I enter eternal life
When I opened my eyes, I looked into two other eyes, which radiated a loving light.
Gradually I started to see more.
I could now make out a nose, a mouth, a chin and I suddenly knew who was standing before me.
With joy in my soul, I called out: ‘But father, oh father, father, father.’
And his voice resounded with the same happiness, when he replied: ‘Theo, my son, we are together again.
Welcome to eternal life, there is plenty of rest here.
Now sleep, my son, just sleep.
There are no grenades here, there is no horror.
So rest, Theo.
I am watching over you.’
I sunk into a deep sleep.
When I finally opened my eyes, I saw that I was in beautiful surroundings.
I could not see the sun, but I could see by everything that it was the height of summer.
‘Where am I?’
It was the first question which came into my head.
I turned my head in all directions and I enjoyed what I saw.
Everywhere there were beautiful trees, there were flowers of every colour, there was water, silvery water, on which birds were floating.
‘Where am I?’
I was lying on a settee, I noticed, and I felt very peaceful inside.
Cheerfully, I continued to look around, but after a short time I felt myself sinking away and I fell asleep again.
I wakened up in the same place, nothing had changed and it was still summer.
Suddenly I saw people walking.
They were walking very calmly.
‘But where am I?
And where is father?’
The question kept coming back to me.
The people did not look at me, I was alone and remained alone.
But what was there to stop me approaching the people, I suddenly thought.
I could ask them where I was then.
My legs would be able to carry me, I felt healthy.
It was clear to me that I must have been seriously ill.
Yes, I would like to go to those people, some of them were dressed in beautiful garments, I saw.
They radiated light.
Suddenly I saw that my hands also radiated light.
And then I suddenly saw my torn uniform.
‘Where am I?
Oh, but where am I?’
But no one answered me.
My eyes closed again.
When I awake, I am back amidst the horrors of war.
All around me the grenades scream.
I see German and Dutch people running towards each other, the noise is terrible, the air is filled with explosions and the cry of death.
I keep seeing how soldiers were torn apart by the murderous bullets.
Oh what madness the war is, it flashes through me.
I follow the victims who are torn apart and I can clearly see how the souls are torn from their bodies.
And I also notice with a shock how those souls immediately start to look for the body parts which were torn from them.
A deadly tiredness overcome me and I sink back into sleep.
My eyes open again and I see the earth.
The sight of the battle field is terrible.
The ground is dug up by the grenades.
Are my eyes deceiving me?
Am I seeing properly?
My God, how awful, what devils!
I see how the Germans are busy laying their dead comrades together.
They take off their uniforms and put Dutch uniforms on them, which they have robbed our boys of.
I have to experience even more horrible things.
I see how a mechanical arm – I do not know of any other name for this machine – picks up the bodies and tow them away.
They will be burnt, I feel.
But – and I scream – there are soldiers amongst the dead who are still alive.
They are only unconscious and will also be burnt, if I do not do anything to prevent this terrible thing.
I stand up and scream, I have to stop those people there.
But when I try to jump off the settee, I feel myself becoming as heavy as lead and I swoon.
It was a small, sweet little bird which called me back from my fainting fit.
The little creature was sitting on a branch, close to me, and was singing a tender, happy melody.
Just as I tried to say something to the little creature, it disappeared before my eyes.
However, where it had disappeared I saw a shape appearing and I immediately knew who was coming towards me.
‘Father, but father!’
I jumped off my settee and a second later I was lying against his chest.
I bombarded him with questions.
‘Just tell me, father, where I am.
I am experiencing so many things and I keep falling asleep.’
He calmly answered me: ‘You have to be calm, my son, my Theo.
Look at me and tell me whether I am alive.
You know, after all, that I died on earth, don’t you?’
Of course I knew that.
‘And so do you know then where you are now?’
Surprised, I looked at father and I said with hesitation: ‘But I am on earth, am I not, father?’
He shook his head and held me close to his chest.
‘You were there, Theo, my son.
You died there like I did.
A grenade put an end to your life and tore your body apart.
Now you have entered eternal life.’
If father had not taken care of me, I would have fainted again.
I see the battlefield before me again in all its terrible, inhuman cruelty, I see bodies being torn apart.
This picture sicken me and I want to close my eyes to it.
But a power outside is forcing me to experience this awful scene again and again.
