Do you think, Frederik ... that epilepsy is the same as hypnosis?
ERICA thought about inviting Hans and Hansi for a pleasant evening visit, when we heard that they were off to Paris together.
For my part, I do not believe that Hans has suddenly forgotten his patients and just leaves them alone; I never thought that of him.
However, I do not want to speak badly of him.
Yet it seems strange to me and I have to think about it whether I want to or not.
Hans is going in the wrong direction ... and it is she who is leading him.
However, she now already has control of the helm and directs his life.
Or is it just the honeymoon?
Oh, come on ... he does not have any more blossom, to him it is always winter.
We must have a bit of patience, that is all.
René is not doing well.
The boy is sinking away deeper and deeper and does not speak another word.
He does not draw, he no longer pays attention to his things.
It makes us sad.
I do everything, but cannot get him to talk.
Karel says that it is as if he has epilepsy ... it is really horrific.
However, he looks after his offspring.
I think that Karel has both feet firmly on the ground.
Erica, who got another picture of her spouse after Hans’ party, spoils him, caresses him in your presence and Karel is heading for his second youth, I think, although he still looks really young.
If René had been healthy, we would have had everything really.
However, if I think it through, then I know that we would not have known any happiness in this mutual connection.
I do not believe that we would have been happy as a result of fortune, material possessions, having everything.
Well, we have not yet made it ...
Harsh words will also be heard here, even if I see that the true spring is on its way.
We look deeper into each other’s eyes.
For example, our good morning says such a lot.
We want the new daylight for each other, which is what counts, after all.
Just listen to how Anna says good morning.
When you hear how she says my name, you could simply weep.
But listen to Karel’s good morning?
You should have heard that before, even if it was good evening, or good day ... now it is different.
It sounds different, it means more to you than before, it sounds like a kiss.
Everything is becoming different here ... everything.
You simply notice it.
You cannot avoid it.
I know very well, that is also little René!
We open ourselves.
We are open to the word.
We begin to see each other as we are.
Karel is changing!
For the better too!
He is no longer so dour, no longer so farmer-like.
I do not believe that people will still ask him the price of potatoes, he is now starting to look like a city gent.
Don’t you think that is amazing?
That happens of its own accord, although he is not aware of it.
Erica looks more radiant than ever.
She has become a bit fatter, misery does her good.
I am not kidding, but that is the way it is.
You should hear her play.
She sings beautifully; when she was carrying René she did not open her mouth.
I know, Karel took her because she did art.
On another evening they saw their love awakening.
Erica now sits differently at her grand piano; she does not search, she plays more consciously, her touch is lighter, and I like that, because I do not like that robust pulling at strings.
She and I are very fond of Chopin, Karel does not care so much about music, he likes to listen to it, but does not enjoy it as I can, when the sounds reach me.
I have to be careful of Chopin, that man drags me everywhere, he lets me rain and storm, freeze and defrost at the same time, he is grievous, painfully precise, you undergo an operation as a result of him ... however, you are healed in ten minutes and walk outside.
I cannot deal with that so quickly.
Erica is a long way towards frightening me.
We also got that through little René!
You do not believe it?
I assure you that it is true.
I could prove to you how natural this is through an example.
Then we see that everything lives in our human heart anyway and is also present there.
A friend of mine – he is no longer alive – he died in a car accident, had a wife and child.
In the beginning everything was great, he was crazy about mother and son, but it went just the same for him as the man I spoke about.
After a short while he no longer cared about his son, or the mother.
He asked me for advice.
Well, now what ... I also had no understanding of those things.
However, I started to feel, I started to think, I wanted to help him.
At that moment I became twenty years older.
Now for the first time I know where these feelings suddenly came from.
Understandably, I did not talk about it and I would not have been capable of it either; it suddenly came to me.
‘Do you know what you must do?’
‘You must go away for a while.
You must try to go abroad for a while and work there.
Not to go out, because then it has no purpose.
You will take part in bridge building, you will do there what you do here, you will go to concerts, you will not forget the operas, you will take in everything which has to do with art.
However, you will not go out with any women.
If you do that, you will be lost and you would be better to stay here, then you will suffocate your own life.
You must do it in order to get in touch with yourself.
You must be separated from your happiness, because you can no longer see your happiness.
Then you will start to long!
You will now see and experience what is happening to you.
Take that in as something natural and if you love it there, just come back as quickly as possible, because then you will not have the feeling of making something good out of a marriage, you will then be a friend to everyone and you should never have started the marriage.
You are not ready for it.
Remember, you will not say a word about it.
You will act this out for yourself.
We are concerned with your son, your wife and yourself.
We have to know whether you possess depth.
Your inner life has to rise, you want to get to know yourself and you will now know.
Talking does not help, nor going out with your wife; whatever her attitude, none of it helps.
Even if you drink champagne, it will not help.
We are concerned with whether you still possess feeling for life, for the marriage.
If you have used up those ounces, then you will be faced with your own ... mask!’
At that time I already said: mask, and if I now follow that period of my life, I understand that I already got the words then to tell him all of this.
Now, when I consider all of this, I can see a universe before me.
I will tell you soon ... we must not forget, this is urgently necessary and demands of me that I follow it.
