The Past

Now we will first go to one of my dwellings on earth, where I spent my last life as an artist.
Then to the spheres of light, where we will be connected by the masters.
There, André, you will experience wonders, the reality of which you will see in other places of the universe.
Bear in mind that you will receive on these journeys the most sacred, the greatest wonder created by God.
Come, we will leave, André.
On our way, I will continue telling you what you still have to know.
I am going to connect you with the past and with my own life on earth.
What I want to explain to you bears relation to what I told you just now.
We shall go to my studio.’
‘Do you know where your friend is at this moment?’
‘Yes, my boy, I know and later on I’ll connect you with him.’
André looked at his leader and asked: ‘Was he a scholar, Alcar?’
‘Yes, but he neglected his studies.
He tried his hand at art on earth, but he lacked the feeling.
He lived between two worlds – the material and the spiritual world – but he was conscious of nothing.
He remained a searching soul until his end on earth.
There were many feelings in him.
He sought and wanted to possess, but he went on seeking, as I said before; and in that condition, he unconsciously entered this life.
His attunement was that of thousands of others.
They are willing, but achieve nothing.
Whatever they absorb does not come to perfection.
They are trying to create a condition on earth, but whatever they do and establish it gives them no satisfaction.
That is the very last transitory stage towards spiritual consciousness.
Do you feel, André, what I mean?’
‘Yes, Alcar.’
‘Well then, once it has attained this heightened condition, the soul establishes something, however small this achievement may be.
Man knows then what he wants and cannot be stopped at anything.
He is aware of his doings and goes on, always further, not minding anything.
These beings live on earth.
Those others, who are as he was, are neither good nor bad, as there is no consciousness in them.
They are living dead.
All this I must explain to you now.
On our previous journey I spoke about pre-animal-like, animal-like, coarse-material, and material consciousness.
In every situation the soul is conscious and can acquire this consciousness.
The soul lives to see and shall experience.
Whatever it establishes, even though it may be animal-like and terrible, the being lives and is conscious of what it does.
One will give himself for the destruction of others, another will go for material possessions, but all will perish.
But one day the human being will reach a condition of consciousness and will not know how to act.
That is the condition of half-awakened consciousness.
That is searching for a thousand things, for love and happiness; but they do not descend in anything, because they do not know what they really would like.
So life on earth passes by and they enter here.
Now this was his condition.
That is why he lived at the boundary between two spheres.
He did wrong things in his life on earth.
He caused a young life, about which he spoke, to suffer the greatest misery.
By his actions, she perished.
He knew this happened through his actions and that is how she entered this life.
I knew where she was, but I could not tell him because that was only possible at a later stage.
So I let him talk and remained silent.
Others had done what he did, he said, but it was he who left her by herself.
He did not know, however, that the child was his.
While still on earth I discussed these things with him, but he turned a deaf ear; it could not be possible, he said.
And yet, I knew quite definitely that the child born was his.
This was the sorrow he caused her.
By his doing she landed in this awful condition and her life on earth became a hell.
Then I heard about her death.
Later, much later, he began to feel remorse and tried to make it up.
He gave away the money he possessed.
In that condition he awoke and gave himself entirely.
Then he, too, passed away.
All this belongs to his life.
I told you already, we met again at this side and he had not changed in anything.
That feeling of remorse was consciously present in him.
Also, in this life he could not free himself of it.
How could he possibly have freed himself of it?
Do you understand what I mean, André?
That this was blocking his spiritual progress and that what happened on earth must dissolve and be made up?
One time he will be able to live and see that, but only God can help him.
No spirit, however high, commands those forces.
At this side it is known how it is possible, and this law is understood.
While on earth, one is not aware of this, but at this side one is faced with all those earthly problems.
One cause brought him in this condition.
No, others cannot make it up for him.
He himself will have to alleviate that sorrow.
There should be nothing of this kind in us or it will call us to a halt at this side.
It stops us, because it has to be made up first.
I know how he will accomplish that, but will refer to that later; then I will explain everything to you.
Look, André, here I am on the spot where I lived while on earth.
Once, hundreds of years ago, this was one of my studios.
I brought you to this place, where I met him who was my friend.
In this house I lived and made my greatest works of art.
Sit down, André, and concentrate on me.’
André did as Alcar wanted and he felt himself sink away.
He saw several human beings in front of him.
