Man proposes, but God disposes

André had been married for quite some time, and now his wife was pregnant.
Years had gone by in which they had waited for the happiness that just wouldn’t come, but now he was glad that he would be presented with a young life.
Day in day out he prayed that God might bestow wisdom, strength and love on the being.
Oh, how he loved children.
He could read a young life like an open book, and he could sense the condition of the being’s soul.
He could point out the various transitions of feeling to the mother, so that she would get to know her little one.
But he didn’t dare link up with children, because mothers didn’t like others to interfere with their love.
If he were allowed to receive this great blessing, he would quietly act upon his child and make it feel his love.
He would focus his thoughts to connect himself with the child so that it would develop its spirit too.
Yet every time he sat and pondered on these things he would feel something come over him that disturbed his happiness.
It was strange how this feeling prevented him from being happy about the things that were about to take place.
It got stronger all the time, so that in the end he hardly dared to think about his child.
When his wife talked about it, which was a daily necessity, he felt a cold shiver running down his spine, and he just couldn’t understand the meaning of it.
Afterwards he would have long spells in which he talked to himself and wondered what prevented him from being happy, and he would do his best to solve this mystery.
Whenever he touched the baby clothes it seemed that it made his heart beat faster and took his breath away.
There was something about those little clothes, something he clearly felt.
But what was it?
Something kept him from looking forward with great joy to that big moment in which he would be presented with the young life.
This situation continued for some months.
When the matter wasn’t mentioned, he too felt calm and peaceful, but whenever his wife began to talk about her possession, he felt the fear rising, and it would really upset him.
He didn’t let her notice anything, he wanted to fight this out by himself.
Would the child be granted to him, or was something going to happen which would deprive them of this happiness?
Whenever he wanted to ask his leader about this, he got no answer, and he sensed that Alcar didn’t want to discuss it.
I’m letting my feelings get the better of me, he would tell himself, after all everything is fine.
His wife was in good health, and so he ought to dispel these anxious thoughts.
Happiness would then return to him, and he would think about lots of beautiful things.
What a blessing to be allowed to receive this!
But after a few days it would all come back again.
Deep down he felt two powers: sorrow and happiness.
The sorrow was trying to push aside his happiness, and sometimes the sorrow had to give in.
But then it would return and destroy his peace of mind, breaking up his happiness, and his struggle would start anew.
He often wondered which side would win, because it was clear to him that this had a meaning.
Was Alcar making him feel that something was about to happen?
Would they have to part with the happiness they had been looking forward to for so many years?
Was it not meant to be?
But after a short while he would ban these doubts from his mind and refuse to give it another thought.
He wanted to keep the young life, and so he put himself certain questions, and his feeling to want to possess the child would give him the answers.
He fathomed his wife’s feelings, but there was nothing in her condition to cause him any anxiety.
She worked day in day out and she had never felt better in her life.
Suddenly Alcar told him to start on his second book.
Oh, that was great, then he wouldn’t have to keep on thinking about his fear which simply wouldn’t abate.
He prepared himself and waited for the things that would happen.
He already knew that he was to write about all the conditions which he had experienced in the spirit and on earth.
These included the many healings on earth which he had been allowed to accomplish through Alcar, some of which had been very miraculous.
He got his writing paper ready, and a few days before Alcar was about to begin he had a clear outline of the work ahead and he also knew how the chapters should succeed each other.
Nothing was lost of all the things he had been allowed to experience.
Once he got linked up, he would write the chapters the one after the other.
Sometimes he wrote a hundred pages in one session without stopping.
He would feel no fatigue because in those moments he would be in a special attunement.
And so the work got finished within a few weeks.
This gift of writing as a medium was beautiful.
At such times all his other talents would be inactive, but they could be called up again whenever they were needed.
While he wrote he lost all sense of earthly life and he dwelt in another world.
Sometimes he would remain in this attunement for weeks.
But there was a limit to this, because after a while the physical strain would overtax him.
Sometimes he experienced strange situations.
One morning he had left home early to visit his patients.
He walked and took the tram, helped his people and in the afternoon, back in his room, he suddenly awoke with a start.
He couldn’t even remember whether it was afternoon or evening
Oh, he thought, I overslept, and he rushed over to his wife to ask her why she had forgotten to call him.
Slowly his earthly consciousness came back to him and Alcar showed him that he had done good work.
It proves how deep he descended into his spiritual life.
On another occasion his wife asked him if he would go for a walk with her.
He immediately stopped working and accompanied her into the beauty of nature.
They spent an hour outdoors and when he came home he immediately felt himself being drawn back into his writing condition.
About an hour later his wife went over to him, and he asked her what the weather was like, as he was feeling very cold and miserable.
He had no recollection of his walk, although he had spoken with her about various things.
‘How strange’, she said.
When he went over his writings again, he saw that he had been writing about the dark areas, where the unhappy spirits dwelt who had disgraced themselves on earth.
While he wrote he attracted these influences and he became connected with them.
Once, while he was writing, he heard the words: ‘The doorbell is ringing, André, and there’s nobody home because your wife has gone out.’
He stumbled to the door and unlocked it from the inside with the key.
In front of him stood a stranger and he asked him what he wanted.