It is amazing what I now see and feel.
However, he goes.
To Berlin ...
I get letters from him.
He writes that it is very boring there.
He is complaining.
His wife and child are constantly on his mind ... he already sees them.
He goes out a lot, does what I said and lives to the full.
Meanwhile there is a gnawing at his heart.
He looks at women, but stays away from them.
He plays cat and mouse with them.
He stays away from them, because I send him letter after letter and impress upon him that he must not deceive me.
He keeps it up.
He keeps it up, I see, and the months pass.
He has signed a temporary contract there.
Everything was discussed with one of the managers here and he found the case pleasantly good.
A bit strange, but that’s the way people are.
He could respect that.
I sent him money, a lot of money, because I gave him a choice: get through it or go under.
Everything or nothing!
Muddling through life and destroying everything, following an endless path of suffering, or happiness!
That suddenly has to be decided, now has to be revealed!
For wife, child and father’s happiness or unhappiness.
I enjoyed it and thought it was a great sport.
He writes letters to his wife and child.
The letters are experienced.
They become different.
They get depth and feeling.
Love speaks from the letters.
A soul is writing here which longs for mother and child.
The longing increases, it becomes stronger and stronger, it already thumps in his heart.
He almost succumbs!
He writes this honestly to me.
He sees a woman who wants to be everything for him.
‘I am standing before a fire , Frederik.
I am almost bursting.
Love lives around me here, as long as I am strong enough for it.
I shall do everything I can.
You can count on me, I shall tell you everything.
You have the right to it and I do not want to lose you for all the money in the world, for nothing, as long as you never forget that.’
He is almost bursting.
I wrote to him to look at all those flowers more clearly.
He will find a stinging bee amongst them, and a poisonous one as well.
I make comparisons, I show him his wife, whom I know well.
He sees her and he see the many others.
I hang up paintings in his room, he looks at them all day long: he has to.
A telegram: ‘I am coming home, Frederik!’
Good grief, I will not forget that feast as long as I live.
He devoured me, his wife, his child got toys, it couldn’t be enough.
He had aged.
Both experienced seven years of incredible happiness.
When he was buried by us and she was alone with me, I brought her the most beautiful thing for her life in order to be able to bear this great loss.
It was as if she was broken.
He wanted me to tell her everything, if something was to happen to him.
Now that he had suddenly left us, I found these to be the flowers of his heart, his support, his life, his love to be able to bear it.
You should have seen her.
She throws her arms around my neck.
She weeps until there are no more tears ...
A hundred percent love had gone from her.
‘Oh, how happy you make me, Frederik!’
She has thought about it often, but did not understand why he had changed so much at that time.
And what did she do?
When she heard that he had accepted the battle for ruin or gain for her happiness, the happiness of the child and himself, she suddenly became a hundred years older and wiser.
She wrote a book about it and that became a best-seller.
Good gracious, how much that book was read.
I have never known such happiness before, and that because of me, helpless Frederik.
I just mean to say, people like us do not know ourselves.
We say that we love our wives and children, but that is a mask!
He wore a mask!
However, he also had the strength to take on the battle.
It was a question of all or nothing!
We put an end to it or made it the beginning of the eternal.
You should see her now!
She is still a beauty, but she is no longer married.
Now she says:
‘I would just kill him, sully him!’
She said that immediately after his death.
She lives on it, because of it, she is always at home or at his grave, and pleats wreaths for his beautiful head.
She has become a writer!
And what a writer!
The human being, all of us, have some feeling for everything, in order to bring that to growth and blossom.
I now go back to what I just felt.
God is feeling!
He is universally deep!
We pick some of that feeling.
We got a part of it, well, I believe that we are Divine beings.
The human being on earth possesses all kinds of things.
It is the masks through which we want to hide ourselves.
If we reach the natural, we want to make something of our lives, then we put our feelings into it.
If that is finished, used up, then you are empty and naked before the other life and you no longer know what to do.
You stand before Divine beauty and do not see it.
The marriage collapses!
You destroy it yourself, because you do not know yourself?
No, because you have nothing more and you make no effort to make something new of it.
You ignore your task, you throw away life tasks just like that, you only have a bit of egoism in you.
You are now as poor as a table leg, a rat ... and so on!
There you are!
Both not a grain of feeling to put in any effort.
What is the greatest thing for people like us means nothing to you.
You look for it in another person, you see it in another life and you think that it is there.
However, it is not there.
What you see is tricks.
That life reacts differently for a while than others do, the first one.
When you have tasted the pudding, you no longer like it, it is all exactly the same.
That is a human being for you; men and women search for some love.
Love ... love ... try getting involved?
We have good and evil in us?
That which is wrong became a discovery for my life.
I did not cause disasters by tearing human hearts apart, I was spared that!?
I do not believe it.
There was a feeling in me to lay off; I already knew that before I started.
That is all.
However, anyone who does not have that, that feeling, those ounces of genius ... searches, beats, wants something else, finally goes over the dead bodies of himself and his family and buries them.
We do not think.
We think we love, but that is not true, we love our flesh and blood.
We, men and women, do not know love, when we neglect the task which we are faced with and think that another life with those nice tricks has more of it.
Hans does not see that either.