He knew how this image was brought about.
To the left and right he saw several paintings and he recognized Alcar’s art.
He saw his leader working on a big canvas
It was the figure of a man and he immediately understood the meaning of this image.
It was Alcar’s friend who he was painting and the portrait was nearly finished.
He also felt the great gifts of his leader.
Alcar descended deeply into this being and André felt the severe concentration it required.
How thankful he was that his leader let him experience this.
This belonged to the past, and yet, he saw it happen again; for nothing could be destroyed.
Whatever man had created, remained.
Amazing, he thought, is everything Alcar shows me.
How great was this sight.
He had experienced this several times, but he always felt the wonderful essence of this connection.
This was the past, yet brought to life once more.
André felt an affectionate bond.
His leader felt great affection for him which he portrayed and also from the human being posing for him radiated a similar affection, but his leader possessed more light; he could see that.
There was a deep bond between them.
Here he felt the quiet of the spirit.
He observed in silent admiration.
His leader had achieved this heightened condition by intense concentration.
Alcar had been young and fair while on earth and how conscious he was of his ability!
This was creation.
He painted his friend life-size.
The vision then faded away and he returned to himself.
Alcar looked at him and said: ‘This happened once, André.
This painting is kept in a museum.
But what I only wanted to let you feel is that I was deeply attached to him.
Something forced us together, of which neither of us was conscious.
I loved him, as I would have loved my own child.
This strength was within me and although I resisted, I could not free myself from it.
A power, stronger than my own, time and again connected me with him.
His sorrow was my sorrow; his feelings were mine.
I found myself mentally ill, but I could not detach myself from him.
Then came my end on earth and you know at what age.
At this side, too, I had these feelings and I impatiently awaited his arrival.
Finally that time came and he, too, entered this side.
You know already how we met.
I want to make clear to you now that these ties were already in us on earth.
They were feelings from which I wanted to free myself, but could not; they were deeply rooted and dominated my inner being.
How I suffered.
This problem held me in its grip night and day.
I thought much about it, but could not solve it, because on earth I knew nothing about occult problems.
I consulted one of my acquaintances, a scholar, too, but he could not give me an explanation.
I suffered severely, because my feelings were profoundly deep.
I fought against my own self; I wanted to remove this unnatural feeling, but proved unable to do it, and as I said before, it was stronger than myself.
This was not and could not be an earthly friendship; it was more, it was deeper and greater.
I scrupulously kept it to myself, and none of my other friends has ever known this.
I kept this a secret, because I did not want to show my unnatural emotions to anyone.
They would not have understood.
Did he feel like as I did?
No, these emotions were not present in him.
He was not conscious of anything.
I helped him in everything and I asked him to allow me to make his portrait.
I wanted to have it for myself, only because of the love I felt for him, although this love was pure.
Sometimes I flung everything away from me, but these feelings invariably returned.
Then our ways parted for a long time, and yet we met again.
I attained what I wanted to achieve; he, however, did not achieve anything.
He was torn about this failure, and everything he did remained without inspiration.
He lacked the inspiration required to penetrate deeply into inner life.
He lacked what I had too much of: feeling.
His feelings were not deep.
He lived his life and was open to nothing.
In everything lay his discontent and he was good for nothing, yet he was prepared to give himself entirely.
In him, too, were feelings he did not know nor understand.
I possessed love; but there was something in him, which made him fail, so that he felt incapable.
An inner force halted him, and the matter he dealt with did not penetrate his mind, because his emotions failed.
At the beginning he brimmed with enthusiasm but after a while it slackened.
Then he began to search and he roamed about the world and it was in those days that he destroyed a young life, but also awoke and yet achieved nothing.
He wanted to learn to know the soul, because these feelings were in him.
This earthly life carried me to the greatest height, he, however, wanted to learn to know death and life, but he did not prove to possess the necessary strength.
It was not preordained for him, because he was a scholar who did not understand his own self.
Yet he felt attracted towards this study.
In his youth he had been an extraordinary child, but in the years when he should achieve so much, he was poor in spirit.
As I already have said, there was something calling him to stop.
That something suffocated his inner life and it could not develop.
He did not come to full consciousness; he remained subconscious.
He lived in one specific condition, a law, which I only learned to understand at this side and which I know now.
Do you feel already, André, what all this means?’
‘No, Alcar.’
‘Then I will tell you.
