He is back in the Coehoorn barracks again, the boys have still not been demobilized, but Jeus is on his way to Crisje, this is probably his last leave.

Now he can tell his friends a tall story of what he experienced and which the whole of the Netherlands is talking about.

Who was it, Jeus, who gave the lieutenant-colonel am Rhein his slap?

Was it a Yellow Rider?

Was Antoon de Wild not there?

Didn’t you see Gieles van de Kemp?

They also have their Yellow Riders; men like stone and afraid of nothing.

Good heavens, you should see Gieles and Antoon, the whole of the Grintweg trembles when they come home with their spurs; for Antoon the Dassensteegje shakes and they know all about it.

No, it was big Gradus!

He had to repeat the story ten times already and then there is laughter, old stories are not only dragged up, but they are fresh and exciting, told again, and the contents of this story receives great significance.

However, Jeus is not aware at the moment, does not feel anything, and that is something for his thoughts and feelings, his sensitivity; he will get a girl in ten minutes.

Inside him it has started to tickle for such a long time, but he has not yet received that happiness until now.

Many nice girls have looked at him, he never got the urge to take that plunge, and there was always something in him, which said: no, not yet, I am not yet awake!

Or what was it, Jeus?

There were enough here, Germans, and girls from his own area; also in Arnhem, and wherever he had been, his life was ogled at from the maternal viewpoint, but he has never dared make a move.

Yet, now that he is having fun there with Bernard, who also gets to see his happiness, they do not know that this is hanging above their heads.

They go back to Crisje, neither of them feel yet that there are two angels with Crisje, fallen from a heaven, or the very last from ‘Das Stolzen Fels am Rhein’ for Crisje, “Mother Crisje, can we have some food?

But there is nothing more to be got from Crisje, everything is completely finished and she has not a cent left.

“Good evening, everyone.”

“What is that, mother?

Two angels in our home?

Good heavens, what beautiful children they are, mother.”

“This is Bernard, ladies, and that is Jeus.”

The ladies look at Crisje’s handsome chaps.

Bernard has been run down by a tram but is Bernard not beautiful?

Just look at his curls, and Bernard has a good job, he is a tailor.

If you have Bernard for a husband, you will never have to sew anything yourself again, Bernard will do that for your life and happiness.

And that other one?

He is doing his national service, you can see that yourself, ladies, Jeus will soon be home for good.

“But have I said too much, ladies?”

“But that is a miracle, Mother Crisje.”

However, Crisje has her own thoughts about the ladies.

She cannot help it that they have come to her to get something for their family.

Crisje senses that they are scroungers, she is sent these feelings, but Jeus will undoubtedly be careful.

She is not afraid that he will fly into that life without thinking like a mad dog, she knows, Jeus will think, he will not make a decision just like that.

Jeus surveys the ladies.

Inside everything is already in turmoil, Crisje.

During his time in the military prison, he thought about girls and decided for himself that it was finally high time to look for some love for a change, at the end of the day he now has to know what a kiss is like.

But, he must have a girl like you.

Those thoughts fly ahead of a thousand others.

Are they not pretty faces, Bernard?

They have come to get some food and drink, of course.

Do you see that elegance, Bernard?

They are real ladies.

Can you believe it, Bernard?

These are lives, which are sent by Our Lord himself, aren’t they, Bernard?

The nicest one and smallest one is already looking.

He as well, that one there, what is her name, Elly, is for Bernard.

And this Irma is for him, isn’t she? Jeus’ thoughts are of Irma, and can we not go out together, dear?

Crisje is talking about the war and all the people she gave food to, while Jeus is gauging this life, he descends into it, but only looks at the outer core, doesn’t feel what is inside and he does not see, he now throws away his knowledge of people, his great sensitivity, this universal certainty, Crisje, he has gone ‘completely’ mad!

Good heavens, Jeus, what are you letting yourself in for, anyway?

Just look at those eyes shining.

Look at those lips, you would have a kiss to spare just like that, those lovely cheeks, those little hands, those little feet, that little silk dress, she is an angel, Crisje!

He continues to gauge, descends into this soul, does not see anything, does not feel anything of the personality, he has thrown all that over-sensitivity overboard, there is no Casje either who warns him, there are no other angels, he is standing like a wild duck for natural happiness and grasps what can be grasped.

In his thoughts, he has already kissed Irma a thousand times.

Good heavens, how wonderful that is, Crisje, he now knows what you felt all those wonderful years from father, he is beginning to feel why father was so mad about you, he is also crazy about his girl, absolutely crazy, Crisje, but where must this ship strand?

Bernard has already had his first contact.

But that Bernard.

In Crisje’s presence, Bernard gets the first kiss of his life.

Bernard becomes green and red from excitement; his wooden leg is tingling from it, but that is not an obstacle to Elly.

They have plenty of money, of course.

They are rich ladies.

An entirely different story to the country girls here, he thanks Our Lord that he has waited so long.

If he had looked at a girl, then he would never have known this joy.

He blesses himself, this is a real miracle, Crisje, do not be afraid, just go to sleep, mother, we have a lot to discuss with each other.

But what a pity, he has to leave tomorrow, this is his last day.

Why did you not come before, angel?

Well, they did not know that, they have come straight from mother to get some food.

Well, if they had only known that!

Of course, then Irma would have hurried here.

Can he understand that?

What mother thinks about.

Where will the ladies sleep?

Something will be found, but may they not remain sitting in a chair, they have so much to tell each other, Crisje!

Crisje and Wageman go to bed.

The petroleum lamp goes out, Bernard and Jeus are sitting there and chatting with the angels of Our Lord.

Yes, it has happened, they are courting.

The angels are sitting with their little feet by the stove, he stokes the fire, makes coffee, does everything possible to treat his angel, and he enjoys his love.

How beautiful Irma is, and he feels so thankful, it is a blessed moment for his life.

He kisses ... and forgets the world, inside it is chaos, inside there is nothing left which is still eligible for human rest, normal peace and happiness, this is his girl, nothing has any meaning anymore, no one will separate him from this life.

The Grim Reaper can drop dead!

Casje is consciously mad!

Can you believe it that he could have listened to all that nonsense?

This is it!

This is his girl!

There is nothing better than this, the whole world pales into insignificance, when you have Irma in your arms, feel the blood, the living contact enters your soul and happiness, you almost go mad, everything tingles inside, it is a great happiness!

