, he gets back from Jeus with kind-heartedness and understanding.

Now life is bearable again.

It is a great love and Bernard knows that.

They understand each other well!

However, Jeus is also crazy about Teun and Mietske.

He has now taken the smallest children under his wing.

The youngest ones are the most sensitive, but he, with Teun and Miets, represent the sensitive core of this household torn apart, this wreck that now has to sail the seas with a fishing rod as a rudder and, because what they see is not up to much, will soon have to battle against an unprecedented storm, and then prove where it will go and how strong it still is, since the captain, the Tall One had to accept the ‘Grim Reaper’!

But, how is it possible, Miets, Teun and Hendrik, now eat a nice little piece of fruit from Gerrit?

Little Gerrit and Hendrik represent Tall Hendrik, and Gerrit is now the pincher.

The pears, plums, apricots and delicious peaches find a place under the straw.

And the children know all about it.

They discovered the truth in secret, Crisje does not know yet.

The question is whether Crisje would take action.

That would not be so straightforward because Gerrit is not to be sneezed at, now that the field is his, he misses a firm hand.

Jeus knows that little Gerrit hides his possessions in a more refined way than Bernard was ever able to do ...

But Hendrik, Teun and Miets are eating nice fruit.

Crisje does not have a cent to buy something for the children, and in this way, Gerrit’s pinching is really a blessing for the smallest children.

However, it is not allowed by Our Lord.

They are decent people.

The Tall One did not want it either!

Gerrit casually mentioned a few weeks back:

“Goodness, Our Lord is good to me.

Now I can pick as many pears as I want, and I will not get a hiding either.

Father is gone!”

Yes, Crisje, it is certainly not easy.

Gerrit is not the artist either that Bernard was in his time.

He does not have the guts, or the feeling to experience ‘pinching’ as a sport.

Little Gerrit is a real pincher.

Bernard enjoyed the hunt, he could talk for hours about how they were after him, and then you could hear:

“That is a good one, he wants to watch out for his pears.

And he does everything for that.

But I do as well.”

Even if there was a shower of bullets, Bernard did not pay any attention to that racket.

They would not hit him anyway!

“If they wanted to start shooting”, Bernard said, “I will crawl along the ground and then they can no longer find me.”

Now he stayed, Bernard, and the farmer could moan as loudly as he liked, the nice wine apples were his.

Bernard slipped over the little hedges, avoided mantraps and clamps, but made sure each year that he had a good supply for the winter.

Now life was bearable, because you hardly ever got anything from mother, she could never afford it.

There was no money.

Bernard ate his pears and apples like any decent human child, but he also had his apricots, the best plums, lived in a paradise, which Our Lord had nothing to do with, and was completely outside of.

This was for Bernard himself!

Gerrit is not capable of pinching Mrs. Aanse’s grapes, he does not dare.

As Bernard was able to do, look Mrs. Aanse in the eye and then say: “Mrs.Aanse.

I pinched your grapes.

It was me”, and afterwards showing Mrs. Aanse his little bottom beaten black and blue by the Tall One, this was real guts, but also the chance for Mrs. Aanse to give her enemy a beating.

But what happened?

A while later Bernard is sitting with Mrs. Aanse with a glass of lemonade in front of him.

Crisje could not believe it, they had become friends!

Isn’t that something?

Yes, Bernard is like that.

A psychologist could not have improved him.

It seemed like a university, and that was also the case.

Later Tall Hendrik took his hat off to Bernard!

Gerrit pinches on the sly.

The owner does not get a chance from him to protect his things.

And now that the Tall One is no longer there, he went too early, little Gerrit pinches like there is no tomorrow.

However, the children know, Gerrit is no use to them.

If they don’t pinch a pear or an apple from him on the sly, they get nothing.

That is how mean Gerrit is.

He is a real meanie.

The only one of their brood of which the Tall One said:

“Cris, he is no good.

He has tricks.

And you will be really vexed with him as well.”

And that is true, Tall One.

You have been proved right.

A fortnight before the Tall One passed over, Crisje got to hear:

“Cris, you will also get stomach-ache from this one, so that you do not know what to do any more.”

Then Crisje said: “But Hendrik.

He is still a child.”

To which the Tall One again replied:

“Remember what I am saying now, Cris.

When I am no longer here, you will have to watch out for that one.”

But Crisje does not make any distinctions and said to the Tall One:

“You can also exaggerate, Hendrik”, to which she again got to hear:

“None of it, Cris, he has mean ways.”

And a while later, Crisje is now worrying about his words, he adds:

“If Our Lord gave me the opportunity, Cris, I would beat it out of him.

But it is not up to me anymore.”

Little Gerrit was two and a half years old then, and Teun and Miets were still to be born.

Was the Tall One proved right or not?

How did he know, Crisje now thinks, that he would die young?

She also knows, her husband did not know it immediately.

That is to say, he wasn’t aware of it.

However, he uttered those words two weeks before his death and she has to accept them.

But there was something inside the Tall One that made him able to interpret such feelings.

On the other hand, what was it really?

Crisje now has to accept; Gerrit is a strange child.

Because of this, little Gerrit is outside of the herd.

When Crisje turns her back from Gerrit for just a minute he is fishing for the best bits of food, which is not allowed.

Because precious soup is a divine delicacy for a person in these times.

A little bone like that costs a ‘quarter’, and a quarter is twenty-five cents.

And for twenty-five cents, she has to drudge and slave for half a day at Hosman’s.

Do you understand, little Gerrit, what this is all about?

And you, Tall One?

Breaking cups just like that, then strangling the two little rabbits on purpose and pulling out their little tongues, pulling out the wings of a few doves, young creatures which need their wings, are pleasures for a brute, but are also rotten character traits, characteristics therefore, which make Crisje tremble and shake, because they belong to hell.

However, a child is a child and you cannot beat it to death!

Children will be children, but when Gerrit came home later with a few chickens, pinched from the farmers, because they had enough anyway and they did not even have one, Crisje had to return the living goods herself.

God preserve me!

She would rather starve to death than to have that sin on her shoulders!

Now Gerrit does not tolerate it that the children follow his moves.

He always buries his harvest in different places, because of which they know, this life has no kind-heartedness, possesses no love, is not so sensitive, is rock-hard, cold and ruthlessly calculating, but always towards himself.

Crisje is aware of that and they know about his life.

She still remembers it as if it happened yesterday.

Gerrit is playing with Jeus, but the poor vagabonds, who Crisje gives food to and who came back to her every week, at the time when the Tall One was still alive, are sitting in the kitchen.

And Gerrit wants to kick those dirty lousy men out the door.

Jeus fights with Gerrit to give them a chance to eat in peace.

Crisje comes between them to put an end to the fight.

You would think now, a child like that will forget, but Gerrit is not like that.

A few days later Gerrit calls from the hall at the back: “Jeus ... ssss ... Jeu ... ssss ... Come and look!”

Jeus, not aware of anything wrong, wants to walk out the door to go to him, but suddenly feels that he is being held back.

It was just like he felt when father lay in the coffin and he wanted to kiss his father, and yet could not move an inch then either.

There was a power stronger than he was that held him back.

That power now forces him to remain where he is.

However, a piece of stone immediately flies against the door.

If that had hit his head, Crisje could have taken him to hospital.

Little Gerrit is like that!

Jeus does not think of that power, that invisible willpower, or whatever it was!

He experienced too great an emotion through little Gerrit, but as a result of which Crisje’s worries increased and grew deeper, at least now ... now that the Tall One is no longer here and she has to face everything alone.

Now Gerrit can annoy you until your blood boils; which he pays no attention to.

Crisje actually has qualms about Gerrit.

When she was still breast-feeding little Gerrit, she told it to the Tall One, which surprised him, because that was not characteristic of Crisje, when she told him:

“Hendrik, he is biting my breasts to bits and that means something”, Tall Hendrik was surprised.

But now Crisje has the proof.

How is it possible, Crisje thought.

She also has to accept this.

She knew for certain when her Hendrik said: “You must watch out for him”, that he was telling the truth, but children are children, a good mother does not want to hear anything about it.

Now she is left to face the music and that is no fun for anybody, including the other children.

It is real poison!

Little Gerrit sucked her breasts to pieces.

The other boys sucked the mother milk in a loving way.

And that made her think, it meant something to her.

You had to do with it yourself.

But inside, inside you could feel it.

You are not capable of explaining it!

It is the truth!

Crisje has experienced her own world with all the children.

Little Gerrit’s wasn’t up to much.

There was something spiteful attached to it, but then little Gerrit was two months old!

Does all this mean something?

Now you can admire the character of little Gerrit.

