Seances on earth
We see ourselves sitting at the table, us and our friends.
We are holding a cross, the board with the alphabet is on the table.
A spirit approaches, his light speeds ahead.
I look on surprised: it is Angelica, this beautiful young woman is Angelica.
Her gaze rests on father, it contains her great love, she has a hint of a smile on her lips.
She greets her twin soul, it is moving to see the happiness which now radiates from her.
Angelica, I see, now goes into father and over the others, she divides her powers.
We all radiate light and our light mingles with her light.
Seeing this, I also understand that we cannot be completely connected, because the light which we radiate is different.
However, Angelica brings about the contacts.
She directs her power on to the cross and makes it turn.
Now she sharpens her concentration and the cross begins to tap out letters, from which sentences will be constructed.
Angelica shares out beautiful lessons.
She is full of inspiration, living in the happiness of being with her soul, who is like her.
I now see their wonderful contact before me.
Angelica lives in father and father lives in her.
But he does not yet feel this.
He cannot feel it, because he does not know anything about all these laws.
Now I am beginning to understand Angelica’s goal.
If she can continue to connect him to her, then she will be able to reach him properly later.
In this way she wants to gradually elevate him to her own life, so that, when it is time for father to leave earthly life and enter eternal life they can then go into each other, carried and pushed by this contact.
Her immeasurable love for him makes her act in this way.
I still do not understand the depth of everything which is revealed to me here, but I am beginning to realize that the bond which binds these two beings, is not one which can be realized by people.
It must be given by God Himself.
However, Angelica’s attempts are not made easy.
Suddenly, there is an disturbance.
I can now see that disturbance.
A dark cloud slides between us.
It takes shape, it is a person, a coarse, ugly being with a dark radiation.
Angelica, with all her light and love, has to withdraw.
And I now also understand why she has to do this.
The disturbance was only and solely caused by us, the people holding the seance.
Without being prepared for it, without knowing anything about the laws which we were activating, we sat down and waited for the contact with the world from the side beyond.
With different destinies, without unity, filled with our own thoughts and longings, we sat there together.
Is it any wonder that it is we ourselves who draw the lower beings to us and allow them in our midst?
Character traits in us, which the dark being also possesses, call him here, his aura mingles with ours and the being spells out his nonsense, which often contains mean language.
It is an unfortunate person who still talks nonsense in his dark existence.
I am beginning to understand the seriousness of this terrible life.
Oh, I now realize why we did not take more trouble to go into each other more deeply in order to reach unity, why we were so badly prepared in the hours beforehand and why we did not realize at a deeper level what to expect in the evening.
We were entering holy ground and we lacked the necessary respect.
One person came to the seance, while he was still carrying the poison from an argument which he had had that day; another person came from a need for sensation; a third person joined the seance with a longing to get contact with his dead father, while a fourth person wanted to have his future predicted.
Is it any wonder, I ask, that it was we ourselves who drew the low being to ourselves and so made it impossible for the angels of light to pass on their wisdom and lessons to us?
Suddenly Angelica was in control of the situation again.
She pulls up a brightly lit haze which blinds the dark being.
For the moment we, the people at the seance, are free from the powers of darkness.
Now I experience another miracle.
Angelica suggests writing through me.
Father and I are now both holding a seance.
It happens of its own accord.
I am elevated to her life through her.
This elevation is no different to Angelica controlling my feelings.
Now she tunes in to what she wants to write, and see, I feel a cramp in my hand.
Her concentration forces me to let my hand go.
I let my hand go and then it starts to write.
I can feel beforehand what sentence Angelica will write, but it is she who is writing.
I am only the instrument.
But then an disturbance occurs again.
My own thoughts come to me.
Instead of doing what Angelica asks, and not thinking, emptying myself, my thoughts work feverishly.
It is not without consequences.
I am myself again, my body listens more closely to me than to Angelica.
After all, I live in my body and she is only in it temporarily.
So she has to make the most of that little bit of power that I let through.
By now starting to think myself, instead of giving in completely, I break our contact and I take possession of my arm again.
Worse still, I drive away the luminous figure, and since my doubts are also raised, I draw on other powers which touch on disbelief.
All around, above and below us disbelief lives and see: a dark cloud is drifting towards me and a being appears from it, which came before to interrupt.
It grips my arm, my hand, and comes out with stuff and nonsense.
At the following seance held by father and me the same thing happens.
Then, desperate and full of doubt, I throw away the paper and pencil.
Now, standing next to father, I follow the dark being.
We lived in his aura, the terrible feelings of passion and violence from him reached us.
I want to know where this life, destined for a low life, will go.
The man passes his day in this place which is our house.
He is being held here, he once killed several people here and then himself.
This deed keeps him here and he will only be released when his victims belong to the living again.
Now I begin to perceive how this monster was awakened.
It is through mother.
Mother sought wrong, as frivolous as she was, and gave herself over to passion.
As a result of this the being became awakened.
The monster is awakened to life, to deeds, it sticks to her from time to time.
Then mother’s longings are stimulated more strongly than ever, she can no longer stand it at home, she shouts at us that we are the living dead and she has her fun outside the home.
Her bad qualities and the will of this person drove her.
All those thoughts come of their own accord to me.
I now understand how people on this side talk to each other.
Father is standing next to me, he sends these explanations to me.
A feeling of gratitude reaches him from me.
Mother’s arguments with father awaken the monster.
Then it lives, it sees, it observes we people, the room, the shop and the axes.
It is abhorred by those axes, they played a terrible role in his life, by using them, this being plunged itself into misery.
The man spelt out: ‘I am Piet Hein, ’and a moment later: ‘I am Napoleon.’
But what is he?