Whiz ... he has carefully kissed her again, my God, Crisje, how Jeus can kiss.

Did you not know that this was divine?

He never knew.

He is one with this life.

He feels her heartbeat thumping inside him.

Does Bernard feel that as well?

No, he feels it is an entirely different story there.

The ground trembles under his feet.

What a pity that it is night-time otherwise he could have shown her the doves.

What a pity, but he can be satisfied with this as well.

How good life is!

How great life is!

My God, how grateful I am to You.

Father will get flowers.

I will give my life for Irma; I want to die for this love.

„Are you mine?

Are you really mine?

Have you never kissed a boy before?

No, is that the case?

Did you wait, just as I did?

I once kissed a girl, I will confess everything to you honestly, and can you forgive me, Irma?

Have you also thought as if I was able to during the time in military prison?

I did not go to the military prison for bad things, no, believe it, only because I was bursting inside and because I had such fun.

Will you believe me, angel?

Have you ever had a boyfriend before?

No?

That is good.

I have just come from mother, Crisje can tell you, I was careful.

I will take care of you in this life, dear.

Just ask Bernard.

Bernard has not had a girlfriend yet either, we have been pure, all those years, and we have waited for you.

How happy I am, Irma, that I have never done bad things.

I only have that.

And nothing else, Irma.

I have not learned any trade, I had to take care of the household; when father died mother was left with all the children.

I am just a child from a working class family.

Does that not mean anything to you?

May I go with you to your parents?

Does your father own a shoe factory?

Didn’t I know it!

You are a child with rich parents; you can see that from everything.

But I am honest and good.

I want to work hard; I don’t care what I have to do for you, as long as you love me.”

He confesses everything honestly; he is kneeling at this sacred miracle’s feet and lays his deep human heart in her lap.

Elly looks now and again, isn’t that a good chap, did she not take the wrong one?

Now it is too late, he does not want any other girl, this is it, he would die for his Irma.

How wonderful life is, suddenly you are faced with the highest happiness of all in your life.

Just look, how beautiful her hair is.

Dark blond, just like his hair, they reach a complete union.

„Are you tired, angel?

I will continue to watch out, just go to sleep, lay your little head against my shoulders and go to sleep.”

It is a pity, he would like to remain awake for ten years, now he would never want to go to sleep again, but he can understand that.

He thinks that his angel is sleeping.

Bernard is also sleeping, everyone is sleeping, he is thinking, he cannot sleep and he does not understand that a person is able to sleep now, at this time, now that the paradise was opened for eternity.

He keeps her in balance and follows the maternal heartbeat, ticking inside, it takes him to space, to the first life light of Our Lord and he can see the sun rising, it is beginning to get light.

He makes coffee; Crisje gets her happiness brought to her in bed.

She looks him in the eye, has he not felt anything then?

Crisje had a dream last night.

He didn’t.

She points there with her finger, but he does not see any fingers.

Crisje has come just too late.

Must she doubt her own feelings?

Jeus can think better than she can, Jeus has had more visions than she has, what is the matter?

Nothing?

Still, she saw the girls in her dream.

First Crisje did not want anything to do with it, she shakes it off her; she does not want to think badly about people.

Nevertheless, those thoughts came back.

There was something which told her, this child is not right, this is not a girl for Jeus, this is a slut!

And the other one no less so.

These girls are just cheating the boys.

They are real good-for-nothings, turds, even if they have money, that may be the case, but they are turds!

When Crisje shakes her head, she points with her fingers that he must not accept any contact with Irma; he shrugs his shoulders.

Has mother gone mad?

Does mother want to deny him this happiness?

That is impossible, mother.

Irma is a pure girl; they crossed the border because of hunger.

But where did you learn this High Dutch?

Have you been here before?

At school?

He can understand that.

They also learn German at school, which is very simple.

No, Crisje, no, mother, you will not get me out of this life for the world.

I finally have my girl and no one will take her away from me.

I want to die for this life.

Irma loves his life, mother.

Look for yourself, just listen to what she says.

Is that not lovely?

She does not care that he is poor and does not own anything, has not learned a trade, which will be fine.

Her father is rich, mother.

Was Crisje wrong last night?

Probably, if you look at it that way, then you must believe these souls.

But Crisje cannot renounce her dream just like that.

She talks to Jeus when she gets the chance.

“Watch out, Jeus.

I am telling you, this is not the girl for you.”

He talks very convincingly that Irma is an angel.

Crisje cannot compete with him, this is an angel.

Crisje just gives in, because she could be mistaken.

And she does not want to think badly about people under any circumstances.

Still, there was the dream!

They face each other, he does not believe that this girl is bad, but it is a decisive moment in his life.

You can learn from it and you can be destroyed.

What will Casje do now?

This is all very simple.

Every boy and girl, is at some point faced with the unbelievable moment, human love, fatherhood and motherhood.

That goes without saying, that is natural, the soul lives for this, and that is God’s intention.

A person cannot imagine a greater happiness; this is everything!

And this is everything for Jeus!

He is almost mad inside.

A girl is like the Lord himself for him.

Where he has received these deep feelings from, he will only learn that much later and this has nothing to do with passion.

He does not know what it is, when people speak of passion, it is a word which he does not understand; it is only love for him.

Crisje knows that and Casje knows that, the Tall One knows him now.

It is something wonderful for him, this feeling which lives inside his soul is indescribable.

It comprises a universe, and that universe is now his girl.

It is depth, for Casje an entirely different story, for Jeus the possession of a human life which has said to him, ‘I belong to you’ and he was gifted with that, it is enough to make you jump for joy.

For him Irma is a million, even more!

There is nothing higher to receive, or to experience, it takes you to paradise!

Crisje thinks, if only he had asked Anneke.

Anneke is sweet, but well, they have money there.

Now Jeus will get a rich girl?

She is probably worrying too much, and yet, Crisje wants to avoid troubles.

She talks to Irma, she tells her about her life and Jeus, how Jeus fought for her.

Can she understand this?

She is getting that now.

Jeus is worth more than a pile of shoe factories put together.

You must want to fight for his life and love.

Even if Jeus is a poor boy, it is what is inside, and she will get a heaven on earth because of it.

None of the boys are like him, you can even tell Father.

Jeus lives in your heart, he is always in you and he will carry you, Irma.

Crisje already feels, that child bows to it and says ‘yes, Mother’, but she knows that.

