My end on earth seen from this world
We enter the house where Annie, my daughter and I had lived in Arnhem.
I am shocked to find that other people are now living there.
A sad feeling come to me, which is caused by the fact that I miss Annie and my daughter.
Where do they live now, I would really like to see them.
Then father reminds me: ‘You must have a bit more patience, my son.
You will soon see everything.’
He is right, I have to completely submit to his leadership once again.
The sad feeling remains.
Then I start seeing scenes from the past.
I see myself and Annie with our child leaving the house and going to the train station.
They are going to Rotterdam to visit her parents.
On the way a terrible sadness overcomes me, the heavy, dark sorrow, which I now also experience.
I can hardly bear to say goodbye to my wife and child.
The question arises in me: will I ever see them again?
Then the train leaves with them in it.
The longing comes to me, which is even more irresistible than before, to finally see them again.
Has Annie moved away from this house, from this city?
I ask father about it, but he insists: ‘Just be patient, Theo.
You also have to learn this: to express patience, my son.’
Then I just give in and tune in to father completely.
I now see myself amongst the soldiers.
They are very excited.
The question whether we will be involved in a war is talked about a great deal.
No one can answer that question with any certainty.
Then the boys with whom I have often spoken before about spiritual subjects, come to me with the question of, how to act if the war becomes a reality.
Should they fight back, may they kill?
They are questions which I myself have already wrestled with.
I tune in to father and – I now see what I already felt then – he is with me during these difficult, serious hours.
It is his word which gives me a clear answer to all my agonising questions, and he is also the one who inspires me when I urgently warn the boys not to kill, not to kill under any circumstances, because this would be murder and a murder would plunge them into the darkness of hell.
It is Jack, I now feel, who, driven by father, speaks to the soldiers.
Theo now gradually sinks into that personality.
It is also Jack alone who can speak like that, with his inner possession.
The darkness of the night descends upon the earth.
However, I can see another darkness, the darkness in which they live who have to be counted among the demons of hell.
They now live in the sphere of the earth, they are out for low, cruel destruction, which they hope to experience when the battle breaks out.
The flood of feelings which overwhelms me, now that I am beginning to be connected with the events and problems, which made such a shattering impression upon my soul, even made me enter eternal life, now make me lose my self-control.
By even just thinking about the terrible events which took place in the Grebbe Line I am already being drawn there.
I race ahead of father, but this is not experiencing anymore.
This is allowing myself to be dragged along by events, racing forwards blindly.
I am ahead of the events which presented themselves and as a result of this I have to become a plaything for the powers and strengths which made this so horrific.
We therefore go back home.
Here I first have to learn to tune myself properly, otherwise I will know nothing about all the things which happened.
In this life nothing can be left out, father lets me feel, here everything must be experienced to the deepest depths, or we will have to keep starting from the very beginning.
Although I realize this completely, it still costs me a superhuman effort to concentrate.
The Grebbe Line keeps getting hold of me and then I threaten to lose myself, I dissolve into the terrible experiences.
However, I keep recovering myself and the necessary peace gradually comes to me.
Father lets me feel that I now have to consciously go through all those horrors, he cannot help me with it.
He has to let me go, in a different way to that time on earth when he had connected to me to help me with the terrible experience of mass slaughter.
Then I experienced everything as though it did not concern me, as though I saw the event playing before me in a cinema.
But now I must experience all of it and in all its terrible reality.
Father now goes in front of me and I follow him.
We see troops moving all around.
The soldiers are moving to their appointed positions.
I watch carefully, because I want to follow everything.
I can see astral beings with some soldiers, fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers.
I cannot imagine why they are accompanying them.
I will get an answer to this some time.
I can still perceive the two types of darkness, that of the earth, where it is night, and that of this world, the sphere of the demons.
I see myself amongst the troops who are intended as reinforcements for the Grebbe Line.
And I immediately rush back to this place, what is happening has got hold of me again.
Too quickly, according to father, I pace myself and go back again.