Hans sees tricks, but does not feel any love, Hansi is breaking his neck.
You will see.
Try saying that he is wrong?
He would kill me.
We therefore want masks ...
We are too consciously attuned to it, we do not want any faith, any love, any truth, we flatly refuse to absorb and accept some of His feeling meant as love, that this is it, not the other.
This is it!
This evil, of which you can make everything!
Only then will you be faced with the state of purity!
God is soul, spirit and material.
At least we believe that, we do not yet know it.
We have to master all of that.
If you do things well, improve them, then you not only rise above yourself, but your whole environment takes part.
Everyone now gains something, comes to be in blossom.
We experience this miracle.
As a result of this misery, I see, we come to each other.
How amazingly beautiful it is.
You see it growing.
It is the evolution for yourself, for your happiness, your love.
That light in your eyes, the sound of your voice; you do and see everything differently!
If you stand in the surf of life, and you have to drown – then what?
You will probably continue, you will see other worlds, because we go back to Him!
We have to accept that as the meaning of life!
I gained a lot of knowledge in those wild years, I now notice.
When I think about it, I see different people, to whom I have given my good and my evil.
Of course, I also made a mess of things.
My advice was not always good.
I could not yet balance that very well.
Yet I may not complain.
I always kept the good in mind.
Anyone who truly loves, does not destroy anything.
Does not lose any friends either.
When someone told me that she kept on making friends, whom her husband then kicked out of the house, I let her prove it.
I gave those people a kindness until they suffocated in it.
I placed them before the pudding ... and put gold spoons next to it.
I saw how they enjoyed tucking in.
However, three months later I lay in the gutter.
They did not like me anymore, I had become annoying.
I flopped into the gutter.
What meant love, true friendship, became a burden, became heaviness and they did not want that.
I went, consciously finished, but I went.
They also wore masks!
I played out more.
Numerous ... many went another way as a result of my intervention.
Do not say: ‘I love you so much ...
What a good person you are ...
I would not miss you for all the money in the world’, or ‘you will not walk in sandals’.
I shall go sooner or later!
Love for each other gone, everything gone!
You have become strangers!
You have nothing more to give each other.
There was nothing!
You never had anything.
I got another friend out of a dark environment.
I wanted him to start another life.
However, can you see the difficulty?
Can a person work himself higher up?
He found that life too good and sunk back into it.
He ran back to his love and broke hearts.
One after the other, until they broke him.
Then I had to come back.
How many books have been written about this?
How many films do you see, which teach us how not to behave?
Do we react to them?
Do we behave as if it is for ourselves?
What people have written ... have filmed, in art in order to learn, transformed for our better self, was not written for us, that was for someone else.
If I knew that my thoughts and feelings had no value, I would not have started it.
However I am starting to see that it is worth the trouble.
I may not deny this society this yet.
I already learned, I am thinking for many people!
That is still worthwhile.
Erica is changing ...
Karel as well, Anna is a miracle, little René no less.
We are mad about René.
Because this child has taught us a lot.
We learn every day and most people hardly notice it.
Karel is another person.
We are busy tearing off our masks, which is not so simple, but it happens!
It hurts, it has to do with suffering and sorrow, but just look at our violets?
This is how we continue!
I am starting to see that it should be like this, there is no other path to tread, we have to bow our heads to each other!
Now you get to see that crazy love!
Do you not want some of this crazy love either?
Just look at yourself.
You have not yet seen yourself.
Just look how beautiful you are.
Just look at your own castle.
What do you feel?
Just declare Anna and me as mad.
Little René saw that Erica too has seen herself.
She now looks at the sandals, which are surrounding her feet like a thin haze, but already take shape.
That fibre is growing.
Karel looks smart.
He cleans himself up as if he has to go to the altar tomorrow with Erica.
His shoes are shining ...
Anna feels and sees it.
So do Erica and I, but not one of us says a word about it.
We enjoy ourselves in silence.
Can you feel this silence?
It is truth!
Erica sits differently at the table, which is set differently.
Yet everything is exactly the same.
Anna walks differently.
She acts and thinks differently.
She is like an experienced stewardess, helpful in everything.
And that for a maid?
We get to see nobility!
If I was to ask them, I think they would say: we do not want to lose this trouble for all the money in the world.
However, I am not getting ahead in anything, we are not yet there.
We have not yet completed our journey!
René is declining.
He becomes tired.
The silence, the peace of the last few days is strange.
You see him changing, but away from us.
You can do nothing.
I just wait and see now.
Talking does not help.
He does not answer you.
The eyes are reversed in their sockets, they do not see you.
My God, why?
We had to put him in the straitjacket once again.
For days he enjoyed silent rest.
We have seen numerous situations and one is even more unclear than the last one.
We do not yet know what this is.
Karel asked me:
‘Do you think, Frederik, that epilepsy is the same thing as the hypnosis?’
We are sitting by the fireplace ...
Erica, Anna, Karel and I.
Hans and Hansi are not yet back, they will not get back until next week.
Well, what is epilepsy?
According to Karel: ‘A collapsing illness ... disturbances in the brain tissue.
And something else.
However, I do not want to hear anything about heredity.
I examined my whole family and there was no disease in our house, I can connect century to century.