But it was his wife who had left the house without taking the key; she quietly walked past him, realizing that he was in another world again.
Later on André couldn’t recall the incident.
Yet he sensed throughout that he was being watched over; he could willingly submit, and he knew that Alcar was taking care of him.
It made him feel glad; he had no time to think about his fears now.
He finished chapter after chapter, until he got to a point where his fear returned.
He had started on heaven and hell and it included a passage about the clairvoyance of the mother.
The strange thing was that he had already spoken about this with his wife, as she too possessed clairvoyance in her condition.
But, he thought, why am I writing about this right now, while she is in this very condition?
Was it coincidence?
Did it have a certain meaning?
He reread it a dozen times and felt how it made his fears reappear.
In that chapter Alcar told the mothers that they will once again see their little ones who had passed on.
He comforted the mothers in their deep sorrow but also tried to explain to them that they would need attunement if they wanted to meet the little ones again.
It was terrible, his soul was burning.
He defied it with all his might, but it wouldn’t go away.
I’m writing down my own grief and sorrow, he thought, my wife will be the first to receive Alcar’s support.
Surely this couldn’t be true?
He thought about it for a long time, then he took the terrible decision to stop writing, and he tore up the chapter.
He thought he was going mad.
Without his previous experiences he would have believed himself to be under evil influence.
But he had been allowed to undergo all these things through disembodiment and he didn’t doubt it now.
Yet he decidedly refused.
André was up in arms!
Never before had he been like this, and he felt like a stranger to himself.
He fervently prayed to God to let this cup pass from him.
It stayed in his mind the entire week, and he felt free of fear.
And yet something was eating at him deep inside.
Oh, how difficult it was.
He was about to destroy the very things he had built up over many years.
He was breaking the most sacred thing of all, his link with Alcar.
He who wanted to give his life for the side beyond now refused to work for him.
Wasn’t it terrible?
He saw himself in the spheres and relived the great moment in which he was about to leave Alcar’s house.
He saw himself kneeling before his leader and he heard himself say: ‘I haven’t got much to say, but there is something I want to tell you before we part from here.’
He didn’t dare think about it, his own words made him shiver.
He had promised Alcar that he wouldn’t make things difficult for him, and what was he doing right now?
He, Alcar’s instrument was refusing.
No, it was impossible to believe.
He quietly looked for some paper, laid everything ready and waited whether his leader would begin.
He needed his help, because he would make a mess of things on his own.
If he had to continue by himself it would make his mind reel to distinguish all those psychic conditions and the spiritual attunements he had experienced.
Now his fear got even bigger, it was the fear to lose his leader.
He hadn’t slept for nights, and deep down he fervently asked to be forgiven, to be allowed to begin again.
One afternoon he felt that Alcar wanted to write and without saying anything to him, he continued.
The chapter was soon finished and it was even more beautiful than the first version.
This was followed by other conditions, and he descended into hell in order to take down all its horrors.
Again he felt one with those who dwelt there.
Their influence was so intense that it even had an impact on his physical body while he was writing.
After he had finished this, his wife, who was sitting next to him, looked up at him and suddenly cried out in amazement: ‘How old you look!
You look as if you were sixty.’
He told her how this can happen, and he tried to free himself from these influences, which he managed.
He was so sensitive that even now, while he was in his physical body, those forces could still influence his body.
He slowly withdrew into his conscious physical life again and felt how he was being released.
While he had dwelt in the dark spheres with Alcar he had become acquainted with their lives and had felt their powers.
They had attacked him several times.
Now he felt glad that this was a thing of the past.
After dealing with the dark spheres he started on the higher ones, and he felt the fear returning.
It was the chapter in which Alcar showed him the sphere where the children dwelt and where he spoke to the mothers who had been left behind, in order to comfort them.
His fear increased even more when Alcar told him to take a break; he would resume after a while.
This waiting period must mean something.
Alcar had stopped at the spot where he told the saddened mothers where their little ones dwelt.
He was thinking about the child again!
Would it have to die after all?
Once more his happiness was destroyed by grief, torn to pieces and abused.
His joyfulness was only brief, and sorrow crept into his soul.
He kept it all from his wife, he couldn’t possibly tell her.
Yet he felt that he would have to prepare her and he started to tell her about the spheres:
‘Listen, Anna, I’ll read something to you about the children’s sphere, then you’ll hear how beautiful it is over there, where the little ones from the earth dwell, those who have passed on when they were still young.
Oh, it’s so beautiful up there.
The little ones live in palaces, and no royal child on earth will ever possess the happiness they feel.
I’ve spoken to you about this before, but now it’s laid down.’
But she didn’t want to hear about his spheres, and he felt that he should stop.
He felt like a brute, to talk about this now that she was in this condition.
Yet that strong urge returned, and again he started to prepare her.
‘If you’ve got a moment to spare, you should read it’, he said, waiting whether she would catch on.
But she didn’t.
It made him shiver to think what lay ahead of the young mother.
Some other evening, when he sensed his chance, he again started to tell her about the spheres of the children.
‘Listen’, he said to her.
André felt how he was being linked up within and he told her what he saw clairvoyantly.
‘Over there the little ones are brought up by high spirits.’