First I have to go back to the feelings which accompanied me during the march towards the Grebbe Line.
While advancing I am in the process of becoming another person.
It is as though I am dreaming, I put one foot in front of the other in a completely mechanical way.
I have actually already lived in this dream-like state for a few days.
It is as though I am no longer on the earth.
Since my wife and child left for Rotterdam, this strange feeling has only worsened.
Father is with me on this journey.
He works on me and draws me into his world.
This does not cost him any effort, the powers which make this possible for him are within me.
I am not completely Theo any more, he is busy descending into my subconscious.
He has to continue to live there.
It is Jack who will gradually take over the body and begin to act for Theo.
In this way my ego changes, as I keep moving forward.
On earth all of this could not be felt so clearly, because those changes in me affect my life as Theo, after all.
Theo went into the army, but it is Jack who now has to experience something.
Theo has not completely disappeared yet.
When we have reached our positions, he knows what needs to be done, he gives and carries out commands.
Jack co-experiences all of this.
As Theo I have been emotionally turned to stone.
Everyone notices that I am not okay.
A normal person does not act like that.
They have never seen me like that before.
Fear, they think, because many people now appear anxious and nervous.
I am summoned to see the commanding officer.
He wants to know whether I am afraid and immediately adds that I may not be afraid.
Almost all of them have wives and children or parents.
Why am I not setting a good example?
I shrug my shoulders.
It is impossible for me to answer him, I could tell him so many things.
I have no fear, I hate those thoughts of fear.
I am not afraid of death.
I am afraid of nothing.
Only I have no feelings in me.
How can I explain that to him?
Can I tell him that everything leaves me cold?
He would not understand me anyway, I myself don’t even understand it ...
An hour later many of us have to appear before the lieutenant-colonel.
The generals in command are gathered there and impress upon us to not deviate by a hair’s breadth, if we have to fight.
One of them notices my dull attitude.
He calls me aside.
‘Are you afraid?
Are you afraid of death?’
I mumble something, without having understood him properly.
‘Nerves’, I then hear him say.
Nerves, almost everyone is troubled by them.
Everyone reacts in his own way, but all of them without exception feel shivery.
The empty feeling inside me becomes worse and worse.
I can barely think anymore.
I have a tight feeling around my waist, it is exactly under my heart.
This place lacks warmth, it feels cold.
It is mixed with anxiety which increases by the hour.
I am as cold as ice and yet I am burning.
I take some aspirins, but it does not improve.
Only after some time does the cold leave me.
However, the tight feeling around my heart remains.
Then it becomes very quiet within me.
That silence remains with me, and I will live in this silence as long as I am still on earth.
At the time I did not recognize all these different feelings.
But now I explore them.
It is father who has connected me to them.
Father was next to me then as he is now and followed me.
He was above and under me, to my left and right, in front of me and behind me, or even better, he was in me.
Our souls were and are completely one.
He protected me and this was possible for him since he had been able to elevate me to the life of Jack.
Since this personality lives in a great problem for this world, he could manage this.
As Jack there is only one goal which drives me.
I received my life in order to make up for something and to experience it.
I am now faced with this experience.
My life as Jack, who is a scholar, exceeds my consciousness as Theo.
But they will soon pass over into each other.
I can now feel that.
Then – after the event which awaits me – the life of Jack will dominate completely, and this is possible, since I have experienced nothing in the life of Theo which shocked my soul.
I now start to feel more deeply than before and I am very grateful to father for this.
The things I get to feel and deal with are very enriching.
It becomes increasingly clear to me that it is not Theo who wants to experience this, but Jack.
Theo did not have any feelings as a scholar, he did not know anything about this study, which belonged to Jack.
During this last life on earth I am Theo and I belong to father.
In that other life, however, there was also a bond between us, he was my friend then.
In this way it is possible for him to help me now, which would otherwise undoubtedly have remained impossible.
How complicated a person is, it now becomes clear to me.
It has become silent inside Jack.
