Human sleep is a blessed thing.

People do not know what it really is, but you badly need your sleep, because during your sleep, you acquire new strengths, or the organs of the human machine would succumb.

People who cannot sleep well, you see that immediately, usually have one thing or another, as a result of which, the personality feels provoked, however, no one knows where these disorders come from; even the academic, your psychologist or psychiatrist, or the neurologist don’t know; a thorough study is necessary for this purpose and then you are still faced with the human machine, of which you do not know the half!

Fair is fair, where do those people live, who can say: I know the human machine, I have taken that thing apart thoroughly, I know each cog, each thing about it, you will get your health back from me?

Not one learned person out of hundreds of thousands, Jeus, who now live on the earth, knows the human machine.

Those people with knowledge of the soul must admit that, because for the soul and the spirit, therefore the inner life, they must still lay the foundations for their faculty.

They think that they know something about it, but when they take the machine apart, they are left with, them of all people, a half-empty box of nuts and bolts, which they don’t know what to do with, this is fatal to a sick and stressed person, of course, because now you are faced with your stripped down ‘self’, which has lived in desperation since childhood, because, this is the case at home, Crisje, the human being has not finished his thoughts; the personality thought: ‘What difference does it make to me,’ you just throw them away, they mean nothing.

But still, it was an unfinished thought like that, such a problem as well, Jeus, as a result of which people at a certain age felt beaten and they could no longer sleep.

Then the academics became involved.

People were given medicine to take, and those medicines, Crisje, brought about anaesthesia, they wanted to cure one thing with another, and it was nothing more than patching up, what they had were only potions ... no more than that, and when nothing reacted anymore, they had to accept a terrible feeling of powerlessness and felt broken in soul, life and spirit!

There was nothing to be found in the world which could bring them back their health, their sleep, those medicines didn’t exist, and learning now had no meaning, because those learned people did not know soul, nor life nor spirit!

However, Jan Lemmekus knows: those fellows from the East knew a lot about it.

They were able to take apart the human machine and put it properly back together, however, they did that in their own way and it was something completely different to what people here in Leiden, Utrecht or Amsterdam knew.

For Jan it was a fact: they would never make it!

The means or methods, which people in the East used, reached the objective, those means penetrated the soul and the spirit of the machine and sometimes infallibly, the person as a personality recognized himself.

But, those priests descended into the human machine, they turned the personality upside down and only now they saw what was wrong, and what the real ‘self’ had been forgotten, they created space between those trivial, but awe-inspiring cogs, and in this way earlier disorders dissolved completely.

For this purpose, they sometimes also used the powers of the sun and the moon, and Jan has read that they did it through hypnosis, they sometimes let people wander around in their world for months, so that they could forget those things about themselves, and that was completely successful.

Then those souls got their normal sleep back and life became bearable and worthwhile again on earth and for society.

However, what those priests established was that you did not think, you just lived aimlessly.

You did not think that those thoughts would disturb you, but you see that is where it started!

If you had experienced those thoughts naturally and according to the laws of space, and had wanted to think about them, then nothing would have happened, nothing, however, inside those thoughts piled up, until it became a mountain of un-formulated feelings, and then the personality was smothered.

Do you see it differently, perhaps?

Jan can tell you about it, are these people not right?

It is remarkable; many learned people have already accepted these methods, because they understand: in this way you will be rid of your misery.

Millions of people, dear Crisje, are guilty of their own misery because of this.

They did not think, they do not wish to think.

Of course, strong bodies could put up with it, lives go by without thought, but still, the personality did not feel any physical disorders.

They are the fortunate ones then, the people who just live aimlessly, who do not need to think, and they cannot think either, and it means that you can be healthy anyway, even if you are not aware of your everyday problems, it is true, there are people like that as well,

But if you reach deep inner thinking, we enter the grades for human physical and spiritual sensitivity, then we are faced with very different problems; we also see those symptoms coming to us, and there is no longer a question of a healthy sleep.

However, thousands of people, Crisje, have experienced frightening things during their youth, as a result of which, later, as an adult, they underwent the merciless burden and then were faced with their psychologist, neurologist or psychiatrist, at this point they no longer felt suitable for society, they shook and trembled inside all day long, but no one knew where it actually came from.

Nevertheless, those learned people asked the following questions:

‘Did you not experience anything in your youth, which gave you a shock or made you afraid?

Think about it.’

Usually, Crisje, those people had experienced something.

And now those learned people began to study the human soul, spirit and life, by examining the personality, they did it by going back to that situation, and completely or partly explained it, however, as a result of this the sick person felt a release, because the doctor cut away a bit of that mountain inside and, you will not believe it, that already brought about an improvement in that condition, and the daily consciousness was unburdened, and sleep sometimes came back!

Is this not interesting?

This is all true, Crisje.

Now we will follow Jeus.

We know that there are lives which follow him in everything, we must accept that they do not want him to have any problems, which will later break him and skin his life.

If you know what Jeus will later stand for, then there may not be one thought in him which is not thought out, or that one undeveloped thought will later break the precious inner neck of his human machine.

And many are watching out for that.

Now they want him to think, to become a real thinker, it is urgently needed and he will learn as a result of it!

Nerves already have to adjust and if they get that space, Crisje, the personality will soon be able to stand rough handling, which is the intention!

After a heavy day’s work, you fall asleep, but suddenly you are wakened.

What is it?

Who wakened you?

Are these Our Lord’s statues?

You sit up straight in bed.

Now you have to start thinking.

But the rest of these millions of people throw themselves onto their other side, the personality wants to sleep and nothing else.

A person must decide for himself, you are lord and master over your sleep, but later?

When you are older?

If you possess this sensitivity?

Will these feelings then return to your consciousness?

You would like that, they are part of your subconscious, and there those dirty ill-considered feelings turn everything upside down, they will destroy you, they will undermine what is natural, your own so expensive and precious health!

What wakened him?

He did not experience a funeral yesterday.

The very smallest cog of the human machine can now waken you, because that thing is under high pressure and it is you yourself, Jeus.

Such a thought is now under the control of your feelings and that is understandable.

What do you want?

If he now thinks: ‘What difference does it make to me, statues can drop dead, can’t they’, then this problem still attaches itself unclearly to his personality.

If he later understands everything, then that will be a gain for his thinking and feeling.

And Jeus will later understand it, but now there is a possibility to learn to think and that, Crisje, is what it is all about now.

Dirty thoughts destroy the spiritual life, Crisje, you know that very well yourself.

Because of this, people have become psychopathic in the past.

Fatherhood and motherhood, I have already explained those great problems to you, you later told Miets everything, little Teun as well, to the degree that the soul or the personality asked, you answered and in this way you took away the child’s own cares and problems.

Is that not the case, after all?

You have experienced your joy and happiness as a result and the children could carry on again, this understanding and knowledge gave them space and personality, the knowledge for which they lived and are on the earth as people, an education as sound as a bell, but which you denied Jeus.

However, we will not talk about that just now.

Anyone who thinks properly, Jeus, and that also applies to you, Crisje, this is for everyone, can possess love.

And anyone who possesses love is also open to Our Lord.

Then the person is loved, but he can now achieve something for his own life and give something to this humanity.

By learning to think, Jeus, you can start to act like Socrates.

A person, who thinks, obtains the possession of this world, and that always happens again through thinking.

People, who do not wish to think, achieve nothing!

That is really simple!

Everyone who has achieved something can say that, and explain it to you!

Because they have thought, it does not matter what, they have another more spacious personality and they usually became the social leaders.

I already told you, Johan does not wish to think.

It does not matter whether Johan is able to think; that is a completely different matter again, but as a result of this we see his personality.

The willpower is not there and anyone who does not want to know, will be standing still!

Something else again, because we now have to do with spatial problems, Crisje, each person possesses his own world, but also has to accept his conscience.

Now you can widen your own conscience through thinking.

Jeus is interrupted again in his thoughts because the boys are dreaming aloud.

Also something, he thinks, about which he would like to know everything.

Gerrit steals in his sleep, that pinching during the day continues in his sleep, which makes him feel, Gerrit is therefore awake and at the same time not awake, and that is the strange part about it.

Bernard is also dreaming, he used to race about the attic and hide.

So Bernard jumped out of bed, hid in the attic, and then Jeus knew, they were after him and there were shots again.

Johan dreams differently, he does it silently and peacefully, but the butter factory is also a part of it.

Hendrik coos in his sleep, he whistles to the doves in his sleep and he knows exactly which doves flatly refused to listen to him today.

Hendrik gets out of bed and goes to the doves in his sleep.

He holds the eggs one by one, looks at them, talks nonsense to the doves then goes back to sleep, and was not awake at all.

So you can be awake in your sleep?

Isn’t that something?

Worthwhile knowing all about it, but he soon gave it up, he thought it would drive him mad.

He knows that one day they will be fetching Hendrik off the roof, now and again Hendrik sits by the skylight looking outside, he whistles in his sleep, screams and is looking for something, but does not really know anything about it.

Gerrit says to us:

“What a lot of pinching I did last night.

They almost got me.

Little Teun van Bree as well.”

Jeus therefore got the proof that Gerrit dreamt and knew nothing at that moment and yet knew!

It was a strange thing.

He did not feel capable of working these things out, but they exist.

Everyone dreams, but they have their own dreams, each one of them, everyone acts differently in their sleep.

Jeus used to dream differently.

It once happened that he walked out of the attic onto the edge of the roof and then, because he made a noise, the boys started to scream.

When the Tall One came upstairs, he was back in bed again.

In the morning, he had the feeling that he could float.

But when he wanted to try that, took a jump from the fourth step of the stairs, and went through his knees, he gave up that strange carry-on.

Nevertheless, the feeling inside remained with him, he had therefore experienced it physically, and that was something very strange.

Last night he lay for hours worrying.

He is the first again.

Crisje already asks:

“Have you worries, Jeus?”

“No, mother.”

“You should not take things so to heart, Jeus’, she says to him.

“I don’t intend to either”, he utters and she cannot understand that, but he says so.

Well, well, Crisje, now you know.

Yes, of course he is worrying, he cannot get away from it, and the statues are chasing him, or is it something else?

But it is there!

She does not say anything more, he cannot be reached.

She was mistaken again.

She really thought that he was weighed down with her worries.

Is that the case, Jeus?