Does that play a large part?
Were my ancestors addicted to alcohol?
I search for clues elsewhere.
We know what René’s skull looked like.
Yet we find nothing.
You see, Frederik, how that head has become deformed, that is still a mystery to me.
Because I miss the cramps and muscle convulsions in René.
I did not know this epilepsy and yet I dare to swear that’s what it is.
I also thought about induced hypnosis.
However, I do not know what hypnosis is.
I know what we make of it, but that does not help us.
René is apathetic.
You see it and we are powerless.
The heart is normal, I cannot find anything.
None of us.
What is hypnosis?
What is induced hypnosis?
We know the case.
I could put my patients under hypnosis, my will is strong enough for that.
However, what we see here, Frederik, takes academics like us to thousands of possibilities.
What should we do?
What do you think about it?’
‘When you put the patient under hypnosis, Karel, you force the life to sleep.
That is possible as a result of your enforced will.
However, what happens at that moment?
You do not know.
You do not know the depth of the life and the sleep is a mask to you.
René has nothing to do with any of this.
They are not sexual inclinations, we must wait and see whether they will ever come.
What we now see is destruction or change.
There are phenomena which we do not yet know.
However, haven’t we got to know a lot already?
It started with his head.
A moment later he is conscious.
He lives in ten worlds, Karel.
This world is the material, the one into which he sinks, is the one for the soul.
However, we do not know the soul.
We do not know the spirit either, we really do not know anything yet about the human body.
Yet his brains are working.
In my opinion, his body is completely functioning.
Of course ... I mean ... I cannot see any brain disorders.
This epilepsy has a different character.
It takes us directly to the inner life, but it goes outside the day-consciousness to the revelation of the actions.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘That René thinks, feels, experiences something which is not absorbed and dealt with by the brain, as is the case for a normal person.
I really mean that the personality dominates the systems.
As result of this he sinks into his condition, which we see as epilepsy.
You are faced with an invisible hypnosis.
A sleep therefore, which appears from its own movement, own strength.
That sleep is also a factor of importance.’
‘What is that sleep?’
‘In my opinion, that sleep is an expression of weakness.
The powerlessness of the personality, to deal with what the soul has to accept.
The personality has to undergo growth and blossom.
I think that there is a question here of unconscious hypnosis.
The conscious comes about because of you, we as human beings force that other soul to go to sleep. This one lives precisely under the day-consciousness and forces the personality to react.
I call that the ‘unconscious’ hypnosis, but this actually means evolution, awakening.
Now I am starting to make comparisons with the boys I saw at Hans’.
When you see René, look into his eyes, you simply have to believe that he is different to all those psychopaths.
René is not a psychopath to me.
Those children, those souls and all those bodies are different!
That consciousness is unconscious, René’s consciousness is not.
He feels differently, he can sometimes tell things clearly, even if he rambles everything together.
Those boys, Hans’ children, are physically and mentally unconscious.
I do not know whether those organisms are to blame.
I do not yet have a name for it, but I think, Karel, that the life as soul deforms the material.
They are not material illnesses, not a matter of heredity ...
I think that we are not capable of raping the physical laws.’
‘I do not agree with you.’
Erica interrupts him and says:
‘Let Frederik finish talking, Karel.’
‘You do not believe that, Karel.
I cannot believe that, even if we have to accept facts, my great grandfather leaves me to inherit a psychopathic condition, because the soul has nothing to give.
I must be clear.
This is not easy.
However ... did you hear the gossip?
A harlot gets triplets, three healthy children.
We got René.
Did you think that God has anything to do with these dirty tricks?
Did you really think that you as a soul got something for nothing?
Why do you not act the genius?
I mean, Karel, the soul is itself!
It does not get anything for free, but it cannot become mad either, if it is in harmony with everything.
Now I am faced with thousands of facts, I have thought about all of them, but I do not yet possess the foundations for them.
René’s illness, I wanted to explain that as much as possible to you, is a spiritual illness.
We decide that.
However, this is not an illness.
Since this is not an illness, René is not a psychopath either.
If he was, this head would not have changed.
Then you would have seen him like that all his life.
That head, those material systems, Karel, were deformed by the soul.
That is a bit late, because that should have happened during Erica’s pregnancy, yet it has happened and for the best.
As far as those other children are concerned, they are less conscious for material and soul.
I therefore see types of madness, also for the psychopathy, I am sure you will agree with me.
If we descend to the very deepest degree for the psychopathy, Karel, then you will be faced with those distorted masks.
However now the material, the face is exactly the same as the soul shows itself.
Material and soul, the personality is deformed.
These two worlds are totally complimenting each other.
One is not ahead of the other, they have one purpose, feel and experience the same thing, they are both deformed, however you wish to see them, you are faced with the material and the spiritual mask.
Are they not bothered by epilepsy?
Some of them, as Hans claimed, fall down and hit the ground in front of your eyes.
But now what?
Who are they?
Precisely the most conscious.
Precisely those hit the ground, Karel; the unconscious, therefore the more sick, do not know about it.
I saw that when I visited Hans’ patients with Hans, patients, yes, but they are cattle to a few of your friends.
When we therefore see the epilepsy, experience it, we are immediately faced with some more consciousness and feeling.
