A week is not an eternity, but a week has seven days and that is so many hours all over again, moreover, if you do not even allow yourself a second’s peace to get your breath back, then a week like that is extremely long and your life becomes stressed and finally, nervous, it is that which drives the human machine.

And you can prove what you have in you.

Now you are operating at full speed, but when you know why you are undergoing such high tension, and you keep yourself in the social goings-on, at all costs, nothing happens to the inner machine.

In addition, now you are able to make a decision at precarious moments.

But if that is not the case, then you are left staring in life and you get a hiding from the strange life, whether you swallow it or not, or you take off as a decent person.

Phenomena now occur which consciously break down the personality and you are faced with such a material-human or inner decision.

You must show what you want.

And if you wish, eventually that is the point, to look a person right in the eye but still carry out your own will,, and experience deeper feelings, that is also the case, and show as a person that you are not ungrateful, it is obvious that you have to think seriously.

You have to weigh up or you will create new troubles which you just cannot have now, because life gives you enough to bear!

Jeus is left with the pieces, with this misery.

He is racking his brains, but he has almost worked it out.

A force has entered him; it is just like talking.

It says:

‘Go, go to Emmerik, Jeus.’

And then a while later: ‘Go, just go!

Just take off, Jeus!’

Sometimes the force is so bad, that he has to swallow inwardly, and then he is standing retching, also inside again ...

You would want to give yourself a hiding, he thinks.

Then he suddenly knew it almost and he also nearly gave himself a hiding inwardly, but he now has to accept, that this arguing with himself is not so easy, he could not even touch himself inside and this also became a new problem for his life.

Then he thought: ‘Is there then nothing in this world, as a result of which you can give yourself a good shaking?’

Yes, he knows very well, that ‘from outside’ is very easy.

But from inside, that’s it!

And then he had almost reached a decision.

Almost, and then he continued; it concerned Jan Lemmekus and Antoon van Bree.

Even if what you do is miserable and brings you trouble, even if that work sucks the blood from under your fingernails, you suffer from a stinking atmosphere, so that you would be better to breathe in the healthy animal smell of a pig or the healthy animal smell of a beaver, than this breathtaking stinking smell of a dead body in the combing area, you do not walk away just like that.

You have to think about it!

Jeus has been thinking this week.

He has discovered how he can give himself a hiding inside, and that strikes home as well.

He now knows.

The decision has been made!

However, what this has cost him is terrible, but he does not talk to anyone about that.

Then it is Monday morning again.

This week has passed.

It is as if centuries have gone by, and yet, it was just a week.

Only a small thing, if you live to sixty or older and life can give you something.

He now definitely knows it.

If there is one who puts a foot out to him, it will happen and is now, for ‘from inside’, the hiding for himself!

It will happen, Jeus, it will take place!

The men ask him again to fetch jenever.

And there is one who puts out his foot or a leg to him, but he does not accept that and it is exactly enough to carry out the intended decision.

He gets his things together, races to the sawmill, talks for a moment with Jan, and gets what he asks for.

A while later he is standing outside the gate of the brush factory, with a new life as well, and the worrying of this week is over.

But another worry has now started.

Half an hour later he is sitting in the Zutphen-Emmerik tram.

He just has to get used to it.

Father always used to go in this tram to Emmerik,

And Johan still does it, but he is now also in the game.

Now he has to think of the damage of this week, because there is damage, of course.

He has to take home money on Saturday or they will not have anything to eat and he will not be a good father for his children.

He gets out at the Hutteweg.

Now straight to Van Gimborn, he can walk a bit.

A walk of less than a quarter of an hour like that is nothing.

But that tram as well.

Why does that horrible thing have to go precisely another way?

However, the boys told him, get out here and then just walk.

But there is Van Gimborn.

The doorkeeper is there.

“What do you want, little man?”

“I want to work, sir.”

“Where have you worked, my dear boy?”

“At the brush factory, sir.”

“Oh!

That is nothing, my young man.

Who is going to work there?

I ... will try and see.

Do you have thoughts?”

“What do you mean, sir?”

“I mean, my young man, where do you want to work?”

Now he understands.

Is that – thoughts?

And he adds quickly:

“In the liquorice, sir.”

“Oh, in that liquorice?

That is really good.

Wait a moment, my dear boy.”

He waits.

What a good person that is, he has already decided for himself.

And he also likes that ‘my dear boy’.

It does not sound so bad, it smells nice here.

A very different thing to that stinking brush factory.

He already smells the liquorice; he wants to work there.

And then he will no longer be sick.

You can eat as much as you like.

If that man can only use him or he will be in trouble.

There is the doorkeeper.

Can he work?

Yes, thank God.

It is written on that face.

And that is the case.

“Come with me, my dear boy.

We need someone.”

He shuffles along behind the man.

He has been saved from a lot of misery.

He sees piles of liquorice and his tongue ‘is hanging out’.

Soon he will eat until he bursts.

You may not take any with you.

Then you will be out of here immediately.

Really, it is leading to the ... What did that man say again?

‘Sapf’!

That is liquorice!

He knows.

He has learned a new word and now he must listen for a moment.

“You can earn money here, my dear boy.

The faster you are, so to speak, the more money you have in your pocket.

Everything works here with a contract.

Do you know what a contract is?”

“Yes, sir, I know.”

“Oh?

That is your place here.

There lay big pieces of liquorice.

The boys will teach you everything.

For every board, the boys get seven Pfennig.

And now to work.”

The boy next to him tells him approximately how he must work.

The grey slabs of liquorice are lying there and he must smooth them out ...

It is just polishing, he sees.

What Jan does with the brushes, he now has to prepare for the liquorice.

Isn’t that something, Jan?

Behind him, he sees a big shed and it is extremely hot in there, but it is made clear to him that is to allow the smoothed pieces to dry.

Suddenly he knows everything.

And the work is a hundred times better than in the combing area.

He does not understand why he did not leave for Emmerik sooner.

Now that he has a little time to think, he knows that he could not just leave Fanny like that.

Now Fanny is being taken care of.

He has no worries any more, it came exactly in time.

At that long table, where about eight boys work, the pot with hot stuff is standing boiling, but he gets the hurdles on which the pieces have to lie out of his cupboard, then he can start.

The pot with stuff and a broad brush are now his tools.

Which is a very different matter compared to a spade and a big basket.

And his boss is also different.

That man will not shout.

He is received here, honestly, very differently.

That ‘dear boy’ gets you.

And with that ‘understood’ his old boss can drop dead.

He can probably learn something here.

Now he must have time to think.

Those hurdles are lying six high in that hothouse.

And that ... a certain number next to each other is one hundred and twenty-four.

Six high and six under.

Yes, that is right and if you smooth down a cupboard like that, you will get, I will have earned, mother ... one mark forty pfennig, now that is, something completely different to one guilder and fifty cents, because I will manage more than one of those cupboards in a week and you can count it out.

He was now ready to start.

He sees that that boy there is fast and earns the most money, of course.

But with him you hear nothing else but ... whiz, whiz and then a piece like that is ready; he sees that a piece like that is at least a thousand times bigger than a small bit out of those boxes.

But just look at those other lads.

They take longer.

They smooth three, four times over a piece like that, and then it is probably not yet okay.

That is wasting time!

How much do the fastest earn here, he wants to know.

It is Albert.

And he is sixteen years old.

Jeus has just left school.

The others cannot do it so fast.

But can those others think then?

He has a wage of five marks a week here, that is therefore fifty cents more than in the combing area.

Mother must let him bring food, and he has to take the tram.

How much is that for a week?

Eighty-five cents has to be deducted, which is no use to you but he will now make up for it with the contract work.

He has already eaten less than half an ounce of liquorice and that stuff tastes good.

It is also something special that you do not become ill.

And in a year, that is a load of extra earnings.

A doctor like that easily has, if that man comes a lot, as much as ...?

Yes, but that is no longer possible, he must think of his work.

Three guilders a week and a lot of nice things to eat as well!

You do not believe it, it is the pure truth.

If you take any of it, you have to leave and that must not happen.

There are enough that have already been kicked out of here.

Not me!

And you must not slack here either.

We do not need lazybones here.

But those krauts can do it!

You should see how Albert does it.

It would make your mouth water.

But that can be learned.

He will manage as much as twelve marks.

You can make as much as nine marks here, if you just work.

Jeus sees he will get the chance here to earn something and show what he can do.

Ten marks are some six guilders, mother can buy everything for it, and all the misery will be gone.

Now his household is back on track and mother can laugh again to her heart’s content, which you now no longer see from her.

It is always the same.

Misery destroys your life.

He already knows that you must not destroy the contract here or you will work for the boss until you drop, and they do not do that.

They get round it, work to the limit, but also make sure that the boss cannot take off anything.

There were people who broke the contract and then some money was taken off and the others could ‘slave’, plod away until they dropped, because there was one who could do better and wanted to earn money.

And he hears that from the boy next to him

But does he not feel that he also wants to earn money and that he has worries?

Those boys are only thinking of themselves.

Do they not have a household to take care of then?

Probably not or they would not tell him such nonsense.

After half an hour he now hears:

“Why do you want to work so fast?”

“Me?”... he now starts saying immediately but in German.

“I want to earn money.”

“Oh, but so fast.

You have been here five minutes.”

“That is all very well”, he had wanted to say in dialect, but he sticks his German to it now that kraut starts laughing, and he utters: “I am not here to catch flies, am I?”

He is tickling a bit inside, because he felt that it did not sound so rotten after all.

And then that German boy follows with:

“But so fast?” ... says Willy.

A nice name, by the way, Jeus thinks.

But it really bothers him.

That nonsense from that kraut does not mean a thing to him.

He has to work.

And a while later Willy says:

“You can work!”

The boss is suddenly standing behind him or he would have said something different.

However, the boss gives him something else to hear and that is like music to his ears, when he may accept:

“You can earn money.

I mean, and I already see that it is going fine, my dear boy.

Go on.”

“Yes, boss, of course.

I will make sure of it”, he utters in dialect and thinks as well that he should have said this differently.

He is now in the world.

The dialect is okay for at home.

Not here, he does not want them to laugh at him.

The boss is also interested in his language and answers him:

“Oh well, this is how you say it.

Isn’t it?

That is right.

Go on, my dear boy.”

He looks at his boss walking away.

It is now clear to him that the ‘my dear boy’ is somewhat of a cheat.

But that is that man’s business.

Three hurdles are already lying in the cupboard and can dry.

Soon the other side will come and at the end of the day, he must have that amount already delivered, which is written down and calculated on Saturdays and he will get his money.

Willy sees that Jeus is fast.

And very clever with his hands.

And he has been able to ascertain that that same Willy does not have any brains.

He cannot think, or, has that boy just arrived here?

“How long have you been here, Willy?” he asks.

“Me?

Six weeks!”

“So”, he utters dryly, but he thinks: then you are a dope!

He has seen it; Willy is all fingers and thumbs.

And how old is that life?”

“I am fifteen years old.”

“Oh.

I have just left school”, he can say and this does not sound bad either.

He is learning German as well.

“You are called Jozef, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but I am also called Jeus!”

How strange that Jozef sounds.

It is funny.

He has not yet heard it in his life that they called him Jozef.

It is as if it’s ‘pea soup’!

But also something sacred, and you cannot eat from that.

He does not even like pea soup.

Willy is a nice name.

He should have known that a few weeks ago, then Casje would have been called Willy and not Casje.

However, Willy is German.

And Casje is his own.

No, it will remain Casje.

However, does Casje know where he is now?

Good, Casje can tell him more, but he cannot find him; of course, he should have left his address behind.

But was that possible?

He should have discussed it with Casje.

Now Casje knows nothing about him, and, he has no time for gossiping.

He does not want to make a kraut out of Casje.

No, that is nothing ... But now to work.

Albert can do it!

What are those other boys called?

That one there is called Kurt.

Kurt?

Kurt?

He feels the word, but when felt properly, that whole life is spit out again, it is just like mud!

It is gall!

You will die from a name like that.

No, it gives you the creeps.

Okay for Theet Aanse or for ...

No, in their neighbourhood there are no boys to whom he would give such a name.

All of them deserve something else.

Just give me the name ‘Jeus’!

Kurt?

It is enough to die laughing from.

And that one there?

That is Frans!

Frans, not so bad.

A nice name, but everyone is called Frans.

And then that other one?

He is called Ernst!

Ernst, that is true, Peter Smadel also had a son called Ernst.

A nice name, by the way, very nice!

Peter’s Ernst was a good singer and was in the choir with father, in the ‘quartet’.

And that other one?

The rest look at him in a penetrating way and he does not want to have anything to do with it.

That will be for tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

But that other one is called: Ludwich ...

That would suffocate you, he thinks.

Who is called ... what was he called again?

‘Ludwich’!

‘Lüdwich’, you say?

“No, Jozef, that is called Ludwich!”

“Oh?”

“Such as ‘unter uns’ ... and ‘unter der Brücke’”

Oh, he knows now, that is called under the bridge but he refuses flatly to crawl under a bridge for a Ludwich, because that it is, after all.

The rest can drop dead!

Ludwich?

Even worse than pig’s dirt.

Even worse, you can drop dead.

I want to work!

He knows.

There is no order in Willy’s head.

And he ascertains that because Willy asks him something, what he had already told him just a moment ago.

Did he not say:

‘I have just finished school, Willy’? But he has already forgotten that.

And when he then follows with ‘oh’ again, he knows the whole machine and the inner life within completely, and to him the personality is on its last gasp.