She could give herself a hiding.

She should have sent these girls away immediately.

Does Casje know what will happen now?

Couldn’t he just give him a spiritual slap?

Those spiritual slaps work wonders, why not now?

Jeus is not thinking of Casje, he does not need him now, he will decide for himself and not Casje.

And yet, Jeus, we will soon carry on, and only then will we see everything differently.

Casje has a different opinion about it, Irma.

You are opposed to him and space.

This life is also from space!

This life has a true meaning for many people.

If you understood this life, you would realize Crisje’s words.

Jeus is like a Plato, but he will soon fly past that life.

Have you ever heard of Socrates?

You have, you have had an education, Jeus hasn’t, but that will still come.

It lives in his soul, that has all still to awaken.

He is like ancient Egypt was, he is one of the priests from those Temples, a master, shrug your shoulders and laugh, but that is there!

And that spoke to your life and soul last night, that kissed you, that submits to your life and you will now dispose of it for a while.

That says to you: I will let myself be kicked?

Yes, of course, but he means that differently.

He is lying at your feet and he gives his life for you, Jeus can do that, and he will do it, he will never look at another girl again.

What he has to give you is faith, love, peace and happiness, justice, willingness, continue, list the virtues in human beings, you will find all these attributes in him.

Do you not hear what he is saying?

‘I have nothing, I am nothing, Irma, but I love you.

I am just a poor creature, but I will work hard and do my best.

You will never have any regrets about me, you will never have to be sad about me, I am always the same for you, I will take care of you, Irma.

I will put you in my own palace and that is infinitely deep.’

But where does he get all those words?

He is talking like a scholar, just for a moment, and then he was an ordinary soldier again, the Joost, and Sissy, Jeus of mother Crisje.

Irma laughs to herself and he does not see anything, does not feel anything, something refuses inside and does not want to see anything!

Then he has to leave.

But he has already made his plans.

No one will stop him.

Jeus is completely mad.

Last night he did not sleep for a second, they must throw sharp grenades today, it is a heavy day, but that does not matter.

After his army service, he will cycle back to Irma.

He does not think about food and drink now; he has no peace anymore.

He is not open to anything.

He sees Irma everywhere, he nearly hurt her a moment ago, and his love is even in a hand grenade like that.

Did I hurt you?

Then I will not throw those things anymore, you are right.

Then they are home.

‘See you tomorrow morning, boys.

You will make sure that it will be perfectly okay.’

He has gone!

Now cycle until you drop.

In a terrible hurry to Westervoort.

He wants to be home in two and half-hours.

On the way, it starts to pour with rain, but that does not matter either.

A cold wind raises its dirty head, that does not matter to him either.

Westervoort, now to Zevenaar, at Beek he races into the woods and he cuts a bit off his journey, that makes a difference of at least ten minutes’ happiness, if you wish to know.

He knows the woods, he can follow them in the dark, the beautiful paths of Montferland; they are his.

No one can keep up with him, it goes fast, he stamps, he is already coughing, you could catch a cold from this, but that does not matter now either, it does not affect him, he is cycling to his loved one.

Didam ... Crisje, he is coming.

It is terrible when you see him panting.

Those last kilometres are hard, he is having trouble pedalling and for what, Crisje?

Has Casje also gone completely mad?

Is this not going too far?

Is this not giving yourself a hiding?

But what is a hiding if you are fighting for a girl, if you are kissed by her?

He pedals the blood from his brain, Crisje, where must this ship strand?

He is betraying his whole fatherland for his girl, they must not count on him ever again, and this is a completely useless soldier!

On the bare landscape he gets a beating.

He is already soaking wet, but he continues.

Meanwhile he thinks of his love.

Irma is sitting on the handlebars he is stroking her, he is talking to her.

No, a while later he sees her with Crisje, she is waiting for him, they will soon go dancing, then he may talk to her, he still has so much to tell her.

She is sitting there, look, he sees her, she is talking to Crisje, he hears everything, he understands every word.

They are talking about him, mother pours coffee; Crisje has even got out some biscuits.

And that is for his girl.

Mother has now seen her, and is no longer afraid, she knows how nice and good his love is.

Yes, mother, I know very well you are worrying, and you want me to get a good woman, now I have found her.

Is that the case, Jeus?

Another good bit and then into the woods there.

But he does not let her go.

He puts her back on the handlebars, but he may not do that, she could catch a cold and he must watch out for that.

Give me a kiss.

Will you become my wife for eternity?

Will you never look at other boys?

No, you wouldn’t, would you, boys mean nothing to you, you are mine and you will remain my own girl, you will become my wife.

There are nice little houses here along the road.

Good gracious, why did I not learn a trade?

But that does not matter either, he will go to Irma’s shoe factory, he will become the master servant there and then they can get married.

Yes, mother, we will also have babies, and then I will become a father!

Oh, my God, if I may become a father and will be able to look at my own children!

Our Lord, I am praying now.

He is praying, on his bike, he is soaking wet, and now his prayer is significant, Our Lord feels that, he now knows how much he means it.

Oh, my children, my girls and my own boys, I will adore them!

And the mother of my children, I will adore her!

I will lie at her feet; she will get a heaven on earth.

When the children grow up, I will talk to them and I will do what father did, but I will not be so strict.

There will be no cellar for him, his children will have a good life, and he has learned all about it.

Irma is like mother, always good, always sweet, he will never get a harsh word, you will not hear snapping and snarling, he will live in her thoughts eternally and she in his, moreover, they will never be apart, each thought, such as mother had, is for her and her thoughts are for him.

They will be man and wife.

He will not want to wait too long to marry then.

Marry ... my God, what a day that will be!

Beek ... Now through the woods, straight to Montferland, then I will cut out that bend.

He races over Montferland, goes down the hills soaked in sweat, it continues to rain, it is stormy all that time, but there is ’s-Heerenberg already, now a bit faster, and yes!

“Good day, mother!

I am here.”

“Whatever are you thinking of, Jeus!”

“Why, mother?

May I not just come and see my girl?

Where is Irma, mother?”

“She has gone dancing with Bernard.”

“At Hendriks, mother?”

“Yes, Jeus, but watch out.”

His first slap, but he says:

“I have watched out, mother, just do not worry about me.”

Then to Hendriks.

Could she not just have waited?

Could she not have welcomed him at home, behind the stove?