He spoke ardently and he felt that he had put all he had into his terrible plea.
‘How beautiful and how marvellous to be able to experience all that as an earthly human being, and when you know of people who must part with their little ones, to be allowed to comfort them in this way.
What a great blessing that is, don’t you think?’
‘Yes’, she suddenly said, ‘but you don’t want to lose the little one, do you?
In spite of all the beauty and the goodness they enjoy, surely you don’t want to part with your child?’
André sensed a kind of resistance.
‘Part with it, no, that’s not it,’ he went on, ‘because you would see it again.
It’s brought up there and it will be waiting for you in radiant beauty, once we pass on too.
The link is eternal and after all, you’re connected with the child, aren’t you?’
He was waging everything now.
He forced himself to hide his inner condition and he said to her:
‘But you never know what God’s will is like. Just imagine that it were taken away from us.’
He sounded her out to sense her inner condition.
‘God then takes the being and it’s protected against a lot of grief and sorrow.
It’s a great comfort to many mothers, you know.’
‘That may be so,’ she said, ‘but you don’t want to lose it, do you?’
He was back to where he had started.
But he had to go on, she didn’t need to know anything yet; even if it only left a little spark in her, it would serve her later as a support to pick up life’s threads again.
He anxiously started: ‘When you read how terrible it is ...’. But he got no further, she interrupted him and said:
‘For heaven’s sake stop this, you and your constant talk about dying.
I don’t want to lose Gommel, not for a thousand heavens or palaces. I want to keep Gommel and that’s enough for now.’
It startled André.
He had gone too far.
Gommel, he thought, whatever does that word mean?
His wife was from Vienna, and she told him that it meant ‘little dwarf’ in her dialect.
It was her favourite name for the little one she was bearing.
‘I’m going to take Gommel for some walks this summer’, she continued and immediately went over to look at the baby clothes she had already prepared for her Gommel.
I’ve gone too far, André thought, I hope she doesn’t feel my fear.
His heart tore apart and bled.
After all, he was the only one who knew.
He felt desperate and his fear got bigger and deeper all the time.
Had she sensed anything?
When she came back he sounded her out again, this time to find out whether she had noticed something.
He made up his mind not to mention it again.
He told her: ‘We’ll certainly do quite a bit of walking this summer!’
She felt touched and took up the conversation.
André was glad that she didn’t pursue the matter he had just mentioned.
She bore her happiness and her knowledge inside of her; her attunement was so very different from his.
It was due to the possession of the life which she hadn’t the slightest doubt about.
What next?
He had been startled by his own words.
How cruel he had been to mention those circumstances before it had even come true.
So many things might happen.
No, his behaviour was strange, he should stop his ruminating.
And yet he thought: If I were to accept this without restraint, would I then still be able to hide it from her?
Wouldn’t that require superhuman power?
Did he possess that power as an earthly being?
What was the meaning of all this?
Would he be able to cope with it?
He tried to imagine what this situation would be like, but he felt that he would give way.
For six months now he had been in doubt whether to accept it.
He was still drifting between two conditions of feeling, it was either yes or no.
Yes meant sorrow and grief, and no stood for happiness.
No was closest to him and was the hardest to keep hold of.
Yes kept on creeping into his soul and then he felt a battle of life or death.
If Alcar were to show him unmistakably, would he still doubt?
In the morning, when he went off to visit his patients, he always left his writings for her to see them, but she never mentioned anything.
She was out of reach; he couldn’t penetrate that wall of happiness.
It surrounded her like a stronghold, and she would let nothing take it away from her.
A few days later he had a marvellous vision.
He saw himself being taken to an institute where a mother was delivering a baby.
He experienced every detail.
He was an invisible onlooker.
But try as he may, he was unable to perceive the mother, it was as if she was kept invisible to him.
It was a girl she bore.
It was dead, and he understood that some great truth lay hidden behind this vision.
No matter how he concentrated, he couldn’t see the baby’s face.
A girl, he thought, dead?
This chouldn’t be possible, could it?
Deep within he was heartbroken; he felt as if he had been stabbed and was bleeding from the wounds.
The invisible power kept on coming back to him, until he would submit.
But he didn’t want to submit, he wanted the child, that young life and nothing else!
How terrible it was to be clairvoyant and to see and feel everything in advance.
Sensitivity was a beautiful thing, but at present it meant nothing but a struggle to him, his struggle for happiness.
This was going too far; he wanted to be left in peace.
Again and again he felt a mysterious influence.
Was it Alcar?
Who else could it be?
But he defied this invisible power and he swore he would cast it all from his mind.
He and the invisible powers were now openly at war with each other.
They were trying to force something on to him, nothing but misery, nothing but grief, that’s all they presented him with.
Just you try, he thought, I won’t accept it, never, no matter who it is.
He refused to see, to hear or to feel. Confronted by this problem, all his talents had gone numb, they just couldn’t be called to action.
He clearly felt that he was playing a game of cat and mouse, and he was rather curious who would win.
It was a cruel game, a game only few on earth would go along with.
No, he had never thought of it like that; how could one ever get oneself into a situation like this?
It was remarkable how he received all encompassing help where his other talents were concerned.