However, fair is fair, those krauts have lovely names, after all.

It is something completely different from Klaas and Pete at home.

Even if that Ludwich is a tongue twister, there is a nice sound to it anyway and it is that, or he would throw that life to the pigs.

But is that allowed, Jeus?

They like the name Jozef here.

Say it again.

Beautiful, but with much of that first added.

The way he says beautiful is like bread pudding with currants.

It sounds so good!

Jozef, yes, from now on it will remain Jozef!

He starts to learn German and mumbles to himself, but Willy overhears:

“I am a person, the brains have to work and do not want to.

They do not want what you want”, and Willy asks:

“What’s the matter with the brains, Jozef?”

“Nothing”, he immediately answers, “I am talking to myself!

Understood?”

Is that not lovely?

It is good and he will not lose it, he will never ever forget that word again.

Just get lost, Lumwald.

It is a thousand times better for me here.

And now that I am here, the people talk to me, but you are just a ... Dead loss!

I have to think for myself.

Carry on, the hurdles have to go.

If those sixty hurdles are finished, he thinks, he has more than enough and then he will take the other side to task.

Albert does it with a ‘whiz-whiz’.

And he wants to master that.

Lifting the hurdles must also take place more quickly.

Along with getting the hurdles out of the cupboard and carrying them.

You do it like that.

Just look at Albert, he knows.

He has to exceed those three guilders or he will be short this week, and that must not happen.

He will carry out each action and do it more quickly.

Quicker and quicker.

That is so many hours extra in a week, but also money.

Real money for food, drink, and nice things for Crisje, Miets and Teun.

It is strange, that he never keeps up with Hendrik or Gerrit.

However, little Hendrik is there as well and then little Gerrit will follow,

But he is no fun.

Oh, listen.

That is the whistle!

Just like at home, but it sounds different here, heavier and, of course, a completely different boiler house!

I need to think for a moment.

There is no money for the tram, but there are plenty of cyclists.

Yes, Aalte’s Hendrik will take him back.

He will be home before the Zutphen-Emmerik tram.

Now Crisje will get something nice to hear.

And, Crisje?

Isn’t that something?

As Jeus tells her:

“What I was dealing with today, mother, is called salty liquorice.

You know, that stuff for the whooping cough and if you have a runny nose, mother.

I can eat as much of it as I like.”

They know his drama and how he has changed his place in the world under his own strength.

Crisje now makes sure that he has his food flask in the afternoon, divided in two parts, with a nice stew on one side and porridge or something else on the other side, but with a piece of peppermint liquorice for pudding, now, good gracious, what more do you want?

The deliverer is no longer alive and Reintje was run over, but there are others who go to Emmerik to bring the men food, which costs twenty-five cents per week, and that can easily be missed.

He has now become an adult.

Crisje thinks it is great, he knows what he wants.

Even Johan must admit that it was a work of art.

Even if they earn ten guilders together, the household needs more, Crisje will not make it.

The land lease demands are standing before her life like a ghost.

Dozens of other things are urgently needed, but there is no money.

Without money, life is not worth a thing and aunt Trui is also in the same situation.

Where will they end up?

Bernard has to take care of himself, he has not yet made it, and he will only start earning in a few years time.

It is pitiful.

Soon they will be faced with charity, and that is the worst thing there is.

God Almighty!

It is scraping together some money every day.

Crisje really does not want to be helped by the municipality.

She would rather kill herself with working.

She cannot buy meat for the children.

And if Mientje Klarendaal, who owns the local grocery, did not give her something now and again, the children would not have had soup in a year, which they love so much.

Mientje keeps giving her something nice.

They have known each other since they were children and Crisje has been a customer there for years.

Mientje said:

‘If times are bad, Crisje, you must help each other.’

But who does that?

Mientje is a good person.

She is nice to Crisje and she has known Crisje since times were good.

She also really liked the Tall One and always admired his nice voice.

Jeus now puts the liquorice in the flask, and then the children at home will not be sick at least.

However, Crisje is afraid of that stealing.

Just imagine that he is thrown out.

Then what will happen to them?

On Saturday, he not only manages his wage from the combing but he exceeds it, he has even earned back his expenses.

Moreover, he gets quicker and quicker week after week.

He is almost earning eight marks a week, and that is a lot.

How did he manage that?

It is very simple.

He is working until he drops.

That is all!

True or not, four guilders a week is a lot for a boy, who is not yet thirteen years old.

If he wants to go higher now, and that is possible, he must take every action to task and balance it, calculate it completely.

Then the smallest actions of all must be finished quicker, because that is what does it!

That Albert is a bit ahead of him, but he will overtake him.

The boys are already furious.

The contract is becoming shaky, but all those boys can get the ‘droodles’.

One afternoon Jeus is having a lovely walk along the beautiful Rhine.

And strolled on to the ‘Kasstrasse’.

Life is good and a town like that is unforgettable.

He wandered along the great waters, for which he has sacred respect.

Then suddenly the krauts approached him, they wanted to give him a thrashing, he let the contract plummet.

Do they have to fight?

Just come on, but with five against one?

“You are destroying the contract.

Will you listen?

Yes, or no?”

“What do you want from me?

What can I do?”

After a pause, Jeus comes out with an emphatic: “No!”

Then the boys knew and there was a hiding.

They roll over the street.

But how good Our Lord is, after all.

His own boys from ’s-Heerenberg are coming.

They are now four against five.

And blows which strike home follow.

There are nose bleeds to be seen, and black eyes, some torn jackets.

And then there was a policeman in front of their noses, who did not approve of the rough-and-tumble.

The krauts look like battered chickens with a bad cold, he sees, but he has never seen anything like this in his life.

“That is a good one”, he calls to the German half.

“Really, it was my pleasure.”

He also experiences that he has learned an awful lot of words, and is not so stupid after all.

The krauts want to fight it out in the German woods, between Emmerik and ’s-Heerenberg, but they are not afraid of that either.

Just come; then you will see how the Dutch dung eaters can give a beating.

If only he could do those tricks of Jan Lemmekus, then he would have taken all of them on alone.

Do not forget it now, it can come in handy in this life.

One minute you are healthy and a while later you are lying in hospital.

But you won’t see me there!

Jeus knows it.

The rest of those lads have no brains.

For him, the whiz-whiz has not gone.

They now know what kind of match he is, but those little machines go forwards while going backwards.

His machine is working, Casje.

However, he does not get to see either José or Casje now.

But that is not necessary either, he has to work.

They are hungry at home.

He is now no longer open to higher thoughts.

And what are high and low, left and right, actually?

There is only a forward here and nothing else!

Thinking, Jeus now experiences, is a great sport.

And you can achieve something with it.

He can now say: ‘Anyone who does not think is a dope and will not achieve anything in life.’

Why do people not think, better, faster, in one particular direction?

Then just look at Jeus of mother Crisje.

You can learn from him, and then there is still nonsense about a stupid contract?

It will become your purest psychology here, Casje.

Socrates and Pluto would be jealous of it; it is so stimulating.

They are just like the nice sounds of Bach and you can also see the brush strokes of Rembrandt in it, the balancing of a tight-rope dancer, a little calculation therefore, which brings money into the house and for which you can buy something as well, which is what it is really about.

You, Casje, understand, of course, because this is also creating!

Jeus gets out of it what he can.

He has only one objective, Crisje and his children will have food to eat and Tall Hendrik can be satisfied.

Our Lord as well.

And anyone who is interested in this will get beautiful moments to experience, and can also learn something from it; it is so human!

But that is also so close to home.

Yes, you will certainly not believe it, but you cannot get out of it now, it lives in your very being.

If you give that a beating, it is in your own little hands.

Because they are inspired by it.

They now make Rembrandts and they play Bach, Mozart and Beethoven.

If you want to know, you can build up a society from it, and then you have a good life, this gives you your own pleasure.

Do you see it?

It is going well, it couldn’t be better.

Those kraut friends are good lads, but for the rest, they can tell him more.

Work is work!

Even if he ends up in hospital from overworking, it does not help.

Things at home will succumb anyway!

Tall One, but Tall One, where are you now?

Can you not do anything for Crisje then?

Are you now somewhere playing your violins to pieces?

But what does art matter now when you do not have anything to eat?

What do you want?

Crisje and the boys are starving.

Things are reaching a deadlock here!

Do you not have anything else to say then?

Crisje is left with the pieces, which even the pigs do not like, but they are now on the table.

Do you not hear this plea, Tall One?

Do you really not know anything for Crisje?

Then Trui does know something!

Trui is not as stupid as she looks.

Trui has met Otto Wageman, a good carpenter, but one who reaches the level of Gerrit Noesthede in his things, who sculptures things, pieces of wood.

However, Otto does it differently.

He makes castles from trivial planks.

And then there are canaries sitting in those castles singing.

They are unbelievably beautiful things, which can win prizes at exhibitions and bring money into the house.

Otto was left with three children and Trui is a good mother, after all.

Is aunt Trui interested in a new marriage?

Trui is now only becoming more and more miserable.

And think about Crisje!

I am so alone and Otto also has a brother.

Is that not something for you?

Otto is not so bad.

He shakes his neck a bit, there is a nerve there which does not work properly and keeps giving him a push, then you see Otto’s neck moving.

It is more like nodding.

When one falls asleep, but now a bit stiffer, you would say a bit sharper, fiercer therefore, and it is the only thing from outside which you notice.

However, when you look inside of Otto it does not look so bad.

There is something companion-like there, and a human force to be busy earning something extra, and Otto is also capable of that, with him you will no longer be hungry!

Isn’t that something, aunt Trui?

Of course, Trui is very interested, but there is a condition attached to it.

That has nothing to do with Otto, but with Trui herself, and is now her thoughts.

It also becomes her plan, and a small human drama begins!

Small, of course, on the face of it, it seems like a trifle ... but if you look behind all of this, there will be victims to lament for, and human blood will flow.

Otto is a good match, Crisje.

And he also has a brother!

Trui tells it to Crisje and pushes herself upwards, but there is a big question mark for Crisje.

Now and again, the Tall One’s friends pay a visit to Crisje and the children.

Jan Maandag has done his best to marry Crisje, but she does not feel anything for Jan Maandag.

He is still a child.

What would Crisje do with a man like that?

And ... Crisje will not marry again.

That would mean a scandal.

No, God preserve me, Jan.

You are an unbelievably good person, but that is not possible, is it?

That is Crisje’s decision.

Later, yes, how will Crisje think about Jan Maandag then, when she knows everything.

However, who can see into the future?

I should have acted in that way.

No, like that, but then again, no, you hear then.

But if I had done that, I would have prevented a great deal of misery and, how is it possible, life would have been bearable.

Nevertheless, you do exactly what you should not have done.

You accept precisely the poorest, the wrong thing.

And you overlook nice things!

You do not see them, Crisje, even if you are faced with these matters, even if you think day and night, you do the wrong thing, anyway, and you should not have done that precisely.

But then life has got you!

It is probably something else and we may know, for this case then, Jan Maandag.

We will probably also learn something!

No, Crisje does not want another man in the house, not Jan Maandag either or Otto’s brother.

She has worries; she has something else to think about.

Has Trui become childish?

Trui gets to hear:

“Yes, Trui, I can imagine that and it is the best thing for you.

That is something completely different for me!”

So, is that the case, Crisje?

Did you think that?

Did you think that you were finished with Trui?

And now the good Trui reacts.

She begins to lay little foundations for her own life, which, infallibly calculated, will fit for the little building, which she sees before her, with a clockwork on top of it, so you can always see what the time is.

A certainty, a little bell, as well, that the dinner is on the table.

And what would you say to a new coat, a pair of shoes, a new hat, and all those things, which Trui also needs.

What then?

Pigs in the pen.

Talking with a man?

You can now do your best and have something around you to take care of.

Fair is fair, life goes on and being alone is nothing!

“But why is that the best thing for me, Cris?

And not for you yourself?”

Trui is playing at something.

And what it is playing is in her heart, and that is not being frank with Crisje, in other words, it is not laying the cards on the table, Trui now does it in a terrible roundabout way, but continues certainly and consciously to push on, until she experiences her plan and everything is roses, and Crisje will also get to experience it.

Now the ‘life’ is standing immediately before Crisje!

The anxious, unknown life, the inhuman and the sneaky, the calculated and defiant false serpent, which is like a poisonous animal, now approaches her life and is called: life.

What she has to experience day in day out and, in addition, demands of her to show her colours!

God Almighty.

That is not aunt Trui, is it?

What does Trui have to do with such matters?

It is life, but Trui is also a part of life and she is alone.

A few years ago, she said something, which she is now afraid of and which Crisje must now prevent, and must take care of.

Would a household, a mother with seven children, have to serve this?

First Trui plays with Crisje.

It is just as if the sisters are back at home with father and mother, but then Trui is a dangerous spider who is spinning her web, she becomes like a poisonous kind, she will be clever when it comes to it, to bite.

Crisje now receives her first blow, when she hears:

“Do you want to starve for longer, Cris?

And the boys then?”

Crisje reacts, but that good Trui: “But do you want to have me married, Trui?

Then I could have taken Jan Maandag.

But I am not that stupid.”

It is quite enough for today.

Trui comes back and hammers on the soul and the human understanding of Crisje.

And Trui has dangerous weapons.

She now confronts her like an adder:

“Do you want to go and get charity then, Cris?

Do you want to starve with your children?

You are completely mad.

Is this not the chance of a lifetime?”