I concluded from that, Karel, that the soul creates the own body according to its obtained consciousness.
The character creates.
We also see that for the perfect.
The human being creates itself.
You can see from a vagabond like that, what the inner life wants.
You also know those types of people, whom I see as the conscious mad, the non-material patients, but the soul which deforms itself as a result of its terrible life and yet walks around through this society as if there is nothing the matter.’
Karel is thinking.
We smoke a good cigar and sit in front of a good glass of wine, we feel extremely happy.
After a short time he asks:
‘What I wish to explain with all of this, Karel, is the following: René is neither materially nor spiritually deformed.
However he would have been long ago if his soul had not known this consciousness.
Since the inner life was able to deform the material systems, I assume that this physical and spiritual self sends itself to the perfect, the harmonic structure for this life, our human being.
What those other boys and girls do not possess, I consider to be present in him.
It is therefore not a question of heredity, but of inner awakening and that changes everything.
Now it is called: you either have it or you don’t.
You are aware ... or you are unaware, but that has nothing to do with God.
We have got those problems ourselves, because we created them ourselves.
What those other psychopaths experience, is the obtained and own awareness of this material, earthly existence.
I assume that all of us, however healthy, have gone through all these mad possibilities in order to reach the social material state.
I know that I do not yet have the proof, because with this we are faced with millions of laws.
Then the soul started its life somewhere else, which confronts us with ‘reincarnation’.
The spiritualists are therefore right, and a few other sects, such as the theosophists, but I do not yet accept that, I must have proof of it.
However, now you see everything different.
Now Hans’ psychopaths are self-destructive.
Since those souls possess an animal consciousness, they are still far removed from the perfect, towards which we grow.
As a result of this disharmony came about with nature, with our daily life, with this society, and they are not suitable for learning the ABC.
We must lock these people up.
Those souls still have to awaken.
However, as a result of those unconscious feelings, Karel, the soul pulled apart your effect and nature, which had got a will and personality for me, that whole castle and now looks as it was created in the mother.
Why did René have that distorted head?’
‘I do not know.
Then you are clever, Frederik.’
‘It’s because the soul influenced the material tissue in a dominating way.
I was able to follow that according to Erica’s phenomena.
What she experienced as misery – which you know all about – also happened inside her.
During the first three months.
Afterwards the phenomena changed, also in this respect.
I would have given my life for it.
Now even more, because now you already see all those worlds before you.
You look into the open soul and into the body of the mother.
René came as a personality – you just have to accept that for the moment – to awakening.
When the soul got consciousness again – you now also think of all Hans’ children and what you think of it yourself – the material deformation had already begun.
Erica got to see phenomena, in her they are spiritual and material.
The human body is under too high a pressure, tension, concentration, dominating expression of will.
That took us to the problems.
This is the reason why all those other children have started to suffocate the material body.
It is they themselves, Karel, there is no other explanation!
They are still just hypotheses, but people like us possess an independence.
We can do what we like ourselves with our lives and we started material and spiritual destruction.
Now we come to the hereditary questions.
If we spoil our sperm and we give that to the mother, then she will not be bothered by it.
However, if I go deeper, which is already possible, then I come to the conclusion – now listen properly – that this influence is of and through the material.
She touched pitch!
However, if we follow those other families, Karel, then we see material destruction.
Tissues, nervous systems, hearts, kidneys, gall, liver, just carry on, are at half strength; something lives in there, which has not been given one hundred percent viability, because the illness, the weakening of the tissues, already started that destruction a few centuries ago.
Now we are faced with illnesses.
What is cancer?
We don’t know.
To me all illnesses emerged through earlier weakening.
The natural law for the tissue was raped, infected, sullied.
We are now left with illnesses.
The illnesses also possess their own personality, by which you recognise the contamination and the destruction.
However, that is your own university.
The foundations for it, Karel, lie centuries and centuries back.
My great grandfather started it.
However, he did not contaminate my great grandmother, but the girl or the boy who was born.
These are material-natural, obtained questions for the human body, which have nothing to do with those distorted beings, by which we recognise the psychopaths.
These are the effects for the soul life!
That is material, physical, this is spirit and soul, which created a rotten world because of the personality.
Now listen to the Lord’s Prayer:
‘Our Father who art in Heaven ...’ etcetera, and then: ‘lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil!’
This is quite enough.
Did you really think that God would lead us into temptation to do bad things and to destroy our body?
Did you think, I ask you, that He is capable of absolving us from the evil now?
It is we ourselves, Karel!’
‘What are you getting at, Frederik?’
‘To where we experience perfection.
The moment when everything was pure and good and the human being did not yet know that he brought rotting and misery as a result of himself ...
No, it is not like that ... I am saying it wrong ... I mean ... to the natural ... perfect ... the ‘absolute’ life source for everything.
Because our answers lie and live there and we see the state of purity, the harmony, the natural for your life.’
‘That therefore means that we have created our misery ourselves?
I am therefore to blame for René’s decline and misery?’
‘You or Erica, it is you both, not I or Anna; God knows where it started, but you have got what you deserve.
You brought this upon yourself.
I tell you, I do not know where it started.
However, I do not believe in suffering because of someone else.