Doesn’t she know what it means, to cycle after army service, from Arnhem through rain and wind?

Can she not consider that?

What a pity!

The first pity is already there, but soon he will get other pities to experience, and Jeus can know, but he does not see or hear anything!

If you are in love you do not see anything wrong, then you are in love or you are not, and he is in love!

There is Irma, she is dancing with another boy.

Good evening, Bernard, good evening, Elly.

Look at his girl dancing.

It is a feast for your eyes.

Should she not fly into his arms?

He would have done that.

He would have left that ugly thing.

Not her, that is probably the custom of the rich and he still has to learn it, hasn’t he?

Bernard is sitting there and talking quietly to his girlfriend, and Jeus has had to miss that today.

Give me everything, you will get everything back, do not lose a second, but Irma continues to dance, she waltzes on, he looks, he is already bothered by this poor show, why does she not fly into his arms?

Why not?

Bernard cannot dance, but his girl is sitting there with him.

Elly is sweet!

And where does this thirst suddenly come from?

Bernard, gives him his beer.

Cheers, one, two, and then another one, that is three, they are just small glasses, Bernard, but he is soaking wet from sweat.

Then Irma approaches him.

“Good evening, Jeus!”

“Good evening, saintliness!”

“I had a lovely dance, Jeus, that boy is a good dancer.”

I see, is that right, Irma, but Jeus can cycle.

Will you not even ask him?

Do you know where he has come from?

No?

Jeus, she does not know.

And you will have to explain it to her.

A while later he is waltzing with Irma in his heart.

It is the waltz for his life.

Is it going well?

Is this not just lovely?

My Lord, how can I thank you?

How can I make up for this, are not Jeus’ thoughts!

On the contrary, he says: ‘this belongs to me!

This is mine and Our Lord has nothing to do with it.

This is very ordinary and human.’

But, it is his!

It is a pity; he had wrong thoughts a moment ago, he could hit himself on the head.

They were wrong thoughts.

He should have understood that Irma could not wait at home and that she was free to go and do a bit of dancing.

True or not, Jeus? this is wrong.

He must not become jealous, that is completely wrong.

Because then there will be nothing left of yourself, nothing!

He does not want anything to do with jealousy.

Yes, I have a girlfriend from the town.

These country girls can get lost, for all I care.

But the boys are envious of him; it is perfectly obvious.

Of course, you can dance for a moment with my darling, of course, Theet, go ahead.

I will look, I will languish, I don’t mind anything, but just ask my girl!

Good gracious, she is doing it.

Again he feels deeply disappointed, but he gets over it.

Just taste what this child has to say to you!

And?

What an amazing girl she is.

Now Bernard’s big one is dancing as well, he can have a talk with Bernard.

What did she say, Bernard?

Does she love me?

Will she live and die for me, Bernard?

Are you really courting?

Is that your girlfriend, Bernard?

Are you not grateful to God and his angels now, Bernard?

Yes, you are, it is okay.

It is enough to make you jump out of your skin, Bernard, isn’t it?

He has to accept that his Irma is dancing with every Tom, Dick and Harry.

Is that not going too far, Jeus?

Are you tired, dear?

Will I carry you home?

I love you!

How I love you.

I will do anything for you, anything!

I have had a horrible disappointment, but I will gladly forgive you, everything has to be experienced and analysed humanly.

I see it.

Jeus has to accept that his angel is different from the way she was yesterday.

He feels she is open to everything and more, and gives in to it completely.

She is dancing with Herman and little Gerrit, unfortunate souls, helpless bantam cocks, she sways with the boasters here, lets herself be fawned on and even more, has a drink, accepts everything, but she does not see him.

But, I will bow to your life.

Does he perhaps not understand what is part of education?

Does he still have to learn all these things?

Is this part of the town, and do these rotters understand that?

Why does she let herself be put down by those lads?

Look for yourself, he is not stupid, he should now have taken off, hit himself over the head somewhere, it would have been better than all that looking of his, his feelings and thoughts, this is being destroyed.

Is she not leaning against those male bodies too much?

Isn’t she hanging in those measly arms?

Good gracious, is that my girlfriend?

Jeus does not carry on any further, his love is back; the dance has ended.

Soon she will belong to him, then he can and may kiss her again, and then they will be together for eternity.

He has not slept a wink, the day was heavy, they had to run, then back through wind and rain and now he is faced with a poor show here?

That is not possible, he almost crushes her, is he getting the last dance?

None of it, Irma is dancing with another boy and then he can take her home.

How cold it is!

Why is he trembling like that?

He is standing shaking and trembling.

That is from the rain and the wind.

Isn’t it?

Has he caught a cold?

It is a strange feeling!

But his love turns everything upside down.

This feeling inside rises above everything.

His dearest must now rest.

She has to go home soon, but the feeling reaches her that she will come back to him as soon as possible.

Then he will go to her parents.

Isn’t that nice, Jeus?

“Will you write to me?”

“Immediately, of course.”

“And you will take care of yourself, Jeus?”

“Of course, you too?”

“Of course, do not worry, but I am so tired now, I have to sleep.”

Jeus is awake for the second night and he will watch over his loved one, Irma; sleep well.

She is lying in the box bed, he is sitting at the stove and cannot sleep, and feeling feverish.

Jeus is sick!

It is now sunrise, and he must waken her.

Will he do that?

He must leave, or he will be punished, and he does not want to risk that again.

He is standing there looking at the panting beat inside.

Miets is lying there as well.

Miets and Irma, angels of Our Lord.

Just look at those closed eyes quivering.

Is she dreaming?

Just look how red those lips are.

And then all that other as well.

Just look at her lying there, she does not know that he is watching, that he is lying at her feet, she is sleeping.

Look at her waist shaking.

Do you see that there?

My God, how beautiful a person is, what sculptures you have created.

I love that image of Yours.

Just look, just see, good heavens, how beautiful that child is.

Will he touch her?

He has to! ...

“Irma, I have to go.

Irma, I have to disturb you, it is only for a moment and then you can go back to sleep.”

But I have not slept for a few nights.

I can understand, a girl needs more sleep than a boy, but do you not just wish to say goodbye to me?

He squeezes her hand.

She opens her eyes; she looks, but does not see him.

“Goodbye, Jeus ...”

“Goodbye, my angel.

I will come back, but do not forget to write to me.”

“No, I will write, just let me sleep, Jeus.”