Nevertheless, she enjoys his words, he comes back to her life a while later, after all, when he lets her know:

“I wonder what will happen today, mother?”

She does not hear anything about his problems.

But when Jeus shakes Johan awake and now takes a look at the holy family, he begs for an answer as well, from Our Lord, who looks so kind and is full of understanding, with regard to a human child, Mary and Joseph give him a smile, and he expects their mouths to open to say something kind to him this morning, things do not look as bad as he had thought.

But now that he moves backwards while still looking and then suddenly bumps into the brick-hard door post with his head, he suddenly knows that those smiles from Mary and Joseph and the divine smile of Our Lord is a friendly carry-on, and are devilish thoughts, or they would have warned him.

You are also cheated by the holy family, beaten down and brought to a hospital to die consciously and naked, because this strikes home!

Now that he returns to Crisje and feels his head, she asks:

“How did you bump your head, Jeus?”

“I was walking in a dream, mother, and that’s all.”

The conversation this morning will not acquire any depth.

She tells him that she is going to work for Hosman today.

Teun, Miets and Hendrik are going with her, but there is no time yet for her own land, but that must also be done or they will have no potatoes later.

It is now a question of working from early morning until late at night on her hands and knees, and Crisje is broken.

“Goodbye, mother.”

“Goodbye, Jeus, do not worry so much.”

“No, mother!”

His thoughts are stiff, the human machine is running, but is almost standing still.

The inner life is now not open to anything either, it is just as if the thing wants to go backwards and forwards and that is not possible.

“See you this afternoon, Fanny.”

He does not look where he is going, he does not know that he is neglecting Fanny.

Fanny shuffles along beside him and is crying inside, the animal does not understand it.

In five minutes he has arrived at the brush factory, which is at the bottom of the Grintweg and then just around the corner.

Fanny does not get a word this morning, but now that he is nearly there, it gets through to him that he has forgotten his love, and he considers himself a beast.

Now Fanny still gets to experience his kind-heartedness, and he presses this life to his heart.

“Fanny, understand me well, I am now thinking”, Fanny hears and he can be satisfied with that.

Then he adds:

“And you certainly realize that, don’t you?

We know each other after all, Fanny.

But that will be okay again, Fanny.

I must now think about myself or we will both be destroyed.

Are you angry with me?

No, you’re not, are you?

See you this afternoon, Fanny.

As long as you know, that they will not separate us, then you will have no worries about that.

Will you take good care of mother, Fanny?

And show me now how fast you can run.”

Fanny first gives him a paw as well, a kiss and then?

Look for yourself!

Fanny is there already.

Just barking at the door and then inside.

“So, Fanny, are you back already?

Did you just see the boss off?”

Crisje senses the beautiful life of Fanny and it puts her in a happy mood.

If Fanny was not there, life would stand still and they could bury her along with Jeus.

The animal talks to Crisje and understands everything.

It already knows, this life, it is allowed to go with them outside, which is great, because Fanny lets Crisje know that she must not waste her time.

Fanny has brains, and because of this he has won a place for himself amongst people.

Jan Lemmekus has established that Jeus is like a sage this morning.

He works hard.

He works like a Trojan, but does not see anyone.

It is the shattered pieces of the holy family, he sees the family in everything today, also in the shavings.

When he comes to the sultan, the holy family goes into the oven.

“Ouch”, he hears them screaming, but he does not hear that he also calls out “ouch”, but uncle Jan hears it and asks:

“What is that ‘ouch’ about?

Are you in pain?”

He sniggers inwardly.

Of course, isn’t that something?

The sultan gets to hear: “Pain?

Pain, did you say, uncle Jan?

Whether I am in pain?”

The sultan does not understand it and replies to him: “But you screamed ‘ouch’.’’

“No, of course not, uncle Jan, but maybe in thought?”

You could do something to a whippersnapper like that, uncle Jan thinks.

Is that ape face making a fool of him, his uncle?

In his eyes, his sister’s boys are all ‘completely’ mad.

Apart from Johan, he is a great boy; the rest are good for nothing.

They are gluttons!

In uncle Jan’s eyes, Johan is the very best, a normal child, the rest could just get lost.

And this one is too inquisitive, too old for uncle Jan and has no respect for an old man; this one has too much talk and even if they say ‘uncle Jan’, they think anyway, ‘dirty sultan’.

You feel it so to speak.

Those other boys call you names under your very nose, but in thoughts.

This one here is an impudent brat!

And the impudence of this lad would make you sick!

Jeus also feels it.

The sultan is thinking now, but that does not mean a thing to him.

Did he call out ‘ouch’ just a minute ago?

That is not possible.

Then it is that holy family; he saw them going into the oven.

But is that possible?

Then nothing will remain of the holy family.

Is that not the case?

The sultan thinks, but the sultan does not think any further.

Thousands of people can look after an oven like that.

The sultan does not need to imagine anything; he could easily be replaced there.

Why does this man feel so important?

That is all, there is no more to it!

The sultan can drown in his own steam!

The sultan is a swaggerer!

What rotten thoughts I used to have!

About butchers and bakers, he continues, I thought wrongly.

If those people were not here, people would not have food, and is that not worth more than steam, sultan?

He also judged and treated Van Bree wrongly, and would now like to give him everything to make up for it.

Can a person do anything about it if he gets a tall body from Our Lord?

No, nothing!

This is why he should not have called him names.

Father was also tall, but you did not notice so much with father.

Van Bree does not hide it, so to speak.

In the future, he will be friendly to Van Bree, and he will feel this.

It is a pity that he will soon be leaving the sawmill, because it will be a while, of course, before Van Bree feels that he is good for him.

You do not see that suddenly.

Nevertheless, the truth is the truth.

When uncle Jan is too old to work here any longer, then there will be ten other men in the place of uncle Jan, and then he can clear off.

What are you really in life?

It is nothing!

If you think about something, then you are something!

However, if you have no thoughts; then you are nothing.

And those men do not think.

Only Jan Lemmekus can think!

Gradus is turning wood again and now looks at him, but differently than before.

He also wants to become good friends with Gradus.

Will he just try it now?

How should he do that, this is a different person?

He must do it in a way that Gradus does not feel cheated.

Shyly, he approaches Gradus and asks:

“Did you have much pain, Mr Gradus?”

“Mister, did you say to me?

I really have to laugh at that.

Yes, of course, that hit hard.”

Gradus heard from Jan that Jeus was not spying on him, and then Gradus got to thinking and felt mean.

He had almost kicked the boy away from him.

Gradus’ machine is now open to kind-heartedness and turns in a direction, which feels good.

Then Jeus puts a finger in Gradus’ pie and takes a bite when he says:

“Will we be good friends, Gradus?”

“Of course, Jeus.”

Gradus shakes his hand and he is happy but immediately starts his work.

You must not overload a person with good deeds, that is too much at once and you also destroy the other thing.

‘That is so to speak’, he knows from his mother, ‘pearls before swine’ and this is heading that way, and that must not happen.

However, Jan Lemmekus sees what was hatched there and looks Gradus in the eye.

They know.

Now carry on.

Holy statues are sacred!

Because they are in the church and have to do with the church, they are sacred!

He has started thinking!

Since they are Mary, Joseph, and Our Lord ...?

Stop!

He does not get any further.

Again ... Mary and Joseph ... are the parents of Our Lord ...

They have to do with the church.

No, they are the church.

No ... that is not it either.

I mean something else.

If you pray, then you pray before the holy family ... to the holy family and there is nothing greater!

Nothing!

They say that, and it is the case!

Wham ... and the ‘droodles’, uncle Jan.

I am not at home now.

Did you see that sultan?

That sneering is no good to you.

I do not even see you, sultan!

I know exactly what you are thinking, sultan.

But I must carry on.

If you pray, then you pray to the holy family ... and those were his thoughts of a moment ago before he came to the boiler house.

However, uncle Jan pulled him away from those thoughts and that must not happen again.

But uncle Jan is more yellow today than yesterday.

Of course, that is because uncle Jan is ‘more grouchy’ today than yesterday, because that’s it.

Fanny prefers to run in the woods and prefers to go out with him than with little Hendrik and the others.

Well, he has to work.

And that yellow colour of uncle Jan is now yellower.

If you ‘are sullen’ you become yellow, it is uncle’s own business, but now uncle Jan is also an ugly customer.

He must admit, he cannot think, he constantly loses the thread and that must not happen either.

The first one guilder fifty cents have been earned and are now making it difficult for him, because there are miseries connected to it.

It is a sickening feeling, because he only later understood that you cannot buy anything for that money.

However, when he ran very fast to Crisje a while ago, in order to give her the money he earned, he almost broke his neck tripping over Mrs Peters’ gutter and then rolled across the street.

With a pair of skinned knees, a piece of skin missing from his hand, he stumbled into the kitchen.

However, that did not matter, but the other thing did ... and then he knew that you could not buy anything for one guilder and fifty cents.

A pound of coffee, something else as well, also a few rolls, but he could eat that on his own.

The others still had nothing now and he realized that, and it made him sick.

He cheated himself and is still irritated about it, because it is now between the holy statues, and it disturbs him now that the holy family speaks to his life.

For the others, he is still not earning anything, and those stupid thoughts have to go, but he knows now, soon he will be with the combers and there will be more money in the chest for Crisje.

He should have strolled home leisurely and thought about those things properly, it would have been better.

Then he would not have fallen and hurt his knees.

If you think pure thoughts, then you will not get hurt.

Who has cheated him now?

It is himself!

However, he does not allow himself to be cheated by himself.

I was so happy, Jeus thinks, but at the same time, I wasn’t happy either!

I was fooling myself; if I had thought it out carefully then, I would also have known it, but I wasn’t thinking properly.

And then mother would not have had to lie.

Mother pretended she was very happy, but that is not the case, that was just an excuse.

If he had thought it through, he would also have seen through mother, and he would have known, that one guilder fifty was ‘cheating’ ... slow-witted as well; you are now happy with nothing but he does not want to have that again.

You break your neck, because of it you get a plug of tobacco in your eye as well, a pile of troubles for nothing, for that one guilder and fifty cents?

Moreover, he had suffered a horrible Sunday; he called Fanny names to annoy himself, which is completely wrong and which no one wants.

Soon Fanny will get everything again from him, definitely, he will not forget.

