Oh, Frederik, René is painting with his feces
If you ask me, there will soon come a time that will confront us all with the real facts.
I think that Karel will not think about his country house then; there will be worries that he does not see yet, but like everything of which we want to know the details, they belong to the invisible presence that we continually touch upon, although we do not believe in it.
I hope that I am wrong because I foresee trouble. I cannot forget my journey, I can hear the grumbling of bears coming closer and closer to me, and I suddenly get a fright because I think that there are also snakes near us.
The crying of the jackal is becoming closer.
I put it out of my mind, I do not want to hear any of it, but what can you do if you feel all those voices within you?
They are outside of you and they know how to reach you as a person.
You are now also powerless, and you cannot do anything about it!
Is that not terrible?
I believe it is, because it makes you powerless, it throws a spanner in your works, and you come to an abrupt halt, without knowing what hit you.
Your opponent is a natural law and it wears a mask again.
You could feel unhappy because of it, if you did not know that you still had to carry on.
When I had visited my friends a few days ago, Anna and Erica came storming towards me.
They were both visibly upset.
“What is the matter with you?” I asked.
“René is painting with his feces ...!” Erica says, “is that not disgusting?”
Anna winks at me, as if to say: “Put her mind at ease.”
I go upstairs with them and look at the child.
“Are you trying to tell me, Erica, that this child already knows what it is doing?
You cannot fool me.
So no more tomfoolery.
Every child does strange things at times.
It is nothing special.”
“You would be surprised, Frederik, if you had seen, as we had, how everything was covered in that filth.
It is just a miracle the way he did it, as if a painter was at work.
It would be astonishing, if it were not so weird, so dirty, so strange.
Will my child become mad, Frederik?
Will René have to go to a mental institution, Frederik?
Good heavens, where will this all end.
How horrible it is.
Can you not see it, can you not feel it, Frederik?”
“What are you thinking about, Erica?
Why are you going so far?
I do not want to hear any more of that talk, do you hear?”
She looks at me and feels told-off.
She will look at it, but she remains afraid.
Those are the bears and the snakes.
They are already in the house, they have found their way to our lives, they know exactly where we live, they know us better than we know ourselves, I now believe, even if I have not yet formed my own opinion.
What is happening now?
What should we do?
What measures should we take, if we want to be prepared for everything?
I do not know, I am powerless, but I know that I will be proved right.
You will see it all now; the play is starting!
In the end, I get Erica and Anna to laugh about it.
“How pathetic people are, aren’t they, Frederik?” ... Erica utters.
“Precisely, Erica, you have got the bull by the horns, just hold on tight.”
“How strange people are”, she continues and I add to myself: We are showing off when everything is going well, and we have everything, don’t you think so?
How strong we feel then, don’t we?
What do we do about it and for it?
We literally stand there empty-handed, but, figuratively speaking, our hands are tied with problems.
They try to win you over in your sleep and then strangle you unnoticed.
They poison your food and your drink, you become ill from the stench; it is a pity that I have to say this ... but those are the facts!
It is as if an expert hand put them there, you do not see their true character, and they wear masks!
If you think that you have hold of one, and have crushed it, a thousand others take its place.
You cannot fight against it; you are faced with a superior power.
You now have to learn how to act, otherwise, you will be felled with one blow, you will hit the hard core within yourself, which appears unconquerable, although you can drill a hole in it, through which you can see whether there is more to come.
In this way, humans want to protect their own ego from trouble.
Anyone who says: ‘I am different’, is lying!
Point out these people to me, Erica, where do these great people live, I know all about it.
They are masks and we think that we can sell Him like an overworked carthorse.
However, can you not hear, can you not feel, can you not see that more misery is approaching your life?
Meanwhile, you hear your own character crying.
It does not sound so strange anymore, but you can hear the human character crying, you can hear it swearing.
What do you want?
These things eat at your heart and yet, it is all as simple as possible, but you have to understand it.
Children are different and have their own character, many small children do not think that it is anything special and are not aware of it.
To René this play is not so childish; I think he is still too young.
Here a firm nature dominates his character.
The personality is not capable of it, yet these inhuman things happen, which are still human, as you can see.
If only you knew, where and how those thoughts were formed.
We are again faced with thousands of masks.
Can a child think beyond normal consciousness?
Good grief, what am I getting at?
It is always those masks.
As soon as you have formed an opinion, you are faced with another one again.
All of life is one mask.