And at the same time I feel why this was necessary: I have to get through this horror, because it is part of my life.
Without fainting because of it, I have to be able to think about it.
So I follow everything again, I do my best to deal with the terrible misery which I had seen on the battle-field.
I have to force myself.
It is dreadful to see how the people throw themselves at each other in a fury.
The moaning of the wounded people is awful.
The beastliness with which one person killed another is horrific.
Another, no less terrible scene unfold before me.
I see bodies which are flung from the material bodies and understand that they form the soul’s life.
And I perceive how these souls search for hands, feet, torn from their bodies in which they have lived on earth.
They try to find their heads, which have exploded in the battle.
They scream for their mothers.
The scene is even worse where German and Dutch people recognize each other and go for each other again.
Just as mercilessly and terribly as on earth, the battle starts up again.
‘My God’, I prayed, ‘please do something.
Just make them stop that fighting and destruction.
Do not allow it, oh, God!’
But as more souls were flung from their bodies into eternal life, the battles increased in intensity.
It was a tremendous effort for me not to faint again, but I managed to remain standing.
However, then I was at the end of my strength and I asked father:
‘Can you take me away, father, far away from this chaos?’
And father answered solemnly: ‘My son and brother, I am willing to help you.’
His words sounded so solemn, this moment was so sublime that I cried out with joy:
‘Father, my father, thank you.
I can see that you are a spirit of the light and I know now that I am living under your powers.
I ask you, father, help me further, show me everything and let me experience everything, I want to know everything which I have to know.’
‘You will know everything, my Theo.
Come and follow me.’
At my father’s side I entered the wonderful landscape which became more and more beautiful.
Was I entering heaven?
My feelings told me that this was so and that I was now entering the first sphere of light on the side beyond.
To be certain I asked father this.
‘You have already felt it, Theo.
We are in the first sphere here.’
‘Who brought me here?’
‘I did, Theo.’
One question after another now occurred to me.
‘How long have I already been on this side, father?’
‘According to earthly calculations, eight days have passed.’
I looked at him in surprise.
‘Eight days, you say.
Eight days have passed?’
My head was spinning and all kinds of thoughts overwhelmed me.
‘Father’, I begged him, ‘help me, do not leave me alone any more.’
Father reassured me.
Had he not come here with the express purpose of helping me?
‘So do you know all about my life, father?’
‘Yes, my son’, was his immediate answer, ‘you can ask me whatever you like.’
In my new situation, so many questions arose, that I did not know which question to ask father first.
I looked at him rather helplessly.
Then I suddenly noticed his youthful appearance for the first time.
‘How can it be that you are so young, father?’
‘Our emotional life determines the shape of our bodies, my son.
The more love we possess, the younger and more beautiful our form becomes.’
‘Father, you are the one now who is helping me to think, I can feel your influence.
You were also the one who helped me when I threatened to forget myself in the violence of the war.
How grateful I must be to you.’
‘It was you yourself who made it possible for me to intervene, your own spiritual possession!’
I thought about this, father continued walking, next to me, his peace communicated itself to me.
After a while, I asked him where we were going.
To my surprise, father answered: ‘Back to earth, Theo.
I will explain many things to you there and then we will go back to the spheres of light.’
Back to earth!
I experienced one emotion after another, how wonderful life was, how mighty God was.
To the earth I was dead, my body had been torn apart, and yet I was alive, I moved, I talked and I thought.
A wave of enormous gratitude to God, who had created all these worlds and all these laws overwhelmed me.
God was great, God was good, I had never realized this more than at this moment, when we were preparing to descend towards the earth.
Suddenly the landscape around us became hazy, I felt myself becoming very light.
I felt that we were floating.
It was still not possible for me to deal with all the impressions which the trip through space, through the universe made on me.
I saw planets and stars around us.
‘It is daytime on earth’, father said, ‘the sun is now shining over many planets.
You will get to know all of that.’
Everything which I experienced was awe-inspiring.
My God, the thought suddenly flashed through my head, just imagine that I had violated your life like the others.
Where would I have ended up then?
Father followed my thoughts, I noticed, because he immediately replied to my unspoken question.
‘The gates of hell would have opened for you.
And you would have lived in that madness, until your soul would have freed itself from it.
You can feel it, much time would be taken up with it.
But every soul manages it, because going higher is possible for everyone.’
‘I have so many questions and yet I cannot ask a single one of them.