Gerrit will not get Fanny, because he wants to cheat on her, and Fanny does not like that, therefore Gerrit does not see the real Fanny either!

And the animal already knows.

Why would he not know then?

My God, what a lot I can learn, he now establishes, and he can be satisfied up until now.

However, he still has something to add.

I was happy, and I wasn’t!

If you like people but you still feel something different, and you still behave now as if you want to see it like that, you are not only fooling yourself, but also that other life and that is bad!

How wonderful life is, if you see it, or you are cheating yourself again and then it is muddy.

A child does not want to be beaten, but if father had not given Bernard a really good hiding, father would have been a victim himself, and that must not happen either, Bernard would have laughed behind father and mother’s back, and that must never happen, only now can he see and understand that, because you are cheating yourself.

How big and strong Bernard is, because Bernard already crawled before in the darkness and did not fool himself now, but he did not understand that then.

Mother and father are great, because they do not fool themselves about anything, because father always said where he had been, and life went on.

Father could also always come to mother and kiss her, there was never anything else, and of course, you can always taste a kiss like that.

Or there is misery between you and then you cannot kiss.

When he is grown up, he will never kiss if he has been given a blow, then a kiss like that does not taste good.

Of course not, he adds as well, and he can also be satisfied with this.

Is this not just worthwhile, Crisje?

Tall One, what do you think about it?

Mother is great, he begins again, and a while later, ‘my God, how clearly I can think today’, because mother has never cheated anyone.

And Fanny now also flatly refuses to have any wrong thoughts.

Fanny feels Gerrit through and through, and when Gerrit thinks that he has Fanny, he sees a nasty Fanny, just like he is himself!

How good life is, good when you see and feel the truth, for you can carry on; or you will stand still, now you are nasty.

Mother is true and because mother is true, she is also endlessly sweet, and people know that and that is why they now love her.

Jan now interrupts him for a moment and asks, because it is taking too long for him:

“What are you thinking about this morning, Jeus?

I can hear it right over here.

May I know?’

He feels that Jan is begging for it, but can he tell him what is occupying him?

And when Jan finds out a little later what it is about, he will know that the philosophies of Socrates are being treated here at the age of twelve, as the master himself was not even able to do.

Jan now experiences his knowledge and waits for the lectures.

He thinks: the great ones also started in this way and Jeus is a great one!

He lets the life think for a moment, but follows it.

And Jeus knows, Jan is waiting, but he cannot say anything yet, he walks with his head bent towards the ground and does not see anything.

As if in his sleep, he fills his basket and carries away the shavings.

He now no longer has to think about all these actions, these happens of its own accord.

He almost knocks down the big boss, but that man does not say a word, he now thinks: ‘Absorbed in the work, very good!’

The boss actually gives him a smile already and that does him good, even if it does not get through to his personality now.

Jan already understands it, the problem is rooted, and it will not be all that long before he hears his share of it, however, the lectures will soon start, the scholarly foundation will then be laid, and he will certainly not be any the worse for it!

He forgets everything but the human machine is still running.

He will explain that to his great friend later.

Jan also knows that a prophet provides himself with light and does not need anyone, as a result of which life is brought to the human awakening.

A while later Jan hears:

“Yes, Jan, the work is going of its own accord and gets a part of myself, I use the rest to think!”

Jeus now knows that.

He uses part of his consciousness to carry away his shavings and the remainder is necessary to work out ‘systems’.

It is a revelation!

And Jan can understand that, he does not do anything else.

Nevertheless, this is still a child.

Jan knows, Socrates and Plato also started in this way, all those magical lives who did something for mankind, but this is ‘Jeus of mother Crisje’!

In that big door there, which opens and closes on its own, and which he is afraid of, that horrible thing will not fly against his head again, are now the shattered pieces of the holy family.

Believe it ... and that is not a church.

That is a door!

A church and holy statues – the machine is now going in a particular direction, but he does not quite know this – have nothing and have everything to do with each other.

However, a door is made of wood and those statues were made of stone.

That is all!

But that is not true, is it?

There is much more and he must think about that.

Now something else.

mother is like a cow.

And the cow gives milk to its own child, and then the calf grows.

I got milk myself from mother, but that isn’t it, I mean something else.

Stop, start again.

Mother is ... mother is ... just like a cow, but father was the bull.

That is a man!

And I was born through father, but mother had to do the work.

Men do not have any meaning.

It is the mothers.

They work!

They finish everything!

As a man you only have to take care of your wife and children, there is no more to it!

That is clear, but I do not mean that.

I mean something completely different!

I have already known this for so long, I already learned that before, I discovered it through Hans the bull, he thinks back for a moment and then continues.

You make a house from wood and stone.

It is a house, but not a church yet.

A church is also made from wood and stone, and that is not a house, but a building where people come to pray and where they can find Our Lord, see HIM and talk to HIM.

That is something completely different again!

That is not laid away for a person just like that, you have to be Crisje for that; mother can do that!

But that is not what I mean.

I mean something very different.

Carry on, I must continue to think of just one thing or I will never make it!

Mother says, and that is the case: ‘Our Lord lives in the church.’

That is understandable or people would not build so many churches and there would not be so many people in the church either.

That is finished, he can understand that.

However ... Our Lord of stone is not Our Lord who is in the heavens, after all?

That is a different one, isn’t it?

Is that the case?

Also Mary and Joseph?

But those statues are still holy.

Are those statues holy?

Is that the case?

Yes, if they were not holy, there would be no accidents either.

Think for a minute.

If you squeeze such a piece of stone or a statue of the holy family, does Mary, does Joseph, does Our Lord feel it as well?

Are you cheating Our Lord then?

If you drop Our Lord, are you then beating Our Lord to death?

Now just wait ... is everything not collapsing yet?

No, Antoon van Bree continues to saw.

The shavings are not screaming, the sky is beaming, and he saw that a moment ago as well.

There is nothing extraordinary happening.

It is strange!

He is standing still again, in the middle of this space and looking at the sky.

He laughs at the clouds; at the great light in which Our Lord also lives, but of which people have made a stone statue.

He experiences this great peace from above there for his small but mighty self ... and feels good.

Then he shuffles straight to the boiler house, empties his basket, does a turnabout, and continues to think.

He feels, he is nearly there, but those other thoughts won’t come to him yet, and it is those thoughts, as a result of which ... yes, what does he really want?

He is convinced that he will make it.

But, for now, carry on!

People sit in that church, they pray and think.

They beg Our Lord for mercy, they also go to communion, confess!

Is Our Lord now in the church?

He has to be, or there would not be so many people there.

In addition, you can reach Our Lord more quickly there, says mother and he can immediately accept that.

It is convincing!

And the more holy the statues are, the more fervent and the greater the church, also the more beautiful, of course, and the quicker Our Lord is there as well.

No, Antoon van Bree, I have no time for you.

Your nonsense means nothing to me, you can talk as much as you like, and I have no time now.

He does not see that Jan and Antoon are following him and that Antoon asked:

“What’s the matter with him, Jan?

He is like a dead person, so to speak.

He is working as if he is asleep”

“Of course, Antoon, he is now sleeping with both eyes open!”

The statues are sacred.

But why is that really?

Is it because those statues represent the holy family?

Once those statues are blessed, says mother; no accidents can happen any more.

Is that the case?

If not, then you are connected to good and evil.

Now there is a devil in the statues.

You can be hanged because of it and also burnt alive, the most terrible things can happen, but not when they are blessed.

Then everything will be okay.

Our Lord is everything!

He has known that for so long already.

However, if you happen to be absolutely everything and much more, that Our Lord is, you are also supreme as well, can something happen to you, something terrible perhaps?

No!

That is not possible!

Then how can people destroy you?

Silence!

Think for a moment, this is very good!

And slowly but surely he takes himself to the final goal, he compares and analyses the material, for heaven and earth, but of which the human being is a part ... and is soul, spirit and life!

Have you come so far, Jeus?

It is not easy; you have to carry on,

or you will no longer have any peace.

And now?

If you take communion, you receive the flesh and blood of Christ.

No, he changes his mind, he thinks of an event, and that is painful and terrible.

He feels that he will now murder Christ.

However, it happened without him wanting it to and then he bit on it!

He once bit the life and blood of Christ, but he did not want to do it, he did not do it on purpose, it suddenly happened, he was not aware of it.

One Sunday morning, he bit off a piece of it, the flesh and blood of Christ ended up between his teeth and then?

That accident happened.

At that moment he thought that he should die.

And that the church screamed ‘ouch’, and people heard the ‘ouch’ of Our Lord, but nothing happened!

He broke out in a cold sweat, he thought that people would drag him off to a scaffold and that Father would hear it, that the altar would wander through the church and that the people would stir up chaos, moreover, that mother would grab him by the scruff of his neck and she would say:

‘Dirty brat!

Dirty libertine!

You are a hypocrite, a rotter, and a dirty thief.

You have done the most terrible thing, which a person can do.

You are a horrible murderer, you are a dirty dog as well, a dead loss and a good-for-nothing.’

But nothing happened!

In spite of that, this event haunted him, months passed, before he was rid of his fear, but nothing happened!

He went to bed with it and got up again with it, still could occasionally sleep well; the sun also continued to shine and there was also rain and wind, the doves cooed and the pigs were always still hungry, people continued to talk nonsense, people continued to shout and scream, little Gerrit continued with his pinching, and no one, not one single person knew anything about it, no one!

Didn’t Our Lord know either?

However, he was not so sure about that.

Only much later did he dare to think about divine matters again, gradually his peace came back and he carried on.

Nevertheless, was that Our Lord, on which he had bitten?

Carry on now, Jeus.

He has not said anything to Crisje, because he understood that he would only cause her grief.

However, isn’t this, the statues falling and breaking, exactly the same thing?

Is the flesh and blood of Our Lord not made by people?

Of course!

No, no, I have not worked it out yet!

And people also make holy statues.

Yes, that is the truth!

But that is stone, and you can eat that other thing.

It is a bit softer, but the meaning is exactly the same.

That also belongs to Our Lord.

But, did the Saviour feel that HE sat between his teeth?

He did not hear any moaning, no one in the church felt any of it.

Did the Saviour not feel anything?

He suddenly knows it, it is very clear, but he is almost crashing into something, but no one sees that he is thinking.

It is going well, it is going really well, and there is nothing wrong.