He sensed Alcar in everything, and yet he knew full well that he was at odds with this problem.
He didn’t dare think about it.
Not about spheres, nor disembodiments or paintings; about nothing at all.
He did his work with complete love, but he wasn’t within reach of this kind of knowledge.
This went on for some days, until Anna suddenly asked him: ‘What do you think it will be?’
What it will be?
It hit him like a hammer, because this suddenly linked him up with his vision.
It touched him deeply, it cut his heart to shreds.
He replied that he didn’t yet know, but now his battle had started anew.
Again he thought of his vision.
He tried nonetheless to link up in order to perceive the happening again.
But no matter how he exerted himself, he saw nothing, it was impossible to become connected.
And again he cast it from him and gave it no more thought.
Yet he was convinced that he was playing a dreadful game.
It was a comedy such as he had never acted out before, and he was playing the main role.
One evening he received a message from his leader telling him that he wanted to draw.
It’s for the little one, Alcar added, which gave him a happy feeling.
I was right, he thought, I’m worrying myself for nothing.
Everything is fine.
She’s feeling well; not a cloud in the sky to hide the light.
Alcar even wants to drawing.
What more could he expect.
His wife was happy that the other side was showing an interest in her Gommel.
Alcar told him that the drawing would be hung either above the child’s little bed or theirs, and when he told her, she said: ‘No, if it’s for Gommel, it should be hung above its cot.’
This gave André new food for thought.
Why this emphasis on either the child’s little bed or theirs?
Did this have a certain meaning too, and was it not meant to be hung above the little bed?
But he hadn’t much time to think this over, because Alcar put him into a trance and his interest then focussed on the drawing.
The drawing turned out beautifully.
Its beauty was apparent, right from Alcar’s first working session.
It was a seven-cornered star with a cross in the centre.
Alcar let it rest for a few days, and he had time to think.
The cross that had been drawn within didn’t appeal to him.
This was not the kind of cross Alcar always drew and which he used to demonstrate faith and love.
The star was Bethlehem, birth, but what was that cross needed for?
He never drew crosses of that kind.
Seven points, he thought, this stands for the hereafter.
There were seven spheres, in spiritual attunement.
What did Alcar have in mind with this drawing?
Once again he was up in arms and he felt his game starting all over again.
Was Alcar his opponent?
No, this was madness, he was going too far.
If only he could make up for this.
He felt how he was making a drawing of his own sorrow and grief.
First he had put his sorrow on paper, now he was drawing it although he didn’t believe in it.
He was drawing his child’s death; oh how difficult it was for him to accept this.
He saw how the drawing was framed by a weeper.
It was pervaded with death and he felt it.
He couldn’t cut the ties; his invisible friend had won the game.
All the same, this was ridiculous.
I’m here on earth, I can still free myself from all these things, he thought, who is there to stop me?
There was a feeling inside of him that got stronger and stronger, it made him rebellious, it urged him not to draw.
‘Don’t draw’, he clearly heard, ‘you’re drawing your own child’s death.
A fine father you are!’
He heard a laugh.
‘Don’t draw!’
Those words were all he heard.
That’s how he went to bed, to lie awake for hours.
He kept on thinking about that inner voice that was stirring him up against his leader.
These were evil influences which he had attracted due to his refusal.
He fell asleep, still rebellious, and when he awoke in the morning in the same condition, the first thing he did was to tear up the drawing.
As he held the fragments in his hands, he felt a cold shiver.
It had happened, there was nothing he could change about this.
In the afternoon he got a feeling of deep remorse.
What had he done?
He had destroyed Alcar’s work as well as the present for her and for the little one, and so he had destroyed their love too.
He sensed Alcar, but didn’t dare look at him.
Maybe he understood his terrible battle.
He was only human too, with many mistakes.
Yet he had been cruel: he had thwarted the love of his child.
So that was what they call a loving father.
Was he fit to raise the child?
The little bairn hadn’t even entered the world and its father was already busy destroying the child’s happiness.
He, who wanted to love life in its entirety had abused the love of three people.
Wasn’t it terrible?
How could a father ever draw the death of his own child?
Hadn’t he opened himself up to this without even having knowlegde of these things?
Was this human?
Was this love?
It was disgusting that he had made himself available.
Was that what Alcar wanted?
A spirit of love?
No, he felt he hadn’t done wrong by tearing up the drawing.
He refused to submit.
But one evening Alcar put him into a trance again while he was reading his newspaper, and he made a drawing through him.
He had no say in this, none whatsoever.
Draw he must.
It was suddenly finished and it was beautiful.
A branch of life lay beneath the star.
A drawing for her Gommel, and it made his wife very happy.
Alcar spoke a few words to him: ‘This is for the little one.’
Now that he saw the finished drawing, he thought it was beautiful too.
After this drawing Alcar put him back into a trance and made another symbolic drawing.
Again Alcar only spoke a few words to him: ‘I drew the condition of a soul.’
It was an extraordinary piece of work.
He looked at it for a long time, but couldn’t find an explanation for it and he put it away.
Now he waited for the things that lay ahead.
Yet he still hadn’t given up hope that his child would be born alive.
He felt at peace and his turmoil decreased.