Why is that?’
‘This happens to every soul which enters the spheres.
However, know, son, that I will help you to deal with all your impressions.
Every soul which enters the first sphere from the earth receives this help.
And giving this help is the first task of those of us who want to serve.
We have had to prepare ourselves for it, only then can we help others who possess the same life and destination as we do.’
‘I can now only think of my life on earth, father.’
‘That is also the idea, Theo.
We will follow that life and also everything which has to do with you.
Only when we have finished with all these problems will we go back to the spheres.
Then, my boy, you will be able to receive your eternal possession.’
‘Does everyone experience that, father?’
‘All souls which leave the earth experience that.’
‘Father, why is it that I kept seeing the horrors of war before me a while ago?’
‘It is very natural, my son, that you went back to what you lived in.
After all, you still do not know the spiritual life.
Your thoughts therefore had to go back to the horrors which you experienced during the final hours of your life.
If I now let you think under your own powers, you would still be going back there again.
However, since I am concentrating on your emotional life, and absorbing you in my thoughts and emotional world, you remain conscious.
I will have to keep doing that until you can create order yourself in your thoughts.
However, at this stage it is still the case that you keep going back to those earthly horrors if you don’t receive help, you keep experiencing them.
Then sleep overcomes you, because losing your mind is not possible in this sphere.
Of course, people are happy to help you, but eventually you must be able to help yourself.
Those powers are present in you, your short sleep proves it, others sleep for months and years.’
‘I could weep from happiness, father, now that I know that you are next to me.
Yet I feel you in a different way to the way I did on earth.’
‘You would do well to think of me as you thought of me on earth.
Talk to me, as you talked to me there, then we will become closer to each other than ever before.
You feel strange now but that is because you are not completely in this life yet.
You first have to absorb this new life.
I am also analysing these feelings of yours.
You feel that you want to embrace me and yet you cannot, because you feel a distance between us.
However, the more spiritual consciousness you gain, the smaller that distance will be.
It is therefore not true that a person who comes here, can just immediately step into the relations as they existed on earth.
Here in this life we merge into each other as our feelings, our consciousness grows.’
While I floated next to father through the universe, towards the earth, I had thousands of thoughts, and just as many questions without being able to form them yet.
I could not think for myself, I could neither walk nor float, I did everything under the powers of another person.
The person who was helping me had been my father during my life on earth.
He had been very close to me there.
Now he lived next to me again, but my feeling told me that there was a distance between us.
As a result of father’s words, understanding gradually came to me.
Father stood, as conscious as he was, closer to me than I did to him.
He was my father and yet he was not.
Yes, on earth he was my father, he belonged to me.
Here, in this world, he was a spiritual being with a beautiful light around him, the light which had formed his love.
He was a personality, who knew the world in which he lived.
He attained his spiritual possession, his greater consciousness; all of this created a distance, in my opinion.
With his help, however, the distance would become smaller and smaller, to finally disappear completely.
In order to bridge that distance he had advised me to keep seeing him as I had seen him on earth, as my father, with whom I had a bond.
I held father’s hand more tightly, he, who had been like a guide to me on earth, would now show me round here too, in this great astral universe, where I was like a child who still had to learn everything.
Thousands of souls were thrown along with me in bits and pieces into eternity.
One person awakened in hell, another person entered a heaven, everyone came to the place which he had created for himself through his deeds.
I had opened my eyes in beautiful, wonderful surroundings, I had been taken there by my father, and he now led me by the hand into the wonders, which God’s Love, God’s Omnipotence had created for His heavens.
On earth I had looked up at the stars often enough, at the sun and the moon; I had seen their light, but had not understood their significance.
In this way I had uttered God’s name without understanding Him or His works, I had thought about life and death, about hell and heaven without realising their nature, their significance, their power.
I had lived just like that, had tried to do good and steer clear of evil, and all too often it had remained at attempts.
But I could be satisfied, my striving had given me a heaven.
However, I had never realized my imperfection better than now, while I floated through the universe at father’s side.
I still had to learn everything, I was right at the beginning of a long road, however, by following it, all the Divine laws would be revealed to me.
But before my lessons could begin, I had to deal with my past.
That is why father was now taking me back to earth.
Tears were streaming down my cheeks.
How wonderful life was, what a mercy it was to be a person!
Father let me weep and did not say a word.