You have to think like this and then suss out what you thought about, then everything is going well.

Our Lord definitely felt him, but Our Lord died on the cross and Our Lord did not even moan at all.

It is clear, Our Lord must have thought: is that all now?

Yonder in Jerusalem, that was much worse.

He has not worked it out yet and he cannot get any further either, he is continually faced with another abyss.

If Our Lord thought: is that all it is!

That could be the reason why the church did not collapse, and Father did not hear anything, or maybe Our Lord knew that he did not do it on purpose and everything is different, the forgiveness as well.

However, he has not worked it out yet.

It is the wrong image!

It takes him too far from this life; he must remain in the church, closer to home.

It happened in the front room.

Now it is something else.

Jan follows him and sees wrinkles on his forehead.

However, Jeus must continue or he will no longer be able to sleep or eat, and then he will be destroyed, then those devils will have got him.

It is bad, he does not want to fight with Gerrit again, if you have an argument with him, you have to do with the devil.

Father is dead!

Jeus thinks up a new problem, but of which he knows a lot.

He will probably come further as a result of this, but he does not feel that those thoughts reached him just like that, however, ‘just like that’ also has its own will, an own personality and, you will not believe it, Jeus, just like a person from your own world.

In addition, this ‘just like that’ can think as well, the same as Jan Lemmekus and you can, but Antoon van Bree has none of it.

Father is dead!

He is dead, and yet lives.

That, what is lying yonder in the grave, has no more meaning.

It will go away, after all, it must rot and is in the grave.

His guardian angel once told him that, and not only told him, but also showed him it as well.

He was standing above a grave looking from above to down below, and he looked into the grave of his own father.

That was a great sensation for Jeus.

Then he started to think.

Father himself looked at what he was then, and what was now laid in the ground, there were the bones, father himself was on top of it watching, and you could laugh about it.

Father could even talk as well – he experienced that when father was buried – even if one thing and another had changed about father, about his corpse.

Father could play the violin and sing well, he continues ... but still father was dead.

He saw father playing the violin yonder and heard him singing, but now for Our Lord.

That father is as dead as a doornail, is a big lie!

That is nonsense!

Father is not dead; father is alive!

Why do people make such a fuss about a dead person?

A dead person is a corpse and they do not want to miss that corpse, but the other thing is forgotten.

And yonder you cannot even do what you want yourself, Our Lord is the boss there over you yourself and that goes without saying!

No one dies!

No one dies alive, because that is not possible!

A death is something else; it makes people afraid.

But what dies here, lives yonder and that, Jeus – hold onto this now – is the world of Our Lord ... he now utters and he has to laugh about it himself as well.

Just think about it now, or it will be gone again, and he can start from the beginning.

Jeus has almost worked it out and can now carry on.

No, I have not worked it out yet.

A garden on earth is a part of the Forecourt of Our Lord.

That is true.

He has seen the Forecourt; he was there with José, his friend from that place.

A bird from here is also a bird from there.

A sparrow can die, but can fly again there and can chirp as well, or father could not sing either.

When Fanny later dies, it is already old, you can see that, that is already in its ribs, Fanny can no longer do what it likes just like that – and that also applies to people, as a result of this Antoon van Bree could not get him either, he is also old and stiff – then Fanny will live there as well!

And when he gets there, he can romp about with Fanny again.

He will see Fanny again there, many people can do the same if they want to work for Our Lord.

If you do not wish to see death differently – it is now going well ... just carry on, Jeus – death will remain your death and that is really the Grim Reaper.

But he does not exist!

Why do people cry about a dead person like that?

The dead person, he saw that himself, stood above his own grave watching those people who cried, and had to laugh.

However, that dead person was also angry, because his money remained behind and the dead person felt the hypocrisy of the family.

And they are hypocrites; it makes him sick.

When he talked to Crisje about it ... she had to bow to it, but not everybody is like that, are they?

Father is dead, but father is still alive.

I must continue and begin again, this is nothing, and it is difficult.

Our Lord, Mary and Joseph are made from stone.

Our Lord is here and there.

José is also there, and his guardian angel.

Good gracious, where is he actually?

I have heard nothing from him for a long time.

That is true, as well, it is the work.

I did not want anything more to do with him.

It is my own fault.

But, who spoke to me just a moment ago?

Was it me?

Or was it someone else?

He heard talking inside him.

Of course, it was me, but it was different, after all.

Just think about it.

Just listen well and say something else again.

It is, he feels, as if someone lives within him.

It is just like before but still different.

What is it?

He does not know, but he works and he thinks, it is going well, but he has not worked it out yet, again, he hears something talking outside of himself, it is not from Jan, or Antoon, but it is inside his own body, it presses against his heart.

You can feel it as well, it is just like there is a young bird crawling out of the egg and immediately peeping, however, this was not peeping, this was talking and now he hears very clearly:

“No, you will not make it, Jeus.”

“No?” he says; he now imitates this voice from inside, “I will not make it?” he now listens, because this is something new for his life.

He now says, but also wants to listen, when there comes:

“No, it is enough to drive you completely mad.

Good gracious, is that thinking?”

The voice replies: “I understand that, but you must carry on.”

Now a conversation begins and Jeus asks:

“Am I not talking to myself then?”

He now gets:

“No, of course not.

It is I!

I know what you are thinking about.”

“You know that?”

“Of course I know that.”

He does not know what he should think about it, but he asks again:

“But who are you then?”

“Yes, that is something completely different, Jeus.”

“Get lost for all I care, you are driving me completely mad.”

Jan follows him and sees that he will not make it, but that he is talking to himself and he is absorbed in it.

Jeus does not know what is the matter with him, but there is another person inside him who is talking to him.

Now that he thinks about it, he hears:

“Of course, Jeus, I am that.”

“You thought even more quickly than me, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did think more quickly than you, did you not hear that?”

“Yes, I heard it.

But what is it then?

Am I talking now?”

“Of course.

But now I am talking”, and Jeus can agree to it, but he does not understand it.

The voice continues:

“You will also hear and get to know that.

However, you must think or you will not get any further.

Do you know that?”

“Can you help me to think then?”

“Yes, I can do that, but then I am doing the thinking and not you, which will enable you to continue.”

“That is true, I understand you now.

And you will not cheat me, will you?”

“Can I cheat you if I hear you thinking?”

“Of course not, but what was I thinking about before, do you know that?”

“You want to know whether the statues of Our Lord, Mary and Joseph are holy.”

He hears it saying that from inside and almost faints from the shock.

He comes out with:

“Get lost for all I care, yes, that is what I was thinking about.”

“And do you not understand it then?”

“Of course”, he pretends to know what he is talking about and now gets to hear: “Now, just explain it to me then.” ... after which he comes out as quick as a flash with:

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?

But do you know that for yourself?”

“That is something completely different, Jeus, and you would like to know that from me, but then it will be me!”

“And then I will learn nothing, will I?”

“That is right, Jeus.”

He suddenly realizes that the other person knows his name.

“You know my name, don’t you?

Who told you that?”

“I have known you for so long” ... there comes and that other one gets to hear:

“And I know nothing about it?”

“You cannot know everything either.”

“But who are you then?”

“That is something completely different, Jeus.

I have no name any more for this world.

The name I used to have, they took it away from me, Jeus.”

“That is horrible.

But is that possible?”

“Of course.

Has your father not lost his name?”

“Good gracious, that is a lie, that is nonsense, as long as you know and I do not believe any of it.

My father is now still called Hendrik Roelofse!”

“But he is now lying in the ground stinking.”

“What?

What did you just say to me?

What are you trying to kid me with.

Dirty man?”

However, he listens carefully, he does not want to miss a word of what is going on inside him.

There now comes:

“Is that a lie, Jeus?”

“No, I must agree with you.

But my father has a name, after all, his own name still.”

“That is true, of course, but do you not understand me then?

That no longer means anything.

Can your father play the violin for your mother?”

“Do you know my father and mother as well?”

“That is not what I asked you, is it, how would I be able to tell you about his violin, if I did not know that.

Shall I tell you something, something else, Jeus?”

“Now, say it, what do you want to tell me?”

“If you believe me and will promise me that you will tell no one about it, then I will tell you something and something nice as well.”

“Of course, if I tell you that I will not talk to anyone then you can believe me as well.”

“Now then, Jeus, now it will come.

On Saturday, you will get a rise of fifty cents!”

“What did you just say?

Can I believe that?”

“When it is Saturday, then you must think about me.

You are so obviously doing your best that your boss felt sorry for you, and now he will give you fifty cents more.”

“My God, how happy you make me.

Is that not just a wonder?

How happy I will be able to make mother.

I must be sure that I continue to do my best, mustn’t I?”

“So are you not doing your best now.

Working and thinking, it’s a lot for me to cope with.

But you still do not know me, do you?”

“Who are you then?”

“I cannot tell you just like that, Jeus.”

“Can I not give you a name then?”

“Please, Jeus, of course, and you can make me really happy with that.”

“I will think about it.

But what would you say to ... Pete?”

“Pete?

Pete?”... he hears that other one saying and then he says again: “Pete?

Do you not fancy that then?”

“No, that is no good to me.

Who would now want to be called Pete?

Not even a dog!”

“Jan ... is that not something for you then?

Is that something?”

“There are so many Jans in the world, Jeus.”

“That is true, I did not think of that.

But what do you think of my own name?

Is that not something for you?”

“That is a nice name, Jeus, that is true, but then we will get confused.

If there are two of them and they talk to each other, we will both go mad.”

“You are right, but then I must think.

Is Bernard not something for you?”

“There are already plenty of Bernards.”

“And Gerrit then?”

“No, God preserve me, Jeus, they are pinchers!

And I am not a pincher!”

“Good gracious, you know all about us.

Do you already know Gerrit as well?”

“I know all the people, Jeus.

I know them all.”

“Then it will be difficult for me.

How can I find a name for you then?

Is the name Fanny not something for you then?”

“That is a dog’s name.

No, that is nothing for me, Jeus, because I am a person.”

“But do you know then that this is the name of my own Fanny?”

“Yes, I know that.

And I am very grateful to you, but Fanny is your dog and I am a person.

And is that possible then?”

“No, you are right again.

I can understand that.

Did you tell me just now that you are a person?”

“Does a louse understand everything then, which I understand, Jeus?”

“No, that’s a good one, of course not, but then it will be difficult for me.