“But, Trui, did you think then that I had already forgotten my Hendrik?” Crisje asks.

“And did you think, I had forgotten my Gradus?

Must I starve to death, Cris?” Trui then asks in her turn.

“That is your own business, Trui.

We also have to work until we drop.

I cannot help you.”

Crisje does not think about marrying Otto’s brother.

That is scandalous.

Trui must decide for herself.

She will not marry!

Hendrik is only just dead.

People would perhaps not talk of it as scandalous but it is unbecoming.

However, Trui thinks differently about it, Gradus was a good man, but she does not want to work for those greedy farmers, Trui does it differently.

Moreover, at what point can a woman with seven children begin?

To make demands?

Hendrik, Otto’s brother, is the same age as Crisje, he is a skilled carpenter, which earns him good money; then the worries will be gone immediately.

Crisje, what do you want?

Trui has definitely been given the task from Otto to do everything for his brother.

At the end of the day, it would be nice, two brothers and two sisters together and Hendrik has gone, yonder.

For that is not in a man’s line.

Because a man must marry.

Crisje will change her mind at least a thousand times, before she talks with her little father of her children.

You would pull a person’s heart from his ribs.

How is it possible?

Does Trui no longer have any feeling or brains any more?

Now, dear Crisje, what we used to think about, sometimes even touched on, comes to your life.

The misery will become bigger and deeper.

You cannot go forwards or backwards.

It is life!

No, Trui, she cannot forget the Tall One.

However, Trui fights for herself.

It will be terrible.

Are you, now that it comes to it, sure of yourself, Crisje?

JEUS??

JEUS?... Are you sleeping?

But Jeus!

It becomes threatening.

Someone wants to take away your great love.

And that is aunt Trui.

What you work yourself to the bone for, Trui will soon throw to the pigs, because that will be the case!

Do you not feel anything for what Crisje gets to deal with every day?

Nothing, Jeus?

It is remarkable!

Crisje cannot think about it, but it is a mountain which she is faced with, a pile of misery.

It is easy for Trui to talk and Crisje already knows; it has suddenly come to her.

Trui drags her along with her because there is something else.

Crisje is now under Trui’s attack every day.

She is now following her.

It is something new.

But do you really know, Crisje, why Trui is doing that?

Why is she going to so much trouble to give you Otto’s brother?

Is a woman bad, if a woman wants to re-marry?

No, Crisje, that is very ordinary, but it is something different for Trui, and you will feel that, later you will understand it better.

You will have no worries any more, Crisje!

You will be free from all your troubles!

There is now someone who will take care of you!

You will be able to pay the land lease and charity will be a thing of the past, Crisje!

You will now be able to breathe more easily, and the boys will have everything!

Does that still not mean anything to you?

Is that so difficult now, Crisje?

Jeus does not feel any of the enormous danger, which is threatening him, none of it!

He cannot permit himself any other thoughts, he may not think of anything else or he will not make his money.

They need everything at home.

And if he should think of anything else, then the machine would reach a dead point.

His machine may only think for the work and it is understandable, but because of this Trui’s talk escapes him and he would very definitely have already felt it.

If Jeus were to feel it, then it would mean a breakdown at the same time.

Jeus will then think that Our Lord has gone mad!

And that is not possible!

Who separates people?

Who wrenches mother and child apart?

Who wants to destroy this?

Because that will happen!

If Trui carries on with her game, her battle as well, Crisje will eventually succumb.

What you do not believe in, cannot believe in, will happen anyway!

Anyone, who would tell Jeus something about it, would be laughed at to his face.

Crisje would marry another man?

It is not possible!

That cannot happen!

That is impossible.

Our Lord cannot approve of that.

And there is always Our Lord, who knows what he and Crisje want, and feel; how they love each other, Trui!

Did you think that you could destroy that, Trui?

Did you think that the Tall One would approve of that?

That the Tall One would let you play, let ... well, what do you want, Trui?

If you can achieve that, Trui, the space will collapse, but that is out of the question.

You would like that, but Our Lord is the boss there, aunt Trui!

A while ago, I told you, Crisje, there would come a time when you will have to fight for your life and cares, when you will have to prove what you want, it will be then, Crisje, that you will have to show your colours,

Which will be a battle for life or death.

I would be laughed at.

If I had told you more about it, but I am not that stupid either, neither is the Tall One and anyone with feeling does not do that, because you do not make a person afraid beforehand.

However, that time, Crisje, has now come.

You are faced with it and you will have to reach a decision soon.

Whether you like it or not, life demands it of you!

When Trui, dear Crisje, spoke her first words, regarding Otto’s brother and her own marriage, it started.

With Otto, it wandered into your house.

And Otto’s brother, Crisje, is now the bone in tasty soup for the boys.

However, Jeus does not like that soup.

He throws that nice soup to the pigs.

And you will experience that, it will happen, Crisje, if you now reach this decision.

Jeus will fling that soup at aunt Trui’s head, even if he is starving, he would rather die than have to swallow this food.

It does not matter what the other boys think about it, Crisje.

This concerns you, Jeus, and your Tall One!

Crisje, this battle is even more severe than the loss of your Tall One.

It is more inhuman than everything, which you have already been given to bear.

This reaches your soul and your happiness.

Only then will you be able to enter Golgotha.

Yes, Crisje, it will take you there!

It will take you to Our Lord.

HE is also a part of this and then there will be victims.

Yourself, your Tall One and Jeus!

It concerns the three of you.

And Trui knows that.

But she does not care.

She wants Otto, her food, drink and more!

Because it is a battle, Crisje, which links you to other feelings, this time will be so miserable.

And Trui lacks the feelings to be able to understand you.

She only sees one thing, and that is herself.

The death of your Tall One no longer means anything, your love for your Tall One also has no more meaning.

Everything is now upset and will be wrenched out of your heart.

You will bleed.

You will squirm, Crisje, but Trui does not hear anything!

Blindly, but fiercely aware she will conquer your life.

She will be blind to your love, but aware and humanly certain of her own situation.

Do you understand it, Crisje?

Trui will soon fling the blood from your heart in the street gutter.

She will give it to the pigs, or to a dog with scurvy if she has to.

She will cut your heart in half, also look, and see how you bleed to death and she will laugh.

She thinks that it is good and the best thing for your life and that of Jeus and the Tall One.

This is the way Trui is now, and had you expected this from your sister?

Trui sees everything humanly, therefore very simply mortally.

However, Trui does not wish to stand in the church on her own for all the money in the world.

She needs you for that.

But Trui has not lived in the heavens either ... she has not known that love.

Gradus was a good man, but did not match up to the Tall One.

Trui does not know any love.

Even if she possesses a human machine, Trui feeds that thing differently.

What are we making such a fuss about, anyway, Crisje.

Has a decision perhaps been reached?

Crisje thinks in Trui’s direction, in a straight line, even towards matters which Jeus recoils from and have to do with heaven and earth.

Jeus does not feel that either.

He does not believe that Crisje is thinking like Trui, anyway.

It is something which you cannot believe in, because the life that you love belongs to you, because you went through thick and thin and through heavens.

Yes, but it will become simple again, because you possess that certainty.

After all, were you not together in the Forecourt of Our Lord?

Did you not experience Golgotha together?

And who would want to separate that?

No one is capable of that.

Because one life dies for the other.

This is a bond in spiritual harmony.

Nothing will come between it.

Nothing.

Get thee behind me, Satan!!

The fact is who knows life?

Who can fathom out life and see everything beforehand?

What lives in a person?

Why is there life on earth?

That is it and no one oversees this, no one knows it.

But it is there now!

Trui also could never believe for herself either that she would ever be faced with such a decision.

She would also have laughed right in your face.

However, we see it, life is strange, life is inhumanly stiff and hard.

You could give it what for!

Trui, believe it, would never have spoken those words.

If she had known in that year what life would bring her one day, she would never have said of other women, that they sold their buttocks by marrying, while the men were only dead a short while.

Trui uttered that!

And that is what she is now faced with as well and which is flung at her head!

Just like that, without thinking about it, you say a thing like that.

Just like that, even if it is nothing to do with you.

You say something hateful and you do not think that life will call you to answer for it one day!

At least, not Trui.

It is then you are left gaping.

Then you say: ‘I should not have said that.

I should not have said anything about those women.’

Why do I meddle in gossip, in destruction?

Is that misery not there then?

Do those women do that because they need a man?

No, they were also concerned with food and drink.

The misery was also on their doorsteps.

A person is harsh and horrible, when a person says something about other people and does not think of themselves and what might come.

Because of this she now has to win Crisje over first, and she will crush Jeus.

Do you understand it now, Crisje?

Is it now clear why Trui has Otto’s brother for you?

Just look behind all of this and you will understand that your love will move to the pigsty.

If you succumb, you will then be a hypocritical Crisje.

Really, Jeus can then say to you, you are being two-faced!

Trui will prevent people dragging her name through the mud, and that is all.

Trui will beat Jeus’ life to smithereens.

However, that does not mean anything, Crisje, you will also go under.

But, at the end of the day, it is your business what you do.

No one can give you advice.

You know it!

You can pray, for that matter, can’t you?

Will Our Lord not help you now, Crisje?

Is Father not able to be of service to you?

After all, he is a good friend of yours, isn’t he?

However, there is only one Tall One and one Jeus.

And what does the Tall One do?

Does he close his eyes now?

The Tall One will first be extremely mad and then it will come to him: ‘I do not know any more’, and he will smash his violins, on his own head, Crisje.

Did you perhaps think that your Tall One was jealous?

The human being that is there no longer knows this.

Where your Tall One is now, they want nothing to do with this feeling.

In the Forecourt of Our Lord, we assume that the Tall One is there, he was a good person, they do not want anything to do with this nonsense or Our Lord would say: ‘Get out!

You no longer belong here.’

Then you will be out on the street or outside paradise, Crisje, because you must love everyone and everything there.

But good heavens, Crisje, what kind of problems are they, anyway!

Jeus adds a little extra in Emmerik as well.

He has reached ten marks in five weeks and the contract is ready to break.

He has worked out with Johan how to make even more from it.

However, Johan does not know that work, and you cannot work it out either, after which Jeus just gave it up and continued alone.

Meanwhile he is talking to Crisje.

He tells her, how he will surpass that Albert and how he thinks of everything, but he does not feel anything of what lives in Crisje.

Casje and also other people follow him.

They are interested in his life.

They follow Jeus of mother Crisje through thick and thin.

Casje is careful not to show himself to his life now; he would only disturb the human machine.

Jeus is intensely geared towards and concentrated on the everyday matters, on food and drink.

But how nasty aunt Trui is to him.

What has he done to aunt Trui this time?

Trui, he thinks, is never herself.

Today you have her and tomorrow you have lost her again.

Aunt Trui is continually different.

You cannot rely on her.

What has she got against him this time?

He feels that there is something.

Aunt Trui is behaving strangely.

What does she want from his life?

When Crisje had to answer him, because he asked a few questions about aunt Trui, he got to hear:

“Aunt Trui, Jeus, is perhaps getting married again.”

He gets a shock.

But why for that matter?

I see, he already thought, what does that man want in aunt Trui’s house.

Otto and uncle Gradus were they not friends?

Now he suddenly understands everything.

Had he not thought so?

It is a slap right in his face, because, this could transfer to your own house, it is so close by.

It is terrible deception.

It is strange, where does that fear suddenly come from?

Just a moment ago, he was completely calm and now fear lives inside him.

Fear of what?

For Crisje, of course.

For mother, aunt Trui can tell him more.

It is frightening!

And then he says:

“What did you just say, mother?

Aunt Trui is getting married?

Has she already forgotten uncle Gradus?”

Crisje already hears it.

Should she think that she has worked it out, then she will be deceived.

This is actually a little taste, Crisje, of the dessert, which you will soon get to deal with.

Crisje, now you are able to examine your heart and consult supernatural laws or your great love will also go into this dessert, and to the pigs, because aunt Trui does not like any of it.

Neither do the boys.

Then he has something else for Crisje:

“What poor souls people are, mother.

Now they talk to you and promise you everything, and that they would rather die than betray you, but tomorrow, they will already have forgotten it.

You can drop dead!

Then you can get the ‘droodels’.

Aunt Trui is behaving just like cats and dogs do.

But my Fanny would never have tried that one on me.

And Mrs. Ruikes’ Mientje has also had to experience that.

However, that is a cat and aunt Trui is a person, and is something completely different!

My Fanny, mother, would rather have been run over a hundred thousand times than betray me, cheat on me.

But aunt Trui does it!’

Every word cuts through her soul.

Every word that he utters is a hiding for her life, should she be able to remove herself from his life.

Every word is a slap right in her face.

Also in Our Lord’s face, because you do not break such love, you do not neglect it, you do not betray it or you will be destroyed yourself!

But what must I do, Jeus?

We are faced with a big hole!

However, Jeus has not finished yet, Crisje, just listen to what follows:

“Is aunt Trui trying to kid me, mother, that she loves that Otto?

And would you marry a man, mother, whom you could not love?

That is devilish work.”

However, what he had really wanted to say, but he holds it back: ‘Can you get children by a man like that?’

But he also swallows his words for now.

‘By a man who means nothing to you?’

Can you, as a woman, because Jeus thinks about this, he know the life of a man and a woman very well, he has fought for it, give yourself to a man, be open to such a life and then give all of the feelings and love which you have to that life?

That will happen, Crisje.

And it is now!

You should never have told him how much the Tall One loved you.