A pile of misery, which awaits salvation here in a rotten stench.
I start to smell this stench.
Now that I am tuned in so deeply to his life, father has to help me to deal with the impressions, otherwise I would faint.
Thank God, he could not reach us, father and me, during our earthly life.
If this had been the case, then we would not have had a moment’s peace in our house.
Only during the seances was this different, then we attracted him to us, as I said.
Nevertheless, Angelica’s writing through my hand was able to produce good results.
The powers needed for this lay within me, there was feeling in me.
Therefore, by impressing her thoughts on my developed emotional life and at the same time concentrating on my arm, she managed to write down what she had to tell us.
I did not yet have any gifts, they were still to awaken and then be built up by Angelica.
However, beforehand, I had to go through the first stage of development, it occurred to me, even the greatest mediums of all were faced with this law of nature.
Using the feeling I had in me, Angelica had been able to let us experience the most wonderful seances.
Then my cursed doubt let itself be felt and destroyed everything.
Instead of giving in, I let my common sense act instead of my feelings, with all its consequences.
What a miracle!
Standing next to father in our house in Amsterdam I start to see more and more.
I suddenly perceive my own aura.
There are many deep shades of colour in the light which I radiate.
Father’s aura has other colours.
Now I also start to learn the reason for this difference.
Those colours were built up in previous lives and since everyone experiences and leads his life in his own way, the colours are also different in each person’s aura.
A master in spirit is capable of determining the lives of a person and his thoughts, feelings and actions from his colours.
New images reached me.
My aura showed that I had been a scholar in one of my lives, a scholar of the soul, to the earth, a psychiatrist.
I reflected upon the illnesses which ate at body and soul as a result of shocks experienced.
I had been occupied with this research for life after life, I delved deeper and deeper, but even in this life as a scholar I did not achieve total knowledge.
During my last life I myself experienced the most tremendous shock which a person can experience, my own body being blown up.
It was the fulfilment of a wish which had guided me in all those lives of research.
I wanted to experience the shock personally, because in this way I thought I would be able to gain knowledge and to achieve the goal of my age-long study.
For this reason I had gone into the army in my last life.
Father now let me feel that I could also have experienced being torn apart in another way.
As a result of an accident, for example.
The cause and effect, however, that I had to experience in this life, decided otherwise.
Everything I got to experience was wonderful.
As a result of the images from my last and previous lives I started to see the connection between the facts which determined those lives.
In this way I was now also connected to the feelings which made me into a useful medium.
As a result of my searching and study in the area of the soul, I had gained consciousness.
Up until my last life on earth I had worked on the growth of this consciousness.
There was therefore a process going on in my lives and that process also made its mark on the life of my soul.
Because by gaining consciousness, my emotional life gained feeling.
By now playing on this feeling, Angelica could now use me as an instrument during the seances.
That was not the case for the other members of our circle.
They only lived for their cause and effect and did well.
They therefore only had contact with earthly life, and in previous lives every deeper spiritual process was also strange to them.
It was different for father, he was also here to make up for something, but for him the intuition for the higher, therefore spiritual life, was more developed than it was for us.
As a result of this intuition and as a result of his sacred connection of the soul with Angelica, this connection could also draw strength from him.
However I was the contact, therefore the medium.
Now that the presence of the feelings in me for being a medium were explained, I was even more sorry about my constant doubt which banished Angelica from the cross and allowed the dark spirit to connect.
Of course, the seances were stopped.
I now saw that it was Angelica who placed the decision in father to leave Amsterdam and settle in Rotterdam.
We had to leave the unhealthy astral atmosphere which was caused by the dark being chained to our house.
At this point of re-experiencing the past, father let me feel that we would also go to Rotterdam now, in order to follow our lives further.
Faced with saying farewell to this part of our lives, I saw all the images passing by me, as in a flash.
Again I saw father together with mother, again I saw myself as a child, as a boy growing up.
Then I suddenly had to think of my wife.
It suddenly seemed strange to me that I had not thought about her for a single second before.
I look at father and ask him:
‘Why, father, did I not once think about my wife here in this life?
I was married to her, after all, wasn’t I?’
Father looks at me and says:
‘Is it clear to you, Theo, that this is because she did not understand you?
Your wife did not sense you emotionally.
She did not possess any real love for you and was not a part of your life.
Is it not understandable that, having finally arrived in this world, you can only think of the things which were part of your life?
Now that you are tuned into other things here, thoughts of her cannot be part of you.
Only the thoughts which let us feel the warmth and the true love of others occur to us.’
‘I understand, father.
Will I see her and my child?’
‘You will see both, Theo.
When we are ready.’
‘Father’, I replied, ‘you are reviewing all of my life, so we will naturally also come to them.
Am I right?’
‘Yes, you are, my son.’
‘My child, father, I feel my dear daughter really intensely.
I did think about her.
I feel very close to her.’
‘That will be clear to you now, Theo.
On earth you were more connected to her than to Annie.’
‘Do you know my wife, father?’
‘Yes, my son.
I have been with you several times during your life on earth.
I know about your battle in that life.
You do not need to tell me anything.
After all, I know all about you.
You will see your child again and the woman who was once your wife.
If there had been an emotional contact between you and her, then this love would have forced you to follow this bond before everything.
But now that this contact is not present, we would be better to reflect upon your life in the right order.
We will now leave here and go to our house in Rotterdam, because there is a lot to observe here.
This is all necessary, I already told you, in order to make you conscious in this life.
By following your life on earth, you will pass over into eternal life.
From which it appears sufficiently how close both lives are connected.
Our material being, our earthly doings, only they and they alone decide our life in the spirit.
That is clear to you, isn’t it?’