Alcar said nothing to him and he thought that his leader would surely forgive him for opposing him and not having understood his love.
Again he was taken hold of one evening.
It came over him so spontaneously that it made him shiver to think about it afterwards.
He suddenly felt his right arm being grasped.
Hey, he thought, what’s going on, what’s the meaning of this?
They didn’t leave him in peace lately.
Yet he got a pencil and paper and submitted.
Strange, who was this, taking hold of him?
All he wrote down was 6 x 7 - 12 x 1, 6 x 7 - 12 x 1, it filled the whole page.
It didn’t make the slightest sense to him and he threw it into the wastepaper basket.
His wife asked him what he was up to, and he told her that he had been under a certain influence but that it had merely resulted in meaningless figures.
Slowly time passed.
One afternoon a friend, a very sensitive man, came to visit them.
André showed him the drawing and sounded him out to determine what he felt.
The man suddenly took off his hat and André sensed how he was shivering deep within.
He didn’t know why; all the same, this had been an extraordinary gesture.
He understood this perfectly.
He saw his leader next to him, exerting his influence on him.
It was a sudden impact which could only be applied from the side beyond on sensitive people.
He could be reached.
This was ultimate proof to him, now he accepted.
At the same moment he clearly saw his leader standing beside him, in order to show it to him through another human being.
His friend was entirely unaware of his involuntary gesture, but he did feel, as he mentioned later on, that he had been under some kind of influence.
He thought the drawing was marvellous, and a precious gift.
André now felt a deep sadness engulfing him.
For seven months he had resisted.
He had fought for his happiness and opposed the invisible person who wanted to convince him of a truth he would not accept.
Of course there were others, who would put up a fight to their very end, but this had been an extraordinary battle.
The invisible person who was thought dead on earth had conquered him.
His happiness had been destroyed; sorrow had won the game, and ‘yes’ had, in a slow, yet predetermined battle, defeated ‘no’.
Now he bowed his weary head deeply before the victor.
He had received Alcar’s last pieces of proof.
When he was finally on his own again, he knelt down and took his time to beg for forgiveness.
His stubborn resistance had once and for all been broken.
He surrendered willingly and waited what would happen.
He hoped it would be over soon, he longed for the truth.
Before his wife’s imminent departure a lady friend came to visit and say goodbye.
She too sensed death in the drawing.
But it no longer meant anything to him. He only thought of his wife and how great her disappointment would be.
It would come, it was her fate.
He could see sorrow, grief, nothing but sadness approaching from afar.
It would crush her; she couldn’t possibly hold on to it, her castle would also come crumbling down.
Finally the time came, and on the morning of the fifth of January he took her to the institution.
At that same moment he felt strange pains welling up in him.
They were like tidal waves that continually came and receded again.
He told her, and she felt that same pain too.
Alcar said that he had linked him up with her and that both he and a spiritual doctor would stand by and help her.
He would have to exert his influence on her from a distance, that was why he was linked up, and he felt the pains because he was one with her.
When he returned home he could hardly bend over.
It was odd to take over her pains at a distance.
Yet that’s how it was.
The sixth of January came.
At eleven in the morning the child had not yet been born.
He had phoned three times already, and he was told not to phone again before one o’clock.
André agreed and returned home.
Seated in his room he heard her call out; he thought he was going mad.
What a torment to have to hear and feel everything from a distance.
Yet there was nothing more he could do but wait.
No, he would rather go through this a hundred times himself than to experience this.
It was terrible to hear her.
He wanted to force himself to think of something else, and it eased off a bit but then returned with even greater intensity.
It got to twelve o’clock; he still had a whole hour to wait.
He prayed fervently that her pains might lessen.
It was all so unnatural.
Her cries for help cut through his soul.
Slowly time passed and it turned half past twelve.
The woman who did the housekeeping called him for his lunch.
He had hardly sat down at the table when he felt the pains dissolving.
Where had they gone to?
By now he had got used to them.
This meant something.
He felt completely free.
He focussed his thoughts on her and he saw her before him.
The child, a girl, was dead.
It was born at twelve thirty.
He rushed out of the door and phoned, and he was told to come over immediately.
That’s it, he thought, wrong, everything’s wrong.
He got to the place in no time.
He finally faced the truth which they had wanted to give to him from the second month onward, but which he had refused to accept.
The doctor was waiting for him.
‘How is my wife, doctor?’ André asked, even before the other had the chance to speak.
‘All right’, was the reply.
‘And the little girl’s dead, doctor?’
‘Were you informed?’
‘No, I wasn’t, I’ve known for seven months already.’
And in a flash his whole battle passed through his mind.
‘May I visit her?’
‘No problem’, the doctor answered and he looked at him as if the latter had been talking in a language which he had never heard before.
The doctor found him strange, very strange indeed.
He felt extraordinarily peaceful and wanted to comfort and support her now.
A knot in the umbilical cord had spelt the child’s end.
This kind of complication was very rare.
Sometimes the cord would encircle the neck, but in this case the child had crept through and had closed off its own life.
He hurried to the ward.
There she lay, without Gommel.
Her little dwarf had passed on.
His battle had been fought, hers was to begin.
She too was powerless.
Her happiness was only a dream, a vision, no more.