He releases her hand and leaves.

Crisje does not hear anything, he is already at the top of the Grintweg.

It is starting to rain again, it is stormy as well, but the love now lives in his heart.

Zeddam ...

But how tight his body is, surely from tiredness, because he has not slept.

Now carry on.

As quickly as he can, he wants to get to Zevenaar.

Faster and faster or he will be late for roll call, and that must not happen.

Now pedal!

He gets a thrashing on the empty road.

Isn’t that strange?

His beret keeps blowing off his head and he can feel that.

It is just as if that thing has become too small for him, surely from the rain, of course, it is not possible otherwise.

His body is groaning with tiredness!

What a pity, he has not even had a kiss, and that would have been possible, after all.

Will his legs no longer work?

He is pedalling away like mad.

It went of its own accord on the way home, now it is not working.

It is becoming increasingly difficult, every kilometre costs blood, but he does not mind it.

Is his life destroyed?

Are his brains tired?

How difficult and heavy the cycling is now.

He can almost not pedal anymore, and he is only in Zevenaar.

Further, in the direction of Westervoort.

He determines he is not making any progress.

Even if he bends over the handlebars it is not working.

He needs more for this than a year’s hard army service, but he has to be on time at all costs.

He has to keep getting off his bike, because the cursed beret is no longer working.

That thing has got too small for him, he must have a new one.

Isn’t that something?

Now a new beret as well?

He would do anything for his darling and that is understandable.

Finally, he thunders over the Westervoort Bridge.

Another pitiful bit, but then he can say, I have made it.

Now he has been careful, he does not want to go in the military prison again.

Now calmly to Arnhem, he has already been travelling for an eternity, but he has been able to have a lovely think about her.

Oh, those cows.

Do you also love your girlfriends?

Oh, that dog, oh, those chickens, oh, that cockerel, I am also mad about Irma, but one is plenty for me.

Arnhem ... he dashes into the barracks.

The boys are just sitting at the table.

What is that man doing there on Sissy’s bed?

“Oh, what do you want there?”

“What do you want?

What do you want from me?

I am Sissy!”

They look.

Truly.

“What happened to you, Sissy?

Go to the doctor immediately, you have a fever.”

An hour later Sissy is in the sick bay with real Dutch mumps in his head, the boys did not even recognize him.

Now go to sleep!

Rest, soon you may think of your girlfriend again, she will write to you soon, Jeus.

Two days later Sissy is in hospital with a bad kidney infection.

He is lying in a ward with twenty boys and he does not even feel ill.

Is that being ill?

There is nothing wrong with him, but he may not get out of bed, he gets food without salt and that is nothing for Sissy.

Nevertheless, he has nothing more to say here.

Why does Bernard not write?

Why has Irma not written to him yet, he wonders?

I have only been gone a few days, he must have patience, however, a week has already passed and he does not yet know anything about his girlfriend.

Where is Casje?

Where are you, Casje, are you leaving him all alone?

Do you not see that Jeus has a head weighing a thousand kilos?

Can you not do something about it, Casje?

Can you not just help him?

He is lying under the blankets and is pretending to sleep, but he is thinking until his head nearly bursts.

Three letters have been sent to Bernard.

Why does Bernard not write back to him?

Three letters for Irma, not one for Crisje.

His love is now everything and is more important than anyone.

Bernard, why don’t you write?

How is Irma?

Can you not just write to me?

You can do that in five minutes, can’t you?

He seems to be out of his mind.

Now and again, he is able to have fun, but then he falls back into his world and Irma is in front of his life.

There is a boy next to him with chronic TB, but he lets this young life laugh heartily and naturally, which is not allowed, but little Karel asks for it.

After a week, he still hasn’t heard anything.

Where is his girlfriend?

What is Bernard up to?

Why do neither of them write?

He can no longer rest from sorrow, he is suffocating in bed, and he is not allowed to get up, anyway.

The life is furious, this is not human anymore, he has caught the flying, or the universal love and that is worse than TB, worse than anything in this big ward.

You would suffocate from it if you were that stupid, yes you would, they would like that, he doesn’t want to lose his girlfriend because of this lousy illness.

He wants to see her and hold her against his heart!

That is all and the only nice thing in this rotten society which he knows about!

A letter comes from Bernard.

Not from his girlfriend yet.

Read it now, Jeus, and you will know!

After ten days, Bernard writes that he must not have any ideas about her love, because they are being cheated.

Jeus was disappointed that there wasn’t a note included from Crisje.

Irma is cheating him!

Bernard writes:

‘They were not for us, Jeus, they were only here to cross the border, and they needed us for that.’

It is a dirty blow, but he does not believe it, his faith in this girl cannot be affected by anything.

Whatever happens, Irma is his girl, has Bernard gone mad?

And now worrying.

Bernard wrote that they had already left the next day, but he did not find out where they went.

He will probably still hear something from her, Bernard has already accepted that they cheated him, but that is their business, Bernard will not cry about it.

Jeus is destroyed by it, he can cry and he is crying himself to destruction inside, but they must not notice that here.

“What is the matter, little Karel?

Yes, I am sad, my brother has written to me.”

Go away, sorrow, little Karel notices something and that must not happen.

The nurses adore him, they have not had a boy like that before, everyone is mad about Sissy.

Little Karel, Jeus knows, will now be collected by the Grim Reaper.

Nevertheless, that life still wants to laugh a bit, and yet, it is not allowed.

Little Karel must remain lying quietly and only think of his health.

But is laughter not healthy, sister?

That is dangerous now, Sissy, what are you trying to do with little Karel?

Do they not know then that little Karel is fighting with the Grim Reaper and that he must lose the fight?

Do other thoughts come to his life for a moment.

Yes, but that one will remain as well, nobody can collect Irma from his life, but the other sensitive part also comes back to his day-consciousness, and he knows all about it, he will give that to little Karel.

Just listen to his nonsense, he gives everyone a good laugh, a while later he falls back into himself and he feels his own misery.

There is sorrow inside, it is painful, and it is enough to drive you mad.

Little Karel doesn’t want his food.

Jeus does, but that isn’t allowed either.

He is sick of all that salt free food; he would like something savoury.

He eats little Karel’s delicious pudding, along with lovely bits of meat and feels good, he isn’t ill.

The fat head has gone and yet he has to stay in bed?

He wants to fly through the world, he wants to look for his girlfriend, why does she not write?