What we see, Karel, wherever you look, is accumulated misery.
That is a world in itself, which possesses an independence like all the others, which people like us cannot avoid.
It is the infallible working of Mother Nature.
However, we are one with Mother Nature, we were brought to life by the same nature.
I believe, Karel, that we have millions of lives behind us, have experienced them.
However, the proof ...!
Here lie the problems for you.
You only have to hold them and you look through them, unless you understand reincarnation.
If not, you are faced with a universal wall and you go to pieces.
René is to blame for his accidentmisfortune?
However, I do not believe in misfortune, on the contrary, we should be happy.
That means that, despite all this misery, I still believe in him.
I cannot believe in Hans’ mad people, nor in his psychopaths, they cannot be helped.
I therefore asked you never to send René to Hans.
He does not know René and René is not a psychopath, even if we are faced with this epilepsy, with hypnosis and all those other numerous phenomena.
It is something entirely different in René’s case.
I wanted to explain that to you according to my thoughts and feelings, as a layman.
Academics like you stick to the existing laws, you have to, or you will fall.
I can go where I like and I see with both eyes.
I could not do that before either.
I learned it here.
I learned it because of Erica and René.
Since I got worries, experienced it with you, I studied those phenomena.
Nothing concerns me, only I know that this is not material epilepsy, because I was not yet able to see those disorders for the tissues.
Neither could you!
We have no natural moments, Karel.
He talks about abnormal things, but I swear to you, if you were able to see all those things as they are in reality, you would think differently about it.
René has to accept that domination!
Epilepsy exists because of material disorders, Karel.
At that moment the brain refuses to work naturally or there are nerves present which cannot deal with the tremendous urge for awakening, sent up directly from the soul, so that the body hits the ground.
If there are also convulsive movements, the rest of the body is busy resisting, and we therefore see a battle for life and death!
A battle for life and preservation; the unaffected systems resist, because the personality won’t accept it again.
If such a patient just let himself go, there would be no more spasms, we are also faced again with unconscious, therefore inner disorders which appear directly from the soul and offer resistance.’
I am gasping for breath.
Karel is reflecting.
It does not take long before he says:
‘If only you had become a doctor, Frederik.
I am surprised.
Where do you get all of this from?
Are you trying to kid me that you know nothing about these things?’
I sit and look.
I have to tell him.
‘Do you think, Karel, that this means something?’
‘You are constructing a hypothesis as I have never heard of before.’
‘I tell you – and you have to accept that – that if you ask me what I was talking about a moment ago, I no longer know.
Is this inspiration?
However, don’t you see ... that all of us are actually the same as René?
He is behind all of us or ... he is just a bit ahead of us.
We must wait and see.
I feel it like this ... one thing attracts another.
If you feel the soul, you also feel the organism.
Now you can draw conclusions.
You are amazed how everything makes sense.
You now know: René is never to go to Hans.
Whatever happens, Karel, never that.
There are also other perspectives for René.
I hope that it will not be necessary.
However, that is doubtful.
I rather think that we will lose him for a little while, because this being at home is not good for him.
Amongst children, his kind, he will at least learn something.
He has to get through it.
Erica and Anna have listened and listened well.
‘Do you think, Frederik, that since René was involved in a fight with himself that I experienced that misery?’
‘That is the way it is, I cannot see it any differently.’
‘Then I understand what inspiration is.
I now also understand why I was like that.
I now also understand my physical conversation, which that mad Van Stein, Van Hoogten and those others laughed about.
I now also understand why I had such a longing for a drink.
That was René with his violence.
That messed about in my body.
How simple everything really is.’
‘I now also understand why René is now so dead.
I believe, he is now in the third month, Frederik, he is heading for the fourth, and when he is through that, that sleep will dissolve, we will have no more unnatural phenomena and something else will happen.
As long as it is something good.’
We laugh and Anna goes to René.
We continue to talk.
‘What is epilepsy, Karel?
Brain disorders, nerve disorders.
If there is something there which is not natural, it will never become any different.
We have not yet seen this in René.
As far as that sleep is concerned ... that is quite something new again.
Why is he so strong?
Have you ever thought about this?
To me it means that only then does he use his strength for one hundred percent.
People like us are in a situation as result of which we use up physical strengths, but at half strength.
If we reach full strength, you would hit ten men to the ground, but we say: you can only do that once in a lifetime.
Do you know how deep people like us are in strength?
However, there is something else, in which I do not believe, but which does exist.
Namely this: do you believe in spiritual possession?
Therefore possession through spirits?’
‘No, of course not, we have no proof.’
‘Neither do I, but let us just accept it.
Imagine that René was under astral influence.
Then he would draw other powers to himself.
He is being lived through other powers, they live through him.
Those powers make use of his soul, life, personality and body and live it up.
In the occult world all these possibilities are known.
I will not go into it yet, but if it is true, then you see a possibility, through which these powers can be explained.
However, there is also the last possibility.
That tells me that people like us do not use our natural powers to the full ... we still do not really use any of that universal supply, which lives in us, because we possess attunement to the universe and to God.
This explains to me how René fought under his own strength ...
If they were other powers, Karel, believe me, then I would lose all my certainty and you could soon lock him up for his whole life.