She had felt the happiness of being allowed to bear a young life close to her heart. Now that happiness had been destroyed; it had changed into sorrow and grief.
He comforted her and saw a film reel off before his mind’s eye.
A chunk of life’s film was being shown to him, as genuinely human, as tragic and profound as only few films of life can be.
He remembered and saw the moment fleeting by in which he had spoken to her about the sphere of the children.
‘She went walking with her Gommel and wouldn’t have parted with it for all the treasures in the world.’
Man proposes, but God disposes.
She would have to go on living now without Gommel.
He told her about his terrible battle, how he refused to accept it until a few days before this final ending when he finally became convinced.
It comforted her and he felt how it gave her strength.
‘For seven months I fought, and defiled Alcar’s love.
I will ask him to forgive me because he knows that I’m only human and he will pardon me.
Submit and lay it into God’s holy Hands.’
She resigned herself to her fate.
‘Gommel was too good for this world.
The place I told you about, that’s where she is now and she’s happy.
She was not to see earthly light rise.’
André was a medium, a medium in all respects.
And this included writing for others, convincing them of the continuity of life which he too would experience in all its profound significance.
He would experience everything; nothing, absolutely nothing would pass from him.
This meant serving higher powers, this was psychic mediumship.
He had a task to fulfil which would lift the veil for mankind.
They would be forced to drink that cup down to the last drop.
He understood and sensed all this.
He was paying for his mediumship with his own happiness, and hers too.
Nonetheless, he felt happy now to be allowed to work for them; yes, he really meant it, he was happy in spite of everything that had happened.
His wife recovered quickly and returned home.
André phoned someone to have her drawing framed.
The moment he wanted to speak he heard Alcar say: ‘The other one too, André.’
Which other one?’ he asked in his thoughts.
‘This one’, he heard, and in a vision he saw the other drawing.
He hung up, it was too much for him, he felt shattered by so much love.
It was the drawing that represented the soul condition of the child.
Two at the same time, it was stupendous.
The first meant death, the other one transition and eternal life.
How was it possible to give all this proof of continuous life to people who refused to believe.
He cried, he let his tears flow and felt his great and loving Alcar, his leader beside him, who wasn’t angry at him in spite of everything, who was love in everything, who would make God known to him.
He was genuine, tender and great.
He commanded his respect, nothing but respect.
This happening was tremendous.
The dead were alive and the living were dead.
He sensed this truth.
The dead bore a knowledge which was too mighty for the living and which they didn’t accept.
The dead knew everything, but at the time he had refused to accept their truth.
The problem was enormous.
How many proof of continuous life had he received now?
Wasn’t death equal to intelligence?
Did people sense this great power?
His battle would not have been necessary if he had accepted all this from the start.
But could he have stood up to it?
Could he have kept everything to himself?
Who would be capable of this?
Hadn’t it been natural for him to revolt?
Isn’t it true that we’re only human, puny human beings, with only a small heart and with so little love?
He felt the shortcomings which had caused his sadness, and he had felt grief and sorrow due to his rebellion.
Everything would have been different if he had submitted.
He clearly saw the whole problem before him like an open book: first Alcar had let him feel it; he hadn’t believed it.
Alcar returned and put it on paper, to lend support to his wife and all the other mothers.
Again he cast it all aside and cut himself loose from this truth.
All he wanted was the child that he wanted to call his own.
Then he had his vision; he completely understood that too now.
He hadn’t been allowed to see his own wife, but he ought to have prepared himself for all possibilities, then everything would have come to him in a different manner and he would have received the necessary strength.
But no, he had thrust everything from him and hadn’t even believed the things he perceived.
How could anybody deceive himself in such a way?
He had received a lesson in life of such profound intensity and dread that it would last him his entire earthly life.
Then Alcar had made a drawing.
He didn’t want to believe it, and yet he had drawn his own child’s death.
Only now did it dawn on him how great, how mighty these pieces of proof of everlasting life really were.
Who had used him to make that drawing?
Were they vibrations?
Vibrations which he had refused to receive?
Were intelligent vibrations like these known to exist on earth, vibrations which could draw, yes, even knew beforehand that a child would be born but that it would be dead when it arrived on earth?
Was science familiar with this kind of vibrations?
Never yet had he heard of living vibrations that possessed the same intelligence which God had solely granted to man as a sacred gift.
The most Divine gift bestowed on man!
Were even more planets known on earth with which they were connected?
Where did these intelligent vibrations originate?
Do you know?
Please tell me where intelligent vibrations exist outside of human attunement.
Science, you bow your head too in the face of this truth.
Or is this the subconscious?
How could the subconscious ever emerge if it refused to become conscious?
It is as stated before.
Do you know of a subconscious that refuses to receive and yet receives?
Can you get through to a person if he doesn’t want to be reached?
Can man accomplish something if he doesn’t want to, doesn’t wish to receive?
He had no knowledge of these phenomena being true.
No, he tore up everything his subconscious wanted to give to him, everything these vibrations wanted to tell him.
He had turned his back on his subconscious and these vibrations.
Yet how great, how mighty love made both of them.
All the same, his subconscious was stronger than the conscious powers in his earthly life.