Now add space, development, and consciousness.
Behave as if it concerns you directly and let all those masks be absorbed.
I am beginning to feel what the origin is of the consciousness, which the Orientals warn us against and which will eventually mean our destruction.
It is difficult, but we are prepared, the play is starting.’
I have not been able to put these last thoughts into words and Erica must not know about them either.
However ... I can see new masks ... it is trouble, the jackals live here in this small space.
Erica has gone again, Anna and I look at René.
My friends’ child looks poorly, especially now, because in my opinion it has experienced something which we as normal people have no idea about.
Should we worry and wonder whether this child is itself?
Anna says: “It was like a pigsty here.
You would not believe it, Frederik, but I have become afraid.
I know that it seems like a normal thing ... how many other children do that, but this was different, it seemed so calculated!
That is frightening.
You would think that it was the work of a four-year old.
Just look for yourself.”
They think it is terrible.
Karel does not react, but he is thinking about it.
Anna will pray for René and keep an eye on him.
While we are looking at him, he falls into a deep sleep.
Anna repeats: “When you visit people, you bring peace and sleep, Frederik, that is even better than flowers.
Did you know that, Frederik?”
I try to think about her words, but remarkably enough, their meaning does not get through to me.
Anna is very sensible and that could be very useful, she learns to work practically and quickly in this house.
We come downstairs; Erica is waiting for me and wants to speak to me.
“What do you think of it, Frederik?”
“Nothing, I believe that you are looking for phenomena.
I would advise you to leave it.
All of this means nothing.
Thousands of children play with their faeces ... why not René?
Or does that not happen in your family?
Do not make me laugh, Erica, do not go into it too deeply.”
“I have the feeling, Frederik, that I have brought a person capable of suicide to the earth.
I do not know what it is, but I am falling back on my past.
Not a day passes that I do not think about my child and I keep seeing it as trouble.
I keep having nightmares, and I awake with a shock and the feeling as if I am being choked.”
Her lips tremble.
Should I confirm her suspicions?
I wait before replying, but I cannot get out of it, because she insists:
“Now, do you not know?”
Then I realise it ... and I tell her what I think.
I go back and we experience the great journey again, she now knows that everything is still to come and that we can only hope for the best.
“In my opinion, Erica, as a mother you are one with your child.
I also believe that you get your dreams from him.
I do not know how that is possible, but when life can pass on almost everything to the mother, which we accept anyway, this would also be possible.
You can therefore experience dreams that you receive clearly.
Of course, a dream like that wears a mask, because you do not know its origin.
We still do not know anything about psychology, science can therefore not help you, and so if you want an answer to this, you will have to go back to ancient Egypt, because they understood this.
To put it briefly, you must know the soul as spirit and completely control those awe-inspiring worlds.
I think that before we are so far we will have gone mad, because who could do that?
What do we know, what does an academic know about the subconscious?
I believe, that is the worst mask that exists.
What are you trying to achieve, Erica?
If this is all it is, then we have no reason to be afraid, since many children do the same thing.
Your dreams will stop again, and life will go on.
Accept all of this as it comes to you.
Do not make a mystery out of everyday occurrences.
You do not understand that.
Let Anna go her way and do not interfere in anything; she is a good help.
What more could you want?”
I sense that my words are not helping her, to her it is a fact that her child will be mentally handicapped and I do not see any opportunity of making her change her mind.
In addition, she has to prepare herself because strange things could happen.
When she says that she is afraid that René has an incurable disease, I have to make an effort to remove her fear and at the same time prepare her.
She is becoming softer, I see, it really has got to her.
When I return a few days later, they all rush towards me, because René has covered his whole little world with muck, in his primitive way.
Every last thing was covered.
The child looks like a heap of dung and Anna had a day’s work cleaning up.
Erica wept more than ever and was on the point of completely losing her self-control.
It was thanks to Anna that she could control herself.
She thinks that René is making a mess on purpose ... she claims that what René does could be thought up by an adult.
The feces looks like shapes.
It is impossible to talk her out of it; she saw it herself.
Will that break her?
I do not think so, her pride as a mother is dominant, or perhaps her intellect, her origins.
She had not expected a child like this, but a completely normal child.
However, she is faced with the facts and I do not know what to do about it.
But I do feel that, despite the apparently normal nature of things, forces which we do not yet know anything about are at work here.
Perhaps I am going too far, but when I try to convince her that this is all very normal, I notice that I cannot do the impossible.