Theo still only exists for twenty-five percent of who I am.
To him there is no war or horror, he sees everything as in a dream.
On the other hand, Jack is intensely aware, he is tuned into one point and is preparing himself for the experience.
Father has helped him with this.
It is now a case of waiting for the things which will happen.
Jack just thinks it is a mess in the positions.
He cannot stand that crawling around and waiting.
He is far removed from everything which has to do with that warlike carry-on.
He only lives for the patients, whom he feels close to.
Meanwhile Theo walks about and makes jokes.
The soldiers and his superiors no longer believe that he is afraid.
He talks thirteen to the dozen and behaves precisely as if there is no danger of war.
His indifference affects the masses.
The boys feel supported by his enthusiasm and forget the pressing tensions a bit as a result of this.
Nevertheless, the day drags past exasperatingly slowly.
Now I begin to observe in this world again and I can see how thousands of astral beings have come to the earth.
Father lets me feel that all these souls have left their heaven to fetch those men who will soon fall during the battle and who will be able to be brought to the Spheres.
I can see fathers and mothers with their children, they are close to them, connected to them.
The men do not notice it.
They carry on with their business, not knowing that spiritual beings are waiting along with them for the moment when all hell will break loose.
These figures which radiate light all have something of Christ in them.
Like Him they want to serve, give, devote themselves.
I can see all the love radiating in their auras which they feel for the life of God.
I soon notice that none of them are anxious.
I can see young, beautiful women in lovely robes walking round, as if they are in the midst of the most wonderful nature.
I can also see children amongst them, who are gathered here, children, who are older than fourteen years, my father lets me know, if they are younger they may not be here.
They are all accompanied by their master and are ready to do what they can for their people.
I can see thousands of these spirits of love around me.
They talk to each other and in these conversations they discuss the event which brought them here.
All of them have peace and joy inside, I even feel the happiness which lives in them because of the coming reunion with their loved ones.
My father is also happy inside now.
However, there are others, I observe, who are silent inside from inner sorrow.
I start to follow their suffering, I only have to tune in to them and I receive their thoughts within me.
But – I suddenly notice – there are also beings whom I cannot fathom out in this way.
It is as if when I tune in to them I go through them, I cannot get any grip, I cannot feel them.
I ask father what this means and his answer reaches me through our feelings.
These beings have a higher destiny than I do, so that for me they, these emotional worlds, are not fathomable.
I can now observe those souls, because they are tuned to this earthly event.
However, if they were to withdraw to their own world, then they would all disappear before my eyes and they would become invisible to me.
These souls, father says, live in the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth, the sixth and the seventh heaven.
They know exactly why they have come here.
They float in the universe and do not just wait like that, but they are already connecting to life on earth.
How moving, even overwhelming is the thought for me, that the souls here have left their heavens, in order to help their loved ones, who are faced with such serious problems.
How great and good and mighty are the arrangements of God’s world that such a thing is possible!
There are some who feel happiness arising within them when they think about their loved ones on earth, there are others who feel sadness next to their happiness.
I understand their sadness.
They already know now that their loved ones, who are perhaps their children, their fathers or brothers, will forget themselves.
During the coming battle they will kill, commit one murder after another and therefore be destined to darkness.
The hells are the only place which they can then enter.
God does not tolerate that we people take His Holy Life.
These souls here know that this will happen.
Is it any wonder that their hearts hurt knowing this?
They cannot intervene, or stop a person, as long as the hatred, as long as the evil rules these hearts.
As parents they have to accept that their children plunge themselves into the dark hells.
What father and mother can feel happy at the thought that the life which is dear to them will destroy itself?
Which mother can remain in her heaven and experience happiness in the knowledge of what her child will do?
This is why they are here and they will help their children as much as they can.
They feel sadness at the thought that they are faced with a wall here, built by their loved ones themselves, they feel pain at the terrible knowledge that they can do absolutely nothing at all because their child, their father, their brother will only listen to the voice which comes from their own dark soul.