You should never have let him see how much you loved your Tall One, because he has absorbed that great love and is now fighting to give it to you yourself!

And do you now wish to say, would you now wish that this love was not there?

That a child behaves in a completely mad way?

The parents spoil the children in this way, Crisje.

Then a love like that is put on a scaffold and the parents walk past it.

They only see it.

They do not want to know any more about it, but now that young life?

Oh dear, it’s for real now!

You have had that love!

What you now get, if you have experienced the highest, Crisje, which Jeus means, after all, is now only imitation, it is a poor shadow of the real thing.

It is now becoming completely dark for your life.

And Jeus is fighting for that.

He is working himself to the bone in order to give you that love.

He knows, after all, what father was like for you, doesn’t he?

Is there anything else?

Yes, just listen, Crisje, and you will know for the meantime: “Does aunt Trui wish to feel that, mother?

And can you approve, mother, that strange men come and sit in our house, where my father sat?

If one of them comes into our house, mother, then I will stab him in the ribs with a knife.

And father knows it.

I will do that as well!

I have to watch out for all of you!”

As if that wasn’t enough, he adds:

“My God, mother, how happy I am that you are not like aunt Trui.

How grateful we must be, after all, mother.

And how happy father can be with you.

How father will play his violins for you and sing, mother.

Aunt Trui has taken leave of her senses.

Aunt Trui doesn’t understand about us, mother.

Father would show her something else.

Father would throw her out the door!

Father would say: ‘Trui, see that you leave, out of my sight.’

And does uncle Gradus have nothing more to say then?

Has aunt Trui completely forgotten that good uncle Gradus already?

He would turn in his grave, mother, if he knew that aunt Trui ...”

He also holds himself back now, but if he had said what was on his lips, believe it, Crisje would have jumped up and he would have got a hiding.

Which will also come, anyway, when Crisje will also hear from Jeus;

That aunt Trui is selling her buttocks.

Good heavens, Jeus, is that the case?

But why does mother not say anything now?

Have these words not been considered in a human way?

Does mother not have anything to say to this?

He always gets an answer from her.

They always discuss everything together.

Is this perhaps hard to understand?

Did mother not understand him?

Does she perhaps approve of aunt Trui marrying?

Does mother, who is very different, not say anything now?

It is taking too long for him and he asks:

“Did mother not understand me?

Did you hear what I just said?”

Crisje answers him, but it is as dry as stale bread for his life.

“Of course, Jeus.”

So, is that all?

And a moment later she adds: “Look, Jeus, your aunt Trui is so alone and she has nothing left to eat.

Something had to happen”, are these words from Crisje the ones that begin to demolish the great foundations for herself and Jeus!

She is now thinking in a different direction to him and no longer upwards or towards the love, Crisje also begins to think ‘left, right, forwards and backwards, long and wide’ and now also goes through the Tall One’s grave.

She has a look to see how her Tall One is lying, but continues.

However much Jeus screams, it does not help him with anything.

Crisje now steps on the Tall One’s coffin and pulls him along.

Did you think, Crisje?

Did you think that you could pull Jeus across the Tall One’s coffin in order to achieve your goal?

We would like to see that.

Millions of people, between heaven and earth, are curious to know whether you will manage that.

We are not yet talking about being hypocritical, or about selling and squandering love, but that will come as well, Crisje.

Now you are busy thinking in another direction to him, away from his life, are you not?

Did you think, Crisje, that Jeus was stupid?

What he refrained from saying a moment ago, you will now get to hear.

Jeus now says to her, as if the devil is after him:

“Does aunt Trui want to sell her buttocks then, mother, to get food?

She should work herself to the bone, but she is too lazy for that.”

Crisje is suddenly awake and pulled away from her world of thoughts, when she has to say:

“Good gracious, who taught you that?

Will you quickly rinse out your mouth?

Have you gone mad, Jeus?

Where did you learn that?”

He apologizes to her and says: “I am sorry, mother”, but also lets her know: “But am I not right, mother?”

Crisje has to think.

And, she knows it.

She must also go to confession.

Jeus goes away.

However, he feels aunt Trui does not like him.

She has something against him, but why not against Johan and Bernard?

What did he do to her?

Nothing!

Nothing, and yet, aunt Trui is so angry with him.

Trui also knows it!

It is Jeus.

That monkey has to be destroyed first, and then she can get Crisje, those hearts have to be separated from each other and then she can marry, she will not look foolish, disgrace herself.

Crisje has to go along with her, they must both marry.

She will marry Otto and Crisje Hendrik, then people will have nothing to say about her, because Crisje is allowed to do anything.

She knows it for definite, this is everything.

Jeus is standing between them; and that boy has to go!

Jeus has become her enemy.

It is a stumbling block, Trui, of a supernatural nature.

Do you not know that?

You are not faced with Jeus alone, but with God, Christ and the Forecourt of Our Lord and millions of other sacred matters, which you must conquer.

Right or not, Trui?

Will you conquer all of that, Trui?

Millions of people are following you now.

They want to know all about this, because what is happening here is inhuman, and, that is then the very last thing for which Our Lord died.

It is why the Angels are also watching you, and from now on they will follow you, and will have to follow you, because this concerns their sacredness!

Moreover, because Trui does not want to disgrace herself in the church under any circumstances, she continues her battle, she hammers and chisels at sacred foundations, at those of Crisje, her Tall One and Jeus, but also at those of each other child of God which is open and ready to put up such a fight.

For the child which consciously searches for evil, for bad things on earth, this does not mean anything and is a completely different story!

It also concerns the leg lost by Bernard.

At least it concerns that love, the other children as well, but Trui does not care about that.

Trui says:

“Did I not tell you, Cris, that you are too besotted with the boys?

Now they are already starting to take control.

True or not?” Trui continues her battle in this way.

Stone after stone now has to be consciously removed from this great building, from Crisje, the Tall One and Jeus, which is a ‘temple’ in which Our Lord lives, but she doesn’t care about that either!

Those foundations have to be destroyed!

She has consciously started the destruction.

Jeus and his Fanny, that childish carry-on, people who are lying in the grave and whatever else, are now flung overboard!

Dead is dead for Trui.

Uncle Gradus can tell her more; he is lying yonder.

However, Crisje does not hear that.

On the contrary, Crisje hears: ‘But what about me and my Gradus then, Cris?’

Now the angels can experience the hypocrisy of people, who cheat on that pure love, misshape it, sully it, and it has nothing to do with food or drink anymore!

It now concerns the very highest, for which Christ died, Trui.

Does that not mean a thing to you either?

Then you will soon not need to go to confession either.

The angels will kick you out of there.

They should do that at least, because we know anyway that angels have a different opinion about that.

Trui continues this unfortunate battle.

You do not see anything else.

She has only one goal, there is no left or right to be seen for her, no high or low, Trui has no understanding of coffins and people buried, she wants nothing to do with it, the holy church can get lost as well, that Father is just a dope anyway!

But her words: ‘She has sold her buttocks, do you mean to say that this is love?’

Those words now inspire her, or she would succumb under this fight.

She would then not be capable of separating Crisje and Jeus.

Then Trui would do it differently, everything is now very simple, Trui would marry and that would be it.

End of story.

It is human and the only truth here as well.

But because people do not wish to show themselves, or do not wish to accept their faults, and will not take back their words, this inhuman thing happens, and Jeus of mother Crisje has to be destroyed!

“Does a whippersnapper like that already have a say in things, Crisje?

What does a monkey like that have to do with your life, Cris?

Just lash out, Cris!

Did I not always tell you that?”

And there are no greetings here from Our Lord for Crisje or Jeus.

Where do these words come from, they have been thought out in a really human way and considered as well, they come from Trui’s conscious and that is open to food and drink, to nothing else.

“You are old and wise enough to act for yourself, Cris.

Do you have to suffer hunger?

Starve?

Do not pay any attention to that whippersnapper, Cris.

If I had children, I would know what to do.

Lash out, Cris!

They would have nothing to say in my house.

I would give them what for!

Hendrik is a good man!

And you will not be hungry, you will not be hungry any more, Cris.

Also, the children will be taken care of.

And the land lease will be paid, Cris!”

Crisje now knows it.

Trui talks calculatingly, and yet?

Trui does all of that, but listen who is talking, and yet?

Trui said something about the women, and yet?

Trui flung something in their face, and yet?

It is really terrible, and yet?

Crisje, what will you do?

What Trui does not think about, is the terrible thing for Crisje, but that is nothing new to Trui.

If you marry, that is part of it, but it is now something awful to Crisje.

Jeus is right, that’s it!

She cannot bear thinking about it, but that is a part of it!

When Trui said that, she still had Gradus.

Now Gradus is gone and she is faced with those words, but Crisje is faced with something very different.

This, what Jeus said, and that is really terrible.

You can take care of yourself.

The doors of your ‘temple’ must be opened.

Now it comes!

What you experienced in pure love and could accept, now is turned upside down, what has had a place in and through love, now throws everything about, but her Tall One lived in it, who was her soul and happiness.

Is that now for another?

Is that now for another person?

Is that not worth a thing?

Should you place it all just like that in the hands of a person whom you do not know?

But, my God, just burn us all at the stake.

This is awe-inspiring and Jeus understands very well, which is why he stakes his life and works himself to the bone, Crisje, he feels, he knows consciously as well, that that ‘temple’ is being dragged through the mud, and cannot be for another person, that belongs to his father!

People can talk about matters which they do not know about, do not think about, do not wish to know about.

People talk and gossip about people and think: that cannot happen to me.

But suddenly you are faced with yourself and your gossip and you have to prove life who you now are.

Also for Our Lord.

But what is that, in comparison with what Crisje sees before her, what she, her Tall One and Jeus were able to build up?

It horrifies you!

Fear fills you and you know beforehand, you will bleed to death, or you must prove what you can do.

People flatly refuse to think properly about their fellow human beings.

He flatly refuses it!

Nevertheless, some day something can happen.

And then you are faced with yourself and that gossip.

What did you say?

What you said then, even if you promised that other person cows with golden horns, is now a lack of love.

It is destruction, hypocrisy!

Why does a person knock the crown from another person’s head who has earned it with difficulty?

Just like that, because you feel like it and have pleasure in it?

Why do people prefer wrong to right?

Why do they feel more for gossiping, breaking and destroying, sullying and misshaping a person, than for love, construction, peace and happiness, sweetness and justice?

It is a problem!

Why do people have to be destroyed first in order to realize how precious a person is?

Why do people not put everything into the progressive life of feeling, human evolution, rather than into complete brutality?

They nailed Our Lord to the cross for it, Crisje feels and knows.

But that other thing, yes, that is there as well and she is faced with that and has to prove what she wants!

The devil in a person now triumphs above everything.

And what does Our Lord wish to begin now?

What are you still doing in the church, Trui?

Crisje, now Trui needs you.

You are unassailable, Crisje.

They would misshape Our Lord and they cannot do that, those women do not even dare that!

However, Trui is already standing in her naked little self now!

And the angels see how indifferently she starts to treat these problems.

However, a woman is a woman and you can do everything with a human machine, if you want to possess such a thing as a man, also as a woman, because you long for companionship.

No more is needed now.

Food and drink will also follow, of course, and is part of it and the man will take care of it.

Whether your marriage is necessary, Crisje, we will not talk about that now.

Whether that is possible does not yet matter, has nothing to do with this, we are concerned with showing how Golgotha got a name, after all, and especially, to see the actual laws for your own life.

Because it happened there.

Soon we will be faced with the household, and it must be decided: go under or carry on.

It is people who talk about selling themselves, is it not, Crisje?

And everyday life is full of it.

The adults tell it to the little ones, the parents to the children.

But a child, Crisje, who has eyes in its head, already sees through them and now reaches its own decision.

This now, Crisje, is for all people!

Here in the village that seems awful.

However, in the town, it is very simple.

You know everyone here; it is not the case there!

That is the real difference.

But not for the angels, not for Our Lord.

Again, the town thinks those matters are simple and human, or life would stand still.

Everyone has to decide for himself, it is no one else’s business.

If stolen goods are not involved.

That means, Crisje, if the woman does not pinch the man from that other mother with children.

Because now it is becoming a mess and you need a lawyer for it.

However, for Our Lord as judge, you will be sorry!

Do you feel, Crisje, what I mean?

And yet, believe me, women also live there who feel exactly the same as you now feel and follow, those women have also built up their ‘temples’ and they also have their rooms in which only that one man or one woman lives, and which remains closed for another person, even if that life is so sweet, because that soul cannot be experienced.

And that’s it, Crisje.

This is exactly the same for everyone, but now means nothing to Trui.

And is marrying really that bad?

No, for that matter, it is not!

Whoever sees it differently, Crisje, all those people experience it like Trui now feels and wants to have.

However, there is also another group of people like you.

Also those women and men, mostly the women, because a mother puts in everything from her soul and happiness, are beaten and kicked, mistreated as well.

For those people blood flowed and they wrenched out the heart, because the other was not there and they had not married for love, but for money, for much, much more, but which is material!

Yes, Crisje, in the town people sell themselves for money and that is their own business.

Did you not know, Crisje, that there are women who prostitute themselves?

You know that, everyone over twenty knows that.

Of course, that is the case, but what does it mean to us?

Nothing, we are concerned with something completely different.

Believe me, Crisje, in the town it concerns a nice dress, a pair of shoes, the cinema as well, also a car, everything, of course, which life has to offer you and all that is food and drink and a nice place to live, a companion as well, for art, literature, for the most crazy things and matters, Crisje, women sell themselves.