That earlier greediness has now become his teasing, his argumentative inner life and his mean streaks, you never knew beforehand with this child, how you must protect yourself from them, they are thought up so humanly and in such an adult way.

Crisje now believes that the Tall One got those thoughts from Our Lord.

A person is not capable of this with his own powers and cannot know that.

However, she knows the phenomenon well.

Before they died, many people got a dominating sensitivity to experience, and then they were able to tell everything, which later appeared to be the truth.

Crisje is not that stupid.

If you use your eyes, life continually has something new for you, and this is also a part of the Tall One, which reminds you of a higher power and is the case, because Hendrik was not like that!

It is exactly as her own feelings told her, and assured her that she would not have any more children, even if the Tall One had lived.

Teun, she is certain of that, is also the last one!

Crisje will not get married again.

She feels that.

And she does not want that either.

Even if she was to re-marry, there will be no more children.

This is a certainty, which lives under her heart and is given to her life and personality.

She had also told her husband all of this when he was still alive and well.

Many people, she knows, have their own experiences, which sometimes include ones which reach a height of which you would think that they come from the immediate vicinity where Our Lord lives, if you look at this thoroughly, it all becomes so supernatural.

Crisje sees Jeus and Gerrit as good and evil standing opposite each other.

Johan does not interfere in anything and Bernard keeps himself to himself, so that Crisje is not able to control little Gerrit.

It is a pity; Bernard could have done it.

The accident, which Bernard experienced, changed his spirit and his strong personality in one blow.

Because Bernard lost his leg, they now see and can easily accept it, he also lost some of his strong willpower; his bubbly personality was broken!

Bernard can control little Gerrit.

But, the way he is now, the pleasure in life is lost.

Even if you would not think so, Bernard goes his own way, his own path, even if he grabs little Gerrit by the collar of his neck now and again, for the rest Crisje is with Jeus, and that is an awful lot, too much even, it is no longer possible to experience a quiet day.

After the accident, Bernard changed.

They now have to watch out for little Gerrit.

He leers at your life.

Gerrit cannot forget or forgive, when you are not aware of it, you get such a blow, and he really gets you.

Jeus therefore asked Johan:

“Can you not get angry then, Johan?”

“Why would I get angry.

I am satisfied and happy in myself.”

“In yourself, yes, then what about us?”

Johan just laughs.

He is still a child, but Crisje knows very well, Johan will remain such a child for all of his life.

It is incomprehensible.

Why does Our Lord make life so incomprehensible?

But that is not from Crisje!

Those are the words of other people.

Crisje says: “Our Lord must know why it is like that.

And a person does not need to interfere in the matters of Our Lord.

People want to see everything differently.

Do people not know that Our Lord is omniscient?

You just have to resign yourself to it.”

Criticising Our Lord is devil’s work, and she is not a part of that, and the Tall One also knew all about it.

Day and night it was thrown at him: “Faith is faith and if you wish to believe, then do it properly, and lay off matters which belong to Our Lord, or there will be nothing left of all those beautiful things.”

Those are Crisje’s words and she has to accept Gerrit’s ways, along with many other concerns that bring all this misery; it is awful!

Bernard and Johan come from Emmerik in the evening.

Bernard teases Johan and says:

“Johan, our house is on fire, come on, walk as fast as you can.”

Johan answers him: “By then we’ll already be too late”, to which Bernard gives him a dig and gives the eldest strong brother a licking, which Johan laughs about.

But that Bernard.

You will not get Johan out of his world, even if you kick him and beat him day and night, his soul does not react.

Nothing gets through to his personality, but still, Johan works until he drops.

He is already working behind a butter machine and does the work of a man.

Can you understand that, Crisje?

No, no one can understand it, that is just Johan’s character.

Johan already has friends and that is also really simple, but Jeus keeps an eye on him, he wants to know what his eldest brother is up to.

As a father, you have the right to do that, but Johan does not accept it.

However, one evening Johan had to swallow it when Jeus asks him in Crisje’s presence:

“Where were you yesterday evening, Johan?

Will you just tell us that?”

Well Johan, what do you do now?

If Crisje had asked him that, it would be a very different matter and he would have had a polite answer, but now, they hear him say:

“Is that any of your business, whippersnapper?”

Jeus feels attacked and grumbles back: “Whether that concerns me, you ask?

What business did you have at Jan Hieltjes yesterday evening?

I want to know, Johan!

What business did you have there, and why did you need to drink there?”

Crisje now comes to her senses with a shock, she now also wants to know everything as well, Johan now hears:

“Is that true, Johan?”

Her eldest avoids the question and Crisje now knows she is being beaten from all sides.

Where must this ship strand?

Has Johan to drink beer already?

‘While we have no food’, Jeus thinks.

Does he not even think of his own household?

A while later they tumble about the kitchen to Crisje’s dismay.

Now she also has to swallow that as well.

Jeus keeps watch, but he knows now.

He cannot count on Johan.

There are four long years between them, but Johan is just like a three-year-old, he has been taken advantage of by everyone.

Tall Hendrik once said to Crisje:

“If they pull his trousers down, Cris, and hit him there as well, he will laugh.

If they set his bottom on fire, he will still laugh.”

Then he added as well: “I believe, if they stole the light from his eyes, he would not go to the constabulary, he cannot get angry, and he is nothing like me.

He is like you and I want nothing to do with him.”

There you have it, Crisje thought, children take after father or mother, however, Gerrit is like neither, he takes after a wild dog, but does not even possess those loving doggy qualities which an animal sometimes has, and as a result of which you receive that affection.

Gerrit has no qualities from her or the Tall One and that is a strange thing, but you have to deal with it.

Crisje knows Jeus has the goodness of her, and the strong personality of his father.

He will make it in life, you do not need to teach or say anything to him, and he sees everything.

He is already carrying you!

He is beside you all the way to take care of your life, to caress it as well; he keeps watch over it to lighten your heavy burden!

He is a thousand times the opposite of Gerrit and Johan, all of them really, after which Bernard follows.

Bernard also has the sensitive heart of Crisje, and it was not long ago that he also had the dominating thoughts of the Tall One, but they are broken now.

That was buried, with that piece of leg and that good remainder of his physical body.

It is a pity, but then again, what is a pity?

Jeus is now alone at the rudder, he steers this household through fierce seas, he wants to steer the wreck to a peaceful harbour, but that is not easy.

Especially not easy, when you see and have to accept that his fellow passengers are drilling holes in the ship, because that gives them pleasure, for this same reason they throw the pathetic supply of food and drink to sharks and cuttle-fish and other animal rabble, not to mention all those other things which you see with your own eyes.

Nevertheless, he and Crisje are not afraid of sperm whales or the threat of a shark.

They carry the load.

However, Johan does not feel or see that both of them are almost exhausted.

Certainly, he also bears something, he is a part of the wheel so to speak, but Crisje and Jeus have the elbow power!

Bernard is lying there, resting from the blow which life gave him to bear and deal with.

Little Gerrit throws a spanner in the works every day, and gives your food a sour taste as if there is nothing else to be done.

This morning Jeus is one with Crisje.

And that is just for the two of them.

Johan and the others have no understanding of it, do not have the need for it.

They do not have his paternal consciousness and cannot enjoy it either.

Johan thinks: ‘What is for you, is not nearly for me’ and means: it is not nice.

‘I am still young.

I do not want to be a father.

I do not want to act the part of father!’

This is the case, Johan, but later?

We will also follow and experience that later and then determine which one of you will make it the furthest in this world.

We already know, and Crisje as well: Jeus will overtake you.

What is nothing for you now, will later be everything humanly and socially!

You will still live for a while, of course, but you will experience no emotions.

Your nerves do not get a whack; you won’t allow it.

But later, Johan?

Crisje senses that Jeus has something to say, he says in a very relaxed way:

“What will I get to experience again today, mother?”

Then Jeus hears from his dear Crisje:

“Every day, Jeus, now gives you something to learn and to bear.”

“That is true, mother.

Yesterday I was still stupid, wasn’t I?

They should not try doing today again, mother”, he called her mother when he really wanted to say Crisje, “what they put me through yesterday.

It’s up to me, isn’t it?

I learned a lot yesterday.

Can you understand that, mother?”

“Of course, Jeus, you can take care of yourself.”

She thinks, it is as though Hendrik is sitting in front of her.

It is simply priceless.

You would swear that Hendrik was sitting at the table in person and talking to her, just as the happy times in the past, and which made the morning already like a paradise.

It is a wonder, if you see and hear how that child has taken her worries upon his shoulders.

What grown men cannot think of, and do not have any feeling for, is simple to Jeus.