It was the law of cause and effect.
It was his karma and therefore belonged to his past.
You will understand, André, that the first thing that should be explained to me at this side, were these affectionate feelings, when I entered here.
This, however, was not so easy, because it was not possible at the beginning of my transition.
It was not until later, when I was connected with higher entities and I accepted my own life, and I had learned to understand all those spiritual conditions at this side, that I was shown my own life.
How great was my joy, and how thankful I was, when I knew and understood its meaning.
I had felt correctly during my life on earth.
There was a deep love within me and these feelings were pure and natural, and not unnatural at all.
This was part of me, André, and belonged to my past.
In the third sphere, years after my death on earth, I learned to know my own past.
There, in my past, resided those feelings, and they were related to it.
Do you feel how deep this is, and that we are unable on earth to understand this?
Every human being will live to see this on earth and at this side.
However, only on this side are we shown the many lives we have lived.
It is here that we can descend into the past.
Nothing has been lost, everything is fixed – to the smallest details.
What I felt on earth was revealed here.
I would not have felt those emotions had they not been mine; because what man has not experienced, he will not feel.
It either is in him, or he still has to experience it.
When feelings predominate, like I have experienced, this has a meaning and these forces are also conscious in us.
As I said before, at this side, I was shown my past, I could accept and be happy.
An other world opened for me and that very moment I understood the depth of the soul, and accepted.
The higher entities summoned me and bestowed on me that tremendous grace of understanding myself to greater depth.
How grateful I was!
How I did pray!
Weeks, nay, months I remained absorbed in meditation.
Deep in myself I retraced everything and came to understand the creation.
I felt my life on earth and was thankful for what I had been allowed to leave there.
I also understood that there were higher gifts, which could help suffering mankind, and these gifts I wanted to acquire at this side.
I descended and learned to know life in hell in all its frightfulness.
You know how I suffered and continued my way.
At this side I also learned to know his life, and I understood what he did not know nor feel.
I spent the last few years of his earthly life on earth.
I could not reach him from this side, but I watched what he was doing.
I saw that he had mentally fallen asleep and had succumbed a long time ago.
He had resigned himself to what was in him and he felt empty and a failure.
In nothing, I heard him say, am I my own self.
And yet, André, I saw he was his own self, but he did not understand this depth nor these feelings, because one cannot understand them while on earth.
I saw from this side that he evolved from one condition to another.
When I was still on earth, he changed every moment and now he did not feel different either.
Time and again he took up another study, and time and again he failed.
He could not bring anything to a successful end.
But one thing, one problem, kept his mind occupied and predominated him entirely; that was life; that was man.
Slowly, he descended into life until he had no more strength left to acquire anything.
You see, he had many gifts, but no willpower; he lacked inspiration.
Weren’t there feelings in him to create?
To do something for mankind?
Yes, surely; he had them.
He would have wanted to give himself entirely, but he could not, because he felt himself unable to do it.
Then he did other things.
He gave everything he possessed to the poor and accepted the life of a beggar.
But his friends came to his help and brought him back to his senses; because that was not necessary.
He was very popular with many people for his broad-minded views on the deepest problems.
He was always sharp, to the point, and yet achieved nothing.
Do you understand, André, what kind of problem this is?
What kept him going and what was already calling him a halt on earth?
Was it an unknown power preventing his advancement and calling him to stop?
Why were these feelings in him; and did his soul, his inner self, refuse?
Why did he clash with everything concerning the universe, the soul, and man?
Because this was a problem for him; it was his life and misery.
His inability tormented him and, as I said, he gave his possessions to the poor and those who were in need.
Why did he do these things and how did he attain these powers?
There was something sad in his condition; he was forced by a power stronger than himself.
On this journey, André, and on the two to come, I will explain to you his emotions and mine.
All this has a profound meaning.
I will revert to this subject; then you will understand his emotions and mine, and all those psychic problems and wonders.
At the end of your third journey, everything will be revealed to you; it is not until then that I can connect you.
Have patience until then.
Now I will show you another event.’
At this moment André felt himself sink away, and he saw his leader and his friend on earth.
He heard him say: ‘I am nothing, nothing, but you?
You will leave something behind.
No, I cannot understand.
Why do you reach that height?
You are yourself in everything; but I?
I am good for nothing.
I’ll never achieve anything.