In this way their sadness cannot overwhelm them anyway, because the consciousness they have reached tells them that these poor souls have to experience the consequences of their self-inflicted suffering in order to learn from it that no one, under any circumstances whatsoever, has the right to kill the life which God created.
They know that after all this destruction, this suffering and also making up for things, the spheres of light will also open to these souls one day.
I now experience another miracle which affects me enormously.
I can already hear German voices and yet there is no enemy to be seen.
Where am I hearing this language, is it being spoken on earth or on this side?
And who is it who speaks it so fluently?
I follow the souls who are gathered here, and now know that this language has been spoken for some time already.
However, I have not heard it until now.
I have already experienced this before, from father I know that a spirit can only follow that which occupies him, all the other things which occur, escape him.
I see a beautiful figure in front of me which radiates a divine light and is of incredible beauty.
It is so difficult to give an idea in earthly words of what these souls look like.
She is a mother, father lets me feel, she is waiting for her child, who is a German.
She, and many others along with her, when tuning in to the coming events have also tuned in to the language which their family or friends speak.
In the spheres there is no difference in languages anymore.
Everyone understands each other there, since they are one in love.
There is only a difference in attunement and as a result of this, in the depth of their thoughts, feelings, actions.
How different this is on earth.
There they make no effort to understand each other, there they battle against each other with the most terrible weapons which the human brain was capable of inventing, and they shed streams of blood.
How different the scene is offered by the spheres.
See them there together, the spirits of light, united as sisters and brothers, always prepared to serve and give.
And this is the way God meant it to be.
He wanted His creatures to be occupied every day which He gave them, with coming closer to one another and with building a lasting bond of love.
The mother, whom I am able to observe, and the many others along with her, speak German and no one here is disturbed by it.
They know how much the race which their children belong to, are hated.
However, they also know that Germans are also children of God, Father of us all.
In this knowledge they are here to help.
There are also Germans, amongst them who will soon attack my country, who would rather die themselves than raise a hand against the life of God.
For the others, and this also applies to our soldiers, in whom hate and violence live, there is also help, at least in so far as their condition, their attunement allows this.
If they cannot be helped on earth, their help is waiting on this side.
When they have released themselves from the chaos, the horror of war, and their souls have come to rest, their family will come to them again from the spheres of light to try and draw them into their lives and consciousness.
If they manage to open these souls, then they will do everything to develop them spiritually.
Some of them, father lets me feel, will not be able to be helped even then.
They will continue to fight on earth or in the dark spheres for hundreds of years more and remain tuned to destruction and hate.
Those people cannot be reached by their relations and they have to go back to the spheres of light and carry on with their own lives.
However, they continue to follow these pathetic wretches and wait for the moment when they will finally come to rest.
It is horrible to have to watch how they destroy themselves.
What will a spirit of the light feel when he has to experience that his beloved child, his father or brother, fights on for centuries and is not released from the poisonous hatred with which he is filled ...
How terrible war is.
There are people there who have continually striven to do the right thing, who have broken themselves down, fought to turn their bad qualities into good ones, people who believed in God and sought to serve Him – and in a war they put all their so painstakingly obtained possessions at stake and lose them by killing ...
They even think that they are doing the right thing, they believe they are serving their God by obeying the orders of their government and defending their country.
God alone knows His creatures and He commanded them to love one another.
Anyone who wants to enter the spheres of light, may not have blood on his hands.
One evil thought already closes the gates of the spheres to us.
How would we be able to enter there with a murder on our conscience?!
God asks us to obey His sacred laws.
They are to take us to eternal happiness.
God does not know any laws which represent evil.
They were thought up by the evil self in people.
Is it an act of love to kill your fellow man?
So can the law which commands this be from God?
Every spirit who is allowed to call a heaven his dwelling, can tell you that it was only the acts of love which opened the gates of heaven to him.
A murder – and killing a fellow human being in war is murder – will take you irrevocably to the realms of hell.