He hadn’t consciously been able to suppress his subconscious, it came back and presented him with a drawing.
Did man not possess a will of his own?
And would his subconscious have been capable of putting a stop to his conscious life?
Was this known to science?
Did they know about these forces?
He didn’t, but he knew a different kind of truth, a holy, a beautiful truth, namely that only the dead, who had lived on earth but had cast off their physical body made drawings through him.
It was so simple and so great to rejoice over this.
Isn’t it an enormous blessing to be permitted and able to cry out, people, we will go on living when we cast off our material garment, our life is eternal.
A being that parted from earth long ago had made a drawing, knowing that his child would be born dead.
What a power, what a thinking capacity, how great their wisdom is compared to ours.
Man will have to bow down deeply in the face of their knowledge.
He, who once lived on earth, returned and made a drawing to foretell an earthling his child’s transition.
But he had also depicted eternal life.
Isn’t this a consolation?
Doesn’t this mean something to you?
Isn’t it awe-inspiring to feel this?
Shouldn’t one bow deeply before them?
Could this be the work of the devil?
He who dwelt behind the veil kept on trying to convince him, until he finally accepted.
He accepted and it was accomplished.
André felt an enormous power surging up from within.
This was what he was dedicating his life to, he would sacrifice everything to this end.
To be able to convince man on earth, to take away the grief of thousands, that’s what he wanted to fight for, and now he thanked God that he had been allowed to down his cup to the very last drop.
Now that he knew, there was no battle left, and his wife also resigned herself to this holy message and submitted.
They both felt the strength that was given by them who lived behind the veil.
He dedicated his life to them, to all people, in order to transform their grief into happiness.
Man on earth, your dead can see, they can hear and they are with you to help you, but those who live on earth are spiritually deaf and blind.
Alas, it’s the truth, André had experienced that too while he had seen, felt and heard.
But he had refused to see, refused to accept it.
This is spiritualism, holy spiritualism, and not the works of the devil.
This isn’t table-turning, it’s knowledge, pure knowledge that our dead are alive and support us in everything and are willing to help.
A few days later he heard his leader speak, who told him: ‘Here I am again, André, my dear boy, we’re together again.’
André wept, Alcar was unfailing in his love.
It kindled his soul that needed this warmth so badly.
‘Listen, André: Man proposes, but God disposes.
Is this clear to you?
Does my son understand everything?
Isn’t life worth living, even though it may seem hard?
Man proposes and asks: Father, let this cup pass from me. But God says: Come, my child, it’s for your own good, and man continues on his way, because he is forced to do so.
You see the same thing happening now.
Man proposes and asks: Shall I do things in this way or that?
Which road shall I follow?
This one or that?
Many people have a choice of many roads.
But which one should they take?
To the right or the left?
They don’t know because God’s road is so hard to find.
There’s a road that seems so easy, so broad, and you can’t easily go astray.
But man doesn’t sense or see his own downfall, because sooner or later he will sideslip.
And then man ponders: must I take this road or the other.
The one ahead looks so difficult and so he takes the road which leads directly into darkness.
And man keeps on sighing and asks: So which one is the right one? And he checks out all the roads of life that he can choose from.
He weighs the pros and cons, but God disposes.
God shows him the way, just as you have been shown the way.
But even if man doesn’t want to follow this road, one day he will take to it, in spite of everything.
And even if they keep on resisting to the very last, and go on turning things round in their mind, God still leads them all along His road, on their bare knees if they have to, because this is the one and only road, for everyone.
It’s the road that leads to Him, and it’s His road.
You’ve deliberated for a long time, my son.
You’ve gone many roads, but God led you towards His road, which we must all follow and will yet follow.
Because it’s God’s will, and all roads will join onto His road; then man will reach his God.
After lengthy ramblings, after many sins, after many slip-ups man reaches God.
God has disposed and in the end all will accept.
Is it easy to find God’s road?
No, it’s very difficult.
And on the other hand it’s so very easy to find God’s road and it could be so simple because God’s road is a road of light; but people don’t want to see God’s road.
They grope around in the dark and put their hands before their eyes to prevent themselves from seeing God’s light.
Sometimes they do so unconsciously, yet often it’s a conscious act and then they purposely close themselves to the road they must follow, and they roam and ramble until they repent.
Until the day God’s love touches their heart and makes them realize that God is their Father of Love.
Then they will remove their hands from their eyes and they will see God’s Light, in all its majesty.
Then man bows down deeply, very deeply and he begs to be forgiven for all his erring.
Then they thank God, their Father, for showing them the way.
And only then can they say: God, You dispose, because You cannot permit Your spark of love to dwell in deep darkness and in sin.
André, let us deliberate in life, let us want the good things, it will make it easier to carry on.
What God disposes in His great love for us, is well done.
One day all of us, you as well as we, will come to stand before our Divine Father.
We will stand before Him in all our nakedness and there won’t be a single spot which God’s love does not light up.
Then there will be nothing which God doesn’t feel.
People on earth may face each other in opposition, they may hide their deepest feelings from each other, when they come to stand before their holy Father, there won’t be a single spot left, indeed there will be nothing He doesn’t see or has not seen, and then they will follow His road.
