the demanding feeling

Judas only found peace and happiness after he had buried the demanding in his inner life and no longer wanted to command anything from Christ.
By Ludo Vrebos, based on the books by Jozef Rulof.
Judas, painted by Anthony van Dyck

The demand of Judas

According to the Bible, Judas betrayed Christ.
The Bible writers presumed that by interpreting what happened.
The other apostles could not look into the heart of Judas either, and they gave meaning to his deed from their own consciousness.
However, the masters of the University of Christ can attune themselves to what went on in the feeling of Judas when he gave his conscious kiss to Jesus and thus showed the soldiers who they were looking for.
At that moment, Judas wanted to encourage the Messiah to show what He could.
Judas expected that Christ would strike down the soldiers with his powers, so that the world would finally see his greatness.
Judas had a boundless faith in the Messiah.
He knew the Scripture like no other, and felt that Christ was the long-awaited Messiah whose coming had been predicted by Moses and the prophets.
He considered Christ as the son of God and was convinced that the puny soldiers were not able to cope with the divine powers.
Judas was demanding towards Christ and wanted to encourage him to proceed to act forcefully, so that mankind would get to know his divine origin.
He interfered with the way in which Christ went his way, he wanted to give that way a different turn.
And at that decisive moment, Judas felt a severe tension within himself.
He was proud of Christ and loved him intensely.
But if the Messiah had acted differently and things had taken a wrong course?
That was not possible, because Christ would ultimately prove who He was!

Christ remained himself

Christ knew what Judas wanted, but He remained himself and did not strike down the soldiers, but let himself be taken away like a lamb.
He did not use violence against violence, and did not dominate any other people.
In this way, He gave Judas a life lesson.
During the events which followed that, Christ also continued to act in the same way.
The article ‘Gethsemane and Golgotha’ describes what spiritual value Christ interpreted with his non-violence.
He continued to love all the life and did not form one negative thought.


Judas did not have a single calm hour again and committed suicide.
Over time, he was born again on earth.
During his new life, the longing lay within him to study and to know everything about religion.
He made an in-depth study of both the Jewish and the Catholic religion.
He made it as far as rabbi in the Jewish council and was one of the most learned among them.
Finally, he came that far that he consciously felt that Christ was the Messiah.
Then he tried to convince his fellow rabbis that they no longer needed to look forward to the Messiah because He had already come to them in the person of Christ.
However, they did not want to hear any of it and threw him out of the council.
Judas then travelled to Jerusalem, which he already felt attracted to from childhood.
When he entered this city, he felt reborn and was eager like a happy child.
Weeping, he kissed the earth, over which the Messiah once walked.
Here, he reached deep reflection.
He wandered round and suffered hunger and misery, but that did not affect him.
He wanted to do penance, although he did not know for what.
An intense battle raged within him and he wanted to shout out that people had to accept the Messiah, but only managed to mutter.
Where the cross of Christ once stood, he dug a deep hole with his bare hands and sat down in it.
He felt his past life in his inner self like another personality arising, but he did not dare to allow that because then it dominated his consciousness and was accompanied by a burning pain.
This made him confused, as a result of which he could no longer think properly.
He begged God to remove from him the terrible thing which plagued his inner self.
Sometimes, he roamed the streets of Jerusalem, talking to himself and shaking his head.
Suddenly, he had a flash from his past life, in which he saw himself walking through Jerusalem next to a figure, who was so heavenly and divine that it could only be the Messiah.
In ecstasy, he sunk down and mumbled the name of the Messiah.
When he was wakened by the interested passers-by, he fled back to Gethsemane.
There people found him dead, with his head on the earth, as if he still had wanted to hear the answer to his oppressive questions during his last moments.
He had felt various times that he had been Judas, but he was unable to accept that, it was too incredible for him.

An inner fire

During his next life, he also moved up to the Jewish council and he was cast out because of his belief that Christ was the Messiah.
He left again for Jerusalem and immediately climbed Mount Calvary in order to meditate.
However, he suddenly got a severe shock, because he descended unexpectedly into his past lives.
The shock was so intense that he died from a stroke.
In his next lives, the fire continued to burn within him.
He was often exiled by the Jewish council because of his dissenting opinion.
Jerusalem had a magical power of attraction.
People usually found him back in Gethsemane and on Golgotha.
Up to his last life, one question burned on his lips: was I Judas?

Also in the Hereafter

When he awakens in the hereafter after his last life, shapes come towards him that he thinks he recognises.
Peter, John, Andrew, James and other apostles welcome him in the first sphere of light.
They show him his lives on earth, as a result of which he understands his questions and tensions which oppressed him then.
Yet he is now still not free from that fire within him either.
He returns as an astral personality from the hereafter to Golgotha.
There, he continues to long that Christ will come to him and forgive him for his deed.
However, Christ does not come and Judas sinks away into a feeling of despair.
The thoughts of eternal damnation do not let go of him.
He wonders if his deed was too great to ever be able to receive forgiveness.
When he examines his past lives on earth and does not allow any longings to arise within him, he experiences peace and happiness.
However, as soon as he allows himself to be driven by his compelling desire for forgiveness, the agitation rises and he feels that he is deteriorating again.
He then demands again, and did life not make him understand that he has nothing to demand?


In order to come further, he smothers every thought that arises in his inner self and wants to force him to long for forgiveness.
He feels that he will only be master over himself when there are no more demanding feelings within him.
With this new state of mind, he follows again how the whole drama took place on Golgotha, including his own role in it.
He now thinks about it calmly and understands how everything could have happened.
In this way, warmth and happiness enter him.
And when the last feeling of demanding has died within him, a golden light breaks through on Golgotha.
Judas looks up and sees the face of his Divine Master.
Judas asks for forgiveness, but now in complete surrender, without still demanding.
Christ irradiates him with his golden light and confirms that Judas can now leave everything behind him, because he has got to know himself.
Inside, Judas is singing with happiness because he feels free from every lower thought.
He now has attunement to the third sphere of light and is engaged in realising great things for mankind.

Sources and deepening