Karel, who has heard about it from Erica, frowns, he says a few words and that is it.
However, she no longer hears him mention the word “process” or “nature”.
I think that he finds the whole thing ridiculous.
Try saying that he is wrong.
Whatever the case, we convince ourselves that it is okay, absolutely normal, many children play with natural waste and are not aware of it.
Erica walks away, she feels she has been wronged, but she is not proved right.
When she has gone Karel asks:
“Frederik, do you think that this means anything?
I am telling you honestly, I do not trust that head.
I stand watching the child for hours, but I cannot work it out.
It is really a strange child.
I can understand Erica; it is certainly not so straightforward.
What should we do?
I am really no dope head, and I am not pathetic.
I can cope with a lot, but not this.
We have been deceived, Frederik.
What could God mean by this?
Should we say, thank You?
Oh, how happy we are?
I could sometimes throw in the towel, leave my patients, because it is becoming too much for me.
I am faced with my patients, I look at those people, but what do you think I see?
I see through absolutely everything, René!
The child is built up before my eyes, as it were.
I can already see him walking in the street; he is a madman.
I hit myself, I know what I am like, I do not like behaving pathetically, and I am too sensible for that.
Believe me, René is following me.
Wherever I am, whatever I do, Frederik, the child is following me!
However, I do not give into this.
It is as if the boy lives in my eyes.
I have to forcibly drive away his personality, I sometimes see cross-eyed because of it.
This is why I understand Erica’s anxiety.
Tell me, are those troubles starting again?”
“What we have to do, Karel ... is wait and see.
Put it all behind you.
Do not go into it.
What does a child like that hope to achieve against your consciousness?
Do not make a fool of yourself.”
“It is easy for you to talk.
A few months ago, I could not have accepted that I would think like that, Frederik.
Now that is how it is and it is not any easier for Erica.”
“Yet, it must change your life, Karel.
There is only one way of remaining free, of freeing yourself from it: accept it!
Accept this life as it is and you will no longer see it.
This is my medicine and it will definitely help.
If you go into it, then the child will follow you, at least you will think that, because it is not the child, you yourself attract it, it is you who attracts a second self.
It is the same for everything.
We people, Karel, want things to be the way we want to see them.
Parents feel cheated, to put it harshly – taken for a ride by Him ... you are now beaten and you cannot offer any resistance.
The way you are trying to do it does not help.
You feel danger all around, but you cannot see it.
Yet, it exists!
It is impossible to say how many people are faced with these masks, because that number is so enormous.
What do all those people, all those men and women hope to achieve?
It is worthwhile thinking about it.
Now it is becoming really serious.
Is life so beautiful, Karel, that we can say: how happy I am, that I am part of this life?
What are we doing?
What do we want?
What is there?
What about a person who loses his love?
Is that life capable of bearing the loss and accepting it?
If you can do that, Karel, the suffering is bearable.
If the soul or personality does not wish to accept the loss, it will then eat away at the heart and persecute it.”
“You are right, Frederik, I know and I am grateful to you.
I have to accept this.
I know that I will manage today but not again tomorrow.
Then I will be faced with more troubles, those from yesterday and these new ones, it will become more difficult, worse and worse, until you succumb.”
“You are mean, Karel.”
“What am I?”
“If you look behind this mask, then you will see another personality.
Are you trying to kid me that this feeling, this misery comes from your awe-inspiring love for your child?
Let us be honest, Karel.
If I look in your heart, then I will see that this gift has surprised you.
You did not expect it.
You did not think it for a moment.
Now you feel cheated!
What affects you is the unnatural part of it.
Your pride is injured.
It is not this life; it is the misery!
René does not really matter to you.
That strange personality does not matter a jot to you; it is his head!
The life of the child does not affect you.
You are not enough of a father for that, those feelings have yet to awaken in you.
You are not ready for troubles, and you do not want them!
You are rebelling!
God has cheated you!
If you had the chance, you would send this life back to Him.
Admit it, honestly, there is no part of you that belies this.
I know you!
You and Erica must now learn to accept.
It is perhaps a weak argument, but something tells me that we will receive happiness from it one day.
You will think this is nonsense, but this is just the way I am and I am usually right.
Bow your head, Karel.
Go to your patients and leave René at home.
Anna is there and, I swear to you, I will also help you bear it.
Let go of the child, give the child the chance to develop, give it your love, and do not put any pressure on it.