A man cannot sell himself, he is next to the life, which is therefore not so bad.

Men do not have any hold over the Divine space of Our Lord, actually, over these matters therefore; they walk next to creation, even if they do not believe that.

You know their boasting, those slippers become significant, however, and now a man like that can buy what he wants himself.

There is no one who notices it, and it hurts no one.

Life in the town is like that, Crisje.

You make of it what you can, but for the mother it is selling herself.

Understand me properly, it is only seen from Trui’s world!

But that is now for you a life-and-death struggle.

However, if you can bury everything of yourself and the Tall One, can close it off, be so strong, so mighty and great, that you are able to show another that beautiful room of yours and the Tall One and still possess the feeling, the dominating force as it were, as a result of which you remain yourself and does not mean more than a reception, then, Crisje, you will also conquer those feelings and will remain mistress of your personality, even if there is a different kind of succumbing.

Even then, your soul and bliss will be unaffected.

No one, Crisje, is able to look at your walls, what is hanging there is and will remain your possession and your Tall One’s possession!

Yet Crisje, there is something else for the mother in this world.

Yes, Crisje, this goes even further than the mother as a woman has known before.

Now you hear: ‘My Gerrit could never have given me this, which I am now experiencing.’

And is it not worthwhile thinking about this?

These people now also have a connection with Our Lord, because they experience a love, which rises above every destruction and other human trivialities.

However, what concerns us, Crisje, is people do not sell themselves if they feel some love for the other person.

This is street gossip and you have nothing to do with it, neither does Trui, but she started it herself.

You think: I will go under, Trui doesn’t, because Trui does not possess that great love either.

But you, Crisje, must now begin with your own struggle with regard to the supernatural and everyday things.

But is Jeus not just right?

You had not thought that of him, but it is there.

Do you still ask now, Crisje, where he learned that?

The street gutters of the town and in the village, mother Crisje, are blocked with it.

You can shovel cart-loads of muck and you will still not have finished.

The turners at the brush factory, Crisje, make a mess because of their shavings, but Jeus could still clean them up and sort things out, however, this cannot be cleaned up, Crisje, however, if you wish to speak of stench, this stinks even more than a rotting corpse; it is such a filthy mess!

Now follow Trui in her thoughts.

Trui looks at it for herself and she says: ‘I still look good!’

And is that not true?

Trui’s little machine has not yet experienced anything.

Even if the inside is square and sometimes deaf and dumb, the human machine is operating and is open to some happiness.

And anyone who wants that from her can take care of food and drink.

Trui does not connect her emotional feelings by giving everything for this; she has no understanding for this yet.

If Otto had any understanding of it, he would run away fast, but he does not have the inspirations of your Tall One either.

Good heavens, Crisje, what does it matter to Trui whether there is a paradise.

Has she known this happiness?

You can think about it now.

This is it!

It lives in you and it will become a life-and-death struggle.

Many people will follow you, because this is something which all of this humanity wants to experience, but the angels also know about it and it is they who tell Our Lord.

Also this ship, Crisje, with the other things, which your boat gets to carry, has to strand somewhere.

Or, it is you yourself who will conquer!

Now you must possess helmsmanship.

However, you are strong.

You also have trust and a great faith in the good things in a person, in Our Lord.

I am not worried, Crisje.

You will probably get an answer now as well!

And what should Jeus have said to aunt Trui?

‘Oh, dear aunt Trui, but how have we to thank you?

How must we thank you that you separated us like that?

We thank you, aunt Trui, that you threw this love to the pigs.’

Should Jeus have spoken those words?

Because Trui throws this love to the pigs, Crisje, you will soon know that, and only then must you act.

The rudder of your ship is now trembling and you must now act.

Trui goes with Crisje to the piece of land and helps her.

What has never happened before, Trui does now!

Trui helps Crisje, yes, of course, but from the frying pan into the fire.

She kicks Crisje into stinking mud.

Does Crisje go head under?

Trui would like that.

Crisje is not stupid.

But where is the Tall One now?

Do you not have anything to say then, Tall Hendrik?

Have you become dopey where you now are?

Can you not do anything from there?

Trui continues, Tall One.

Listen to what she says:

“You should fold your hands, Cris.

I am telling you, it is a shame how the boys have to work.

Think about it, Cris.

Who would want to marry a woman now with seven children?

Otto’s Hendrik will do it!

And Otto said himself: Hendrik is a good man.

A bit shy, but we have nothing to say, Crisje.”

Crisje listens, but it strikes her heart.

She is faced with her sister and can now give in to it.

Trui is right.

The worries are rising alarmingly.

The misery is reaching her lips.

Troubles are closing her throat.

She can no longer sleep from it.

Even if she works herself to the grave, it will not help, it is and will remain too little.

Trui now undermines the life source of Crisje.

She is holding on, the mighty foundations of her Tall One, Crisje, and Jeus, go into a social ditch.

It is even worse than a bite from a poisonous insect, something can be done about that, and it can be cured, but not this.

This is worse than the most terrible illness, it is a spiritual animal, and that animal does not eat at your heart, but at your soul and happiness!

And that is terrible!

It is just like cancer in your body, you have to be destroyed!

Trui knows exactly which foundations must go first.

She starts by biting off little crumbs, but they will soon be bits and pieces.

She sees, she knows where she has to start.

Trui descends into Crisje’s heart and shakes everything up.

Jeus is standing there like a pillar and that thing must also be destroyed.

She will cut out that thing’s eyes so that it cannot see anything.

Only then can she work, and that brat will no longer be in her way.

Crisje did not think that her sister could think so sharply, now she knows!

Now that Crisje hears that Trui can think well, Trui is already half way across this little river.

Human moaning means nothing to Trui.

And when she involves love, Crisje is standing nodding.

She now looses her balance and goes into that big ditch, head first.

Trui talks more than she works.

She is standing in front of Crisje and is talking nine to the dozen.

She has a bit of a sage in her and she knows how to reach her sister’s heart.

“It is true, Cris”, she says, “it is the boys!

But boys must adjust.

It is true, Cris, I know, you and Jeus”, now Crisje gets the axe, “are too close to each other.

I can imagine that, Cris.

I have said differently, but a person can learn.

I must admit, Cris.”

In a calm fashion and then further, Trui demolishes the love of Crisje and Jeus!

Slowly but surely, but more consciously than yesterday, Trui aims for her goal.

Trui burns her poison into Crisje.

And then a mask falls at Crisje’s feet, so horrible and mean, that she becomes ill from it, when Trui says to her:

“You, Cris, have received a love, that no one in this world can feel.”

Now what will come, Crisje, will turn your heart and can truly be the coup de grâce.

Trui continues: “Do you want to let Jeus die, Cris?”

Crisje gets a fright.

No, that may not happen, Trui is right, but Trui has more.

“Do you want to eat from the boys, Cris?

Can you approve as a mother that Jeus works himself to the grave for you?

Do you want to continue to watch that, Cris?”... Trui continues and now murders a living heart, “that he works until he drops?

My God, Cris, how can you approve of that?

Where is your sense, Cris?

Can you no longer think then?

Do you not know, Cris, that you live through the blood of your children?

And is that allowed, Cris?

Can Our Lord approve of that?

They are sins, aren’t they, Cris?!

And what would your Hendrik say to it?

Can you justify it, Cris?”

The charge has been made.

Crisje is dumbfounded, her heart is in shock, her lips are already trembling, her circulation increases, and she almost faints, but still controls herself.

It strikes home, Trui!

It is beautiful work.

You will make it.

I must say, you know how to hurt a person.

You know what your sister worries about the most, you have thought it over carefully, Trui, but is that the intention?

Children are working until they drop for the mother.

Trui, that is ancient history, but what are you doing now between this love?

Why do you not just marry Otto and leave your Crisje and Jeus alone?

There is a devil in you, Trui, a dirty rotter; it is a filthy cad!

Good gracious, this is very bad, Trui.

If the world knew this about you, then you would be burned at the stake.

And you will have earned it, Trui!

This is such a mean thing, such a dirty thing, that you cannot find any words to illustrate your horrific character.

You are now going over dead bodies, Trui!

Trui looks down triumphantly at her sister.

Crisje feels beaten to a pulp!

Trui now uses live ammunition, no human heart can protect itself against this.

Just see through it, Crisje.

You believe each person and you do not now believe that a person can think so rotten, so mean.

Trui is right, isn’t she?

Our Lord cannot approve that you exploit your children.

Or you abuse your boys.

Trui places herself between your Hendrik, your Jeus, and now achieved what she wanted to achieve.

Trui continues:

“What a good life you had, Cris.

I can imagine what you feel.

I knew Hendrik as well and Hendrik would”, and now another thrust, such a calculated explosion, it is a pain with poison for Crisje’s heart, “not let Jeus be destroyed.

He would not have approved that he would slave like that.

Even if he would get out of it what he could, Cris, Hendrik would not have approved of that, would he?”

Now Crisje reacts immediately when she says:

“Oh, no, Trui, that is true!

Hendrik would never have done that.

He worked himself until he dropped.”

Crisje does not yet give in, but Trui is right.

Trui continues, but there is also someone in Emmerik who continues and who works until he drops for Crisje and his boys and does that from pure, selfless love!

With a sense of duty which is universal!

Jeus kills himself working for that, it concerns his mother, his father, his children, the Tall One’s household.

Jeus does not know that at home his love is being poisoned, for which he would die, would give all his blood, because this is happiness, everything for which you live and do for Our Lord!

He does not know that his love is under a devil’s fire, and his love and his children are in great danger.

He has to work and has many other things to do.

Aunt Trui continues:

“Do you want to go to charity soon, Cris?

Can we do that to our father and mother?

Is that not shameful?

Did you not think of that, Cris?”

Crisje replies: “Of course not, Trui, that is the last thing that we may do to our family, you are right.”

“Children, Cris”, Trui says and finishes this piece of work, “have no say in this now.

It is you yourself!”

Trui perceives that she gives into everything.

Crisje will think about it.

However, this is the proof that she has Crisje irrevocably under her influence, or Crisje would definitely have reacted differently.

Then it would be called: no!

‘No, Trui!’

But that willpower has been beaten to smithereens, like a mighty foundation, there is nothing left any more.

Every day there is now one for Trui.

Crisje feels the thumbscrews being turned by her sister.

Trui does not want that, but Crisje undergoes her torture.

She is concerned with something completely different and that has to do with Our Lord.

It is the very highest for a person, the only living part of this life and the life hereafter, of which she was able to learn some laws and universes through Jeus, but as a result of which all life has received its own existence.

It is the pure love of Jeus, and do the children have nothing to say now?

Trui, it concerns precisely the love of a child, the love of Jeus for Crisje; must that be destroyed?

The contract must end!

Mother will be happy, Teun and Miets as well, when they now hear that he has broken every contract.

The boys are annoyed, but he has nothing to do with them.

They call him all kinds of names; they do not dare to hit him.

He knows one thing; the boss is behind him.

But the master servant cannot do anything for him and then it happened, it is a pity, a half-pfennig was taken off, and there was immediately no fun in it, he had not counted on that blow!

“Is there no other work for me, boss?”

“Of course, my dear boy, we need one for the ‘Fennel Honey’.

That is something completely different.

You can earn more money.

I will do my best for you, my dear boy.”

At home, they now hear that he has beaten everything.

“Yes, mother, I have made it.

They must say there that I can think.

I beat all the contracts.

And now I am going to work in the ‘fennel honey’ and I can earn more, mother.

Then there will soon be no more worries.

And I can drink as much as I like there and I will no longer be sick either.”

It is this great love, which is standing opposite Trui.

Crisje absorbs her love, of course, and she has always done that.

From the moment that Tall Hendrik passed over, everything.

And Trui wants to murder that love.

On the day she gets to experience another love.

Trui’s love is standing opposite that of Our Lord.

Does your cup of coffee still taste good, Crisje?

How does this talk of Jeus sound?

“If I consider everything well, mother, then I will also beat the contract there.

Those boys cannot think, mother.

But I got that from father.

Father was exactly the same as I am now, is that not the case, mother?”

Now he shakes up the foundations already laid by Trui.

Nothing else remains of what Trui piled up.

He beats left and right, hits Trui’s head against a piece of stone as well and Crisje feels from it that her heart is beating a bit more calmly.

Jeus, but my Jeus!

But he has not yet finished, Crisje, just listen:

“Father only thought about us, mother.

Did you think that I had already forgotten how it used to be?

Did you think that I did not think of the time when you and father used to sit and enjoy your coffee so much in the morning and discussed everything together?

I can still see father going about the kitchen, mother.

However, he has never left here.

Did you not think that also, mother?”

Well, Trui?

How do you look?

Can you still pull off this fight?

And now this?

“But how good father was, mother, for you and for all of us.

I can never forget father, and I myself will work until I drop.

Good gracious, we will soon have pigs in the sty again.

We will pay the land lease and have plenty of money for other things.

And I will work hard for that, mother.”

Is it not the case, Crisje?

What Trui built up for herself today, he demolishes in the evening, when he has a nice talk with you.

Have you nothing to say, Crisje?

It is a hard fight, she feels.

One life does it consciously; the other does it unconsciously, but out of love.

It is the devil against God, love against hate, destruction against construction.

You would succumb to it, but that will not happen either.

It is mortal thoughts and feelings against the emotional and is significant to soul and spirit.

This no longer concerns food and drink, but Divine matters!

Is it such a wonder that Crisje can no longer sleep?