What would you say to Casje?

Is that not something for you?”

“Casje?

Casje, did you say?

That is that market vendor, isn’t it?”

“Yes, that is Casje.

Do you know him as well?”

“He had soup last week at the sisters in the old men and women’s house.

And then they had a party there and I can tell you all about it.”

“Tell me, what do you know about Casje?”

“Did you also know that Casje usually sleeps there as well?”

“What are you trying to tell me, that Casje sleeps in the Guest house with the sisters?”

“Are those sisters so bad then?

I can also sleep there if I want to but I do not need that.”

“Do you have plenty of money for yourself then?”

“That is something else again, Jeus, and it has nothing to do with this, however, Casje sleeps in the Guest house and sister Geralda is there as well, whom your mother was so fond of and whom your father liked so much, when he still lived here.”

“I know, but how do you know about all these things, good gracious, these are our own things and no one knows that.

Do you know everything then, and do you know everybody?”

“Yes, I know everything, but now I have lost the thread and it is your fault.

I had wanted to tell you something completely different.”

“That’s a pity, but can you not get back to it?

But I have understood you and I will think about it.

I distracted you from your story, didn’t I?”

“Yes!

Thank you, Jeus, but I remember already.

You must listen.

That Casje thought that there would only be soup.

Casje had eaten seven plates of soup, until he was bursting.

Then the other courses came, didn’t they.”

They still had to begin then.”

“That is understandable.”

“What did we agree on, Jeus?”

“I know already, but I thought that you were already finished.

I will not interrupt you any more, dopes do that, don’t they?”

“Yes, that is the case, Jeus, you do not want to be a dope.”

“Of course not.”

“Now ... when the other dishes came Casje could not eat any more, of course, and they laughed at him.”

“May I just ask you something now?”

“Yes.”

“That Casje was really stupid, wasn’t he?”

“That’s what you thought and they all thought that, but they were completely off the mark.

Casje was too smart for all of them.

He knew, Jeus, what other courses would come, and Casje did not like any of them.

He was not so stupid!

He got them all.”

Jeus is just occupied with Stein while filling up his basket, and starts to laugh out loud.

The men think he is crazy ...

He is a strange boy, after all!

He laughs, but there is more to come and now he disturbs that other one, which must not happen.

Stop laughing and listen.

Antoon looks at Jan, when Stein asks him:

“Are you laughing at me, Jeus?”

He comes to with a shock and says to Stein: “What did you say, Stein?

I would laugh at you?

None of it, Stein.

I had to laugh at myself” ...-he retreats into himself, gets his basket and shuffles along.

That other one already hears:

“What happened next?

Are you still there?”

“Yes, Jeus, I am still here.”

“What happened next?”

“Nothing happened next, that was it, I believe Stein thought that you were laughing at his life, didn’t he?”

“Yes, but I can understand that.”

Antoon shakes his head; he does not understand the lad any more.

Jan also feels that it is taking too long, Jeus continues and now hears:

“Do you still not know of a name for me, Jeus?”

“No, I do not know a name for you yet, but I will think about it.

Can I not call you from inside?”

“From inside, did you say?”

“Yes, from inside, because you are talking to me, aren’t you?”

“You must listen properly, Jeus.

It seemed a good idea, of course, but it is becoming so long-winded now, because ‘from inside’ and ‘from outside’ are so like each other and we will get mixed up again, anyway.”

“That is true, but good gracious me, it is bothersome.

What do you say to Frans?

Is that not something?”

“There are also many Franses in the world already, Jeus.

Can you also accept this from me?”

“I can, but as long as you know, it is becoming bothersome and then I will just wait.

I will think about it.”

“I think so too, Jeus, that is the best thing.”

“I still do not know how you know me.”

“That is something different.”

“Why something different?

What do you know about me?’

“Everything!”

“About other people as well?”

“If I feel like it, yes, then I know everything!”

“Can you not help me to think then?”

“We have already talked about that, Jeus, but I will tell you something else.

When I was your age, I already started thinking; I started to think for myself, so to speak.

And now I am happy that they didn’t tell me what to think, because then I wouldn’t have anything to ruminate on now.”

“I already understand, and then you would have stayed as stupid as an ox, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, you have understood me and that is good, Jeus.

Now we can talk to each other as well.”

“I understand you as well, as long as you know.

I will work it out for myself.”

“That is also the best thing for you and then you will learn a lot, won’t you?”

“Then I will stop talking to you.”

“That’s your own business.

Now and again I will come and have a look.

If there is something the matter with you, then you may ask me what I think about it, perhaps I can help you now and again.

If you call me, you can certainly count on me.”

“That’s good!

Then I will not need Jan any more, he has plenty of work to do himself.”

“As long as you know, Jeus, that he wants to know everything from you.”

“That is true, I know that.”

“Well, Jeus, you must listen properly now, just listen to me, then I will tell you something else.

Now here it comes ...

Stones are stones and remain stones, don’t they?

And a piece of wood remains a piece of wood all its life.

And doves are doves!

And you are Jeus of mother Crisje.

And people are people.

And a dead person, is a dead person if you are standing beside him crying, of course!

And a church is a church!

And Our Lord is Our Lord, but they made statues of Him.”

Jeus listens, as he has never listened before in his life, but he now feels that that other one is making off and he calls him back:

“Hey, where are you now?

Where are you now and where did you get to just like that?

Do you not hear me any more?”

A while later he hears: “Did you call me, Jeus?”

“Yes, of course, where did you suddenly get to?

What nonsense did you pull on me just now?”

“But we wanted to stop our talk, Jeus, you said that, didn’t you?”

“I know, but what does this mean what you just said?”

“I only said that, Jeus, to let you know what you should think about.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes, there is no more to it.

You can now work out the rest for yourself.”

“Do you then also know where Casje is now?”

“Yes, I know that.

At the moment he is walking between Deutikom and Zevenáná.”

“Don’t make me laugh, that place is called Zevenaar!”

“That’s a pity, but I was pretty close, wasn’t I?

He is now walking there with his wares.

And he is nearly home.

You will see him today or tomorrow.”

“Do you also know then that he is a friend of my father and mother’s?”

“Yes, I know that.”

“And that he is mad?”

“He is just as mad as you and me together!”

“Are you trying to say that I am mad?

Do you think that I am mad then?”

“Of course not.

No, Jeus, he is no madman, he knows very well for himself what he wants.”

“But I would not want his work.”

“I can understand that, that is also only for him, he cannot do anything else.”

“So, did you think that?

Then I can tell you that he could do something completely different, and you do not know everything about people, because he can write like the mayor.

Did you not know that?”

“I knew, Jeus, but I didn’t think of it so quickly.”

“I must give you this, you can certainly think.

Can’t you teach me that?’

“You have already started.”

Goodbye then.

That is also from Casje, do you know that and my father said that as well.”

“Yes, I know that, but the way you say it now is the dialect from French.”

“What is that?”

“Did you not learn French at school then?”

“Oh yes, of course, but I have forgotten it, because it would drive you mad.”

“I can imagine that as well, but the result is that you cannot speak any French now.”

“I don’t want anything to do with it either, that is good for penpushers, my late father said.”

“That’s a lie, Jeus.”

“What is a lie?”

“That you referred to ‘my late father’, is that the truth then?”

“I already understand you, you are right.

That is, so to speak, eating porridge, and then saying to your mother that you have nothing to eat.

And your mouth is full of it.”

He listens and hears that the other one has to laugh.

“Do you have to laugh about that?”

“You surely aren’t trying to kid me, Jeus, that this is something to die for?”

“My God, what a good talker you are.”

“But you are as well, Jeus.”

“Yes, I know that, mother and father always said that, I can believe it for myself.

But now mesjoer.”

“As long as you know, Jeus, that I understand everything.”

“I have realized that.

Now you must leave.

I have to work.”

“And you are falling over yourself because you have so much work.

Are there any shavings lying about there as well?”

“You are right again, thanks.”

“It’s my pleasure, Jeus, mesjoer!”

Gerrit?

Pete?

Hendrik?

Herman?

Nico?

Gradus?

Antoon?

Jan?

No, it is nothing!

He cannot find a name for that life.

Anneke?

No, that’s for a girl.

Crisje is not possible either!

He also just hears:

“It will be okay, Jeus.

But now, mesjoer.”

However, he does not leave it at that, he adds: “You come back again yourself, you must remember that.”

“I will make sure of that, Jeus.

But I thought that I could still give you some joy.”

“That is true, thank you very much.

But how far away you were.”

“Now you must just listen, Jeus.

I am as far away from you as your father’s grave is long and round, is ‘left and right’ and ‘high’ as well!”

“That is enough to drive you mad!”

“That’s what you say.

However, I think differently about it.

And now, mesjoer!

You cannot fool me, because, although I say so myself, I am no sticker!

If I say ‘mesjoer’, Jeus, at least if I want to myself, and I will come back again to you, you can grab me by the scruff of my neck.

But if I do that for myself to help you; then you cannot say anything.

Moreover, if I want that myself, you will not hear again from me either.

And you can scream immediately as much as you like and can, you will not hear from me again.”

“I understand it well, and thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure, Jeus, mesjoer!”

The voice has gone, and he definitely feels it.

So who was that?

He does not know.

Was he talking to himself all that time?

If that is the case, he will soon destroy his body.

He will see if it is the money, the day after tomorrow he will know.

However, watch out if this is not the case.

Nevertheless, he must continue.

What will he call that man?

It was a man!

Jan Lemmekus thinks that it is taking a long time before he is back.

It is getting towards twelve o’clock and Jan has to go and will not see him any more.

“Goodbye, Jeus!”

“Where do you have to go, Jan?”

“I have to leave with the samples.”

“Will I not see you again this afternoon again, Jan?”

“Yes, of course.”

Jan leaves, he continues to think.

But the morning is lost; he cannot fathom it out.

Fanny is already there, a bit too late, but that is mother’s fault.

He can understand those things, and it is part of Crisje’s house.

Now eat, drink and think.

The human machine is operating well and in one direction.

However, time is flying past, and he still hasn’t worked it out.

Only when he is standing in front of uncle Jan does he know that he is in the factory.

Did he give Fanny his little bit of love?

And Crisje?

And Teun, and Miets?

He has not enjoyed his hour and a half.

Going back home for a while is not possible.