This is in keeping with God’s justice; a person who believes otherwise is poor in spirit.
The bitter reality here will have to convince him.
It has become quiet in the Grebbe Line.
It is even quieter here on the side beyond.
The soldiers are no longer laughing.
The Dutch are waiting, are ready.
The side beyond is also ready.
I now have to tune into a great many events.
Night falls on the Grebbe Line.
Some of the soldiers are convinced that something will happen very soon.
Where do they get this sense of foreboding from?
These feelings also come to me, father gives me them, when I have fallen asleep for a moment.
This also happens to my comrades.
Other astral beings have tuned in to the events on the other side of the border.
As a result of this they know that the preparations there have been completed and the Germans will attack our country in a matter of hours.
If they can, they impress this knowledge upon their relations and in this way it is possible to announce the arrival of the German troops with certainty.
Someone from my company, a small, blond chap, could also be reached in this way.
He is sure that the Germans will come.
In the early hours of the morning, he tells us.
He is so certain that he would give his life for it.
He is already looking forward to the event.
That will be quite something, he says, and he looks grim-faced.
He will bring down quite a few.
Now I see that he himself will be one of the victims of the violence, which he is longing for so much at this moment ...
And the spirit, which has come to him from the side beyond, will go back with his mission incomplete, the hatred in his child shuts out any help.
The time has come, the reports that the Germans have crossed our borders, come in.
And in a short time the war will start its cruel, terrible game.
The foreign aeroplanes enter our country in waves.
They also appear above our positions and drop bombs.
These monsters explode and cause terrible chaos, there are dead and wounded people.
I look at those dead people, from the world where I am now.
‘Thank God’, a soft voice next to me says.
It belongs to a female spirit.
It is a mother, who is standing next to the dead body of her child.
‘Thank God, my child has been saved.’
The soul, as a spirit, is unconscious.
The mother bends over this life and another being along with her, a sister of the soldier.
Both of them take the soul to the spheres.
Their happiness is great, without being allowed to be sullied by hatred or murder, this life of the soul has left the earth.
Their happiness is boundless and with their precious burden in their arms, they float towards eternal life.
In this way Angelica once floated with father to the spheres of light.
It is sacred.
The happiness of these souls comes to me, it is also shared by the other astral beings, who are gathered here.
I see dozens of people being killed.
I experience different kinds of passing over to this world.
There are also men who are collected, they are taken into the spheres of light by their loved ones, there they will open their eyes again in order to be convinced that they have left their material bodies and are a part of eternal life from now on.
However, there are also men who cannot be helped.
Yet they have not killed, death overcame them before they could fire a single shot.
Father explains it to me: These souls spent their earthly lives in hatred and passion.
They accumulated mistakes.
They are demons who are inaccessible to spiritual help, even if it is present.
They fall asleep in this world and the darkness, which I have already talked about, attracts them.
A hell draws these demons to it and they lie down there, sleep until they are rested and ready to contribute to the devil’s life here.
And God’s spark also lives in these people, but what a lot will have to change in them before they can go back to their Creator ...
Yet others, and their number is greater, do not fall asleep.
In this life they are immediately ready to fight, to direct their hatred and anger towards the enemy, whose missiles killed them.
But they still have to wait, they were killed by bombs, there was still no fighting on the ground, there has still not been any contact with the enemy troops.
Then I experience that these souls are drawn away from here.
Through father I understand where they are going.
They are drawn by the masses, who are involved in a violent battle elsewhere.
There they have the opportunity to live out their hatred and passion.
Then the enemy approaches, the hellish noise increases.
‘They will never get through this’, the men call grimly to each other.
A terrible butchering begins.
I see myself making my way through the terrible chaos.
I no longer have any feelings.
I am getting in the way of the others.
My God, how horrible!
My friends are dying all around.
The others do not look at them, they keep on loading their weapons, they have poison on their lips.
The image which can be observed from this world is heart-wrenching.
What do the wretches do who are thrown from their bodies by a missile?