Because the older he becomes, the more difficult it will be for him.
That can now be conquered.
I could also explain to you by numerous possibilities, how supernatural powers are at work here.
Soul and spirit, material and life, are ruled by him and us, by the personality.
It is we ourselves who dominate, who make something of our lives.
However, Karel, if we accept other lives?
Why do we actually live here?
With what purpose are you and are we here, for what?
You do not know.
We all have one aim, we live and do something, but the aim is awakening.
Our aim is to reveal; our life has to evolve.
Who does something for this humanity?
You and all those who work for this humanity.
I hope to make my contribution.
That is all and, I believe, just enough.’
‘I have to honestly say, Frederik, there is a lot to it.
I will think about it, I will perhaps meet someone who says: look, there it is.
I have not yet given the best of my strength for it.
But who knows, you are never too old to learn.
Really, there is something to it.
We still have a lot to learn.
We have only just started, as long as you do not forget that.
Definitely, it is possible.
I feel something for it, because you start to think more deeply as a result of it.
For the rest we ask for proof and we create misery upon misery.
I sincerely hope that you are right, Frederik.
Nothing more than that, my friend, how happy I would be.
I still thank you for being here and I hope that it will remain so.
What do you say to it, Erica?’
‘We will have another drink, Frederik, you have earned it.
Goodness, how shy you are.
My God, I can still see you on the boat.
We had such sympathy for you.
And now this!
Then René will also get better!’
We went to bed ...
I wrote down various things and, miraculously, everything which we had talked about came back to me.
In all honesty I was only half there.
It happened of its own accord!
René continued to behave badly.
Yet his eyes are returning to their normal position.
There are little lights.
I think that this anaesthetic will soon wear off.
This condition is a material one.
This belongs to the body.
The soul now has to accept that the material systems dominate.
How natural everything really is.
I get a lot.
I write in the logbook:
The past few days I notice various possibilities for myself in order to think clearly and well.
It is a gift.
It is also René.
I am starting to – as Anna and Erica already feel, but not yet Karel – understand that a telepathic effect exists for all the life created by God.
They are the two ounces of feeling which we ourselves possess and which attracted all the universal inner life over the years.
It is just like the child with the mother.
I am a baby and I long to drink.
I do not want to call the universe a ‘breast’, but yet it is the case.
My life is open.
I want to open myself!
As a result of this – remember that, Frederik – that unity emerged.
I am thirsty, but this is not milk to me, but wisdom!
As a result of my thirst I get sent the ability to learn to think.
I get the thought within me of its own accord.
I then analyse everything and reach excellent possibilities, which surprise Karel.
They already told me before that I can write, I am now starting to also believe it myself.
However, I have not yet reached the end.
The universe asks as it were, sucks me empty and I am separate from this world, I do not long for anything and attain the state of purity.
The more I love, do things in harmony, the sooner the word will also come to me.
This is the way I continue.
They, the academics, probably call that telepathy.
Let it be whatever it is, I am concerned with something else entirely.
I know that there are words in the book which mean something else entirely than we make of them.
The word has not yet received its own awakening for our lives.
The people do not believe that, but it is true.
I now see that every word, like everything, has a world.
I already felt that a moment ago as well.
That justice has got depths.
What we are concerned with is not justice, that is wanting to be right materially.
I already said: through money you get yourself out of prison.
If we were to apply the highest justice, a judge like that would go straight behind bars, because that man did nothing else but treat people and their cases unjustly.
You see, that is how it is.
That judge is a spiritual thief!
You pay for proper treatment, there is something the matter with your wife and you send her to a good clinic.
It says above the entrance: ‘For everyone who comes we are equally good’.
However, after the first day she got black pudding and green cabbage to eat and that for a mother who just lost her child.
A friend of mine experienced that.
Another was done out of thousands of guilders for the just treatment.
Your purse cannot cope with that, but neither can your soul.
Every word therefore has a universe to represent.
I see it before me.
You go from hatred to love.
From being a burglar you become a judge, unless you live according to nature and the ten commandments.
Now that I send myself to that justice, I absorb those life juices and I am in blossom.
Isn’t it amazing?
Every thought possesses a universe, I already said, but now you must try to be in harmony where the Divine thoughts become material.
If you penetrate that deep, you are in the middle of René’s life and you can start to analyse the problem.
If you continue to thirst, that breast appears to be inexhaustible; by sleeping you deal with everything.
What does not belong to you, what you do not need, sinks away and becomes subconsciousness or day-consciousness.
I now understand that this is the right way to continue.
You get unity with everything.
You no longer walk, you float.
Probably, I still do it wrong.
I will do my best to get to know the other things.
If René is capable of sucking me empty, why will I not be able to do it?
When a telepath takes a cigarette, in which a needle has been pierced, out of a case, in front of a few hundred people – I was there myself – it must also be possible for another person to bring about a telepathic connection, as a result of which we can help and get to know each other.
Although those people do it for sensation, for their living, you can also use these powers, this sensitivity, for scientific research, but now directly tuned into Divine Creations and His laws.
In addition, to the soul of all life, which then speaks to your own life.
Finally, the being open to everything comes to you and you absorb everything which is good: you immediately taste the bitter flavour if something is not right.