Jeus goes against little Karel’s healing.

Don’t you see, Jeus, that that particular nurse is completely mad about you?

But she is too late, just too late.

Jeus has got his girl and he only needs one and that is his angel.

But my God, what has happened?

Can you understand, little Karel, why my girlfriend does not write to me?

He has shown them the photograph.

If only you had her, yes, of course, that is my girlfriend.

He has it in mind to clear off out of here, but he is stranded, they have taken his clothes and he has to bow to that as well.

He asks the nurse every ten minutes how he is getting on.

But what a boy you are, Sissy ... Jeus ... because Jeus is a nice name.

This nurse brings him everything.

The other boys in the ward observe that he gets all kinds of things from this little nurse, she is crazy about Jeus!

She does not dare to say Sissy, she says Jeus, but with ten times an ‘s’ at the end, and now it sounds very different.

No, sister, he already has a girlfriend.

Yes, of course, he is as faithful as a dog, a pity, isn’t it?

A sensible person can understand that.

Look for yourself, is Irma not a treasure?

But don’t you see, Jeus, that this is a much greater treasure?

That she is faithful, possesses love, wants to give you everything of her life?

He is blind and deaf to this beautiful serving life, good heavens, Casje, could you not have changed this?

No, then he would not have been here either, then he would not have had to cycle until he dropped, and then everything would have been different.

Yes, of course, you have to accept this now; there is nothing else to it!

He does not hear anything from his love, nothing!

It remains a strange thing, and from Crisje, he does not hear a single thing, she is silent.

Then a letter comes from Irma.

Good heavens, Jeus, do you still not know anything?

Not from Germany, but from prison, his love lives near to his area, Irma is sitting waiting for him in the ‘Arnhem jail’.

My God, what a strange world we live in anyway, could you have imagined this?

It is enough to drive you mad!

But he can also understand that and it has nothing to do with his love, or with his girlfriend, this can happen to anyone.

She writes that she and Elly were caught at the three hundred-metre mark.

Those cursed three hundred metres are still there.

They wanted to go home, but were walking on forbidden territory, and are now in prison.

Can he understand that?

She could not write to him before because of this.

Now he knows everything.

Bernard is mad.

Bernard has told him lies, and that is a pity.

Of course, they wanted to go back to their parents.

Is that so hard to understand, Bernard, Crisje?

What do you want then?

A letter is sent immediately.

Whoever reads this letter, will succumb and will feel that he has love, pure love; he is as pure as gold, Jeus of mother Crisje is now truly in love, Jeus will not let himself be denied his darling, not by anything!

Anyone who reads this letter will get tears in his eyes or they are not human.

A dog has to cry, the words, which must support Irma in her prison are so human, are so loving, so unbelievable; which he knows all about, that on top of everything!

Of course, he will support her with all that he has.

His letter is now sent; he knows, he will soon get one back.

And that will also be over soon.

Now just wait.

Meanwhile little Karel is getting sicker from laughing.

And when that is over again, he falls back in his own misery and he cannot be reached for anything anymore.

The apples and pears from the little nurse do not mean anything to him, she can just leave that, he has a girlfriend.

If his girl is in trouble, then he must help her, every thought is for Irma.

Little Karel wants to know all about him, especially everything about the Grim Reaper.

That life is experiencing something, Jeus senses, and that is very simple as well, he experienced that with Jan Knie’p, and father, he knows all about it, even more than all those doctors and nurses.

Now and again, he has a great conversation with little Karel.

And then they hear here:

“No, little Karel, you do not need to be afraid of the Grim Reaper.”

“But how do you know about it, Sissy?”

“I already experienced and saw that as a child, little Karel.

I know the Grim Reaper inside out.”

Do you hear that, boys?

Sissy knows the Grim Reaper.

Do you hear that, sister?

Is Jeus not a hero?

He talks to all the boys.

They may laugh at him if they like, and a few do that, but now that they start to feel what it is about, everything is deadly serious.

There is no longer any laughter, it now concerns little Karel.

Jeus continues to tell little Karel, what to expect, “there you can fly.

Oh, Karel, it is so great there, so lovely.

You will see lovely birds and beautiful flowers and you can go wherever you like, no one has anything to say to you there.

In five minutes you can fly over the world, if you feel like it, of course, but who would not like that, little Karel?

Just believe me, Karel, I am not telling any lies.

But whether your father and mother will see you, of course, that is a different story again.”

“Why, Sissy?”

“That is a good one, Karel, they must have those eyes and I have those eyes, I have always had them, for that matter.”

Little Karel is lying next to him with his eyes closed, but he is listening and is absorbing his words.

Jeus now hears, in a weak voice:

“And what am I going to do then, Sissy?”

“When you then”, he now looks at all the other boys, the nurse also hears him talking, there are some who have tears in their eyes, “see your father, Karel, of course, of course your mother as well, your sister and brothers, then you can see them.

You can then see exactly what they are doing and I experienced that almost every day when I was a child, little Karel!

If they now have those eyes, then they will also be able to see you, and then you can tell them all kinds of things about your own life.”

“What kind of eyes are they, Sissy?”

“Yes, Karel, how can I explain it.

I have four eyes.

Everyone has four eyes, two inside, and two to look with here, but they do not know that yet.

I use those inner eyes as well.

I have always looked with them, Karel.

You can see through life with those eyes.”

“And then you can see people, Sissy?”

“Of course, Karel.

You then see all kinds of things.

And you also know people, you know exactly where you are.

You know clearly, that is your father and mother, because you have not changed at all.”

“Is that all true, Sissy?”

“Yes, Karel, I am not telling you any nonsense.

I have those eyes, I already had them when I was two years old, Karel.

Then I played with children from that world.

Children die, but they are not dead.

People die, Karel, but that is not dying, you stay alive.

Oh, Karel, when you see all those children and all those adults, you could cry from happiness.

You can pick nice flowers there for your mother and father.

Also for your girlfriend.”

“Yes, Sissy”, little Karel utters with a cough, “yes, I want to do that as well, Sissy.

I have a good mother.

Yes, Sissy, a good mother.

Father is also sweet, but I do not have a girlfriend yet.

Oh, I am so happy, Sissy.”

“Yes, Karel, life is good and true there.

I know!

Here it is just a big mess, Karel.

And you can work there as well if you want.”

He does not say anything about Our Lord, or the tough guys would laugh at him.