He knew the feelings, which made my tears flow so abundantly, feelings of gratitude towards the Creator of heaven and earth, towards Him, by Whom I had been given life.
I had never prayed so emotionally to God as at that moment.
We were approaching a sphere which was becoming bigger and bigger.
This was the earth, I felt.
The earth itself told me that.
This knowledge reached my life as though of its own accord.
We were coming closer and closer to it, then we had reached the destination of our trip, our feet touched the ground.
I had completed my first journey, I still did not understand how and through what.
I would still have to learn all of this.
We were walking through a city.
I soon recognized it.
One emotion after another overcame me.
We followed the streets, father and I, and looked at the people who were hurrying along.
We saw them, but they could not see us.
There were people walking there to whom I felt attracted, but there were also people who radiated a terrible demonic light.
Father took me to the place where we had lived.
Our shop was no longer there and yet I observed the place as it used to be, when we lived there.
We went into the shop.
‘You must now tune in completely to the life we led here, that means, you must think back with all your power.
You will then be connected to it, and that has to happen because it will give you something to hold on to.
It is the way to reach yourself.
After all, you were yourself here.
During this life you were close to me, you had a personality there.
And it is this personality which must help you to find yourself, so that all the new things which you have already experienced will not tear you apart.
The immeasurable universe, all the powers and strengths there will then make you succumb, after which sleep will follow.
This sleep may no longer overwhelm you, because you would never become yourself.’
I let father’s words sink in and then I expressed the warm feeling which came to me.
‘Father, you are so close to me.
Now I can feel you again as before.
Tell me, how is that possible?’
‘I already told you, my son, we lost each other in eternity, even if that loss has no meaning.
A gulf was created, because I know more about the life where we are now than you do, who have just awakened there.
My personality has changed here, you must now grow towards me.
This is why – I repeat, because it must be completely clear to you – we are now going back to our earthly contact, as a result of which you will be able to understand me better, which will ease our understanding of each other.
We will build on this contact, I will teach you all I know and in this way we will bridge that gulf.
You will then live in me and I in you and in this way we will be completely one again.
That is therefore only possible if we possess the same sphere, the same heaven.
If that is not the case, then you will feel different anyway to how I feel, even if am your own father a hundred times over.
Father and mother relationships do not mean the same thing here as they do on earth.
Have a good think about this and try to understand it.’
‘I can feel you, father, yes, I understand you.’
‘There is also significance in these words of yours.
You now do not quite know how to address me.
You alternately call me by the polite form and the informal form of address.
Here in this world our respect and our love for the life of God dictates how we speak.
I now ask you to come closer and to address me as you did on earth.
However, if I were a master, then I would know all the degrees and powers in this universe, and you would then have to address me with sacred respect.
Because here lower life has love and respect for the higher life.
Without those feelings, you would not even be able to approach a higher being.
Those are laws, spiritual laws which keep the soul here within its own boundaries.
On earth people have no concept of this, but our life is different in so many respects.’
Now I got an image from the past: I saw myself going upstairs from the shop.
Father lay there ill and he had called me.
This image made me think of father’s sick bed, but my thoughts went back even further, to my youth.
I asked father: ‘What is the meaning of the fact that I am suddenly thinking of my youth?’
‘It was then that you started to love me consciously.
Our contact started there in Amsterdam.
That is why we will go there now.’
I would then get to see our former house, so that was also possible?
Father took over my thoughts.
‘That is also possible’, he said and asked me to follow him.
We went on our way, floating through the streets, over squares and canals.
Nothing stood in our way, we floated straight through people and walls, they were like clouds.
I experienced thousands and thousands of problems during those moments.
But father let me feel that I was not allowed to think about them, that would come later, when the time was ripe for it.
A sacred order reigned in this life.
You could not do anything which exceeded your emotional powers, it would only make you faint.
But I felt that one day I would be allowed to know everything, get to know all those laws which made it possible for me to move and act in this way.
Meadows, rivers, trees, villages and towns disappeared beneath us.
We soon reached Amsterdam.
When I was walking there in the familiar streets, everything became too much for me.
Weeping, I flung myself into my father’s arms again and he embraced me, full of understanding and love.
When I was calm again and ready for new problems, we continued on our way.
We were soon standing in front of our house.
It was now a wall-papering business, but as in Rotterdam, father showed me our own shop.