Whose limbs are torn off and spread here and there?
They begin to look for them immediately in this world.
I see a boy in front of me, some bomb shrapnel separated his head from his body.
He begins to look for it here like a madman.
And yet his astral form is completely intact, which teaches me that the soul can never ever be destroyed or damaged!
The boy is ruled by just one thought: finding his head which was ripped off.
Father lets me feel the meaning of it.
Since those parts of the body belong to the emotional life, the soul forces it.
He searches every metre of the ground.
He finds other heads, he finds rumps, arms and legs.
And finally he can stop his lugubrious search: there he comes upon a head which he recognizes as his own.
Now that he has found it, he laughs like a small child.
In his joy he wants to lift it up, but ... he does not manage this.
His hands claw at the head, he wants to hold it, but his hands go through it!
He keeps on repeating his attempts, it is terrible to watch this, his wild anger, his almost animal-like fear of not being able to pick up his head and to have to carry on without it ...
I see dozens like him.
Others scream for their mother and father, it sounds like the scream of an animal when death threatens.
They have been flung into this life with a violent jerk.
They know nothing about eternal life, on the contrary they have dissolved completely in hatred and fear.
Yet others immediately continue the fight on this side, they do not know that they have entered death and therefore a new life.
They fall upon the attacking German soldiers and do not understand that they do not notice any of their hitting and screaming.
But then they catch sight of the fallen Germans.
With a terrible scream they, astral beings now, attack each other and try to rip each other apart.
But the soul cannot be destroyed like the body, they therefore fight on until the other party becomes unconscious.
And meanwhile the fighting continues on earth.
Amidst the hellish noise of the explosions, the men attack each other constantly.
The battles become more and more intense, human bodies fly about, ripped to pieces.
Many people go mad in this horrific hell, they run from their positions, they want to fall upon the Germans, but after only a few metres they are already shot to smithereens.
Others have to be shot by their own comrades ...
And the worst thing of all is then to see how the demons from hell – because this place has emptied – are enjoying the need, the fear and the suffering of the poor, earthly person.
They roar with laughter and scream – this is terrible to listen to – and encourage the hatred and have fun at the expense of the fighting and fallen soldiers.
Devils are partying here and it is the worst thing which can happen between heaven and earth.
but what does an earthly person know about all of this?
How can I deal with all these indescribable, horrific images?
I weep huge tears, my heart is breaking.
I keep thinking I will faint.
This is the way it was for me on earth as well, in this most horrific war of all times.
I walked round lost.
Prayed to God to intervene, to force the people to stop this madness.
But as the hours pass, the violence only increases more, it becomes empty inside me, there are no feelings left in me anymore, I can neither pray nor think.
If I had not had father’s and Jack’s powers in me, I would have dissolved in this violence and the hatred which hangs above the battle like a poisonous cloud, and I would have forgotten myself and shot along with them, murdered, out of indignation for so much injustice, so much brutal violence.
Then I come across the badly mutilated body of my commanding officer.
As I now see him from this world, his soul is busy separating itself from his body.
However, the body holds the soul prisoner.
The screaming is terrible.
I want to hurry to help him, but father holds me back.
I suddenly understand that he can no longer be helped.
The fight which went on here between body and soul, ended long ago.
I can see the images from the past so clearly.
The screaming continues, only after some time does the wretch come to peace.
He keeps on calling for his mother in these terrible hours.
Many people do that.
They usually call for their mother, in German and in Dutch.
The bond with the mother is more important than all others.
My commanding officer is drawn to the dark spheres, he will awaken there after coming to rest.
This noble soldier’s life has thrown him into this misery, which he always held so highly.
No one in the army was as fanatical as him, when he talked about the use of weapons.
By using them a man could prove what he was worth, show himself to be a man who would leave his opponent in pieces.
What place in eternal life did he assure himself of with these ‘ideals’?
Can God appoint this person to any other place than a hell?
Or should He perhaps offer him who felt this way about human life a place in His heaven?