And yet the gentlemen are listening, because it is worthwhile; that Sissy is a strange person, but the nurses are mad about him.

So are the doctors.

There, he sees the Grim Reaper is sitting on a bed.

He knows the Grim Reaper very well, he is waiting for little Karel.

After a conversation like that he sinks back into his misery again, and Irma is sent everything from his life which she can make do with it.

Who can help him?

No one!

However, those little patches on Karel’s cheeks look suspicious.

Suddenly, Jeus experiences another miracle.

Bernard stumbles into the hall and comes to visit him.

Good heavens, Bernard, how is that suddenly possible?

He immediately asks:

“But what happened to Irma, Bernard?”

“She is in jail, Jeus.

Mine as well.

I do not believe in my girl anymore, they have cheated us.”

“Do you think so, Bernard?”

“They cannot be trusted, Jeus.

And that was understandable.

They were not girls for us.

I am pleased that I am rid of them again.

They were real bitches, Jeus.

Mother said to watch out or you will get a load of trouble.

You should watch out, mother said.

They are drunken bitches, Jeus, I discovered that.”

Is that not all harsh?

Bernard leaves.

Bernard is going to The Hague, to Johan, he can earn more there.

He says to Jeus that he must also go to the city, they can stay with Johan, and then they will be together again.

But what can he do there?

After Bernard leaves, Jeus asks himself.

Would Irma cheat him?

He does not believe it.

Must he mistrust his girlfriend now that she is in prison?

That is a great scandal.

No, Bernard, not me, I have my girl and no one will take Irma away from me.

The little nurse observes that Jeus is seriously deep in thought and asks:

“What is the matter, Sissy, you have suddenly gone so quiet?”

“I have to think, sister.”

“About what, Jeus?

You have a nice name, nicer than Sissy.

Why do they call you Sissy, Jeus?”

“I am called Jozef, sister.

They call me Sissy here in Arnhem, because I put on a ladies bathing costume, the boys called me Sissy, and that is all.

But just look at Karel, sister.”

The sister looks at Karel, they are worried, that life is very sick.

“But why are you so quiet now, Jeus?”

“But what a good child you are, sister.

It is my girlfriend.

They have put my girlfriend in prison, sister.”

“What did you say?”

“Do not get a fright, sister.

She cannot help it.

She came from Germany to get food from here and then they caught her in the area of three hundred meters where you are not allowed to go.

And they put a person in prison for that!

Is that not pitiful, sister?”

“So, you have a girlfriend, Jeus?

And a German girl at that.”

“Yes, sister, you can see her, just look.

This is her.”

“Good heavens, Jeus, she is beautiful, she is a picture.

Have you known her for long, Jeus?”

“Two days, sister, no, I have known her for longer, but I have only seen her for two days.”

The sweet nurse now gets to hear his drama and then she suddenly knows who he is.

Good heavens, I am just too late, that love cannot be conquered.

Jeus is ‘completely’ mad about this child.

How would she be for him?

My God, give me this love, just give me this boy.

But Jeus cannot be reached.

She asks him cautiously:

“Is it not better, Jeus, that you make enquiries?”

“What should I do, sister?

Make enquiries about my own girlfriend?

Is that not below the belt?

Do you not believe your own boyfriend then?

But it is really simple, sister.”

Is the nurse jealous?

But what does that child want?

It is a pity, you cannot trust anyone anymore.

However, his Irma is in trouble.

That nurse is good, but she is not a patch on his Irma.

He goes to sleep and thinks.

It is four o’clock in the morning.

The doctors are with little Karel.

Karel wants to talk and, coughing, he says to Jeus:

“But I do not have to be afraid, do I, Sissy?”

“You, Karel, dear Karel, do not need to be afraid, you are going straight to a great heaven.

I know, Karel.

You are going straight to a paradise, Karel, because you are a good boy.”

Tears run down the face of the dying boy.

Tears of happiness.

The nurses cannot keep their tears back either.

Karel is taking off.

The Grim Reaper wants to have little Karel.

Jeus sees the ‘Reaper’ is doing it carefully.

Little Karel cannot release himself from Sissy.

Father is also there, little Karel gets something, but that which Jeus gives him is worth more to little Karel, he wants to have all of it.

The nurse thinks: my God, I am two days too late to receive a heaven, my God, why does a person have to be beaten like that?

Jeus is carrying a paradise inside him.

She could hit herself on the head, life has no more value for her, a slut, probably, gets to experience his divine love and kicks it to bits.

My God, how superficial You are.

Just look at this life and you will know!

Little Karel is hanging with his head turned to his bed.

Jeus feels that the inner life of Karel is already flying.

The dying boy is releasing himself from the bodily systems.

The nurse looks Jeus in the eye, she gets the ‘universal’ kiss from his life, when Jeus speaks to little Karel.

“Yes, Karel, I am still here.

Yes, dear little Karel, you will soon fly.

You will pick beautiful flowers for Our Lord, Karel, you will do that soon as well and you can do that there, Karel.

Then the birds will sing for you, Karel, they will bring you love and happiness.

They will sing for you, Karel!”

The nurse and the boys in the ward think: where does Jeus receive this from, it is a miracle.

The sweet nurse has to cry.

Karel still hears:

“It is true, Karel, if you hear this, everything is true.

I can also fly, Karel, and now and again I am allowed to fly.

I saw those angels, little Karel.

I walked behind my own father’s coffin and talked to him.

Father walked with me behind his own funeral procession, Karel.”

Everyone is listening.

You could hear a pin drop!

The pure night gets to these young boys and what will happen here.

The nice nurse is crying loudly, that is a pity!

Jeus has his girlfriend, after all, sister, and no one can deny him this, not even Casje, who still inspires him, but he cannot give you Jeus.

You deserve him certainly, but what can you do?

It is visible love, isn’t it?

And that rolls off his lips just like that, it is universally deep, sister, and his Irma has already sullied it.

But can you cut this out of his heart?

Little Karel is still listening, the nurse lets his head hang; the ‘Reaper’ is almost ready.

Little Karel can no longer utter a single word, even if this young life wants to try it, it is not working.

Jeus continues to speak to him:

“Little Karel?

Everything is true, dear.”

And then little Karel still utters, through white lips:

“I believe ... you ... Sien ... tje.”

“It is the truth, little Karel, as truly as I am here with you.

And you will not want to miss it for the world.