And that she prays to the extreme?

But Hendrik!

But Our Lord!

Do you hear Jeus talking, Tall One?

Did you hear Trui, Tall One?

What does Our Lord say about it?

Crisje will have to go to the poor relief, Tall One, which would make you tremble and shake.

What should she do?

I will think about it, Hendrik.

I will talk to Father about it, Hendrik!

Jeus is working with the fennel honey.

Here he has to fill bottles of honey, put lids and label them, something completely different than with the liquorice.

You will no longer get a runny nose.

Then you would be stupid.

You will be the picture of health here.

Honey is a drink for everyone, for young and old, and thanks to that nice stuff, you earn good money here.

Jeus is sitting amongst thousands of litres of this tasty stuff.

He first wants to get to know everything.

He will see what the three other boys do and follow their actions.

He is given a big table where he can start.

Jeus hears that no one can do better than the boy over there, who is sixteen years old, like Albert was.

He could hit himself on the head that he is not older; then he would be able to earn more.

However, the labour acts call him to a halt everywhere, Crisje.

Fourteen marks is a good deal to me, and he can make that here.

Now calculate how many bottles that lad can manage in a week.

The master servant says: “Begin with five hundred.

That is a tremendous amount of work.

And then speed up production.

Earn money for your mother.

Very good.

I like that!”

“Yes, boss”, he comes out with.

He feels that man is on his side.

He can already speak a little German, when he says: “Yes, boss, I think the same.”

Well done, Jeus, it is going well.

That man has never seen such dedication before.

He will give him a chance, but yes, he will not break the contract as quickly here.

Here life places other demands on him.

A bottle is handled by him at least ten times.

You have to fiddle about until you can no longer see, Jeus, if you want to exceed the contract, and then?

However, that will still come.

In any case, Jeus, you learn to think here!

This is a great challenge for you.

Now your machine can operate, such as the thing has never worked before and which Jan Lemmekus knows all about, Anneke and Mina as well.

They hear all about him, now and again, there is some spare time to talk to Jan.

The clean bottles are lying in a basket and they have to be filled with this nice honey.

This is something, mother, he thinks, for stomach-ache, mucous membranes, of course also for the whooping cough, for measles and the plague, for gout and lumps on the head.

But, that is no longer possible, he must think about the work.

If he does not finish this week, then nothing can happen to him, he will get his wage here like he earned in the liquorice in the contract.

If he exceeds this, then that money is for mother.

He thinks, I will just fill a thousand, after all.

He will begin:

First filling, then the corks, afterwards the labels.

That filling is nice work which you can sit and do, and now think about nothing else.

Human gossip only disturbs you.

It is going well, see for yourself, he is as fast as the wind.

His machine is working as fast as lightning, like a raging wind, but everything is screaming inside, not a single nerve is not involved.

The belts are tensed again; the machine is excellent, Jeus!

Everything is an art, he sees, it is speed, but you have to act consciously.

In one day he wants to fill a thousand bottles, cork them another day and label them another day ...

Oh, that is not possible!

Then he will not have enough time; therefore, will he not make it to a thousand?

Now first he must decide on how to sit, because that strange lad there swirls on his backside, and it is clear if you sit on it stiffly then you will be too stiff and that is a loss.

But you can do it like that.

Just like with the pullers and the pitchers; he now knows even better why all those men sat swirling on their chairs, that is now clear to him as well.

“Oh”, he utters, now that he has felt the boy there, is that the case?

Is that why you can fill so many bottles in a short time?

Then I will catch up with you, for I can think.

He is now faced with a pile of actions and they will now be balanced out again.

He can now give himself completely, no one disturbs him in this work.

He is sitting there in front of a barrel with bottles, and fills them.

What he would not have thought of now, is immediately next to him and he hears it said:

“Of course, Jeus, I have not come here to disturb you, to keep you from your work, that goes without saying.

Nevertheless, I thought, let me just pay him a visit.

I was in the neighbourhood anyway, wasn’t I?

And in addition to this, Jeus, I can admire intensive work.”

“Good grief, Casje, how could you find me here?”

“You should know that by now, Jeus.

After all, I can see through the whole world.

Wherever you are, I can find you.”

“I realize that, Casje.

Are you pleased that I took off from there?”

“Of course, Jeus, it is better here for you.”

“But you really have to work like crazy here, Casje.”

“I already saw that, Jeus.

But what that one there does, you can do as well.”

“Do you already realize that, Casje?

I’ll teach him something.”

“I know, Jeus.”

“Where were you all that time?

Do you not have anything else to do, Casje?”

“I rummage about a bit, Jeus.

I am really everywhere.”

“But that is not good, is it?

Mother always said and mother is right about that, a person has to have something to do.

Then you cannot get any bad thoughts, Casje.

If people have nothing to do, do you not know that, they start playing rotten tricks!

Then bad thoughts reach your life on their own.

And you must know that, anyway!”

Well, well, Casje, you can make do with that.

Casje says to him: “Of course, Jeus, I can imagine that.

I cannot contradict your mother.

But, listen, I have plenty to do.”

“Then I take back my words, Casje.

Would you not like a taste of fennel honey from me?

Would you not like to enjoy that tasty stuff, Casje?

The boss is not here now, anyway.

That is good for everything, I can personally recommend it to you.

Have you never had whooping cough, then?

This stuff will dissolves the mucus.

Don’t you suffer from congestion, Casje?

But you go out in all weathers like myself?”

“I would like some, Jeus.

But I don’t really feel like any just now, and I am rid of the whooping cough.”

“Then it is up to you.

You are old and wise enough.

Do you think, Casje, that I will make it?”

“Yes, you can do it.

If you are able to think you can do anything.”

“Then I think, Casje, that I will take a thousand bottles.

But have you heard how Fanny is doing, my own Fanny?”

“He is doing well, Jeus.”

“Does he still think of me?”

“Of course, he cannot forget you.”

“Is he not walking about crying then, Casje?”

“No, do not worry.

He knows just like you do what he has to do.”

“Oh, then he is okay.

Otherwise, I would have had something else to say to him.

I have more than enough worries.

Now you may talk to me for a little while longer, Casje.

But that will be over in a few moments.

I have to work.”

“I already gathered that, Jeus.

Otherwise, I would not have come either.

I understand!”

“You see now, Casje, that is thinking!

Other people rob you of your time, but they are gossips.

And even if I say so myself, I like to hear talking.

But I hate gossiping, Casje.”

“I have already known that for some time, Jeus.”

“I must see that I get those bottles filled as quickly as possible.

I will take a thousand, Casje.”

“I know that, Jeus.

And you will know for yourself.

You know what you can do, don’t you?

But it is a lot, that is a pile, as long as you know.”

“I know that as well.

But can you see what I have to do with them?”

“Yes, I also have eyes in my head, don’t I?

Those bottles have to pass through your hands at least seven times.”

“What did you say, Casje?

Then you know nothing about it.

Those bottles pass through my hands at least ten times.

This is work, of which you have no understanding.

But I can understand that.”

“Thank you, Jeus.

That is understanding a person.

I have to go home now.

I won’t keep you any longer.”

“Thank you, Casje.

You will certainly have a few things to do.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Greeting to José and my Fanny.”

“I won’t forget, Jeus.”

“Mesjoer then, Casje.”

“You haven’t forgotten, have you?”

“No of course not.

Wait a minute!

I have to tell you something.

I can tell you that you were proved right.

That other Casje devoured seven bowls of soup.

My God, I laughed until I cried about that Casje.

He is completely mad, isn’t he?”

Silence ... that is a pity, he hadn’t thought about it.

Jeus has a fright.

However, Casje saves him when he says:

“Did you get a fright, Jeus?”

“Yes, I got a shock.

I should have given you a different name.”

“As long as you know, Jeus, that I am pleased with it.

I would not want to do without this name any more.”

“My God, Casje, how happy you make me now.”

“I know, Jeus.

But I know that other one, after all.

And have you forgotten then what I said about him?”

“No, but then I am also pleased, as long as you know, and thank you.”

“My pleasure.

But I am going now, or I will only keep you back.”

“That’s good, Casje, because I have to take care of my household, you probably know that.”

“I know.”

“What did father say, Casje?”

“He can also thank you and he knows everything!”

“I will tell mother, Casje.”

“That is good, Jeus, but now mesjoer.”

“Mesjoer, Casje!”

He listens, but Casje leaves.

He sees that Casje climbs out through the gate and disappears.

Now he has to put in an effort,

And the machine is working well.

It is good of Casje that he came to pay him a visit.

He knows exactly where you are.

But that boy there, grabs five bottles in his hand at a time.

And then they fill themselves.

He must also learn that.

The fingers just have to get used to it and then he slips them into the basket and the bottles will now roll between his fingers on their own.

Immediately he puts them under the tap and fills them, do not be afraid that you will spill any because that is wasting time.

He manages it, and it is going well, now carry on.

By four o’clock, he can start corking.

A gain has been made, they say next to him.

They had expected that he would not have filled the bottles until tomorrow.

The master servant sees it.

Finally another boy like that with spunk.

He will beat the contract, you will see.

He has sat here himself and knows the trade.

It is a great fight.

And Jeus needs money, but there are no worries now.

He has made an honest confession and has also had communion.

Crisje may be satisfied.

He is now faced with sticking labels, the corking is already finished, and in one go, he throws a thousand labels on a shelf.

They are wet underneath.

It is here, whiz, whiz, and it is finished as well.

Now sticking, two must be stuck on, one large one and a star.

Just smooth them down, he must get that down to a fine art as well, and then finished.

He must hold that knife which he uses to lift the labels in a different way.

Like that, and then immediately on the bottle, smooth it down with his palm and hey presto.

That is all and now he has to speed the process up again.

He feels he needs at least three weeks for this.

They see it and know that that lad has brains.

Adults have tried it and could not achieve it, at least break the contract, because he is heading that way and he will do everything for it, this will bring money into the house or into Crisje’s china jug where they always keep the money.

This week he can and must make do with his wage.

Teun and Miets are already familiar with the fennel honey, they will not be sick now, and he will make sure there is liquorice as well.

Then it is Sunday, a nice day for him.

Now that Fanny is no longer here, he can play football.

However, the fennel honey is in the ball, and it is a bit sticky, so he is not playing as well as usual.

His shot is weaker and he knows that it is due to the fennel honey.

And those are not excuses, Crisje, it is the truth.

His mind is not on it; worries follow him everywhere.

Are you pleased, Crisje, that you were sent greetings from the Tall One?

He would have been better to include a nice fat bone!

A tasty one for the soup, but that isn’t there; it is now a barren message for your life, isn’t it?

However, what can a person not experience, Crisje?

A message like that from his guardian angel used to be worth millions.

Now it is worth nothing!

This is how strange life is, Crisje!

In this way a person can also change.

What you considered great for years, is not worth a thing now.

Did you think, Crisje, that it would reach this stage?

No, that is impossible, but now we are experiencing the sacred truth.

You are thinking of nice round cheeks for Teun, Miets, Hendrik, Gerrit, and the oldest boys.

However, Mientje Klarendaal cannot do that on her own, then her business would also collapse and you do not want that.

But what do you want, Crisje?

Hendrik Wageman will make sure there is nice soup.

Trui knows it!

Is that not something for you?

Have you not yet reached a decision, Crisje?

It is taking a long time.

What are you cooking today?

The boys now turn their noses up at what you have in the pot.

At least Gerrit and Hendrik, the others know better, even if the youngest children do not yet understand that.

Just look.

Can Our Lord not make sure there is a juicy bone, Crisje?

A fat one, with everything in it, which the butchers sell immediately, and you have to order beforehand?

Then you have to know whether you have the money.

And it isn’t there.

Now you cannot make a calculation beforehand.

Everything is hanging here in space and it is completely empty!

You do not see your Tall One?

Our Lord now seems deaf and blind.

Your prayers are not answered.

Father avoids the subject.

That is no use to you either.

Only Trui appears to know, but you have to think about that first.

Is it not taking too long, Crisje?

On Monday, Jeus starts at full power.

He is quicker than on Saturday, his thoughts have helped him.

It is strange, but he sees it, it is now working of its own accord.

The faults have to be eliminated.

His way of sitting is now perfect.

Even his breathing is part of it.

If it is not pure, it thumps inside, and then his fingers do not work.

He continues in this way, sends himself towards the contract, and will conquer it.

Here as well and then what?

Two weeks later he takes fifteen hundred for his account and he manages that as well.

The master servant is dizzy from it.

The contract will be destroyed, that is for him then, he cannot earn another cent more, and it is the highest for the fennel honey.

During the first few weeks, litres of fennel honey landed on the ground.

Now not one drop at all and that means something, after all.

Crisje gets to hear:

“Just look, mother, what I earned this week for you!”

He places thirteen marks on the table, almost the wages of a man of twenty years old.

“Are you pleased, mother?”

Now Crisje starts to cross him.

Which never happened before, Jeus now has to swallow.

For Crisje now talks at odds with his inspiration, which is fatal, and worse than the plague.

He already hears:

“Of course, Jeus, I am pleased, but you must not do that.

You may not kill yourself working.”

He laughs, his machine is tickling from happiness and Crisje hears: “I would gladly kill myself working for you, mother.

That is the nicest thing there is, I would do anything for you.”

He now gets to hear that Crisje is afraid, that he is taking care of her.

Crisje now burrows into his life.

But, aunt Trui is behind these utterances.

The human cheating has now started.