And what a miracle, I saw myself walking round as a small child.
I did not dare to ask father how that was possible, because I felt that I would then descend too deeply into this law.
I knew that I would only lose myself in it and so I had to just remain tuned to what father wanted to show me.
Oh, I understood father’s way of doing things so well.
The feelings which I had for him as a child returned.
Then he was my protector, my friend, to whom I gave all my trust, all of my tender love.
Now he was my protector again, my friend and adviser.
There, standing next to father, my childhood blossomed before me, I had to force myself to remain calm.
And I immediately felt the depth which quietly dealing with this great miracle could give me.
Self-control, peace and concentration were required of me, only in this way would I be capable of getting to know all the phases of my life and extracting the lessons from them.
Because, I knew, if I could not manage this, how would I be able to help others in the future, to be a guide for others?
After all, it would be heading in that direction.
It suddenly occurred to me, did the masters not say during the seances that people could only master a higher life by serving?
With this realisation, I looked on even more keenly, while my life story unfolded.
Everyone gave meaning to his life according to his own insights, no two people experienced the same life.
I was now faced with all the facts which this life story would show, the lessons to be learned, which would help me to build up a new personality in this astral world.
When I thought about this, I asked father:
‘Did Angelica help you, father?’
‘Are you already conscious of that, Theo?’
‘Yes, father, dear father.
Then you need not tell me anymore and I understand your happiness, when you entered this life.
But where is Angelica now?’
‘She is in the spheres, Theo.’
‘What is she doing?’
‘She is helping others, as I am now helping you.’
‘It is wonderful, father, wonderful and natural.
Are you with her all the time?’
‘For eternity, Theo, my son.
I can see her constantly, if I want to.
When my task of helping you further has been completed, we will carry on together.’
‘You would want to kneel down and thank God for everything, father.’
I saw new images before me, the past had been awakened and no action, no word had been lost.
Now I saw myself in the shop, father was talking to a lady and I was watching from a distance and listening to them.
She was advising him to read the books, which had changed her emotionally and had been a great support to her during the difficult periods in her life.
Father said to her that he would like to read the books; a while later we both went upstairs.
Mother greeted us with swearing.
As if to make me forget her roughness, father took me in his arms and calmed me down again.
His tender gesture brought me such joy, child that I was.
In a following image I saw myself going to school and coming home again.
I was already met downstairs by the raging voice of mother.
There was another argument about the books which father was reading.
Mother threw a book in his face.
I had to experience several arguments and I experienced them again in all their horror.
But there was one difference.
Then I stood watching as a child, small, afraid, not understanding it, however now I felt peace and understanding when experiencing the sordid scenes.
Understanding for father’s viewpoint, who saw his pure religious way of life being threatened and attacked by mother, who searched for and served evil; understanding for father’s suffering, who in his love for mother wanted to keep her from the dark path which would lead her to destruction.
I understood his concern for me, whom he wanted to bring up in his spirit, to preserve me from mother’s bad influence.
And now my feelings for father grew thousand-fold.
Only now did I understand his fanatical will to lead his life according to Divine laws, I understood his beautiful feelings which marked him out as such a fine, deep person and also ensured him a place in heaven.
In this way father’s personality was built up more clearly for me with every scene.
After each scene, I felt myself changing, each scene brought me spiritual wisdom.
On earth I could not have learned in twenty years what I now learned in just a few seconds.
Father looked at me happily, he knew that our first goal had been achieved.
Those images from the past made me get to know father better, which brought us closer together straightaway.
From this feeling I would now have to learn to approach and understand his spiritual being.
And – as I said – the conditions for this were already favourable now.
I wanted to kneel down again, but the problems which we were now considering forced me to remain standing.
It was not the time now to pray.
This was also another miracle, I experienced another new law.
That law now forced me to think and to experience.
There was also order to it!
The grateful feeling which flowed from me was equal to a prayer, after all.
So I did not need to put my feelings into words, but it was better to follow the problems, which our life story revealed so abundantly.
Again, so many years later, having died myself on earth, but living on the other side of the grave, I experienced how my mother went her own way and left me behind with father.
I could also feel the happiness again of the quiet, peaceful time which followed.
We reflected for a long time on the images which were revealed after this.
They were images which showed us the period in which we were holding seances.
But now we did not only see ourselves, but also those who came to us from the side beyond.
They were both angels and demons.