You are making him uneasy like this.”
He pours himself a drink; I do not believe that he is capable of visiting his patients.
René already lives in his heart and is eating away at his strength.
“It is just like a rat”, he suddenly utters and I am shocked.
These are harsh words.
They sound terribly cold and they say such a lot.
Is René a rat?
René eats at his heart and is capable of being a hindrance to his work.
That says a lot, it requires caution, reflection!
There is only one way for Karel, one possibility, which is to remain himself!
“Life is rotten, Frederik”, he later says.
“Life is awe-inspiringly beautiful, Karel”, I add.
“Life is wonderful, great, incredibly beautiful, Karel, but you do not understand it.
You are beaten, you feel dishonoured.
You have to learn to bow your head.
But you cannot and you do not want to.
Yet, it cannot be avoided.
Think of your country house; try to understand it and to get it. Karel ... René will soon need you.
For heaven’s sake, do not see your child like a mole underground; it is your life, your flesh and blood!
Give this life an existence, even if it is completely mad!
What can we do for people like that?”
“Imagine that, us with a mad child?”
Would you only want to sort out the less well-to-do?
Are you two so superior?
Are you not wearing any masks?
Are you above such a thing?
Were these horrible things not created for you?
You have to accept the baby as he came to you.
You have not thought of him for a moment!
You are only thinking of yourself ...
You only act for yourself, you insist on getting your own way, others, also people, also men and women, fathers and mothers, just have to accept it.
You do not want any darkness, any misery, nothing, only happiness!
It does not affect you how your child will soon feel.
It does not matter to you that your child will have to experience misery!
It is you!
You are only thinking of yourself, and this life may die!
You do not give it any friendship, because you no longer have any feeling.
You see René as a huge misery, and you can only see worries.
You can no longer do what you like, because we have another sick person in the house, Karel.”
“You are right, Frederik.
Thanks again for your words.
I have succumbed; you are superior to me.
From today onwards, I will see it differently.
I understand you.
Also, talk to Erica in this way.
From now on, Frederik, you are more welcome than ever before in our house!”
We are faced with each other, look each other in the eye.
Karel is a miracle!
He knows how to appreciate my help!
I believe him.
Now we have become friends!
All those years we were strangers to each other.
These masks are falling off!
They have experienced a birth!
Or do we have to accept that they will also experience a new birth?
High above our heads I can see a rain of violets.
Karel sees them too!
The beginning of space, I believe.
Or the ... glow worms ... from Him, which precede us.
Probably from dry land into the ditch, which does not belong to us now.
However, I do not know!
We have destroyed this mask together.
Oh, my God, how infinite Your love is.
Will I succumb when I am faced with my own masks?
Today I love all people, what will I be like tomorrow?
Today I swear that I would like to be burnt at the stake for that love, what will I long for tomorrow?
I do not know, but I will do my best.
Just try breaking me!
I see that Karel has suddenly aged by ten years and I know that he will never forget this day, even if he was to succumb the next time.
But what is that?
I see another mask!
Karel will start to think differently, he will become aware, and he will go his way in a conscious way.
I will act differently.
Karel will not become sidetracked, this one great path is enough for him!
Yet, the way I feel it, Karel has become younger.
Old age and youth have one mask, one life.
I now understand why people can never work out my age.
Everyone falls for it.
Because I feel young, I am younger than the rest of the world!
Wherever you have to be eventually, years will not count, there will be eternal bliss, there will be no end.
Of course, I still have to find out for certain, but I imagine it to be so!
Now that I can see it clearly before me, I see it as follows:
Karel is my friend, I was part of the furniture to him and Erica.
I could have put an end to this relationship a long time ago, but I let it continue.
I can now see that he who has the patience to wait, to accept everything, will win!
You have to devote yourself entirely to it, only then will the true soul come towards you to kiss you.
Karel now kissed me, I kissed him, we did that by shaking each other’s hand, but it could have been different.
Our eyes now carried life, our own lives, and the self that we cherish so much.
After all, this is only human!
True friendship is deep!
As deep as the universe in which we live.
Behind that a new mask can be seen, a new universe, and we also have to get to know it.
If you descend into a soul, you will get to know its depth and you will get love in return.
That is, if you are ready for that love!
Or you will lose yourself in that friendship again and you will be met by destruction.
However, I believe that is what He wants! ... gave the ability to think and feel in His direction.
Only then does that inconceivable love follow.