Person of the earth, I ask you, can you still, with this knowledge in you, take up weapons which rob your neighbour of the life given to him by God and plunge yourself into the depths of hell?
Nothing, nothing, no goal in the world, no command from anyone whatsoever, will make you just in God’s view!
Does this not tell you everything?
The images which the still raging battle bring me, become progressively more horrific.
I am almost at the end of my tether.
If father does not help me, I will just faint.
But then I am able to experience something miraculous.
I am given proof once again of how the Side Beyond wants to and can help a person on earth.
By letting me see that, father is ahead of the events; the following took place after the battle in the Grebbe Line had finished.
However, father apparently does this in order to offer me a gentle scene for a while during this terrible stage.
They are busy piling up the bodies, they will soon be taken away.
They are also taking away the wounded.
Following this, I catch sight of a young man, who became deeply unconscious from a leg wound.
Thinking that he is dead, they come to fetch his body.
The young soldier has left his body, however the fluid cord which connects this to the soul, is unbroken, so that life on earth has not ended for him ...
However, after a quick glance the men declare ‘He is dead’, and the leader of this little group points to the pile of bodies behind him.
Horrified, from this world, the boy sees the great danger which he is in, they will throw his body along with the dead on a pile and soon bury or burn it.
He screams at the top of his voice to stop the men, but no sound comes from his mouth.
Desperate, not knowing what to do, the boy continues to call.
Father, I see, hurries to him and other spirits of love along with him.
By uniting their powers, they force the boy back into his body.
And now he can move again, his vocal cords also obey his will again.
The danger for him has been averted.
Red Cross soldiers take him away.
Several men are helped in this way and also in other ways.
The Side Beyond is so great!
Then I suddenly notice this sharp contrast: here two worlds, the Side Beyond and the earthly doctors, devote all their powers saving one man, and meanwhile thousands of young lives are chased into the fire and slaughtered.
Crazy world, crazy people, who call themselves leaders of the people and treat lives which are entrusted to their care in this way ...
And as a result of these thoughts I am immediately back amidst the violence of the war.
As the hours pass, passions rage even more intensely, the men fight like devils.
There is no end to the screeching of the missiles, the screaming of the explosions, the moaning of the wounded and dying.
The world seems to be disintegrating and the only thing which makes me happy is to see how various soldiers from both camps shoot above their opponents’ heads.
They are driven by the love, which they have in them for their neighbour, whom they cannot hate, because of their love for God and Christ, and because they wish to obey His commandment not to kill.
I am surrounded by moaning and pain, death and destruction.
Two of my friends have been gripped by this madness.
They have climbed out of the trenches and have run towards the enemy.
They are shot.
This image makes something within me snap.
Theo represses Jack in me, I am now the sergeant major who knows the army, the weapons.
A raging anger has arisen in me.
‘Those devils, those murderers’, I scream, when I can no longer tolerate how death and destruction is brought to this beautiful, peaceful piece of ground by an enemy who does not spare anyone or anything.
We had never ever hurt them and now they are causing a blood bath among us.
This has got to stop and in order to revenge so much injustice, I rais my weapon.
But now I experience that my hand is unable to press the trigger.
For a moment, for a single moment I had stepped out of Jack, out of father, then the Grebbe Line, the violence and hatred got hold of me.
But then father elevates me again.
It is he who pushes my weapon downwards and calls to me: ‘Not that, my son, not that, Theo!’
I recognize father’s voice, I call to him.
Then I hear a terrible whistling which is coming nearer and nearer.
A grenade explodes right in front of me.
At that moment I am ripped to pieces.
I experience a terrible shock and lose consciousness.
This lasts only a moment, after a second I regain consciousness.
I experience being released from my material body.
However, a distressing feeling is dominant within me, it is the pain which being torn from my body causes.
Everything happens so quickly that I do not realize it is happening.
I fly metres high into the universe and I can see that father is receiving me.
Meanwhile I already raise my eyes and look into a face which is revealed from under a veil and becomes clearer until I recognize father’s face.