Trui’s adder lives behind Crisje’s concern.

It is a dangerous one.

This is not real, Crisje!

My God, what a mean one this is!

It is bad!

This is love with the stench of a corpse.

All life has drained away; Crisje helps aunt Trui.

It is like:did I say that?

Was I supposed to have said it like that?

Then I thought something completely different.

You did not understand me.

Oh, no ... you just thought that.

That was not the intention.

You will never leave us, will you?

But tomorrow you will be out on the street with everything, which used to be so precious to you.

Nice things end up in the stove.

Works of art no longer mean anything.

And Crisje, what was I talking about?

This love will also be out on the street!

And are you doing that, Crisje?

Good heavens, Crisje, no one believes that.

Did you think that of yourself?

Could you ever have imagined that life would hit you like this?

That life would confront you with such problems?

Things happen here, Crisje, which are outrageous.

What must the angels think of it, Crisje?

This is what people are really like!

When you have to make an extreme effort, a person has to show what he wants or can do; the whole lot inside succumbs.

But Jeus is not like that!

The master servant follows him.

The best boys must get a chance here, who do as much work as three others put together and are still not able to earn any higher amount, because of the labour acts.

Then there will be misery.

And it is a pity.

You should just see that boy work.

You can hear him think.

He is heading towards the contract and will beat it.

You will see.

Once again Crisje hears how much he has earned for her.

She does not want him to work hard like that, but he laughs at her words.

It is true, she knows that, it is the nicest thing in life.

A person is then so sure.

A person with an obligation, she just thinks of her Tall One, is something special and you will never suffer poverty with it.

You feel cared for in this way.

Jeus must not work so hard.

He must leave the church for what it is, and he gets to hear such nonsense from his Crisje.

What used to be the highest for Crisje and meant – how is it possible? – is gently broken down and humanly devitalized!

The inspiration has to be destroyed!

The inspiration must now die!

That has become something completely different.

That no longer means anything, because that is what Crisje is aiming for!

Moreover, it is aunt Trui who is behind her life, who hits her life inspiringly and who digs a hole for Jeus.

Is that boy not yet falling?

However, Jeus continually smashes her words to smithereens.

It shows now that Crisje has not yet reached a decision, or she would have reacted differently.

And then aunt Trui’s power is broken for a moment and the sacred light shines again over their household, their bond and pure love, which is now being sullied by Trui.

Is a fight just being fought here for life or death?

Death is on top of it and that is the Tall One!

When Crisje gets to hear:

“Did you think, mother, that I no longer know that you have worries?

And did you think, mother, that I did not know how you have worked yourself to the bone for us?” Crisje is of course back on his side and Trui can tell her more.

Be off, aunt Trui!

Just tell your nonsense to Otto, tell it to someone else, but leave these two children of Our Lord alone.

Trui cannot really compete, but her words are hung and, with all her intensive inspiration for the wrong things, she must now prove for once what she can do, this life has an endless supply of love.

However, Trui’s injections still work infallibly, because Trui has help from many people, while Jeus fights alone.

Jeus also says:

“I promised father, mother, that I would take care of you and I want to keep that promise!”

You see, Crisje, this is men’s talk.

When Jeus continues:

“I am not a gossip, mother, what I say, I wish to do as well!

You can count on me!”... she can know and be happy.

But, Jeus, what are you actually fighting for?

It is bad!

Which of these two people will win, one of whom, is still a child?

The inevitable will happen, anyway.

And it will not be swayed, not inspired or prayed for, even if you go to communion every morning, Crisje, it will not help you.

Jeus is faced with a force majeur: he is faced with three people, in addition with poverty: charity, broken clogs, a piece of clothing, a pig in the pen, the terrible land lease, the rent for the house, food and drink.

What can this life possibly do?

A child is fighting against a pile of humanity of the most sorrowful kind there is, and which gives you lice as well!

You cannot really buy a piece of soap, that costs money as well.

When you see those lice creeping on the children’s heads, moreover, you cannot give them everything you would want to, because they have sent the profits to the Grim Reaper, that rotter came and fetched the Tall One, but above all the peace, the harmony, the human paradise.

What are you living for, actually?

Life is a muddy pit; a bunch of wild people are right, and they have inherited happiness, however, decent people sink, and as if that wasn’t enough, the only good thing, as a result of which you can now live, must also be destroyed, and Trui is making sure of that.

Or is that perhaps protection and should Crisje accept that she must bury her inner life?

But Jeus is falling apart, most certainly; he will go under!

Two months later, they trudge along nicely, thank God, through the winter, that time is the worst for everyone, and he has broken the contract again.

It is now no longer possible to go higher, but still he has to.

He is not stupid, because it is the worries, after all!

The household gobbles up the money; it is the debts, of course.

In the years that the Tall One has been gone, they had to eat, didn’t they?

And Theet across the road gives Crisje everything, but Theet Egging also has to make a living or his grocers’ shop will go to the dogs.

Here and there, that also goes without saying, Crisje had to buy on credit.

But that is really awful, it is just like someone is chasing you with a knife and will also stab at any moment, that has been like that for years now; no, since the Tall One passed away.

It is in your throat, your heart thumps at night because of it, you can no longer sleep, and your blood has stopped flowing.

Then suddenly it starts flowing again.

People look at you and that is the worst thing.

It is just like, even if they know nothing, they are holding up notes before your eyes, as if they will get that money from you.

How do you wish to pay for your coffee?

You are probably in a lot of debt with that.

Is that not the case?

They do not even dare to ask Crisje that, on the contrary, everyone wishes to give her something, but that also eats at your heart, and is nothing for Crisje’s nature and character.

Now you can give in to it and you have to hear from all sides how good those people are to you, after all.

No, the Tall One also had the same character.

Neither of them ever considered buying on credit, anywhere.

That was okay for disbelieving souls, for people who have to do with ‘behind the hills’, where the poorest people live, and have found a roof over their heads, but where it is terrible chaos!

In this area, you keep your pride!

Even if you are only a workman, you have to look after yourself for society’s sake.

Not only from the outside, but especially from the inside.

No, a thousand times no, you cannot give anything to Crisje.

She knows life and her own folk.

Where she got this from, she does not know.

Of course, Our Lord, but it belongs to the spiritual nobility.

You could put a crown on Crisje’s head just like that, even if she wears clogs.

Now she is a spiritual queen!

She has never even lied!

Never ever, that is impossible!

You can never go to her to talk ill of a person, because you will get a hiding yourself!

You cannot destroy people, people have something else, and one sin is not complete rottenness!

You could write volumes about Crisje, but then you would still not have analyzed her unbelievable character, the goodness in this soul runs so deep!

And that, how is it possible, now talks in a different direction to Jeus.

This is therefore the worst thing there is and which now reveals itself, about which you know today and can say, it is okay like this, but tomorrow there will be something else.

Even if Theet Egging says: ‘Crisje, if I have food, you also have food, we owe that to the Tall One for his singing, in the evenings at the door with the boys.’

That good old Theet ... but that doesn’t help!

Things are coming to a standstill, Jeus, even if you are earning more and more, the lice continue to affect providence, and there is no soap made for that.

It is a pity, but these are the facts!

Bernard also tries all kinds of things.

Is there any money to be earned in the neighbourhood?

Can Bernard not make some pairs of trousers, because he can already do that.

No, the mothers do that themselves and save money.

And Johan cannot work any harder, he is now working behind a butter machine and it is very heavy work, but you are now earning something.

Still Johan, it does not help, even if you do everything, there are eight mouths which ask for food and drink.

Every day, every hour, one gap has been filled with a few frills and another deeper gap opens, and you are faced with an avalanche of worries.

But what do you want, children?

No, good Theet, I will no longer buy on credit, that will bother me.

I will succumb under that burden!

However, Jeus has forced Trui to put her marriage to Otto off for a while.

It is a small gain, a halt as well for a while, but Trui is now thinking about very different matters.

If it is not possible to do it like this, then it will be done in a different way.

Otto will not put up with it any longer, people are already talking about him being at the Grintweg so much and that must be avoided.

Does Otto know about her nonsense?

Of course not.

Nevertheless, Trui has now worked out her chances.

She has made it nicely through the winter; she is already getting her nice things from Otto, she cannot do it any differently any more and that is her own business.

However, there is also the gossip!

Trui could not sleep because of it, but that was only just for a little while, she put her shoulders under that heavy burden and threw it from the top of the Grintweg, she took it as it were to the ‘Hut of Sint van Tie’n’, there, where that man lies, who took his own life, because that life stank, and that of people also.

How is it possible?

Trui also gave her inside a hiding.

As if Jeus could take a decision for his work, Trui could do the same thing.

Then that misery went overboard.

People’s gossiping now no longer hurts her!

Whether her departed Gradus inspired her in this, no one knows, but Trui sees everything differently now.

That lot next door must just decide for themselves, she will get married!

Now that Father has already promised her his blessing, it happens!

And what do the poor souls here wish to begin?

Her head is held high.

She walks along her own Grintweg – or is that not the case; does the Grintweg not also belong to her?

– as if she now challenges everyone to say something.

And she now sees, that this is the best thing, for everyone in this life it must be the most natural foundation, because now the inner life acts and proves what it wants and no one else has anything to do with it.

However, now and again, Trui has a fallback and then she has to talk to her Otto, also to the neighbours, but they, if they wish to know, can drop dead!

Next door to her a human storm breaks out.

She knows it!

Trui sees it!

Trui could certainly help Crisje with something, but she does not do it!

Crisje will bow her head.

Now Trui is playing cat and mouse, but she is the cat in heat, the calculating brute, the false character, and her leering instinct, with the additional affection, which Crisje gets every day.

How is it possible.

Trui, but you are getting help and you know that, don’t you?

That has been there for so long.

Trui makes the ship strand.

Trui knows that Crisje’s fishing rod is broken!

Trui already sees it, soon it will be okay, why must she exhaust herself?

That talk of her Tall One, Crisje’s happiness, is her little mouse, her trap as well, and it is obviously the piece of bacon for Crisje, but that bacon is called Hendrik Wageman, Otto’s brother!

Are the debts not all over the Grintweg?

Trui is furious because people excuse everything about Crisje.

Her business is talked about in the street, Crisje is given support, she could no longer fight against it, and it became the improbable gain for Jeus.

It is unlikely and has nothing to do with little providences, because Trui knows people are being trampled there.

Soon a soul will come to her and will say: ‘Trui, I am getting married to Hendrik Wageman, just let him come!’

This is not politics, nor learning either, but completely obvious.

Crisje must be destroyed and will succumb!

She, Trui, must just adjust her sails, but she is sailing on another compass and with Crisje’s steam.

And that steam is called hunger, the land lease, and human misery.

It is easy for Trui to talk, there is coffee, food, and drink, she already gets it delivered, canaries have also come.

Now the last step as well.

“Can I not earn any more then, master”, Jeus asks in Emmerik.

“No, my dear young man!

No!”

“I have done my best, master”, he also says.

“No!” he hears and that sounds harsh, but there is nothing to be done about it, Jeus, you cannot go any higher.

Jeus continues with:

“That’s a pity, master, good gracious, what a pity it is.”

Your heart runs over from it, but the master servant says: “Unfortunately, I have probably not everything to say, my dear boy,” and Jeus can bow his strong head to it, Crisje!

He does not do it at once.

You cannot know, but the reply is:

“Of course, that is all true.

But it is not possible, it’s a shame!”

‘A shame’... he thinks ... ‘a shame? ... We call that a pity, good gracious.’

But the krauts do not know that and they would like to.

But they don’t have to have everything.

Jeus cannot go any higher; this is the end.

He has also broken the contract here, Crisje, it is sorrowful.

“I am still too young for there, mother” ... Crisje hears when he comes home.

“They do not want to give me any more.

If only I could beat myself older, mother, then I would have done that long ago!”

Well, Crisje?

What do you have to say now?

What does he put up against aunt Trui’s nonsense?

Jeus puts in his blood for you; Trui puts in destruction.

However, if he kills himself working or works until he drops, you cannot go any further.

Even if aunt Trui tries everything, it really has nothing to do with your own situation, the misery which you now see and have to accept, flows between you like muddy waters and you will also fall in!

However, Jeus’ love is boundless, is supernatural.

What is pain, Crisje?

How will you experience that?

Jeus feels it, because he has to swallow his powerlessness.

You would be mortally ashamed if you had to sully this love, and you had to renounce your words, it would mean his downfall, his bleeding to death.

There is no fun in it now anymore!

The fennel honey also means nothing.

He can now do this work with his eyes closed but it does not give him any satisfaction.

Is there nothing else to do here?

There is always the ink.

But you will be destroyed there, Jeus.

The stench there is worse than in the combing area, it is horrible there, cold and sorrowful.

You are covered day and night in that dirty ink and your mother will kill herself with washing in order to get those colours out of your clothes, that stuff is so stubborn.

And yet?

Can you earn more there, master?

However, the master servant is not in favour of it.

He tells him how dirty it is there.

He understands Jeus, the man has started to appreciate his sense of obligation, it is faith, hope, and love.

He knows all about Jeus.

He knows his father and mother and the pathetic remainder.

But it is a mess there.

The ink is nothing for Jeus.

You can earn a bit more then, but think about it before you start there.

You would sell your life in order to earn three marks more, but people do not even want your life.

It is a dirty mess!

Three weeks later Jeus is in the ink.

The master servant gave in.

Now he is sitting in between that stench and is working.

It is a dirty mess, and he has already had to accept that the first five minutes.