Crisje knows, if she put her hand out to him, he would take over all the rights of the Tall One.

He would lay himself down beside her in the evening and then chat about their worries.

She also knows that Jeus must have a nice wife later, or life will destroy him.

He must have one who understands, looks after, and kisses him with love, because his heart is so great and so deep, she knows all about it and it is understandable.

He has an enormous view of life, which her Tall One possessed and with love, otherwise it would still be nothing!

Those are great qualities, it is because of them that you live and feel happiness.

“Yes, mother” he continues, “I will tell them a different story today.

Yesterday, I worked out for myself that I must always have something in my hands there.

That dirty kraut hit me once, but he will not get me a second time.

If I have my hands full, he cannot grab me.

Do you see what I mean, mother?”

“Yes, of course, that is the best thing, of course.”

“Good, isn’t it, mother, that we can have a chat together before I have to leave.”

You see, Crisje, ten years ago he already wanted to experience that.

Do you still remember?

Now he is on top of it and it has become his possession.

Be assured he will enjoy it and he can appreciate these periods of a quarter of an hour, his heart is now thumping with happiness and bliss.

As long as nothing ever comes between it, but that is not possible; after all, it is in your hands.

Crisje says to him:

“Yes, of course, Jeus.

I take pleasure in it.”

“And what is pleasure, mother?

I can enjoy this and pleasure is something completely different.”

Crisje just has to smile.

She feels he gets to the root of everything, she now has to bow to this again as well.

She says:

“You know, Jeus, what I mean.”

“Of course, mother, we have known each other for so long already, haven’t we, we do not really need to say anything.”

Do you see, Tall One?

Can you hear it?

A big child is busy replacing you.

With everything and so to see, Tall Hendrik, it is just as if he is surpassing you, only your money to go and you will no longer be missed here.

For Jeus then, of course, your Crisje thinks differently about it, Gerrit as well.

Bernard has not thought about it yet, and Johan will only get to it much later, but the smallest children miss you very much.

Crisje, are you not kissing him yet?

Jeus cannot yet lift you in the air like the Tall One could, but he does that now by talking to you, and his words, his love, send you upwards, straight to Our Lord.

You can feel it, because inside you keep swallowing, and these are not nerves, Crisje, but that comes from this spatial kind-heartedness.

Is that not the case?

Jeus continues:

“Mother, yesterday I worked out that I can earn more there, and then I will be in charge of my own time.

I will begin with contract work, what do you think?

It is better; then I can work.

I also have to slave now, mother, but then I can feel the money for it, and that is something completely different.

Or I will be in Emmerik just like that.

I’m not at all bothered about myself.

I will take care of myself”, Jeus expresses the concern that Crisje is worried about him and that must not be the case!

However, you should hear a child like that; it has worries and deep feelings.

Your heart is breaking.

How purely this child thinks, but how wonderful it is; it is just like a prayer!

Each word of this life is like a beautiful flower for your heart.

Each word is a kiss and inspired by pure love.

Your heart absorbs it, and it strengthens you completely.

Each thought of Jeus lays new foundations.

If you should weaken, he is here for you and inspires you again.

If you think, I give up, you will get a slap in your face through his words and you will be ashamed of everything.

Nevertheless, everything is going downhill here.

Everything is being destroyed, there is no money to buy anything new.

Moreover, as if Jeus feels this, he now says:

“If I manage four marks a week, mother, can we then live on that?”

Crisje looks ahead, she is thinking of a thousand other things, and was not really there when he spoke those words, but now then, he says:

“You are sitting sleeping, mother!

Why can’t you give me an answer; can you not just listen to me for a moment?

I was saying something to you.

And I just asked a moment ago”, now Crisje is listening, “whether we can live if I manage four marks a week.”

“Four marks a week, you say, Jeus?

That is a lot of money, an awful lot.”

“That is what I want to achieve, mother.

And perhaps even more as well.

I am trying to work out what I can earn.

If you can just manage, mother, then I will make it.

Let’s see.

In four weeks’ time, I can join the pitchers.

No, I’ve just remembered that is nothing for me.

The combers, that is a different story!

That seems better to me.

But it is hard work, and it stinks there like with the pigs, like the plague, mother.

I will have nothing to do with that.

Those drillers, mother, are dead men.

That work is nothing for me, they are just like dead chickens.

They do nothing else all day drill holes in a piece of wood, which small children can do.

But they can cackle as well, Jan but Lemmekus told me himself, and I can imagine that.

You know those gossips, don’t you?

And that pulling, which Bernard told you all about, mother, I cannot understand that, because those lads turn on their backsides like wild ducks do, and do not make any progress, that is nothing for me, so to speak.

I want to horse about at my work; that is nonsense!

I would go mad from all that shaking back and forth, it would make you laugh, mother.

If you could see them work, mother, you would understand me.

Just look, they sit like that at those tables.”

He shakes himself back and forth, fiddles about with his fingers, so that Crisje can understand it.

Then he continues:

“I think, mother, that I will join the combers, you can earn money there.

But do you know why?”

“Because you can do that work so quickly?”

“None of it, mother, you would like that.

No, that’s not it, mother, it is something completely different.

Because it is such a mess there, mother.

It is that stench!

And you destroy your fingers.

On those sharp combs, mother.

Because you have to quickly put that hair back and forth through the combs, you hit them as well and then your fingers bleed, but I have nothing to do with that.”

Crisje also sees now how it must happen.

Inside she kisses him, she presses that life to her heart, but she hears again:

“I want nothing to do with that stench, mother”, because he feels, it does not get through to her.

He had thought that Crisje would fall off her chair, but that did not happen.

He now also demands her full power of feeling, her sympathy and she can bow to it.

It is now listening or sleeping, if you want to sleep, Crisje, I will go away!

When Crisje replies:

“But I do not want that, Jeus, I do not want you to destroy your fingers for our household” He bursts out:

“That’s something, mother!

What business of mine are a couple of dead fingers?

What do fingers mean if you have no food?

What does that stench matter to me if your children are hungry and need new things?

Can fingers pay for the land lease?

Do you not need any other things then?”

Johan is outside of this and if Johan wants to know, he may now sleep as long as he wants, he will just disturb him anyway.

However, Crisje thinks, what did I do to deserve this.

What a load of worries he has on his mind.

Jeus will work himself to the bone for Crisje, his little brothers and sister, she thinks it is great, of course, but is that not going too far?

Now pay attention, Crisje, how dangerous this is becoming.

When other times come one day, everything can change.

You will completely absorb his love, a love that is supernatural.

Which mother would not want to experience that?

But there is danger attached to it.

You will grow into each other; it is going too deep!

Really you should call a halt to it now for him and yourself, because what can the future bring you?

You will think what are you talking about now, but well, I am looking ahead.

Things can happen, which you do not wish upon yourself, but life demands it of you!

Then what?

You think, ‘then nothing’, however, I thought about it for a moment, but then your hearts will be ripped apart, that means, you do something which you just do not want, which is for him and for yourself, a gulf.

Now your blood is running away!

You do not believe that anything can come between you, because that is what I mean.

Do you know yourself so well and are you already convinced, Crisje, that your own life does not break any hearts, or neglect?

If something happens as a result of which you lose Jeus, I mean, you will break his heart and it will be a battle of life and death for you both.

He says to her:

“Mother?”

“What is it, Jeus?”

“As long as you know, that I want to work myself to the bone for you and that I want to keep my children alive, you can believe me”, Crisje knows as well, how much that child loves her.

And when he also presses her to his heart and kisses her like an adult, she presses this love to her maternal heart for a moment, but does not think of the future, what could happen?

Nothing, Jeus is hers and he will remain hers, nothing can come between him and her, ever!

She would not miss him for the world, never ever!

“I love you”, he adds quickly, before everything is upside down in the house, “I adore you, mother”, he also says, and that this is an expression of the Tall One and the last word as well, now he can start on his daily work.

Johan and Bernard turn everything upside down.

One after another, they get ready to leave, just like before, when it was the Tall One and Johan, then Bernard came along and he has also started to belong to that society now, a little cog in the big machine, that horrible monster!

When they have all left Jeus tries to lift Crisje up like father did, but now has got to accept that he must wait a while with that, Crisje sits at the table and is still thinking about his talk, and is also crying, they are tears of suffering and real sorrow, also of happiness, of course ... but well, the Tall One cannot be replaced!

She cannot get over Jeus’ happiness and if only, there was enough money!

Of course, Hendrik, I miss you terribly, but then that would have been bearable.

That child really does have everything.

If he is gone just a bit longer than he said he would be, he already tells her why.

The others do not do that!

He means with that, she feels, do not worry, Cris.