My father said then that he was working there, Karel.

Yes, little Karel, you can work there.

Just go and fly, Karel.

Go on, just do it, Karel.

Little Karel ...

Are you going to fly now?”

The Grim Reaper has Karel.

Thank you, ‘Reaper’, that was good.

You have now grabbed a soldier child by the scruff of the neck, but you did it gently, fair is fair!

You are a good one!

I know you, after all!

No more was needed.

Little Karel passed over, but little Karel is alive, Karel’s father and mother, little Karel’s brother and sister, he is alive!

Then silence falls in the ward, everyone falls asleep, and the boys are dead tired from this sacred sensation.

The nurse can no longer work, she gets a few days leave, inside a part of her life has been destroyed, her heart no longer works, the doctor says, and he can understand that.

“Can I do anything about it, doctor?

I have my girlfriend.

Irma cannot help being in prison, anyway, can she?

That is this rotten society’s fault, doctor, isn’t it?

Are you not allowed to fetch some food for your dear mother and father?

And that little nurse is mad, doctor.

I cannot love ten girls, after all, say it yourself, doctor.”

The doctor adores him, Sissy is love, he understands him very well!

When little Karel’s parents come, he gets flowers, and chocolate.

The boys have a feast.

He has to tell them everything about the last hours of their child.

However, they have already heard it from the doctor and the nurses.

They also adore him, they thank him for being so good to their boy, and the dearest thing they had on earth.

Yes, little Karel’s mother and father, he was lovely, we all know that!

There is no death, mother, father of little Karel, you will see your child again!

Do you want to accept this from me?

The nurse comes back.

She wants to serve and take care of Sissy as long as he is here.

She looks really well, the Doctor has spoken to her.

She must remain herself, nothing can be changed about this, Jeus has his girl.

What would she do if she were Irma?

“Is it true, Jeus, that you saw your father at his funeral?”

“Yes, sister, I mean it.

Were you not well for a while?”

“I am okay again, Jeus.”

“Did you not see little Karel dying then, sister?

If you are with a dying person again, then you must use those other eyes better, because I saw the Grim Reaper sitting there.

But he did it gently, I asked him to, sister.

Then the Grim Reaper took little Karel away calmly, but little Karel is alive!

I had forgotten everything, but it has come back to me again and now I will just think about it, then it will go away again, because I am expecting my girlfriend.”

Would you not kiss a boy like that in the presence of everyone?

Would you not jump out of your skin if you were faced with the true love, a love of two days old, which is so inspiringly good?

But then you will be destroyed, then you will no longer be a person, then you will reach the same situation in which Jeus now lives and then you will be sorry.

Now the nurse gets to hear all about his life, and then this box was locked.

For a long period, but it will open again in time and through Casje!

Without Jeus realizing it, he is serving Our Lord.

The first pages were now written.

They are good, they are great, they are universally deep, the Grim Reaper is there as well!

Or they would have no meaning.

The nurse cries because of it and little Karel is flying!

Is that all now?

Now that Karel reaches his heavenly paradise, Jeus is faced with something completely different.

He gets a letter from the prison.

Not from Irma, but from another woman, and that life warns him about his girlfriend.

She writes to him that he is too good to be cheated; this girl is not good for him.

She immediately writes that this girl is a slut.

Dear boy, I feel obliged to warn you.

Is this a fright?

Is that woman mad?

Another jealous bitch?

Are people just angry?

It is nonsense, they want to take his girlfriend away from him, how is that possible now.

The ‘droodles’!

Another letter is sent to Irma, more conscious, more loving, his heart lives in the prison; his blood is sent to her.

Just wait again.

I was in prison myself, because I wanted to play football and could not stand snapping.

I understand what you have to experience there, my dear.

I believe you, and you do not have to be afraid of me.

I swear to you that I love you!

And the letter goes on,

And your heart turns when you read it.

He writes his letters in such small handwriting that he can fit a lot on a page.

After four days, a letter comes from the prison again, but now from the governor who says to him:

‘Dear Sir ...

I feel obliged to warn you.

I read your letters myself.

Your Irma will no longer get to see those letters.

She is a bad girl.

Do not dismiss my words, sir, believe me, it is hard, but you have been warned.

Yours sincerely ...’

What will you tell me about that?

Jeus, what will you do now?

He is powerless.

Should he believe this now?

The governor is writing to him that Irma is bad?

Is his Irma bad?

Is she a slut?

Is she a cheat?

He gets on his feet calmly.

Is Irma a bad child?

He cannot understand it, would a man like that tell him lies?

It is a pity, but they cannot murder his feelings for his girlfriend.

He looks at his situation differently for a moment.

Did they think that he was mad?

What does that woman want and what does that man there want?

Is that not sorrowful?

No one will get a word from him.

He doesn’t even notice the nurse anymore.

Am I not allowed to go back to Crisje yet?

How am I, sister?

A week later he flies out of the hospital, as strong as a lion, and back to Crisje; he has been demobilized now.

‘Goodbye, sister!

Thank you for everything.’

‘My pleasure, Sissy.

Thank you for everything.’

‘We will probably see each other again.

Goodbye, doctor, goodbye, everyone, goodbye, Arnhem.

I am going back to Crisje.’

Where have all these scholars gone?

Where is the U.V.V.?

There is no one!

Where have all those friends from the storm section gone?

A few come to visit him.

The rest have gone and he can understand that.

They could get lost, for all he cares, but they are not even worth it.

‘Goodbye, horrible national service!

Goodbye, Coehoorns ... and Willemsens ... the ‘droodles’!’

His flowers are on the nurse’s bedside table.

He bought them with his last money, with a card saying ‘thank you for everything, I will never forget you, sister ... Jeus ...!’

Now Crisje is hanging in space, exactly as her Hendrik was able to do.

Jeus is back home.

Where is Casje?

What are you going to do, Jeus?

His love lives in Arnhem, is in jail there, he has almost forgotten her.

Jeus is already playing football, he is at home, and his life is open again to Mother Nature, the woods, and his Montferland.

How beautiful and wonderful life is, except it is a pity the happiness is not complete; his love has cheated him!

He thinks of this continually ... but sleeps well up in the attic.

Crisje wants him to take care of himself.

Now what, Jeus?

I do not know, but that will come as well!

Dirty turret ... leave my love alone ...

Are those people right, and did they send him the sacred truth?

Who knows?

Casje?