Then the severe, intense pain lessens, my soul relaxes, peace comes to me and I feel as if I have just recovered from a serious illness.
I still see myself in the Grebbe Line.
Father has laid me on the ground.
Now I am at the stage that he can take me to my sphere.
I am now keenly aware of this.
He releases me completely from the earth and he can do this since nothing connects me any longer to my material body, which is ripped apart.
We float through the universe.
The distance between us and the earth becomes greater and greater.
So this is how my passing over into this world took place.
Father lets me experience it again, it is all so great, it is so difficult to experience and deal with in one go.
Again I experience the terrible shock, which flung me from my body, again I follow how the fluid cord breaks and father receives me, in order to float with me into the universe in a little while.
My body has been mutilated in a horrific way, however, my soul lives, is sound, cannot be destroyed by anything.
In order to get to the bottom of this reality, Jack has racked his brains in one life after another.
He has searched fanatically for this truth.
And now in the life after death he gets the answer to his questions.
Nothing, nothing happens to the soul, when it is torn from the body, because nothing can happen to the soul, it is eternal, since the Divine spark lives in it.
What do the earthly psychiatrist, the psychologist know about the soul?
Oh, if only they knew the laws and conditions for the soul, what enormous possibilities we would be faced with!
Now the life of Jack is impressed upon me again with an intense awareness.
I submit to it completely, I see and think like the scholar who has only one goal: to discover the secrets which make the life of the soul of his patients so unfathomable and which he has to know, if he wants to contribute to their recovery.
God grant that I will one day be able to get to know and understand the human soul.
I have already come one step nearer.
However the human soul is awesomely deep, now that I am standing in eternal life I realize that more than ever.
It makes my head spin when this depth is revealed in a flash, and I have to pinch myself to stop myself collapsing.
My eyes search for father, the love and strength, which flow towards me out of him, fortify me.
I reach out to him with both hands and thank him from the bottom of my heart for everything which I have received from and through him.
It is up to me to hold on to and deal with all the wisdom gained.
We now leave the Grebbe Line.
I have now experienced what I had to experience there.
I have dealt with the earthly life, I am free from the earth, nothing connects me to it any more.
A new life is about to start for me.
I have entered the world of the spirit, spiritual treasures await me there.
However, my wife and child are still there.
I would like to see how they made it through the war and what their life is like now.
Father lets me feel that I will also follow this as well.
It is part of Theo’s life.
Jack will completely obliterate Theo, when Theo has finished his life.
Jack burns with a longing to start, he wants to continue his study, do something for science and therefore for humanity.
Of the two personalities within me, it is Jack who has something good, something useful to bring.
In the spheres we only continue to build on the lives in which we worked for a task, a commission, which has spiritual significance.
This is why the life of Theo has to recede in me, because he has nothing to bring the world, he lived the life of a small, carefree child.
Oh, how clear and real everything is.
The hard, restless life of Jack in order to get to know the soul, in the interests of suffering humanity, has made him into a personality which became more powerful in each further life.
It is this personality these realm of emotions, this Jack, whose will to serve, whose inspiration, oppresses another personality in me.
It is also he who, once in the spheres, immediately looks for ways which can bring him to the fulfilment of his ideals.
It could not be any other way.
‘I want to study, father, to know everything which my soul can deal with.
Then I will probably be allowed to go back to the earth one day.
I really hope so, father.
I long for nothing except the new birth.
I want to advance science, I want to pass on everything which I may experience here about humanity and the life of its soul.
These feelings and longings live in me.
I will ask God to allow me to come back.’
Father lets me feel that that is a good idea.
It is as if the part of me which is Theo is listening to father and Jack.
He is also dear to me.
I will now follow him.
As Theo I think about my wife and child, as Jack they mean nothing to me.
Then I love them as I love all God’s life.
Father tells me that I have to prepare myself for new experiences.
And when I ask him what our destination will be, he replies that it is Rotterdam.