I had something to do there.

Just like father was always able to do, which makes you feel the essential self, the anchorage.

It tells you that you feel for each other, and think about each other.

She was not out of Tall Hendrik’s thoughts for a second, her Hendrik was not out of her thoughts either and Jeus has that same feeling, that same love ... it is enough to make you cry!

No, she would not trade Jeus for the world!

When Chang wanted to take Jeus to Italy, no, she cannot bear thinking about it; she would not let anyone take Jeus away for all the money in the world.

Crisje, you do not give a thought to your own future for a second,

Not a short moment, to what adult life thinks about it, or did you think that there is no life any more?

Did you think that adult life had nothing else for you and that it was already completed?

And what is the future?

What do you know for yourself?

What do you know for tomorrow and in two months’ time, what do you feel for later, in a few years’ time, for example?

Nothing ... you feel nothing, Crisje, but life goes on, life asks you something, life always has something to tell you and has sometimes put something aside for you as well, which you are suddenly faced with then and then you must take a human, sometimes an inhuman decision.

Life can confront you with bad and childish things, with sacred and terrible things.

Are you shocked yet, Crisje?

Did you not think of this?

All people do that, Crisje, no one thinks of the future.

Even if the insignificant rest of those millions of people want to know all about it, and even if they run to the fortune tellers, this life cannot be seen.

People are not so deep, not one person possesses this gift, because all those things belong to Our Lord.

And would you think that Our Lord let HIS cards be looked at by human fortune tellers?

Can you understand, Crisje, what I am getting at, then we go on, otherwise, at a later stage.

Later, I will come back to this!

I do not intend to increase your worries.

But you might say, the great life is behind you.

I am looking that life right in the face.

I know it, because I see life!

Crisje, these are powers and strengths, of which a person does not know even the smallest foundation.

Unless human beings were omniscient, and you do not believe that.

I will help you to think, Crisje.

When Bernard had to accept the accident, did he already know that a day before?

You, felt it coming, but did you have that certainty as well?

No, however, Bernard had to swallow this, and other people are like that as well.

Now you are standing with your mouth wide open.

That is life, the powerful ... and you are outside of that as a person, it cannot be seen beforehand, or you would be omniscient, but you are not so arrogant.

Life sometimes has something for people and you will be presented with that, Crisje.

It is the wine of God the Father ... do those cups pass us people now that we know that GOD allowed HIS son to drink?

What do you want?

To try and avoid all of this?

I am telling you this, that life is odd, strange actually.

You do not know life!

And because it is strange, you can expect a terrible hiding sooner or later.

Do not worry, Crisje, undoubtedly I am being unduly sombre for you, but remember this, a human being remains a human being and life is life, as a result of which we people have to put up with happiness and miseries.

It is as old as the world is, is that not the case?

Sometimes, Crisje, you do things and you are faced with your own unreliability.

You will not believe it, but you have become it!

You were so sure of yourself, but tomorrow?

You did not know yourself.

Tomorrow and in a week, you will act differently.

Yes, there are people who butcher lives, which they had never thought that they could do, but they still do it!

They certainly did not wish to do it, but, nevertheless, they still did it.

I love you is old timeworn nonsense.

I love you, I love you so much, I cannot live without you, is the talk of an unaware person, Crisje.

Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow you will talk differently after all, and that mighty love of today is not worth anything any more!

Just go over the people, millions have been mistaken.

Not only for themselves, but especially through their stupid talk.

People are like that, dear Crisje, we do not even know ourselves!

In this way, millions of hearts were broken.

Men abandoned their loved ones.

During the first days, Crisje, that love was something great, nothing else existed.

However, after a time.

Some give themselves over to others; we see one murder after another, not to mention the hangings.

In short, as a result of thousands of possibilities people took their own lives, only, Crisje, as a result of that mad love, as a result of that empty talk: I love you, but tomorrow?

How many people do not live on this great earth who renounced their words, but who, so to see, would stake themselves for their word?

Did those people know themselves?

They did not think, Crisje, that they would ever succumb.

Did circumstances force them into such a decision?

Nevertheless, there was always a human ‘will’ and that was like living dead for those people.

Humanly speaking, they succumbed!

When life says to you: just you listen and don’t do that; the spiritual life begins to think and will have to act.

Now you are sometimes faced with what you have said, and you must renounce those words consciously or unconsciously.

You hear then:

“Did I say that? ... That is impossible!”

Now you are faced with your pathetic self.

Your inconsiderate talk.

Now that love has become nonsense and does not mean a thing.

Many people in this world already know that.

They have beaten, trampled their words, and their love to a bloody mess, because they were too weak inwardly to fight for this happiness.

Those people chose the easiest, the simplest way and just went away!

Others know as well, they have reached that insight.

I did that wrong, I should have done it like that.

I should not have given myself completely; I am now destroying hearts.

Then you think that you are going mad, but that is not true, you walk around with this misery alone, you feel weak and awkward, it is an empty carry-on!

Ask Bernard, Crisje.

He can now tell you that life beat him.

His condition tells us people: what do you want, do you not see your future?

Do you not feel that you are allowing your love to die with those words?

Other people make a fuss, but a while later one of those people moves his foot, slips and breaks his precious neck.

Did that man not know that?

No, Crisje, just as little as the Tall One believed that he would die at the age of forty.

That is the unknown life, Crisje, that is what concerns us, a person wants love and happiness, but there will come a time when we have to fight for that happiness.

If we are not able to do so, then there will be victims.

Once again, Crisje, everyone knows it.

I love you!

But tomorrow.

Or the day after tomorrow?

What remained of that love?

One person now lives somewhere else, got another love, continues again to suck out that life too and will soon be faced again with these laws and problems which are enforced upon us by life, however, Our Lord knows the space and, dear Crisje, knows the necessity, and which means, will you never learn anything then?

The talk, Crisje: ‘We do not want to miss you for the world’, became nonsense!

The begging: ‘You will never leave us any more, will you?’ became a cat meowing and means nothing!

At least not for a human being!

‘I want to die for you’, means nothing, Crisje, it is nonsense!

That, ‘I want to die for you’, is a well worn saying, one in a million people know something of it, yes, of course, but the rest?

We people talk until the cows come home, we do not think.

We are greedy creatures, like pigs!

If only we were pigs, but we talk too much and that talk, Crisje, does not cost a thing!

It happens of its own accord and we know!

Fair is fair, Crisje, do you know yourself?

Are you so sure of yourself that you can say: nothing can happen between Jeus and me?

What do you want to do with Jeus?

Just imagine, Crisje, that you later renounce your own words?

God preserve me, you will think, but we are only human, dear Crisje.

Then what?

Does it not exist for you?

Is that not possible, you say?

Again, we are only human, Crisje!

I am telling you, then your contact and your unity with Jeus will become dangerous!

Then it will break his heart, now physical and spiritual blood will flow, and that believe me, has to do with Our Lord and HE died for it.

I would treat Jeus like you treat Johan and Bernard, but then, where are we really heading?

You say yourself:

“He gives me everything, but he also want everything of mine”, and that is your pure connection, your immense love, your support, but if you throw all of this away?

Indeed, Crisje, if you get to know life, you have the laws to accept, gradually you will fight those laws and only afterwards can you, and may you say: I am like this now, I have proved it!

I am a man of my word and a woman of character.

And if that is the case, you are a fortunate human child, which this society needs.

Believe me, those people are priceless!

You are now like the ‘Arc of the Covenant’... Crisje!...

Or a ‘Tower of David’... Also like the ‘Gilded House’ and like an angel in a heaven, if you have made the truth and the enduring your own, and if your word is a law, or everything will become frillery.

Human pettiness, worthless nonsense!

Do you love me?

Of course!

Oh, Crisje, Jeus will also still experience that in his life and then will probably bleed inwardly, but then he will also have to prove what he can do.

After all, where is that inner life exactly which belongs to your own character, and is yours?

A person with money searches the whole world, but he also returns with all kinds of troubles.

I do not want to give you those things, Crisje, but hospitals are involved.

To experience some human happiness, those people sought a paradise, which is not there.

It is themselves, you must possess it inwardly, or you will find it nowhere!

Just look at Aunt Trui and you will know!

There is one thing, Crisje knows, she will fight for Jeus.

Of course, she loves all her children equally,

Crisje makes no distinction, but one life possesses more than the other and is then your happiness, your life, and your love.

However, the household is going downhill rapidly, Crisje is going downwards, she will never make it over that mountain!

Jeus can talk as much as he likes, the Tall One can play his violins until they break, she is faced with this destruction and has to carry on.

Love?

It is great!

But what can you buy with it?