He will not do that again, or there will be sorrow.

That voice is nice!

As long as he is not just fooling himself.

If they give him a rise everything will be okay.

Now, carry on!

Churches, said the voice, are churches!

He will call him ‘from inside’.

Or... ‘Casje’... Casje?

Casje?

It does not sound so crazy after all.

Just listen again ... Casje??

Casje??

It does not sound bad, and is close to home as well.

It will remain ‘Casje’!

Casje said, he listens if the voice will perhaps come, but it is not there now.

Casje said that churches were made of stone and people are people.

People lived here and people died.

But that is not dying.

Our Lord is there as well, in the church, but also there, above, in heaven!

And that heaven, that is this universe, or probably something else, but that is not important, that is the heaven of Our Lord.

A church is made of stone and wood and people pray in it.

They kneel before Mary, before Joseph and Our Lord, and pray or ask for something, then they have to wait to see whether their prayers will be answered.

Mary and Joseph represent Our Lord as father and mother.

However, Our Lord is also father of Mary and Joseph.

That’s right!

Jeus sees that no one is bothered by the shavings ... no one.

Does Van Bree want to talk to him?

But he will have none of it!

And yet Van Bree has something to say:

“You are behaving as if we are no longer here, aren’t you?”

“I have to work, Van Bree.”

“We do as well, but you can still say something then, can’t you?

Do you not even have one minute of yourself left to have a chat with me?”

“A chat, did you say, Van Bree?

I have other things to do.

You can understand that, can’t you?”

“I must say, Jeus, it has never been so clean here before.

You do keep things clean; I must give you that.

When the boss sees that, you will certainly get a raise.”

“Do you think that, Van Bree?”

“Of course.”

“Then I will continue to do my best, Van Bree.”

The door flies open, as the boss enters.

The man makes a beeline for Jeus, frightening him, and when he thinks that a terrible hiding will now follow, the boss says:

“Do you still want to go to those combers?”

“Yes, boss”, he says happily, “then I can earn money for mother.”

The big man smiles at Antoon, but Jeus sees that the boss takes a look at his work, and he gets to hear again: “That is completely clean, what do you think, Antoon?”

Jeus hears what Antoon says to the boss: “What he has in his head ... he does not have in his backside.”

The boss has already disappeared and now Antoon hears from Jeus: “Are you not afraid, Van Bree?

How do you dare to say ‘backside’ in the presence of the boss?”

Antoon has to laugh again and says to him: “Jeus, we have known him for quite a long time.

But why do you want to leave here, anyway?”

“But you know that, don’t you, Van Bree?”

“But you can get on here as well, can’t you?”

“I will have to think about it, Van Bree.”

“What will happen to us then, Jeus, if you are no longer here?”

“Don’t make me laugh, Van Bree.

Do you think that I will believe you now?”

Antoon knows that the old person in Jeus has a very different opinion about it.

The child can no longer be fooled.

He just makes off, that talk is a waste of time.

It does not mean a thing to him.

That nonsense must be gone; he has to think of his own things.

Now carry on.

Churches and sacred matters ... Stop!

There you have it already.

Van Bree is in the middle of it.

They are called matters.

It is holy matters.

And when Jeus comes to the sultan’s he also wants to get started on him.

However, he keeps quiet!

Adults with machine rooms are lying in wait for chats.

He thinks: ‘Sultan, you can drop dead’ and the sultan thinks: ‘but what a whippersnapper, you do not even get an answer’, he thought as much, this is a cheeky one.

Johan is completely different.

Churches and sacred matters ... No; churches and holy statues are close to each other.

Now it is going well, so hold onto this ... because they are in the church.

Nevertheless, my father is alive and he is dead.

That is also right.

Was father blessed?

Yes, father was blessed in the church, but still died, no, he was already dead then.

Was father blessed because he received communion?

Is that correct?

But that blessing of a dead person or a living person is exactly the same for Our Lord.

Father was prayed for and they thought that father was in the grave,

But father was there himself.

Hooray, I am beginning to understand it!

Hooray ... but just hang on a minute.

Can a ‘Tower of David’ help father?

No, because father told him that he must do it himself and that he is working for Our Lord there.

Stone cannot think.

Stone cannot help you.

Stone cannot grant you indulgence, Our Lord has to do that Himself.

And He is in HIS heaven.

This, what they made of Our Lord, is just imitation, is stone, is a picture, is a dead thing, is now broken, in shattered pieces!

And that’s it, the real one is still there!

So are father!

And José!

If only father could be here for a little while.

Father also played the violin there, and he has at least thirty of them.

What is here, he continues, is also there.

What is here is second-hand.

What is yonder is the real thing!

The second-hand things go in the ground; the real things remain alive!

Those stone statues are not real, Mary, Joseph and Our Lord, are there, and they are the real ones!

Hooray ... hooray ... Mother, I have worked it out, I think!

He dances to the boiler house.

Tears of happiness stream down his cheeks.

Anyone, who sees him thinks: that child is mad.

However, he is happily mad, and not something else.

He continues again for a moment.

What is here from Our Lord, is just a doll.

That is a doll made of stone.

Good heavens, how fast it is going now.

Keep calm, remember this well, he continues to talk to himself.

That doll is a doll!

And that doll has fallen and broken into pieces.

However, that doesn’t mean that the real one has broken!

And no accidents can happen either.

That statue is nice, but then I will go to the real one, because stone is just stone.

Of course, you do not drop and break a nice statue on purpose, and he did not do that either, it happened by accident.

You do not drop and break nice statues, but you cannot destroy the real one, just as you cannot destroy his father, father is alive!

And just as well, father has never been like that before, what father used to laugh at, father can now cry about; but not from ‘sullenness’, sultan.

But from happiness!

Should he make himself unhappy because of those dolls then, Crisje?

Hooray ... hooray ... I’ve worked it out!

That is all!

These little dolls can’t do anything to you, nothing at all!

Then you can just make other little dolls, there are plenty of people who can make little dolls, but not real ones, because people die, they are put in a coffin and then into the ground, it is the real one that you cannot get a hold of, because, that is from Our Lord!

And ... only that, Crisje, is the real thing!

So why do you cry for a dead person?

However, he need not have fought, that was not necessary.

Now that other thing as well!

When I... he continues calmly, bit on Our Lord, that was not the real one, because this one was also made by people.

And that also happened by accident.

You cannot bite on Our Lord, he is yonder.

Is there anything else?

Crisje has new statues, now they are the ones she got from Jan.

But what you have got, is what you have got anyway, and no one can take that away from you, after all, can they?

No, those of father are indestructible ...

Without feeling it, he enters the third and fourth dimensional world of everything, and he understands it!

This is a great piece of work, Jeus.

It simmers on for a moment in his soul, once more, he briefly removes the lid of the universal kettle and looks and sees how things look from inside, and he can be satisfied.

He is definitely past boiling point and has consciously made it, things cannot burn and they will taste good, Crisje, and you will enjoy them.

He is placing you before divine spices!

Who would like a bite to eat like that, Jeus?

It is great, definitely worthwhile.

Full marks from Casje!

So when you pray to a statue like that, you are praying to a piece of stone.

Why should he not pray directly to the real Lord, why do you need a piece of stone for that?

He will then be praying to Our Lord in real life and you do not need a doll like that for it.

That is all right for the poor, for those who cannot think.

You can pray everywhere.

Why do those adults need a doll like that in order to pray?

Mother says: Our Lord is there.

Of course, but the real one is not there!

The real one, He lives in heaven.

Hooray, mother, I’ve worked it out!

Crisje has her statues, and he has the real Our Lord.

Did you think that, Jeus?

Did you think that Crisje was like that?

You will hear sometime.

Father is dead and father is alive, but that dying is stuff and nonsense!

The statues of Our Lord are imitation!

A statue that you have been given cannot be broken, a fact remains a fact, and that kind-heartedness is there!

And that is from father!

Mother does not need to struggle, to worry, that of father is still there!

Crisje, now you will hear something.

Just prepare yourself, he will checkmate you.

He now knows, everything is different.

However, you must start to see it differently yourself.

If you see the other thing, it will live, father and José as well!

‘Casje!!

Casje!!! ... I’ve worked it out!’

Casje does not make himself heard.

Names lie in the grave and rot away, because they belong to this world, but that other one, the real one, is with Our Lord, where everything is real and remains alive.

Father is now no longer called Roelofse; he has a different name there.

Our Lord also has a different name there, but people do not yet know that.

And he does not need to know that now.

The main thing is, he knows all about the other thing.

And what is now the nicest part?

Those stone statues or the ‘air’ in which Our Lord lives and father is?

That air, that heaven where father is, is worth a thousand times more to him than all this from the world, which means nothing.

But if you are bad, then you will go to hell and if you are good, then you will go to a heaven.

It is clear; he can understand and accept it just like that.

Crisje will get to hear it.

Peter and Jan Knie’p also live there.

They were good people.

And good people go to Mary, Joseph and Our Lord.

And those statues remain behind, they cannot rot, but they will break some day!

He is bursting from excitement, but everything is well, he has made it!

Uncle Jan blew his whistle and now he could leave.

Fanny now gets to hear it first.

“Just be quiet, Fanny.

I know.

I will never do it again.

I forgot about you, but that was necessary, Fanny, urgently necessary, or we would both have been destroyed, Fanny, completely destroyed.

What would you have had to say then?

Come on, we will go to mother.

Let your heart be content now, Fanny.”

Now that life also gets peace.

Fanny understands it, but this life was completely lost to him for a while.

Now Fanny can count on him again.

Jeus puts this life back on its own paws and knows that it is good and necessary!

Then they are standing in front of Crisje and the fight for life and death can begin.

Jeus asks: “Mother, do you have a moment for me?”

“What is it, Jeus?”

She sees that his eyes are gleaming and he has something special.

She must accept that a sage was born and she listens carefully, she feels something, her life is also open and aware.

However, when he intends to knock Crisje away from her Lord and the church, he gets to hear from her:

“I will tell you something, Jeus.

If you had asked me yesterday evening all the things you have just told me, then I would have told you that immediately.”

“You know all of that, mother?

Are you trying to tell me that you know that?”

“Of course”, Crisje utters consciously but dryly, and he cannot understand it.

He has been worried sick.

Then he asks:

“But what do you know then, mother?”

“What I know, you still ask?