You have to use ten kilos of soap to get your hands clean and for your very own smock.

Crisje has a terrible job with this mess and can no longer understand it.

Why did he not stay with the fennel honey?

He has not been so sorrowful for a good while.

He cannot get his seating position right here.

His fingers are lifeless and his brain no longer works.

He lashes out, but that does not help either.

Life is rotten; life is a dirty cesspool.

Those colours do not mean a thing to him, that dirty green and red ink can get the ‘droodles’.

You have nothing to put in your mouth here, and he does not get any liquorice from the other boys, life is at a dead point.

One foot wrong and you are dumbfounded.

He swears every minute.

If you hear him complaining you walk away from him, and they cannot get through to him at home.

Everything is miserable!

You are annoyed to death, but it does not help you.

In this situation, he suddenly hears:

“You are a fine one, Jeus.

You go from health to misery.

How did you get that into your head, Jeus?

You are coughing yourself to death.”

“Good day, Casje.”

“Good day, Jeus.”

“That is true, Casje.

I have gone completely mad.

You are right.

But if you have troubles, you will do anything.

Do you know of something else for me then?”

“Of course, Jeus.

There are plenty of factories here.

More than this mud here.

I do not understand that you let yourself be put in the ink.”

“I wanted it myself, Casje.”

“If I were you, Jeus, then I would look out for something else.”

“Good gracious, that’s a good one, Casje, that I didn’t think of that.”

“I would think so too.

This is nothing for you.

Nothing!

This is a mess, Jeus, it is a dirty mess!”

“I already know, Casje.

But working over there with the fennel honey was not much good either.

I drunk at least a litre every day, but when I put my nose out the door, I had a cold as well.”

Jeus hears Casje laughing, he asks: “Is that really a laughing matter, Casje?”

“Would you prefer me to cry about it?

It’s really something.

Litres of that stuff and still a cold.”

“You are right, Casje.

I have to laugh about it myself now.

They drink all they can of that stuff and they kid people that you will no longer be sick, but I know that dirty lot.

I know a thing or two about it.

People are being cheated, Casje.

You will die from it, as long as you know!

But I must honestly say, it helped me through the winter.

Perhaps I would have been very sick, what do you think?”

“Of course, there must be something in it for a cough.

But if I were you, then I would get out of here as quickly as possible, Jeus.”

“Of course, Casje.

I will look out for something else.”

“And now don’t swear so much any more, will you?”

“Do you know about that?”

“I know that, you just believe me.”

“Thank you, Casje.”

“My pleasure, see you later.

Mesjoer, Casje.”

“Mesjoer, all the best.”

Casje has disappeared.

Jeus quickly finds something else; he is now going to the chocolate factory.

How good life is.

Eating nice chocolate, as much as you like.

He does not understand that he didn’t think of that.

Crisje gets to hear his inspirations of course and the children now get something else.

Pinching is dangerous, but he does not do that.

On Monday morning, he is standing in front of a big table wrapping chocolate.

After half an hour, he starts to feel sick.

Five minutes later the following scene and three seconds later he is lying staring.

They all had to accept that here and it is finished for eternity, he can no longer look at that junk.

He cannot stand any food for weeks, but Crisje still sends food, but he cannot even bear to think about it.

Around three o’clock he knows all about his trade, and the dangerous part as well.

He now knows what the best way is to take chocolate home.

Something for the children, after all, who never get anything nice.

And there are cart-loads of it here, too much for a few people in this world.

However, they will kick you out on the street, if they catch you here.

Crisje prays that that terrible stealing will not overcome him, and that he may be protected against those devils, it is the daily prayer to Our Lord, but that does not help either.

Isn’t that something, Jeus?

It is possible to try.

There are those here who already have a small shop for themselves at home, built up from the boss’ chocolate.

‘I have been doing it for so long, but they will not catch me.’

You can also hide some in the flask.

Now and again, they look in the food flasks, but that is only every once in a while.

They examine about ten of them thoroughly; the rest get through.

However, everyone pinches, everyone has children, true or not, and they have plenty here.

Oh, Crisje, where will that ship strand?

If you wish to count on Johan and Jeus, then you will soon be faced with an uncertainty, which will inspire you and force you into another decision.

If you should think, we would probably manage after all, you are off the mark.

Life is tempting, life continually has something else for you, and then you have to take that into account again, and it goes to your own head.

Three weeks later they also have Jeus.

Just take your clothes off there, young man, we want to know whether you steal as well.

How is it possible, this is just the time that he has chanced it again.

A half a pound of good chocolate for his children now and again is fine, but this time it isn’t.

“Master, oh, my Master, I am so sorry.

Is there no pardon then, Master?

I will never do it again, never ever!

I am so sorry, master.”

“What did you say?

Sorry?

You are sorry?

Is that not pitiful?

My dear boy, leave here, get out of here, and quickly.

Get out, I say!”

He clings to his master servant, he cries like he has never cried in his life, but it does not help him a bit.

Can sir not forgive him then?

Our Lord forgives everything, after all, doesn’t He?

And then he hears:

“But what has Our Lord got to do with it?

Get out, I say, and quickly.

Out of my sight, get out of here!”

Is there nothing in his papers then?

And then he can be happy, there isn’t, but he must see that he leaves quickly.

Or the police will come as well.

Then the gate slams shut behind him, and he is out on the street without a cent.

In the middle of the week, it is Wednesday, not a cent.

Out of it, he is standing there naked.

Those three days are gone.

However, he will not give in.

He has heard that they also need boys at the butter factory.

He goes to Van Rossum as fast as he can, and yes, he can start tomorrow.

The same wage as there.

But my three days, mother?

It is a big hole!

He smells a terrible stench.

The misery links him to something else.

What is the matter?

Yes, Jeus, that is because you peed your trousers out of fear.

That on top of everything, now just see that you get home and tell everything to Crisje, it is not possible to get out of this.

Life is rotten.

Before you know it, you will be in prison.

He is bad-tempered, swearing to himself, about rotten life.

He can now walk the streets, the tram is already in Holland.

And the next one leaves at ten o’clock.

Then he will be home ten days earlier.

Then just walk, through the woods, that is a bit shorter and then no one will see him.

He almost went to prison.

Never ever, steal again!

I will never do that again!

Never ever!

Believe it!

Why did that man not believe him?

Those dirty krauts!

They got him in a bad way.

Nevertheless, he has a new job.

Even if he misses ... good heavens, that is a lot.

What will mother say?

Three days gone.

Three days worth of money lost.

Crisje, what do you want, and what will you do?

Did you think that you could count on the boys?

Then you are completely off the mark, Crisje, that is not possible!

Now Jeus must go to confession.

And the priest can laugh at his pranks.

However, mother has the worries and that is terrible.

I will never do it again, never ever; he is crying to himself and gives himself a good scolding.

Suddenly there is someone else who has to go to ’s-Heerenberg and he hears:

“So, Jeus, are you scolding yourself so much?

I must say, you have got it badly.

But they also got you, Jeus.”

“That is your fault, get lost.

If you had not come to me, then I would still be in the ink now.”

Casje spits back at him: “What are you trying to tell me now?

Are you trying to say to me, that your misfortune is my fault?”

“Yes, I left there because of you.”

“No, you would like that, wouldn’t you?

You should not have pinched things.”

He thinks.

Casje is right.

He cannot get out of it now.

“I did it for Miets and Teun, Casje.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course, I could eat as much as I wanted there.

But I can no longer stand that dirty stuff anymore.

I know how they make it, Casje.

Now it would make me sick.”

“I can understand that, Jeus, but it was tasty as well.

You have become fat from it.”

He feels his face and must admit; the time there was not so bad after all.

Casje hears:

“I will now go to the butter factory, Casje.

That is something completely different.”

“I know, but you are just kidding yourself, aren’t you?

And what will your mother say now?

Did you not think about that for a moment?

They threw you out, after all.

And without a cent, am I right, or not?”

“Yes, Casje, that is true.”

“And now you must also confess it.”

“I have already finished with that, but mother is a different story altogether.”

“What will you say to Father then, Jeus?”

“I will say nothing to him, Casje, nothing.

I will go to that Other One, above here, as long as you know.”

“So, is that the case.

Yes, you could do that; it is your own business, after all.

You must see that you get out of it again, mustn’t you?

I am going home.

Mesjoer!”

Casje does not hear anything, his ‘mesjoer’ gets stuck in his throat.

There are so many worries.

Tears are shed at home.

Crisje gets a fright, she squirms inside, but Jeus does not hear that.

No, you cannot work it out.

When you think that you have got it, you are not yet there anyway and everything goes backwards again.

She is unable to see it any other way.

She does not say anything and that is bad for his life, complaining does not help.

Even if she hears that he has to go to Van Rossem tomorrow, it does not help anything.

She cannot renounce her inner self, it is painful, difficult as well, and you have no words for it.

And now think!

Crisje shuffles on, the household overtakes her, it indicts her everywhere, it calls, it screams, it stinks, you become dizzy from it.

No, life is nasty, it is not nice, and for Jeus there is more trouble.

They can all get lost.

He suffocates in that Kurt, also in that Albert, from everything, fennel honey is mud, chocolate is a dirty mess, and you must never eat that.

You should not wish these people good things any more.

Those people kick you onto the street for no reason.

Are they people?

Do they have a faith?

Complaining does not help, Jeus, ‘little man’, ‘my dear boy’.

Nothing can be changed about it, but your mother knows it now!

Jeus, greetings from José.

‘You can get stick!’

Jeus, greetings from Casje.

You can get lost.

Jeus, greetings from Fanny!

I do not want anything more to do with dogs!

Then carry on!

At the butter factory, he is working at a machine, which makes pound packs of butter and he must wrap them along with eight other boys.

Whiz, whiz, it goes again, but when the boss sees that he can do it fast, he comes at a table to help.

He wraps the butter, another person shapes the butter, and another person weighs it.

The good butter now passes through his hands, Crisje.

If he does his best, he will get more money as well; it is the same wage he got from the liquorice, which he will now earn and he can now accept that he has not made progress.

A pity, but what do you want, Jeus?

The boy next to him says that he can buy a pound of butter.

And he likes that.

He has something to make up to Crisje.

He will get one of the best brands, and a pound like that is heavier.

They weigh it themselves, almost a pound and a half for the same price.

He comes home the first day with his fine butter.

Isn’t that something, Crisje?

Johan also brought home butter now and again, but not this kind.

True or not, Johan?

Johan tastes the butter and has to admit: yes, this is the best kind there is.

Nice, but do not steal any more.

He takes dry bread with him to Emmerik now, there is plenty of butter.

He can go forwards again.

The sun is shining a bit more brightly than yesterday evening for Crisje, the lump in his throat has at least disappeared.

And Miets and Teun now get a nice bite to eat.

This is also worth while and not just a little bit.

Crisje hears:

“Mother, the angels do not even get this butter.”

Johan, who was at Max Bömer and now works at De Bruin, knows all about it.

However, what Crisje knew, but did not yet realize, was that Jeus has now discovered, Johan does the work of a strong man.

Did you ever hear Johan say anything about it, Jeus?

“Mother, can you understand that?

I know now, Johan does the work there of a man!”

It is true.

Johan works hard, but Crisje is not going to make it.

Johan does not run from one boss to another, Johan has a good place there and has no other aspirations; this is it and nothing else.

There will also be enough for him to marry in the future.

Now Jesu still has to swallow that he will come home with less.

He will not get over it quickly, he is killing himself working here, but it takes longer than he thinks.

There is no contract in place here; he is not so noticeable.

Even if it goes with whiz, whiz, of course, it is good, but other boys are also very good at whizzing.

‘We will see in six months time, my dear boy!’

Isn’t that something?

Can that man not give me more?

He sees, that I want to slave away to death, doesn’t he?

Life now comes to a standstill, life no longer absorbs, it has no inspiration any more, life is dead.

You are hanging in life, you stumble through life, you have had enough of it, it is no longer nice now, and it is nothing!

Jeus decides that for himself.

Also at home, Crisje must decide for herself as well.

And she can be trusted with that.

She knows what she wants, she knows what she can do.

Crisje prays day and night!

Her prayers go somewhere and no one knows that.

She thinks that the Tall One knows it, but that is not the main thing.

Her soul cries day and night from the worries.

She has not spoken a word to Father about it yet, but that will also come.

All winter she was occupied with it, when she heard Tall Hendrik say:

“Cris, did you think that I was jealous?

No!

Then there also came from the Tall One: “I have other things on my mind, Cris!”

It was then Crisje knew she must go over this for herself.

And with Our Lord, of course!

Then Father got to hear:

“Will you bless me and Hendrik, Father?”

“Of course, Crisje.

This is serious.

After all, I know how much you loved your Hendrik.

As far as I’m concerned, I do not mind doing that, Crisje.

This hole cannot be filled.

Of course, you already have my blessing and Trui as well!”

Crisje does it for the children.

She cannot go forwards, or backwards, yet, she has to!

However, she also goes a bit higher.

And is now following Jeus’ path, but praying in the church.

Of course, lying under Mary, Joseph, and Our Lord, Crisje follows the way of the cross.

Once, twice, three times, four times, five times, six times and the sixteenth time, she heard it, the word came ...

Yes, Crisje.

Only you can do it!

Trui can’t.

However, everything is different for Trui!

Now she has to wait quietly.

How is it possible?

That poor Tall One.

However, there is also Hendrik Wageman!

You see he is already coming to the Grintweg.

Come on, just call Crisje.