Nothing!

What can you begin with universal love, if you do not have a cent?

Nothing!

The most down-to-earth mind also understands that, you are not given a look.

An angel wearing clogs, that is it anyway, Crisje, is not worth a cent!

Jeus is right when he says: ‘Angels can now drop dead.’

Who will pay the land lease, who will make sure there is something new now?

Our Lord?

All those things beat your love to smithereens.

What does the Tall One want now?

To pay the rent with this violin, make sure there is food?

Seven stomachs suddenly eat everything up, there is nothing left; do you see those little faces, Tall One?

You see, Crisje, now we are faced with problems, which I told you about years ago.

But the Tall One laughed good-naturedly, nothing could happen to him.

Just play then, Tall One!

Can you hear it, Crisje?

Can you buy one black pudding for it?

That is the very least!

It is drivel!

Tall One, what do you want?

This is sacred truth, don’t make me laugh.

When there is no money, love is useless to you.

Now you can suffer starvation, and it is heading that way!

You, Tall One, would like to break little Gerrit’s neck, but can you reach the child?

Now you can lay the empty notes on the table, which we talked about then.

There is no more than that!

That demands life from you!

It is the battle of Golgotha, Hendrik, and it is for everyone, but action must be taken here.

Crisje and your children are faced with Christ’s Passion.

Watch out, Tall One, I will be proved right.

Soon we will be faced with an inhuman drama.

How will Crisje act then?

Must she also renounce her love and her words?

Do you not believe in it?

For that matter, not one person in her neighbourhood does.

Those people know your love, they know, Crisje is an angel!

I can do nothing about it, Tall One, but this future lies open to me.

You can break your violins over your own head.

This is how miserable it will become!

You will collapse from suffering, Tall One, but no God, no Lord, can help you.

Yes, there is probably someone then who will show you the way and if you then hear ‘go to the left’, do it, because it is the only escape-route.

You will then throw ‘Towers of David’ around and run away quickly because you know better, and no longer want anything to do with it now.

But life will be really rotten then.

Be aware, Tall One, it concerns you, Crisje and Jeus.

It does not concern the rest of them who live here.

It is you three!

Everything is going well at the brush factory.

Fanny saw him off and will collect him later; the animal is keeping watch and already knows uncle Jan’s whistle.

Yesterday Fanny did not know anything about these matters.

Now it knows everything.

Now that whistling is also a part of its life.

And uncle Jan’s whistle speaks volumes to Fanny.

What a person does not think about and does not feel Fanny experiences on one hundred per cent power of feeling, and it has to do with Jeus.

That is also something strange for tall Van Bree, because for him a dog is an animal and you cannot talk to it like to a person.

Did you think that, Antoon?

If Antoon finds it something remarkable, how does Jan Lemmekus think about it, who is open to sensitivity?

They are truths, Antoon, now the soul of life is speaking, or what is it, anyway?

Antoon got a lump in his throat.

Many people were impressed by it.

The teacher at school also felt something inside, which brought her to human thinking.

However, a dog’s life has now risen into and up to human life.

Since Gerrit is not human to Fanny, the animal does not like him either.

Little Gerrit is angry, because Jeus possesses Fanny’s heart and he has nothing.

Is this so hard to understand, Antoon?

Fanny is now like a person, he thinks, and feels.

Human love speaks to the life and Fanny is open to it.

Other dogs react differently.

You, Tall Hendrik, live in it.

You live in the midst of those powers and strengths and you will have to acquire that love.

Now you can experience miracles.

However, Antoon van Bree does not understand that, but a person moves mountains because of this love.

If you see Jeus together with Fanny, then you could cry for joy.

Life now laughs at you and gives you divine things.

They are feelings of happiness and kind-heartedness.

If you do not possess it yourself, you do not believe that it exists, and then you will laugh at all those human pranks.

You trample on those nice things.

However, these are supernatural matters!

It is the very highest thing for a person, Antoon!

That will take you back to HIM and will bring you into harmony with all that other life.

You make yourself loved now or you will be as poor as a church mouse.

Tall Hendrik and Antoon van Bree, Fanny is a soul which will lie on your grave and die for you.

Never heard of it?

Fanny is such a doggy soul and also possesses that dependence.

It is love!

Jan Lemmekus sees that it is going well in the sawmill.

He watches out to be able to talk to Jeus for a moment.

Jeus is thinking seriously!

When Jan gets the opportunity, he immediately asks:

“Jeus, I have heard that you are going to write books, when you are big, is that the case?”

Jan now looks into a pair of eyes, which tell him: ‘Good gracious just stop your nagging.

I have had enough of it already!’... however Jeus says:

“Write books?

Write books, did you say, Jan?

Can I eat from that?

Can we keep our household running with that?

I am going under with worries, Jan!”

A moment later Jan hears him say:

“That is so long ago already, Jan.

I do not know any more.”

So, is that the problem, Jan thinks.

Worries!

Worries take over life.

Worries dominate!

Worries destroy everything.

Worries break soul, spirit, and body!

Worries claim you and eat your heart to bits.

Just continue, but this life is twelve years old, Jan thinks, and that is really terrible!

This life can no longer think of sacred things.

And those things and matters are supernatural, and necessary for all of this humanity.

However, carrying shavings and earning money are more necessary.

Rotten things in society mean more than universal lessons!

Jan kicks himself and beats his soul; he hits wherever he can.

This is enough to collapse!

It is rotten!

It is miserable!

Enough to make you jump out of your skin, so to speak.

Jeus is a child prodigy to Jan.

And those wonders are now lying there for the picking.

Nevertheless, stupid worries, worthless carry-on, suck that life out of that world and he, Jan Lemmekus, must also accept that.

You could do something to that cursed life!

What do you want?

Jan is not rebelling, but he lives through Jeus in a paradise.

Now something beats him back out.

This is not a snake, but they are worries.

‘Good gracious’, Jan also complains.

Jeus has already gone away from him.

Over there he is filling a basket with shavings and is thinking; who will give him, the boys and Crisje food?

‘Write books?’

How childish adults are, Jeus thinks.

It is like nothing on earth.

They live next to life.

They are right on top of it and do not feel on what they are trampling.

No, Jan, now spiritual wonders no longer have any meaning.

His father already knows that.

Tall Hendrik, Jan Lemmekus, had had to accept that.

That is also really terrible.

After all, you know the bubbly personality of tall Hendrik?

He thought he could play violins for Crisje until they broke.

But can you eat from that?

Jan knows Jeus would be a revelation to this rotten world, if people would just accept this life.

Jan’s life is now beaten, consciously at that.

It is really unpleasant.

Jeus thinks, he is doing his best and the boss can see that as well.

Now that he meets the authority again, he gives it a flower.

A little daisy and then the boss hears:

“Yes, of course, boss.

I will continue to do my best.”

“Are you getting on a bit better?

Have you learned your work already?”

“Yes, boss, I’ve managed it.”

I see, you can make progress here, can’t you?”

“Yes, boss, I already saw that.

I would like to be with the combers, boss.”

“Really?

Already?

Now, after just one day?”

“Is that not possible then, boss, I want to earn money for mother.”

“Everything is possible, my dear, of course.

We will see.

But work hard.”

“Of course, boss, I will make sure of that.”

Jeus thinks the boss is a good man, a very different man than yesterday.

Yesterday life was rotten; today the boss is an angel for himself and the people.

It is also a ‘daisy’ for his life, it is hanging between his lips and everyone must see it.

He does not know that Jan has already spoken to the boss.

Does the boss see this life differently now?

He is a great man!

When Jan went to the boss with the samples, he asked him one thing and another about Jeus’ talk and chatting, the boss reacted after thinking about it.

“Is he intelligent, Jan?”

“Yes, Lumwald, he has brains, but Crisje is alone with all the children.

If you would like to keep an eye on him.

Then give him something else to do soon.”

“Jawohl, Jan, der hat ein Kopf.

“Yes, Jan, he is intelligent. I won’t forget it.”

The boss knows now.

You must not neglect such lives.

He just looks at himself.

Indeed if you think, you will get on better in this life, and Jeus can think.

However, it is a mess with the combers.

Jan advises him against it, but however rotten it may be there, he must earn money.

“You will destroy your fingers, Jeus!”

“I don’t care about that!

What use are fingers if I do not have any food?”

Nothing!

Nothing has value, if you are bent double with worries.

Only food and drink have meaning.

Even if they drink so heavily there, that means nothing!

A person may have a drink.

“Even if it stinks there of pigs, it doesn’t make any difference to me.”

“But those men will let you fetch jenever, Jeus.”

“I can fend for myself as well.