Now come on, through these things you will lose the material masks.
Karel is now open to me.
I already knew this for some time about him, but he did not see it.
Now he can see it, even though I know that this will not immediately be obvious.
He as well as René will have to accept this language.
You do it by a nod, you put in some feeling and now also some flowers ... they are the forget-me-nots of your heart.
Then friendship is a part of my university.
And what about all those other things ?
Erica comes back, but Karel leaves.
It is as if they have warned each other, although I know that this is impossible.
She immediately asks:
“How can a person change, Frederik?”
She looks me in the eye, she wants the truth.
I say: “If you want, Erica, you can still learn a lot today!”
“How is that?”
“For example, with regard to René.
I think that if you are less sensitive, you will accept things as normal.
Only that makes life worthwhile.”
“Do you know that it is not so simple?”
“The slightest thing will break us.
If we want to understand this valley of tears, then, in the way I am already doing, we will have to accept the ‘cause and effect’ for our lives and our personalities.
That means that the Lord above does not pay any attention to our thoughts or our troubles, but we ourselves are to blame for our unhappiness.
Just look at the people.
What can you see?
If you look properly, Erica, then you will thank Him that you have managed so well.
You have everything: food, drink, a nice house, clothes, the list is endless.
You have accepted everything for granted.
Accept René now as well!
You refuse to accept him, but it is already noticeable, you are forced to bow your head.
That is good, because you have to learn to ... bow to it.
I have learned that God’s will be done and I bow my head to it.
You flatly refuse to do that!
Do you want to learn?
Will you really do something for yourself?
Then start by loving everything, no matter what it is.
Do not remain rebellious.
Do not search for the cause.
For it is you yourself!
We people are so terribly unnatural; we wear masks.
Learn to give your character colour and shape.
Do not complain any longer, do not curse yourself because of unnatural matters, you are doing it yourself!
Can you, who is wearing a mask yourself, expect that the life, which you attracted, will not have a mask?
Did you think that you are an angel?
Free from this world, separate from ‘cause and effect’?”
“What do you mean by that term, Frederik?”
“That you must see things in connection with what you did a while ago.
You do not even need to go far back, just take your gin drinking bouts and, for that matter, so many other things.
They do not mean so much in themselves, but when you do that to another person, you are faced with the effect.
One day you will now have to prove that you are in harmony with life.”
“That is terrible, Frederik!”
“Yet it is the case.
If we go even further and deeper, Erica, then we will be faced with a world of effects, and even I do not yet fully understand them.
That is also another mask for your life.
After all, you can feel that you are serving your personality by doing things as well as possible, by giving shape to things, by being kind, by living a harmonious life!
You are now rising, you are maturing, you will see your own blossoms sooner or later and only then will you be happy!
We have thousands of characteristics as human beings.
And all those things have to take off their masks!
Until you are yourself and others can say that your soul is completely open.
Upon introspection, you will not see another person; you now know that you are not capable of judging!
Another life of this world is part of your blood, your soul and bliss, but we do not believe that.
Did you expect anything else?
Did you think differently about it?”
“You are so different, Frederik, but it is not so simple for us.
I think that you do not see any evil, any loneliness, and you do not feel any pressure.
I stumble over everything, I now know that I have not yet worked it out.
Yet this on top of everything else?”
“You see, that is exactly what I mean.
You want this no less than Karel does.
I have just talked to him, and he has bowed his head.
Now you also, then we will start a new life, we are now ready.”
“I will do my best, Frederik.”
“You see, life is already starting to mean something to you.
You are too spoiled.
You should have had more beatings.”
Suddenly she asks:
“Do you believe in reincarnation?”
“We can experience a new birth every second, Erica.
Or do you mean a material return to the earth?”
“Yes, that is what I mean!”
“It is a powerful concept.
I will not let myself believe in it yet, because I do not have any proof.
I think that I am open to it.
I want to achieve it under my own strength and then I will tell you.
These thoughts occur to you, because you think that René is involved with you and you receive it from him.
It is possible, but I do not accept anything if I have not experienced it myself.
I repeat, I believe I will make it and you will also be part of it.
I can already tell you now that what you want to know lives within you!
It lives in everyone, in every animal and plant life, but that life must be able to show you it.
I have started with myself.
I try to do things as well as possible and you see, there has already been a small success.
I am starting to think and feel in a different way, artistic talents come out and you do not even know where they come from.