There is something of the devil in me, and I would accept it if I only knew there was truth in it.
Seek and you shall find!
I have been searching all my life and I can’t grasp it.
I am perfectly in earnest, you know that.
I am grateful to you for everything; but God leaves me alone and will crush me.
Do you know who stops me?
Why can’t I achieve anything?
Oh, how will my end be?’
Then André heard him laugh and he saw him go away.
Yet he heard him say: ‘I shall live, my friend; believe me, I shall live.’
Then he saw his leader deeply absorbed in thought.
Night had come a long time ago and still his leader remained in thought.
André now felt something miraculous; he perceived that Alcar was being helped from the side beyond.
His leader was a great artist and he was open for the other side.
He saw the astral spirit and when he observed this, Alcar said: ‘Yes, my boy, I, too, was helped.
An artist on earth, who can attain a degree in art, will be helped from this side.
I saw visions, given me by invisible entities.
Moreover, my art ripened, through my desire to understand my friend and all those gloomy moods.
I have shown you this scene because I also want to explain it to you later.
There was nothing of the devil in him; it was cause and effect.
You see, André, that I can connect you with my life and his.
Everything under my own sphere is conscious for me, which means that I know that life, however deep it may be.
At this side we learn to know everything, down to the deepest past, because it will be shown to us.
Every human being, every soul has its own film of life on which he can see and know himself.
I ask you: was this his fate?
Had God this in store for him?
Is it God’s will?
But why should God want this?
Why was I gifted and why do thousands of others achieve nothing?
Why, André, why?
I showed you similar terrible conditions on our last journey.
However, he was his own self and not insane.
Yet, it was enough to make anybody insane.
Truly, all this is strange and deep, and yet on this side we know what all this means.
In this life I also learned to understand and accept this human puzzle.
On this side one knows what these strange emotions mean. Here, one knows all those laws and is his true self and one transcends into these laws.
It is the masters who know and we will be connected with them, because I am allowed to explain this to you later.
Only then will you understand everything, André, like I understood and accepted.
There was an enigma in him, a force compelling him to accept that.
No God could help him.
No spirit, however high, could solve this.
It was his possession, as I possessed my feeling for art.
This was his personality, his inner life.
Now isn’t this inexplicable and, for man, improbable and unnatural?
Doesn’t it resemble being doomed?
It is that deep, that man cannot accept it, because he will be confronted with a mountain of sorrow and incapacity.
In this life lay the seeking of light and his God.
He gave himself entirely in every respect; yet this enigma, this power, burdened his entire life.
It was this silent force that broke him.
And so his life went past.
Thousands of people on earth feel as he did; but why is all this?
Why are they on earth and not capable of achieving anything?
Wherever you go, you will see these beings.
Everything goes against them.
Don’t you think that they yearned for a human existence?
He wanted to be a scholar, but that feeling was not in him.
He was prepared and studied a lot; but at the crucial moment, when his life was about to begin, he felt himself sink back into an inexplicable depth.
Notwithstanding this, there was something in him urging him to begin, as he brimmed with enthusiasm in his youth.
But that inner fire consumed him and he felt empty, depleted by that unnatural inner process.
Do you understand, André, how much this life possessed and yet could achieve nothing?
Is this something belonging to the earth, and aren’t there millions of people living in the same condition?
Nevertheless, they try to create a proper existence, but to many it proves impossible.
Is it God’s will that this happens?
I have already pointed this out to you in various ways.
But this problem is different and relates to what I want to follow, and to man on earth.
I will answer all these questions; everything I told you ever since we have been together has a bearing on his and my life on earth, and it is the problem you will experience.
This belongs to the past, and behind that, behind all this, is another past; therefore, we will descend ever deeper into the soul, and in doing so we will also learn to understand the wonders of the universe.
Man is a great wonder and it is the soul, which experiences this wonder.
God knows every depth, as there is a beginning and an end.
God knew what He wanted and created.
There is a divine end, because we advance ever higher, until the soul enters the Divine Spheres.
The human organism will decay, but the soul continues and experiences life.
But there must have been a beginning, and this beginning you will learn to know.
And you will know reincarnation on earth, which I will explain to you in various ways and in various circumstances.
And now, André, we will leave the earth and visit the fourth sphere.
There you will be connected with the universe.
The masters, as I said before, are awaiting us presently.
Be grateful for it, because it means wisdom in spirit.’