I want to earn money for mother!

And just stop your nagging now, Jan Lemmekus.”

That’s right, Jan.

You can still have a bit more fun with him, but then you will lose him.

A pity, isn’t it?

But the great true life, Jan, does not ask for human pities.

It spins round in his head, it is in his heart, and his blood is boiling!

What do you want?

Miets needs clogs.

Teun needs a new pair of trousers and clogs, and many other things are needed.

Crisje has one old coat and she has to wear it to church.

She needs a new one and pretty quickly too.

The children have to go to church in their clogs, which is the worst thing you can imagine.

Everyone looks at you in the church, because you are making such a noise with your clogs!

It is horrible, Jan!

They have already been abused by the good life.

And this good life is no longer merely playing about with Crisje, it is really hitting her.

When Jeus comes home with Fanny, he hears about a little human drama.

But what happened this time?

Gerrit and Hendrik were going to go for a little walk with Miets in the pram.

They played on the moorland, but when it was time to go back, Gerrit had an amusing idea.

“Do you know what we will do, Hendrik?

No, you do not know, but I do.

We will stand on the pram and let ourselves be driven along the Grintweg.”

Is that not a good idea?

But the Grintweg is steep.

Gerrit and Hendrik can no longer hold the pram and with Miets in it, the pram bumps into a tree.

Miets crashes to the ground and is lying in the gutter.

She has a big hole in her little head.

And they come home in this state.

Not Gerrit, he took to his heels.

Miets is in a bad way and Crisje can put up with it.

Little Miets is lying there!

This had to happen when he, father Jeus, is not at home.

It is really a miracle that Miets is still alive.

Where is Gerrit?

He is nowhere to be seen.

Little Gerrit is not stupid.

It doesn’t bear thinking about.

Jan Lemmekus also hears about the drama.

“But I will get hold of him yet, Jan”, his friend hears, but Jan can’t help laughing about it anyway, he can see the drama taking place in his mind’s eye.

The Tall One is gone, Crisje, and you are alone.

Jeus and Gerrit have a tumble on the ground.

But when black eyes are a part of it, it is quite enough.

What no one had thought of, happened as well.

Fanny bites a piece out of Gerrit’s trousers and that is the worst thing of all.

How will they get a new pair?

“But my God”, Crisje moaned.

“We go from one misery to another.”

And that is the truth.

If you take hold of life in the wrong way, then it will hit back, it is a law, and everyone has to take it into account.

Nevertheless, it is scandalous.

Life hits differently!

Differently to what you expected, Crisje, and you do not ever count on these things.

Nor did Fanny!

However, little Gerrit now watches out for Jeus and he has to be careful.

It is bad, Crisje, but life goes on.

Do not dwell on it for too long, there will be other problems, and you will complain then as well, until you are blue in the face, and you will think that the devil is after you.

Johan is purring behind the stove and enjoying himself.

What is the cause, Johan?

When Crisje asks him whether he will do something for a change, she gets to hear: “What can I do now, mother, when I am in Emmerik?”

Now Crisje knows.

And can see his point, what can Johan do?

Nothing!

But it is Bernard who just grabs little Gerrit by the neck, gives him a good smack, but a little too hard in Crisje’s opinion, she has respect for broken legs, because hospitals are like poisonous adders.

But that Bernard!

Just carry on purring, Johan, make a nice garment for yourself or a Sunday suit, and do not pay the slightest attention to all of this.

Do you not look at the girls yet?

However, Johan is not like that.

He does not dare make a single move towards the girls.

The boys see that he does not know whether there are any girls in the world.

And what would you do with one of those girls?

‘Not for me’, Johan utters, and they can understand that, because that costs money.

They know, when ‘he’ begins to ‘court’ girls, the world will be turned upside down.

They are prepared to give two and a half guilders to see Johan kissing.

Good gracious, what fun a person can have resounds through the kitchen, but then Johan laughs and his purring briefly stops.

There is peace now amongst the children of tall Hendrik, who must later decide their own lives one by one.

Where must this ship strand?

This is always the last word and Crisje’s only thought, when she lies down to go to sleep after a day of trudging and worrying.

Miets gets better, but after a few days, they have other troubles.

The human water of life rises up to their necks, which is now ‘awfully’ salty and cannot be drunk.

That as well, and that’s something completely different.

The children are sick inside.

‘We will be destroyed’, Jeus thinks, but they don’t want that.

They now have to do with the whooping cough and the measles, gifts of life, which no one likes.

Jeus now no longer has a second’s peace.

Now he worries day and night.

He does not know what to do any longer, and it was just going so well.

Now the measles and the whooping cough are in the shavings.

All that misery is in his hands and his spade, it is no longer going as he wants it to, life has got him.

When he comes home, he sits next to the little beds to help his children, and then he completely absorbs those illnesses.

Without being aware of it, because Jeus can heal.

Now he is over-sensitive and wonders reveal themselves.

Sitting like that on the little beds, he gives away his powers of life and they cure Miets and Teun.

Yes, Jeus and Crisje, we know the aura of life of a person.

And that heals Miets and Teun.

It is that aura of life which Teun and Miets now absorb,

And that strengthens the sick tissue, which creates a change.

That happened here now!

In the East, many people heal through the aura of life.

Also in the towns here and they call that magnetizing!

Nevertheless, little Gerrit continues to tease him and that is just what he doesn’t need.

This has to stop.

It is Sunday morning.

They are getting dressed for church.

Jeus is looking for his tie, but it is gone.

What does he see now?

Little Gerrit, how is it possible, has at least ten of them.

“Are you trading in ties?

And how on earth did you get all those ties?

Could you just lend me one of those?

Are you selling your goodies to buy something else?”

“It is none of your business!”

Then it happened.

They are already tumbling about on the floor in the best room.

Exactly there, where the holy family is.

A bit too close to the holy family, and then it happened.

Tinkle, tinkle!

Crisje thought she would faint.

The holy family is lying in bits and pieces at mother Crisje’s feet, and she can put up with it again.

Just before it happened, Crisje heard a voice saying to her, as it were:

‘Do not get a fright, Cris, but accidents will happen again.’

And then?

The holy family in smithereens.

Gerrit holds his elbow in front of her eyes and Crisje respects that.

She would only hurt her arms, and she doesn’t want to beat a piece of wood!

She complains to Jeus: “Why do you go and cause an argument with a good-for-nothing like that?”

“Do I have to accept everything from that brat, mother?

I will give, buy, you new statues.” Crisje does not hear any more.

She does not get an apology from little Gerrit.

He has already left.

Will he pray for forgiveness?

That is nothing for little Gerrit.

‘If you want to give each other a hiding, Jeus’, it is already raging in his head, ‘then you do not do that within the vicinity of the holy family.’

He hears it from Crisje, at least twenty times, and now does he have to go to church?

Must he ask for forgiveness there?

You can never be forgiven for such things, as long as you know that, or try to understand it.

Our Lord has fallen from the cupboard.

Mary and Joseph.

It is enough to drive you mad!

‘Our Lord, Joseph and Mary’, it does not leave him alone for a second, ‘have ... – no, God preserve me’, he thinks, ‘then it will be even worse – broken ...’

Their necks, he had wanted to say.

However, he only thought about it.

But Jeus, is that not exactly the same?

Good or bad, that does not mean anything for this moment, the statues are broken and through his fault.

And the priest is talking this morning about self-control as well!

How is it possible!

Of course, Our Lord inspired it.

The priest has received it, but why does he not moan at him and Gerrit?

And Crisje thought that tall Hendrik was there himself.

She was so sure that she heard his voice.

What do you want, Crisje?

Did Hendrik warn you?

And then what?

What good are such warnings to you if things become deformed, like Our Lord and the holy family?

It is nonsense!

That Tall One!

You see, Tall One, let us now just accept that you were able to warn Crisje about this accident.

Is that food and drink?

Is that a new statue?

Is that really help, Tall Hendrik?

Do you not have to chuckle about it yourself?

You are just making yourself ridiculous, Hendrik.

Is this, I ask you, so that it penetrates your life, help, and human help for Crisje?

Do you know anything else, Tall One?

Are there no other means of protecting Crisje?

Go back then where you came from.

This is no good to them!

This is nothing, Tall One, nothing.

It is ridiculous!

‘But still’, Crisje thinks, ‘I could swear that father was here and he said it to me.’

‘How will I get other statues’, Jeus thinks.

‘How will I get Teun and Miets better?’

Miets is improving; in fact, she has already recovered, but little Teun?

Those statues pulled him out of that world for a moment, but now he is sitting next to Teun’s little bed and is holding his hand.

He sees the holy statues sitting in Teun.