I am making myself into a universal telepath.
It sounds good and is definitely not so pathetic.
I bring myself to openness, to harmony for everything.
We are immediately faced with unknown laws.
If they speak to your life and being, it shudders within you, but after a few days you will be used to it.
Sometimes you are sent cold shivers.
You must follow the natural, but stick to what is necessary, so that you do not start imagining things, or you will see other masks.
These are even meaner than the material, these are created by your soul and take you to Hans.
You surely feel’, I write, ‘that this unhealthy absorption does not mean anything.
René also absorbs.
That life is also attached to the universe.
He clings firmly to that mother and she feeds him.
I see the universe only as a mother.
I do not know whether fatherhood also lives there, you would say that it cannot be any other way, because God is also Father and Mother!
However, I do not know!
I shall wait and see.
René is getting worse the last few days.
I already said that his eyes speak of a new awareness, and the body is apathetic.
We have natural rest, but this is misery.
We want to help him so much.
Karel tries all kinds of things.
Yet he is getting more careful with his injections.
He himself trembles and shakes from all those medicines.
They do not help him either, they paralyse the body.
I insist that this is a material reaction.
The soul can play the first violin, the body also gets a turn.
Both worlds get peace in time.
Soon we will be faced with the puberty years and then the body will perhaps start again.
Should the soul expect a beating from the body then?
Will the body then get to experience the reactions through the soul?
It is amazing.
You see, questions keep coming to me like that, which demand an answer.
I am left outside of it and listen.
I now believe that everything can speak.
I also believe that this will become the universal unity with God.
Is that not the miracle which we are all waiting for?
Is this not the essential for which people like us live, through which and for which we are mother and father?
I believe so!!
René’s soul then gets a terrible beating.
Also the organism, that he – as the personality – is already discovering.
This is why this has nothing to do with the sexual, I consider it more as awakening.
Of course if he is beaten by it, he will probably undergo that annoyance by moaning, it hurts him, but is nature different?
Have you ever in May heard the ripping loose of the young life?
You can hear that.
The life squeals with pain.
A green bud like that is in pain.
A leaf from a tree is in pain, the flower which colours is in pain, because that is awakening, I believe in the universal fatherhood and motherhood, which is dominant in everything and will remain so.
No, we continue, broken in soul and spirit, materially probably destroyed, flung down by everyday life, but open to the good morning and the good night.
Miracles happen here in the house.
We are on top of it.
Every day brings new life for us.
Exactly through this misery, experiencing each other, talking, thinking about it.
I start to see more expansively, feel more expansively, feel that God is love.
I went to have a quick look at René.
The boy is lying in a mist as it were.
However, I believe that the sun will start to shine and is already sending the particle for his life to earth from behind the clouds.
He is not alive, he is half dead.
This is psychopathic, it touches upon an epileptic condition, with the phenomena associated with it, which used to pass for scarlet fever and all kinds of things.
To us it is now called awakening!
I hope that I will be right.
I think so, I will soon write something else in the logbook, before I forget what just came into me.
Only then shall I go to sleep.
As these thoughts go through me, he opens his eyes.
He looks at me, our eyes touch each other, we descend into each other’s lives.
What do I feel?
What do I receive?
He is talking to me.
I can translate it just like that.
‘Is something the matter, Uncle Frederik?
Thank you for caring.
Just go to sleep now.
Do the chickens still not have a new suit?
Have the horses been sold?
Is life so ... rotten, that I am mad?
Are you still dreaming ...?
Are you also becoming ill ...?
Do you also have a cold fever?
Is Anna not nice?
Why do you speak so low when you come to me?
I am no longer bothered by boeha ...
I know, Uncle Frederik ...
May I draw again now?
May I do that again ...?’
In order to confront me with the facts, everything rolls materially over his lips, so that I am surprised and do not know what to do.
Then he retracts into his condition.
His eyes close and there is peace!
I go away.
I also write down:
When I talk to Karel, Erica and Anna, I do that to give them strength for this life.
I know that Karel learns nothing from it; or it is still to come, I do not know.
I help them and, as I already said, we develop a bond.
We are more open to each other.
Life becomes good like that and bearable.
I am thinking about following those footsteps.
Now I go to sleep.
There are no flowers again.
However, I know that.
Soon the stage will be full, because there will be tension again.
I saw more sandals!
The garments also change, I saw mainly blue.
Even a light blue garment, which I thought I had already seen before.
I now know where it was.
Is this perhaps a part of the unknown subconscious?
Tomorrow I will tune into it.
Tomorrow and all the other days which come, if I have time for it.
I must try to think during work.
I really do not yet know anything about the subconscious.
I have to follow everything ... experience everything, or I will not make it.
Subconscious ... the unknown mask and, I suspect, the deepest and most terrible mask which exists.
I do not yet know.
I do everything to discover it!
‘On your side I wish to assure my love’ ... well, well, what is it?
Then a dove flew over my head ... did you see the little creature?
I feel like Noah ...
I am sailing ...
All of us are sailing ...
I throw another dove out!
Will it take me to the subconscious of the human being?
Come back to me, we have become friends!
I now wait!
I shall draw the ‘olive branch’ in my sleep.
Good night, all of you!