Pray to God, my boy, pray often, with your heart and soul for lots of light so you may help others.
Pray that your sins may be lit up for you to see, now and in the future, so that you may fight them yourself.
Pray that you may always see light, God’s holy Light before you, that you may keep it in front of you to see His road so that the truth may be given to you.
And once you have become acquainted with it in all its majesty and have been allowed to see it, then you and all other people will have no wish to see any other light.
Tell her that we are taking care of her little one and that her child is alive.
Forever, eternally.
Also tell her that if she wants to see it one day, she will have to attune to the being, which she can only do by developing love in the spirit.
God disposed of this young life.
My love, my faithfulness is always with you, wherever you may be; wherever you may go you will receive love.
Now there are various conditions I want to make clear to you.
First of all I knew that it would arrive but also that it would return.
I let you sense this in advance and you, André, should have accepted it.
I wasn’t allowed to show it to you more distinctly, you wouldn’t have been able to bear it all.
That little flame of hope kept you alive.
Your battle wouldn’t have been a battle if you had sensed this knowledge deep within.
But you managed because God wanted it that way.
The young life came in order to experience the process that leads to awareness in matter.
Before it was to be born, it would return.
It was not to see the sun rise.
It’s a law we know of on this side and which I mentioned to you during our last journey.
That power was in that life, which cannot be fathomed on earth and is unknown to man.
Life closed itself to life and returned.
This power lay embedded in her subconscious.
Sound it out, you people, you don’t sense the depth of this happening!
I call this out to science, my son.
Nothing could be done about this.
I was informed by higher spirits, so I made my calculations.
You weren’t willing to accept, so I built up my evidence and gathered a mass of proof.
If you had accepted, I wouldn’t have succeeded.
It was I, my boy, who put that opposing force in you.
I wanted to find out what my instrument had in mind.
You were to drain the cup down to the bottom, which you would thank me for later.
Everything is clear to you, I suppose?
You were fighting an inner battle, which you will no longer have to fight.
I summoned all your inherent powers and transformed this situation into a big, mighty wholeness, to enable you to convince mankind.
All the proof I provided you with serves to demonstrate the reality of life after death.
André, the deeper a person’s sorrow is, the greater his happiness will be.
I was playing a game of cat and mouse, not you.
I, my boy, demanded everything from my instrument.
Think this over, it will support you during your life on earth.
You will be happy to give this to mankind.
Pure, perfect happiness is what man will receive due to your sorrow, and her grief.
It’s the knowledge that one’s beloved are alive, in happiness and in a spirit of love, forever.
As it’s God’s will, I can now prove that we live on in all eternity.
From this side I therefore call out to mankind: Accept this proof, it’s real and pure.
I, Alcar, who lived on earth some hundreds of years ago, returned to you and portrayed the sorrow and the grief in a human event.
I am grateful to God for the mercy bestowed on me to be allowed to convince you of our life.
How great our happiness is that we are permitted to make use of earthly instruments to pass on our truth.
Sisters and brothers, we are alive.
We are all waiting for you and we’re preparing everything to receive you soon on this side.
I therefore call out to you, you too must set off in thousands and continue your pilgrimage, like those who dwell on our side and don’t know that they have died on earth.
Follow the road of love in order to reach the land of love.
Your loved ones are alive, they are all awaiting you.
Tune in to them in love, so that your eyes will see when you arrive on this side.
Eternal life is one reality.
Now I will explain the drawings to you, André.
The first one represents death.
The seven-cornered star denotes birth and life on our side.
The cross stands for the end on earth, just as the broken branch of life does, something you clearly sensed.
The second drawing portrays a cycle of the soul, or eternal life.
Up above you see a mother-bird; she carries a cross in her beak in the shape of a sword.
It means love through sorrow and grief.
In the right upper corner you see the young animal that returns to the mother, bringing her peace and happiness, nothing but eternal truth.
Both are connected by the heart of love.
The cross points to her heart; no-one could imagine greater sorrow than a mother who must part with her possession.
The small circle is the being’s attunement in the spirit.
Again it is linked by love.
You see the spiritual cross, the power of her love.
From within this attunement life descended to earth.
An arrow points from the spirit to the earth; the pedestal stands for matter, where she was to experience the awakening of consciousness.
Then another arrow, meaning that she would return to this life.
The large circle stands for the cycle of the soul, and the various signs are the conditions of life which the being has gone through, which I could call reincarnation.
Reincarnation is necessary to be able to experience this process on earth.
When she has accomplished her cycle the being will return to the Divine state of being.
Everything you have received, André, is the holy truth.
If I am able to convince a few, many will rejoice with me.
I haven’t finished my task yet and you will experience many other conditions, which I will explain to you on other journeys.
Dear friends, you may deliberate, yet God disposes of all His children.
God disposes of their life, because life is God.
Eternal, everlasting happiness awaits you.
And you, my son, and your wife too, I thank you for your love.
Draw strength from this source of wisdom, truth and light.
One day she will find her happiness again, in radiant beauty, in eternal happiness.
God shapes the back to the burden.
Now I must part.
Your Alcar.’
André continues to convince mankind and will use his Divine gift for pure purposes to follow Alcar’s path, the path of light.