Where he looks, he can see the bits and pieces of the holy family.

When he has to fetch a pound of black pudding for Crisje the smashed pieces of Our Lord are also in it, it could drive you mad as well.

Food does not taste nice.

The little bit that they get has now been spoiled by that terrible accident, but to Johan, Bernard, little Gerrit and Hendrik it tastes really good.

Only Crisje, he sees, is now eating differently, with her head too far bent, everything goes so slowly, it is sad!

How will I get out of this, he thinks, and it churns through his head.

His little life is now tense enough to burst.

If there is no way out, something else will happen here and that is a bit too much.

This is more than enough!

However, he does not forget his children.

Teun must get better.

Miets has already told him that his hands radiate a nice heat, which does her good.

And then suddenly Miets is better.

Now Teun as well.

Now that he is sitting with little Teun, he feels that his chest is also tightening.

Teun is full of dirty mucus,

And that mucus has to go, but how can he do that?

What winter radish with brown sugar could not do; human heat can bring about.

A few days later a dirty lump of mucus suddenly flies out of Teun’s throat, and little Teun is also better!

“Mother”, he screams at Crisje.

“Now look what I have in my hands!”

“That is mucus,” Crisje says.

“That is good, that had to go.

My God, what a lot of mucus that is.

How is it possible.”

You see, Crisje, inside, that mucus started to slip and that comes from the human aura, which loosens the mucus.

That is now everything.

But I could certainly talk for hours about how nice it is, but also how spiritual-scientific it is as well.

However, what good is it to you?

None, Jeus will probably describe all of this later in his books, Crisje, because that will all come about!

But the children are better!

Through Jeus!

It happened quickly.

It was just like a miracle, but these things also have their very ordinary life.

Jeus cured Teun and Miets, of the measles and the whooping cough through the power of Our Lord, however, on a larger scale, Crisje, Our Lord could say: ‘Go and walk’, as a result of that power, blind people received new light, and a deaf and dumb person got his hearing, yet humanity was still not satisfied.

In short, you know that drama!

‘That is all very well, it is great’, Jeus thinks, ‘but I am left with the shattered pieces.

The holy family is broken!’

Jan follows him, he feels it, Jeus is worrying.

And of course, you tell friends everything.

So, Jan thinks, is that the case, Jeus?

Does he not have an old set of statues in the attic?

Did Anneke not get them from somewhere?

He believes that he can make Jeus and Crisje happy.

Jan will have a look this afternoon.

Jeus continues to think, but he cannot get away from it, he cannot find a solution.

And when you have to hear:

‘If holy statues fall, other accidents usually happen’, you get a pile of despair to cope with, and you really do not know what to do any more.

Crisje once heard, it happened to a farmer: ‘Statues also fell from the cupboard there and a few days later the farm was on fire and that took four human lives!’

‘Good gracious, mother, how can you say that now’, Jeus thinks, however, where is the Tall One now?

Do you not have anything, Tall Hendrik?

Do you not have any solutions for this misery?

Now Crisje did not hear how she could get new statues.

Hendrik is certainly keeping quiet.

Was he also powerless?

Do accidents happen, Tall Hendrik, when holy statues fall and break?

Do you not hear anything?

Have you now closed your ears?

Are you deaf, Tall One?

Pray, Jeus ...

Pray now, until you are blue in the face and ask for forgiveness.

Do just like Crisje, your mother, she is on her knees every morning in the church, goes to confession every morning and goes through life praying every day, however, what do you do, what do you do for this misery, how do you wish to make up for all of this with regard to the holy family?

You have insulted the holy family and broken them.

You should not have fought with little Gerrit; you do not do that in a holy place, that is really a terrifying sin.

You will not get away from it.

That will now follow you.

You will not be able to sleep any more because of it.

It will cripple you.

It will break you, Jeus, you will scream out from sorrow and pain, whippersnapper that you are!

It is bad!

He thinks: ‘I can no longer make up for this’, he does not understand that Gerrit can still laugh about it, and still snores and can dream as before, that he cannot leave his pinching alone.

That is what he calls inhuman!

Gerrit not only has him, but Crisje and the holy family.

Is nothing going to happen to Gerrit?

It is scary!

What does a smaller set cost?

Jan Lemmekus sees that the statues need a new base.

But he has found the statues, and the day after tomorrow he will, for once, make Jeus happy.

Jeus meanwhile goes downhill, he has worries, and they are no longer human.

If only he had controlled himself.

However, he has understood everything.

What are you still doing in a church?

Nothing, you are mocking everything anyway.

He can no longer forget the way that holy Mary looked at him on Sunday.

Did you see how Our Lord looked at him?

He was not so afraid of holy Joseph.

He is closer to you, he does not know why but he definitely felt it.

Whether that is the case, Crisje,

He did not dare to ask you that.

But holy Mary was the worst.

And of course, she is the mother of Jesus.

Does Crisje not suffer when something wrong has happened?

Mother has no life any more.

How long will it be, Jan, before the statues are ready?

Do you not see then, Jan, that every second means suffering?

At home he feels Crisje’s downcast soul and that is something terrible again, you cannot look at it, you will be destroyed by it.

“Are you angry with me, mother?”... he asks, when it lasts too long.

“What can I say, Jeus.

If you have had something which is dear to you, you would not want to miss it, would you?”

“I believe that, mother, I can understand that as well.”

Crisje now gives him the final blow.

She does not know what she is saying; she does not know how this will affect him, when she says:

“Those statues, Jeus, were from your father.

And I got them from your father, because he and I worked ourselves to the bone for them.

With cents and ten-cent pieces, Jeus, we had to pay for the statues together.

We worked ourselves to the bone for them, Jeus.” ... that is bad, but when she continues:

“It is, Jeus, as if we have beaten father to death.” These words churn through his head and lightening strikes his heart.

He almost collapses from suffering and Crisje gets a terrible fright again when he says:

“That is bad, mother, that is the worst thing there is.

I cannot fight against it, and I cannot buy any new statues either.

That is bad, my God, how bad it is.”

Crisje could kick herself when she hears this from him.

It is the moaning of a wounded animal, she feels.

She should have controlled herself.

How stupid can a person be.

Now it is she who must help him.

What has she done?

Jeus became pale from it, his colour left him, his blood drained away.

She quickly says to him:

“But do not take it so seriously, Jeus.

I will get over it!

Holy statues are not nearly as important as people.

Do not think that this cannot be put right, Jeus.

Adult life is something completely different.

As long as you know.”

But he does not hear that now.

Crisje’s words creep out of the kitchen and have disappeared.

He only holds on to that one thing and that is bad ... because his own father has to do with it and that is wretched!

Did he not think it?

It is father!

Father fell from the cupboard with the holy family.

Father is in it!

It is terrible!

Even if they are smaller, he must have holy statues for Crisje.

He goes upstairs early and lies down.

Fanny now hears everything: “Yes, Fanny, I am a rotter.

I should not have picked a fight with Gerrit.

I should have thought before I hit him.

We are now in a mess, Fanny, and mother is crying inside.

It is bad, Fanny.

Can you feel how much pain I have, Fanny?

Do you feel what I mean?”

Everyone experiences the drama in a different way.

One thing is clear to him, he will no longer fight near the holy family.

Just look at those mice.

Do they know nothing about the holy statues?

That mouse there is not even afraid of Fanny.

Fanny should have the courage to bite that little animal to death.

If you want to live yourself then leave other life alone.

Oh, liar, how many cats have you got hold of?

However, it does not do that any more; it no longer bears thinking about.

Just look at a mouse like that.

Do they know nothing about the holy family?

And the doves?

No, they do not know anything, they are arrogant philanderers, really boring sticks; they think of nothing else but making love.

He does not understand that he was so crazy about doves.

Stop that cooing and leave your wife alone.

Do you not see then that she does not want anything to do with you?

However, that lad wants his way.

It is a strange thing with those doves.

They are old idiots!

A dove like that can’t get enough.

“Be quiet now, Fanny, Gerrit is coming, we will pretend to be asleep.”

What is Gerrit up to there?

What does little Gerrit have to hide this time?

A moment ago he was rummaging about downstairs, are there apples and pears again?

Gerrit is already sleeping.

Is that not a smooth customer?

You do not look for pears there, you will walk past them, and they are there for the taking.

But that Gerrit.

There is also delicious fruit above the rabbit hutch, good for everything, but mother has no money to buy fruit.

He is the first to wake up.

Crisje looks at the clock.

“You are up early, Jeus.

Could you not just have stayed in bed for a while?”

“You will get coffee in bed from me , mother.

I have something to make up for, haven’t I?”