I now understand that it is because I am doing my very best.
It already beats in my heart, it lives in my heart, it takes me away from this world, it is peace, happiness, oh, it is so wonderful, it is almost too much for one person.
I get so much of it every day.
You must want to see your faults and also accept them.
You have to want to bow your head to everything, whatever you do, only then will better things await you. Higher, rarer things will also await you then, precisely those things as a result of which life became soul, spirit, but I have yet to learn the laws governing them, as well as all the other ones.
Accept illness, go in happiness, love rain and wind, storm, night and day, for example, if you have to have an operation, allow yourself to think how wonderful it is that their are people who understand that skill, who can help you!
Even if they help you from the frying pan into the fire, it still does not prove anything about the cause.
I do not believe that a surgeon murders on purpose, even if we know that he also still has to crown his faculty!
Are we to blame for our illnesses, Erica?
I think so, because I cannot accept that God sends us to earth with illnesses and troubles.
If we have enough feeling not to infect another person, we would prevent it, because it would be inhuman, could a God of Love do that?
Everything is different, if you ask me; everything has a mask ... the pure self lives behind it!
How many worlds will we have to conquer?
I long to know the answer!”
I went for a walk.
I think that I have been able to give these people a part of myself.
They must understand one thing, I mean what I say, I can no longer change myself, and anyone who knows me possesses me, thanks to my respect for people.
I bow to everyone, I love everything and everyone, I could weep when I see that an animal has to work too hard without any thanks or a kind word.
At least not the kind it needs.
For example, if you go into a horse’s feeling, you will become that animal.
Didn’t you ever think so?
The animal is now as you yourself are.
If you want to go to sleep, then the horse likewise thinks of rest.
My animals sob, they can laugh and cry; it seems strange, but you are a person and for people these things are unusual.
What would an Oriental say?
‘Become as life itself and it will talk to you.’
Is this madness?
I advise you to go there for a few weeks, you will come back a different person.
They only force you to kneel on their mats for weeks.
They let you wait and wait, break your merciless impatience, and break you completely in all aspects, until they see that you are no longer wearing a mask.
Then you are naked, you have nothing more to hide, nothing!
Isn’t it a shame?
People become one with nature as soon as they bow their heads!
I wanted to bow my head ... I stayed awake for hours.
I believe that it was the middle of the night and I was still up.
It was already twilight, the sun came up, or is it exactly the other way round, that’s it ... our good earth turned towards the light again and I was still in the woods.
My God, how well-off I was!
My dreams were wonderful.
I sat by a tree and let myself be filled with energy.
I fell into a ditch and thanked the depths for their coolness.
I went and lay in the meadow and became one with an ordinary night ...!
What a lot a night can tell you.
I saw the light from the universe entering me.
Yes, I saw light approaching me and entering me.
I saw that there was no night, but I did not understand it.
The night was light!
That light had lived behind my night for millions of years!
If I were to talk about it now, they would have me certified as a madman.
Likewise, if I told you that I love you, there is no longer any hate in me!
Yet I am not angry at all those people who think I am mad!
On the contrary, I learn a lot from those souls, it is they who tell me how to act and how it should be done!
And I do it!
It suddenly occurred to me whether it could be true what a friend once told me, that there is never night in the universe.
I thought: you, academic, you can make me believe a lot of things, but not this, because what will our night mean then?
Are you trying to kid me that this is not real?
Now I am lying in it.
I saw that there is really no night in this universe.
Frederik, what a lot you are learning, and what a happy man you are!
Then I was faced with God for a moment!
He looked at me and said:
“Lad ... little man, do you want to become great, to become as I am?”
“Of course”, I replied.
“Then you must listen carefully ...!”
Then I heard Him talking to me ... and a moment later, I knew that there is never night in His universe.
A material night, I mean, we will not get to know that other one anyway, unless as a grace.
I thought, leaf through the Scriptures, read them in a different way.
Oh, Father, how they got you.
He is not human ...!
He never has been ...!
He never spoke as a person!!!
I have to let it all sink in first.
I am overwhelmed, in just one night, after a short walk.
When I came home, I went to bed ...
The servant girl has gone, so it is quiet in the house.
I dreamt again and saw little René picking flowers for Father and Mother, Anna and me.
They were precisely the flowers that we all long for ...!
When I awoke it was the afternoon.
I felt like I had aged by thousands of years.
I do not want to lose this feeling!
It is so wonderful!