I can tell you just like that.

And you want to know that?”

“Yes, I want to know that.

But those things are only things?

They are stone statues, no more than that.”

“Yes, that is true, Jeus.

They are stone statues, no more than that.”

Isn’t that something, Jeus?

Crisje agrees with you, she actually knows.

Now what?

He already says:

“But why, mother, did you make such a fuss about those stone things?

Are you now trying to kid me then that this is not Our Lord?”

“That is Our Lord and that is not Our Lord, Jeus.”

He thinks quickly, it is also Our Lord for himself and it is not Our Lord.

Crisje must not think now that she already has him.

When he now says, she knows:

“Of course not, mother, but you were still in a bad way, after all.

You were afraid anyway, weren’t you?”

And Crisje also has her words ready now, when she tells him:

“That is true, but not so afraid as you think.

That was something completely different for me.”

He thinks for a moment and says: “And did you think, mother, that Our Lord would punish you then, because the statues fell and broke?”

“He will not beat you, Jeus, but it is the action itself!”

“What does that mean now, mother?”

“That we people must have respect for sacred matters.”

That strikes home, Jeus and he feels it, Crisje is not thrown off balance so quickly, an awful lot is needed for that.

However, he has not finished yet, the fight continues.

He can now say:

“I understand, mother.

We should not have had an argument there.”

Crisje now continues quickly, it does not interest her a jot, where is that lad leading her?

She wants to put an end to it.

“That’s it, Jeus, it is that arguing.

You must not argue in holy places.

Or you are violating sacred matters, and then we are in league with the devil and the punishments begin.”

“And you were afraid of that, mother?”

“Of course!”

“And, mother”, Crisje, now it will come, you are not finished yet, ”did you also want to pray for that day and night?”

“Yes, to make up for you and Gerrit’s behaviour.”

He hits out, and Crisje hits back.

Both blows strike home, but the downside is still to come.

“To make up for my behaviour and Gerrit’s, you say, mother?”

“To ask for forgiveness for you, Jeus!”

“To Our Lord, mother?

And for us, for me and Gerrit?”

“Yes, for you and Gerrit.”

He wants to know what she is getting at, to know more about her in order to attack Crisje right in her soul, and to give her a final blow.

Slowly but surely that moment comes.

He now says:

“But that statue, mother, that is not really Our Lord, is it?”

“What did you say?”

And when he thinks that Crisje has already been felled, he is mistaken again when she continues, dryly but aware and clear.

“That is a statue of Our Lord, Jeus, but a means of reaching His own personality and then you can pray.”

That is good, Jeus.

You did not expect that.

But he also knows that and says:

“And if you go immediately to the real Lord, mother, to pray?”

Now Crisje has to think.

But what does that lad want to know from her?

And then she says:

“Oh ... oh, I now know what you mean, but that is your own business”, Jeus feels that Crisje really agrees with him on everything but still keeps her own opinion to avoid the question, and does not give the answer he wants, which is the main point.

“Can you pray directly to Our Lord, mother?” ... he now says and explores his position.

Slowly but surely he gets Crisje away from her faith, at least he thinks he can, he beats at her soul and bliss when he says:

“Are you trying to tell me, mother, that what was a big lie to you yesterday, that that is now the truth?”

Crisje flares up and answers him: “What?

Are you trying to make me out to be a liar?”

He now thinks for a moment, but that does not take that long, “but no one can make any sense any more of you, mother.

You talk with two tongues”, and that is too much for Crisje.

However, she changes her mind, and remains calm, it is now necessary to avoid the danger.

“Of course you can do that.

It is all possible, Jeus.

But the church is now our support”, Jeus does not know any more, and replies:

“I know that as well, mother, but a statue is a statue and that is just a doll anyway, and my father is also a doll’... Crisje flies at him, because this is too much.

“Are you trying to tell me now and kid me, that your father is a doll?”

“Yes, he is, mother.

The one that is lying in his grave is a doll.

But that other one is not a doll, of course.”

He looks her in the eye and follows Crisje.

Crisje is busy preparing dinner, she runs back and forth, and Fanny is sitting nicely in a chair, listening.

The children are outside, as the fight continues.

Without interruptions.

Crisje now avoids a dangerous rock, but Crisje is a captain of unprecedented strength on this ship and is not afraid of any little storm.

But this life is storming from another direction and she does not know that wind so well, it is new to her life and being.

And now that she has not arrived yet, she must look at her sails for a moment, this reaches her life.

“Yes, mother, that is what I mean.

That other one is with Our Lord and that is my own father.

But that other one is now lying stinking in the ground”... this is a shock to Crisje, but it is what Jeus has learned and means something as well, just look at mother.

Crisje becomes red and white at the same time, isn’t that something?

It would give you a heart attack, it turns your life upside down, you shake and tremble from it, because it concerns your love, everything.

She does not know, is father ... no, it is bad!

Where does he get those words and thoughts?

She is filled with sorrow.

She stands in front of the stove stirring the soup, Jeus sees she is fiddling about, but is not achieving anything.

She has become silent, however, Jeus is talking about sacred truths.

Is that not the case?

You are lying there dying, but what does all this mean?

Now he feels her, he understands that he should have said it differently, he does not dare to tell everything that comes from Casje to adults, he softens the blow for her:

“Yes, mother, that is what I mean.

That other one is with Our Lord and you will see him again, won’t you?

He can play the violin, he can laugh as well, but the one that lies in his grave has nothing more to say, he is ...” He wanted to say, destroyed, however, he says: “Dead, dead, mother, and that is all”

Crisje quickly follows him and says:

“That is true, Jeus, of course.

If Our Lord was not alive, then there would be nothing, but He is everything!”

He now feels that Crisje will not give in.

And they do not understand that they are really on the same path, are defending the same holy thing, wishing to experience it, and also willing to die for it if they have to.

But that will only come later and they will get peace, they will each know then what the other one is made of, then Our Lord will be in their midst and HE will be released from a stone statue like that, which Jeus fights for and has worried about.

Nevertheless, he drives Crisje to the extreme when he says to her:

“But why, mother, do you want to pray to stone statues then, if you also have Our real Lord?”

Then Crisje loses her grip; it is as if she has been stung, “what are you trying to say now?”

“I just wanted to ask you, mother ...”, but he suddenly sees a very different possibility in order to get her and says:

“Do you still love father just as much as when father was here and took care of us?”

Crisje wonders where that boy is trying to lead her, she does not understand him, and is faced with riddles.

She sees her church, she prays in it, she goes to communion, she sees life and also death, her Tall One in the coffin, and she feels her inner sorrow and her mighty love from then, however, now she hears that she is being questioned by a child of hers, and that child is like a judge.

It takes her to Jerusalem, a child was also occupied there with analysing the adult, but this is her Jeus.

Now that she thinks of those times, she feels, as it were, the crown of thorns on her own head and HIM, who died there and who was cheated there, but they were heathens and Pharisees!

She also wanders through Gethsemané for a moment, has a rest, senses what all this means for the world and her life and is calm again.

She has her grip back, even if she has to admit to Jeus that she now sees another Tall One back, who is eternal, who lives, who will love her for eternity, Crisje calmly replies:

“Of course, that is a good one”... however, Jeus is becoming dangerous!

Those holy statues, she now knows for certain, have beaten a big hole in his soul.

He is now occupied, that is very evident, with putting her in that hole and closing it with her life and that with a certainty which makes her tremble and shake, and which has never been spoken about before!

She knows for certain, Father would say: ‘Jeus is possessed by a devil’, but that cannot be true, her Tall One is also standing watching and he did not want anything to do with devils, the Tall One would laugh right in her face and say: ‘Cris, Cris, don’t make me laugh!’

It’s taking too long for Jeus to answer, till finally:

“Listen then, mother.

Why do you not go to father’s grave to pray there?” that is something for which she immediately has an answer:

“What do you want from me?

I am not so crazy either, you should know that.”

Meanwhile she puts the dinner on the table, but he wants everything straightened out before he leaves for Anneke and Jan’s.

Now she hears:

“If you did not know, mother, that father was somewhere else, then you would do what all those people do, who are mad and pray until they drop at the graveside, but there is nothing there, is there?”

“I know that” ... comes from Crisje ... and he can say:

“If father is up there, mother, then you have no reason any more to be there.”

Crisje now thinks, but he is already prepared for the blow, for her soul, life, and spirit.

She asks: “In other words?”... the blow follows:

“Then I do not need any church or any grave to pray, mother.”

From the shock, Crisje lets a potato drop from her mouth, but she already reacts:

“What did you just say to me ...?

What did you say, Jeus?”

“Now there is no need to Jeus me, mother!

I will not go to Our Lord in the church any more, but I will go to the Other One, straight to Him.

I no longer need a church now!”

And as if that was not enough for Crisje, he now adds: “From now on I will no longer go to confession either, mother.

If there is something to confess then I do not need a priest.

I will confess directly to Our Lord and I do not need a church, just as long as you know that, and this is something I wanted to tell you.”

Crisje has received the final blow.

She has lost.

But if her children no longer go to church, there will be gossip and they will be regarded as heathens.

That must not happen!

When she has something else to tell him, which is now not possible, because the children are coming in, she says to him:

“Come here, Jeus, or no!

We will talk to each other this evening”... that is the moment for him to reflect and he can leave.

“Come, Fanny, we will go to Jan and Anneke’s.”

He is gone.

The whole inhuman problem falls away from him.

Suddenly, he is an ordinary child, has become a boy who plays, and wants to romp with his dog, however, he knows a grave is a grave, a church is a church and father’s grave is, even if he does not yet understand everything: round, long, also wide and high.

In there you go to the left and to the right and then?

Is that so?

Then you can see José, also Peter, and father!

Now that he has told them almost everything and Jan knows what is worrying him, he asks:

“And what did mother say, Jeus?”

“Mother must talk to me this evening, Jan.”

“So, is that the case?”

“Yes, Jan, but I already know.

That is for Miets and Teun, isn’t it, our children.

But that is not for me.”

“Did you work that out today, Jeus?”

“Yes, Jan.”

“So how did you work it out?”

“Casje helped me, I think.”

“Casje, you say, that Casje Brunning?”

“No, not that one.

Don’t make me laugh.

But I do not know yet what I will call him, Jan.”

“Who is that, Jeus?”