Did Antoon van Bree not say that, Jeus?

Yes, Crisje, what he learns, he applies to himself and you see, he has also learned good things with all that dirty carry-on, as a result of which they beat him.

But that affects Crisje in her turn and gives her food for thought.

She knows, Jeus cannot bear any misery, any guilt, his soul finds that too difficult, it is as if someone is following you the whole day, and that is tiring.

It begins to knaw at your insides.

She knows, he is worrying, what a pity, she should not have told him that about father.

She has now made it much worse.

She will never do that again.

In this way, one life takes care of the other and the inner life feels carried.

Their contact would weaken as a result of this, Crisje feels, and that must not happen, she will tell him.

“And now stop that worrying of yours, Jeus, otherwise you cannot work.

I have worked it out.”

They fly into each other’s arms, the suffering is over, he is already beaming and he answers her:

“How grateful I am to you, mother!”

“I know that, Jeus.

Will you no longer worry?”

“No, mother, of course not, that is a weight off my mind.

I can now look out of my eyes freely, mother.”

“Of course, Jeus”, Crisje also says and then he can leave.

Jan Lemmekus allows him to experience another miracle.

Now he looks Jan in the eye and Jan asks:

“Do you not feel anything, Jeus?

I have something for you which, you are completely mad about”, his inner life is already tingling with joy.

Has Our Lord thought of something?

Has the Saviour not forgotten him?

“Now”, Jan says, “do you still not feel anything?”

He descends into Jan, it is there, where Jeus feels and knows what he has for him.

Jan has beautiful lights in his eyes, he sees, and those lights must tell him something.

Suddenly he knows.

Jan hears:

“That is a miracle, Jan, and I cannot believe it.

That is a miracle.

That cannot be, Jan.

My God, how is it possible, Jan.

My good Crisje.”

Isn’t that something, Jan?

Aren’t you very happy?

Jan gets tears in his eyes.

Jeus’ happiness beams towards him.

He quickly tells him:

“Yes, Jeus, you can believe it, it is true.

This is not a miracle, but you got those from my Anneke and myself for your mother.”

He throws his arms around Jan’s neck, the men see it, this kind-heartedness tickles the adult male consciousness, and a person is open to kind-heartedness, which is not so crazy after all.

They all enjoy this moment, Antoon van Bree thinks it is a great day, you would allow yourself five drinks, and it is so stimulating!

After work, Jeus is standing in front of the holy statues.

They are great.

Jan gave the family an extra base, Crisje can be satisfied.

They are even nicer than the other ones, Jeus sees, but he will not fool himself now, those other statues are still there, they were from father, is mother equally happy now?

Jan relishes his own miracle.

Jeus puts the holy family in gold; he makes a universe of it.

But, how will he think about it later?

In the future, he will pull the holy family apart, if you follow his thoughts and feelings you will see it.

And then he will be faced again with the shattered pieces of the holy family.

Did you not hear Our Lord cry then?

These thoughts emerge for a moment, he just had to think about it, but then Anneke and Jan get to hear:

“Those are what I call statues.

Aren’t they ...” oh, he had a wrong word on his lips ... this is not a set of statues ... this is the holy family and that is not a set, that is wrong again.

He cannot release himself from Jan and Anneke, but Jan comes to his aid and gives him the space, he puts the statues on a small cart and then Jeus can leave.

Behind the sun there is light and the living God was also there, Jan and Anneke see that!

“And, mother?

Are you happy?

Can you now laugh at me again?

Isn’t that something, mother?

Isn’t that a miracle for me, mother?

Would you have thought it, mother?

No, you wouldn’t, I hadn’t thought of it either.

Can you now understand that Our Lord is not angry, mother?”

He knows, he definitely feels what he wants; does Our Lord not say anything yet?

Are things okay again?

No, there is no answer, so it still isn’t okay?

Still angry?

Still annoyed, because those other statues fell through his fault?

However, how can you be left cold by something.

Even Gerrit readily admits that the statues are really nice, he does not intend to cheat himself or Our Lord either, there is also a burden lifted from his heart.

You cannot fight with Our Lord.

That is becoming too dangerous, Gerrit thinks, but now he can steal again.

“And we, Gerrit, will never fight again, will we?” he says to the pincher and he also hears that back from Gerrit, no, they will not fight again in the room where the holy family is, that is lethal.

In addition, when he cannot get over his happiness, Crisje utters dryly:

“Have these statues been blessed, Jeus?”

What is mother saying?

Whether the statues have been blessed?

Isn’t that something?

Is that not enough yet?

Does mother wish to destroy this happiness?

Can mother not accept it?

In addition, he has his answer ready immediately, when Crisje now hears:

“Did you think, mother, that people like Jan and Anneke had unblessed statues in their house?

You must be able to understand that, mother.”

However, Crisje does not understand, unblessed statues are dangerous, and you would be better with none, the devil could be in them, then terrible accidents will happen.

Crisje replies:

“Oh, of course, I’m not so sure about that.”

Still, he feels, mother is right.

Unblessed statues are like devils.

People like demons could have made them.

But good heavens, what a lot of misery you can experience through the church.

If the statues have been blessed, they will shine and bring happiness.

If that is not the case, then you are faced with misery.

Is it not yet burning, Jeus?

Because of unblessed statues, people have experienced the greatest accidents.

In the past, Crisje knows that, a farm was burnt down and that cost four people their lives.

Because the devil was in the statues.

Is it not reasonable to think seriously about this?

However, Crisje believes that Jan and Anneke do not keep any unblessed statues in their house, or she must have them blessed and that is now not necessary, but she will pray for it.

And now they see mother experience a silence, which has directly to do with the holy statues, and for which you must stake your soul and bliss.

A few days later, there is peace and order again, the statues were accepted, they are standing there.

Is Our Lord now satisfied?

Jeus does not know, at least he is not sure of it, but that will come.

Now and again, he looks at the statues, does Mary not say anything?

Will Joseph not give him that reassurance?

He does not yet dare to ask Our Lord that.

And now your own father.

You see that is a pity now.

Father is still here, if only he could get father from that world, but is that possible?

No, mother must give this up, and that remains a pity, but that other thing is also still there, he does not trust Our Lord!

Why will Our Lord not just laugh?

Mary and Joseph give him their smile to experience, or is that perhaps nonsense?

He cannot make any sense of it, then just wait patiently, you cannot force these matters, but the statues must talk or a lot of danger will remain here.

Still, how good life is.

How great life is, you are given a set of statutes just like that and this set must have cost at least ... How much were the other ones?

Mary remains good-natured, she laughs, of course, a mother can forgive something more easily.

Joseph as well, but Jeus feels he is a bit stricter.

Another scene pulls him away from his worrying.

Gerrit and Bernard are fighting.

What’s the matter?

He hears Bernard say:

“Yes, Gerrit, that is your own apple.

But have you forgotten, Gerrit, that the whole house ate from my apples?

You guessed correctly, Gerrit, but what do you want from me?”

He knows little Gerrit is furious, he must hide his shop somewhere else, or Bernard will wring his neck and Gerrit is afraid of that.

Jeus wanders about in the front room again, he wants to see Our Lord laughing, only then will the statues be blessed and he can forget this event.

But who will give him this certainty?

At night, he awakes with a fright, and then the statues begin to talk.

And when Jeus prays in earnest, he gets no answer.

Mother can pray, he must still learn it.

Does Gerrit not feel anything special?

No, he does not pay the slightest attention to the statues.

However, does he not see that mother is thinking day in day out?

Of course, that is about the offended statues.

The statues feel beaten.

These statues cannot replace the other ones.

But then what?

If you then buy new ones, accidents can still happen, all kinds of things can happen to the statues.

After all, can’t they?

What is there really in those holy statues?

Is that really Our Lord?

Is that really Mary and the true Joseph?

He must think seriously about that, Crisje.

It does not give him any peace, it does not leave him alone, and the statues begin to talk.

Good gracious, are these statues not good enough?

Our Lord, did Jan not make these statues nice?

Can You not forget this then?

Must he be destroyed?

Must Jeus waste away, pine away with misery because of the statues?

Does He not have another choice?

Have people not broken statues before, but it was an accident, after all, wasn’t it?

Away with those thoughts, then they must work it out for themselves.

Nevertheless, it does not give him any peace, there is ‘misery’ in the front room, you feel that, you see that, he is not that stupid.

Does mother know as well?

Jeus begins to think.

And those thoughts, Jeus, make you older, there is something, and that ‘something’ wants you to think ... Good heavens, this is worthwhile, you are building a Temple with it, even nicer than those statues of Jan Lemmekus.

Just carry on, you have to carry on!