“I do not know yet, but he spoke to me himself.”

Jan already feels that they will get to hear something special and he quickly asks: “And where is he then, Jeus?”

“He is in my body, Jan.”

“Where?”

“Here!”... Jeus points to his solar plexus and Jan begins to understand some of it; the contact for Jeus now lives there!

“And can you hear him as well?”

“Just like we are talking to each other, Jan.”

“And then you worked it out?”

“Now I know, Jan.

I know that I will never go to confession again with Father.

I will go directly to Our Lord.”

Jan is trembling with joy.

However, he asks: “But what about the church then, Jeus?”

“The church, the church is exactly the same as the people who think that they are dead and still live.

The people, who pray at the graveyard, must go to the church to confess as well.

But the people who have Our Lord up there, do not need the church any more, do they!”

“But what about Father then, Jeus?”

“I do not need him, I tell you!

I can pray to Our real Lord.”

“And your father then?”

“He looks Our Lord straight in the face, Anneke!”

“I can understand, Jeus.”

“And your mother, what did mother say, Jeus?”

“Mother’s church is different, Jan.

Mother is right as well.

But so am I!”

“Why, Jeus, are you right and your mother as well?”

“Because I can understand mother.

Mother can say nothing about this.

But mother already told me so long ago, that is for the people who need a church, but if you want to pray, you can also go to Our Lord himself.

But that is further from home.

Mother remains here close by home.

And I will now go further from home, but that is my own business, mother said.

But I will go to father and José.”

Now that he has taken off again, Jan and Anneke manage to have a lovely conversation.

What a boy, it is unbelievable, but it is true.

“What did I tell you, Jan?”

“You are right, Anneke.

I know now.

But what a pity.”

“How a pity, Jan?”

“No, I am mistaken, Anneke.

He will make it of his own accord.

I do not find anything a pity for him any more, but through those statues of ours, he has released Our Lord from the stone statues!

And what he will release in his life, good gracious me, I certainly want to read those books!”

And that is the way it is, Jan.

Jeus has now already released Our Lord from the piece of stone under which millions of people suffer and worship Him!

Jeus has given you the ‘living God’!

And this consciousness no longer needs a piece of stone to pray through, in order to seek God; Jeus does that directly to the Divine pure clarity.

If you have to loose a child, Jan, which is not dying for you, but a continuance, it is evolution!

You cannot keep her, after all, by praying.

She must, this soul then, go further, further and further, in order to go back to her God!

Kneeling down at a grave and crying until your tears run dry does not help you at all.

Jeus has now already discovered that for himself and this humanity, he has fought for it, but it is the case!

And this is not nearly everything, Jan.

You should hear him later sometime!

Then, you will see another Casje!

Just say now that Jeus is a heretic; then you are one yourself as well.

Father is also a heretic then!

Is this a devilish carry-on, Jan?

Is Jeus of mother Crisje still possessed by a devil?

However, I would rather have that one.

Many have got to know this devil and have liked him, the Grim Reaper as well!

He is now no longer here!

This, Jan, is the universal truth!

Now that the boys have gone to bed, Jeus and Crisje are sitting opposite each other, and Crisje begins.

“That is all very well, Jeus, you can understand that, but the children do not understand that.”

Now he knows that he has already sensed her beforehand, and he can answer her:

“And did you think, mother, that I did not think of that?

Did you think, mother that I would keep those whippersnappers, those poor souls that they are, from the church?

That I would bang them out of church?

Did you think that I would take on those worries and want to have them?

I will tell you something else, mother.

If Father has come this far”, and now Crisje gets everything back from him, anyway, “if he has taught them everything, mother, then I could begin and take charge of them.”

What do you say to that, Crisje?

Isn’t that something?

Is this what you were expecting?

But there is uttered:

“You can wait with that for the moment.”

“That’s true, mother, but it will come!

When they begin to think, then I will take responsibility for them and then I will have something to say, and I can begin.”

Crisje can now say from the bottom of her heart: “Then I am satisfied, Jeus, and I have no worries.

Then I have nothing to say, and you must decide for yourself what you do.”

“Are you no longer afraid for me then, mother?”

“No, not for you, or for myself, but I am afraid for the children.”

“Our children, mother”, Crisje is already laughing again, “will make it as well!

Our Lord is up there.

And he is the one I must have; I can talk to him.

He answers me and no stone statues can do that,” this is the last little shove that Crisje receives, Jeus continues: “I do not need any priest for that”, that is the rest and at the same time the exclamation mark for him and her, but it will be a new sentence, when Crisje asks:

“Will you no longer go to confession then, Jeus?”

He thinks: ‘How is it possible.

Does mother still not know that now?’

He now says to her: “I confess every day, mother.”

“Every day.

Are you trying to tell me that you go to the church every day?”

He understands it:

Crisje does not understand everything, he says: “I am already confessing now, mother,” it gets through to her life, but it is quite enough now.

He gets to hear:

“I am going to sleep, Jeus, good night.”

“Sleep well, mother.”

Crisje has to think seriously about this.

Jeus is right.

Only he is going too far.

He has become extremely old, she does not know him any more.

It is true, God is not a stone statue, Our Lord is up there, and you can confess as well.

However, Crisje, people of eighty and older only have that stone statue.

Do you not know that?

Jeus also thinks for those people and they are also children of Our Lord and have to become loose from that piece of stone!

Our Lord lives everywhere!

There is now no more to it, now just go to sleep!

Jeus continues thinking.

So who is right now?

He or Crisje?

Who is more certain?

Crisje or him?

The church, he feels, is for Crisje, but he has space !

And he does not wish to miss that space for a church.

He is not afraid, if he does his best, nothing wrong can happen to him.

He has come this far after all.

So, Jeus, did you think that?

Did you really think that you could have done this on your own?

It is Casje!

It is your former ‘Tall One’, Jeus!

He wants you to learn to think for later!

People do not think.

They let another person think for them and that is wrong!

They are too lazy and too unaware for it!

They flatly refuse!

Your former ‘Tall One’, Jeus, who is now called Casje, keeps coming back to your life in a different form.

Now he is called Casje, and he is happy with it, and is your new contact.

There is no more to it, but because of this, you will learn to think!

Later, Jeus, you will get to know your ‘Tall One’ better, but then you will write books, for Jan and for the whole of this humanity!

Casje will then build a University for this humanity.

Through you, Jeus, through your soul, your spirit and your life!

He is busy making a Socrates out of you, but one who will be cosmically aware.

When your ‘Tall One’ still lived on earth, he did something for this humanity and it is as a result of this that Our Lord said: ‘That was great, now I will give you something better’, and what is now exactly through which you will learn, but which is wisdom and will be for millions of people, also the children of HIM ...!

Slowly but surely, Jeus, Casje now makes an ‘instrument’ of your life, your soul and spirit, but it is he who is now strumming!

And behind him stand those who know even better and only much later Our Lord Himself.

But whether Our Lord Himself will strum through your life to HIS children, is completely up to yourself, and is in no one’s hands.

You will have to bleed for it, Jeus, because that is what it will take!

Jeus heard talking within himself, but through clear hearing!

Jeus is clairaudient and clairvoyant!

He also disembodies and those ancient Egyptians now could do that really well, Jan Lemmekus, but Jeus can do it even better.

But through Casje.

It is he who frees him from his material systems!

Then Jeus can fly, make journeys with Jose, but later precisely with Casje, the laws of Our Lord will be explained to your life, and Casje knows everything, everything about it!

This ‘instrument’ for Casje, Jan, will then become a spiritual ‘Harp’!

Have you not seen his ‘Harp’ yet?

Jan?

The God of all life now already sees that everything is good.

Jeus does not yet feel that he is giving lessons to people, but that is what it is.

Jan knows, Anneke and Mina do too, and of course, Crisje.

The rest of life in the ‘Achterhoek’ of Gelderland recoils from it and calls it devil’s work.

In this ‘Achterhoek’ Jeus is not noticeable.

The town will also certainly not welcome him with open arms later, it is not yet at that stage, but for which Casje has to lay the first foundations.

Jeus may therefore learn nothing of the world, because that is just old sawdust and his machine cannot run on it, it ruins the insides, and is now smothering the life!

However, Casje will take care of that, he is that other inspiration, he is his contact with everything.

This is called feeling, but will become a supernatural gift, they are the spiritual gifts for Jeus, through which Casje talks, and materialises himself.

It is no more than that!

It concerns Casje and along with him millions of angels in the heavens, to knock the Grim Reaper’s crown from his head.

Only then will Casje begin with the Divine laws and will Jeus of mother Crisje get hold of the prophetship, but it is Casje.

And did they talk differently in earlier years?

Were these contacts different then?

No, exactly the same, but just feel, just feel now what is going on in your life, your soul, your spirit?

I will be proved right yet!

But do not put your own head in a human hole, do not bury your head in the sand then ... because it now concerns your possessions, and your eternal happiness as well, your knowledge!

If you feel what it is about, you will understand that the Grim Reaper will spoil your life and that it is he, who has to be destroyed, he has been waving his sceptre for millions of years, but as a result of which you as a person are gasping for your last breath!

Therefore, just knock the Grim Reaper’s obsolete crown from his head!

Our Lord will reward you for it!

And that is the case, he has to be destroyed!

Because he is the one who has spoiled your life, has misformed it.

He lets you scream and gave you suffering and sorrow, he lets you see his rotting, he takes you along in his rotten sympathy and beats you, from all sides, right in your face, however, he cannot touch you, or sully you, or take away your love, if you call him to the universal halt and can accept the truth!

If you cannot or do not want to do that.

Then just carry on mourning, just destroy yourself then, torture yourself day and night.

Just succumb, no angel feels sorry for you, that sorrow of yours means nothing!

Nothing!

And is something completely different!

Is it harsh?

Nevertheless, it is the truth!

You are and will now remain completely blind!

But, hooray, Jeus, the Grim Reaper will go under!

Whether people believe you or not, he will go under!

Jeus knows, father, Peter, Jan Knie’p, José also and many other acquaintances from the ‘Achterhoek’ live ‘behind the coffin’.

He knows too, there are also those who live in a hell, and there are those who went to a heaven in order to work and continue life, but that is in your own hands.

Follow Jeus, he has your own contact in his hands and is the last word for today.

No one can add a question to it, because that is also in Casje’s hands and belongs to Our Lord.